Crawl into My Head

Natural Highs

2010-01-04T09:07:00.000-08:00

Think about them one at a time before going on to the next one.

1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
4. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
5. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
6. Giggling.
7. The beach.
8. Laughing at yourself.
9. Looking into their eyes and knowing they Love you
10. Running through sprinklers.
11. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
12. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
13. Laughing at an inside joke with FRIENDS
14. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
15. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
16. Playing with a new puppy.
17. Having someone play with your hair.
18. Sweet dreams.
19. Holding hands with someone you care about.
20. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
21. Watching the sunrise.
22. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
23. Knowing that somebody misses you.
24. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
25. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.
26. The knowledge that you bring happiness and beauty to someone else's life.

A friend sent this to me and I wanted to share it with everyone else. We all have natural highs that keep us going through the day before we decide to start popping the coffee, caffeine, and everything else. And it makes it fitting that my January 2010 CD is labeled
Don’t Think – Celebrate.

I know that I have been out of touch for awhile now and I hope to rectify that soon. So, for those of you who have been sitting on the edge waiting to hear what happens next in my life, your wish will be granted. I’ll making a new post soon. In the meantime, enjoy the music!

On friends...(thoughts from the last few days/weeks/months)

2008-09-20T20:29:00.000-07:00

It is amazing how we find things in life…how we find our friends and who it is that is really the right one to be included in our life.

You would think that I would have found that certain niche in life that was perfect for me, but I spent so long chameleonizing myself that I probably lost track of who I really was.

I know that I am not going to win awards for being Friend of the Year, nor do I expect it. Honestly, I don’t think that anyone can really be the friend of the year as that entails keeping true to you and keeping everyone else around you totally happy. Is that humanly possible? Probably not without cloning yourself to exhibit only a certain personality trait per clone. Maybe then you can satisfy all of society. But it definitely does make me appreciate the little clic’s that I had travelled through in my last ten years.

I moved to San Diego with the idea of starting off fresh; opening up that new chapter in my Book of Life with ‘And Aiden has created a whole new circle and gotten back to his true roots as a person.” Wow, that was totally cheesy. Cheese factor or not, though, it hasn’t been as easy I might have hoped. I have met new people of different walks of life, bothe good and bad, and thought I had a couple that I could really bring into the inner fold that I called my life. But San Diego has fallen more on the sense of image as opposed to the sense of personality…something that is still lacking. And we all know that I didn’t care much about the sense of image back when I was living in the East…I heard all the rumours about how much I was a slut, into the dark and nasty, and extremely cold-hearted. I didn’t hide what I thought about what I thought about others, telling them honestly to their face what I thought about them, and how they treated others as they squashed all on their way to the top.

Sometimes I find it amazing that it doesn’t change as you change your locale within the country…people are people. I sometimes forget that in the hopes that there is something different out there. But is there really anything different in life? Part of me hopes that there is, and part of me knows that there truly isn’t that much in difference.

I had relocated homes a few months ago because I was looking to get a dog to help control my bipolar side as I was refusing to go on medication again…against the advice of a few close to me. But, I knew that being off meds for the last seven years, I wasn’t going to have the…best…reaction to going back on them. Well, after I relocated, it seemed that everyone wanted to disappear from my life. And so I started placing my work as a higher priority. I spent longer hours working bothe in the office and at home, for bothe my normal day to day job, and on the music, researching new artists and songs, and figuring the tracks for new CDs. I would hear from folks only if they really wanted something. And that went for people back east as well. Those who told me, ‘you better not lose touch, I know that I won’t’ all but faded into the background unless there was some serious issue going on. My sister and I kept in touch because there was a lot going on in her life that I could relate to, having worked with the same people she was dealing with on a regular basis now.

I stopped chasing after folks. There was one dude who said he wanted to still keep me around as a friend, and another told me he was still interested in getting to know me for who I was. But I didn’t really hear much from either of them. One was confused as to how to deal with me because he didn’t have any idea where to start, and where the stability was in his life that he felt had lowered down to ‘loser level’ because it was out of his control. I told him that he never was a loser in my book…I never viewed him in that way. But he never followed through on engagements that were set for us to hang, instead claiming that things were so busy that he forgot to inform me of changes…or he just disappeared and then expected me to know that he was out of state or had new changes going on in his life. I guess that happens sometimes. I dunno. The other one I know was looking for a new job so that he didn’t feel so worthless at times, and so that he could get out of the go-go dancing that he was good at…and looked hot doing. What can I say, I can DEFINITELY appreciate a man with muscles in a pair of low-cut no-show bikini briefs. *Pause to readjust the shorts that were starting to bunch from sitting funny on the park bench…Damn when did the cool wind kick in?*

I spent so long chasing after people and trying to start activities that I have decided to put a halt to things and let them come after me. But it doesn’t appear to be very promising on the outlook right now. Looks like I will need to throw back into the swing of things and really start getting out into the community on a fuller level…and, no, I don’t mean that I’ll be walking the street corners showing my ‘talents’. Those are for the priviledged only. And that list has gone down.

The sad part in the gay community is that most are friends are those that we met through an after-club hook-up, or while circling through the world of ManHunt, LifeOUT, Adam4Adam, and all those other hook-up sites for fags. As men, we are driven by our hormones and the innate desire to breed anything that walks on (hopefully) two legs. It’s funny that I am currently writing this as I sit not far from the park trail in Balboa known as Hook-Up Alley, especially at night. At anytime you can walk through and find condom wrappers on the side of the path, or even see two people going at it…homo and hetero.

There is a friend of mine that I had met not long after moving here who I had grown to have some feelings for, but, as usual, he had other things that pre-empted him being able to try for anything deeper than the occasional get-together that consisted of a huff and puff, bump and grind. He talks of wanting to have a few close buds that he can carry that on with depending on their own availability and when he is able to leave his partner behind since their relationship was on the rocks. At some point that passes as being a standard in the gay society…what happened to the thought of belonging to your loved one? If things are that bad to where you BOTHE are going out to look for strange, why do you torture yourselves with something that has fallen into disaster? But I don’t say that to pass judgement, really. I know couples where they look for the strange as an added benefit to their relationship and it works for them…but they already had the strength and trust there to be able to carry it off. It is when that strength and trust is gone that you start wondering about the true reasoning behind it.

Again, I digress into my commentary on other lives. This was supposed to be about me (and, no, I am not pulling a Joan Crawford move).

A few weeks back I had a discussion with someone in regards to our relationship and if it was going to follow one path or another. I kept quiet and he told me that he wasn’t expecting a response right then and there. But I have continually been the focus of his trust issues because I remind him a lot of his ex who totally screwed him over. And I am sorry that his ex completely fucked the world for him, I truly am. But I can’t continually hear from someone ‘I don’t believe you’ or ‘I don’t trust you’ when I haven’t given them any reason to think anything otherwise. And especially when they didn’t know me or my habits. But things got really bad and saw me go into a flashback of six years ago when I was being cut open by the ring I gave my husband and thrown through the laundry room door. That has called an end to certain things and redirected me down another path.

Do I have a moral to the stories here? I don’t know. I know that it has not been easy for me to realize and remember certain things. But I do have to try to remember that those I really call friends are there for me, and I hope that they can remember that I am there for them as well. I know that people back East have definitely seen and felt my presence from 2500 miles away due to recent events. (Love you guys and miss you dearly)

And ultimately, trust the people around you. We all have been fucked over by others in our lives during our time on earth, I know I can definitely attest to it. And while I might not completely trust someone, I don’t continually accuse them of lying to me or not being forward. And I know that should things ever come to the point where they are physical…it probably isn’t a good thing anymore.

There's a silence in the darkness...

2008-09-12T17:48:00.001-07:00

Because I am in that mood.....

2008-09-10T17:30:00.000-07:00

Licking your lips and blowing them my way...don't mean you're gonna get your way....

A Point to Remember...

2008-09-07T10:25:00.001-07:00

People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I
don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world
are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want,
and, if they can't find them, make them.

-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) Irish Playwright

My Girl Is Back!!

2008-09-05T16:06:00.001-07:00

Christina Aguilera - Keeps Getting Better (brand new!)

Suzanne Palmer - Fame

2008-09-01T07:48:00.000-07:00

Life My Way - The Second September CD

2008-08-28T16:57:00.000-07:00

Life My Way -- Sept 2008

Britney Spears – Break the Ice (Wideboys Edit)
Aurora – The Day It Rained Forever (Lasgo Vocal Mix)
Tatiana Okupnik – Don’t Hold Back (Moran-den Broeder-Rigg Dance Mix)
KD Lang – The Consequences of Falling (Peter Rauhofer Club Mix)
Pepper Mashay – Got to Give (DJ Overlake’s Fierce Remix)
Miley Cyrus – See You Again (DJ Overlake’s Fierce Remix)
Karen Ramirez – Looking for Love (Peter Rauhofer Vocal Mix)
Groove Armada ft Mutya – Song 4 Mutya (Out of Control) (Sunset Strippers Remix)
Metro Station – Shake It (Lenny B Mix)
Rihanna – Disturbia (DJ Edwards Summer Remix 2008)
Lenny B – Radical (Original Extended Mix)
Pussycat Dolls – When I Grow Up (Ralphi Rosario Club Vox Mix)
Matchbox 20 – How Far We’ve Come (Rosario & Craig J Deeper Mix)

Ivy Queen and Pink

2008-08-24T09:09:00.000-07:00

Que Lloren

'So What' (Official Video)

AIDSWalk San Diego 2008 - Please Help

2008-08-23T08:13:00.000-07:00

Over the years I have made many friends across various walks of life, and I have loved each one of them for how they enriched my own. In September 1999, I lost my partner to complications due to HIV. I don't want to lose more friends to this and I would like to ask for your support.

AIDS Walk San Diego helps ensure that people living with HIV/AIDS in our community receive the services and support they need. I know you care too. Will you sponsor me today? Thank you for your support!

*Note: The AIDS Walk is held in many cities across the United States. Please check to see when one might be held near you.

Views on the news and some comments...

2008-08-23T08:07:00.000-07:00

First I am going to touch on the case I posted a few days ago regarding a friend of mine back in Raleigh. They have ended the proceedings as he has pled guilty to the charges. Trust me, it is just easier that way and provides less stress on the people in charged. I have sat in front of a judge before and pled guilty for assault when I was fighting with my parents. I was 17 and there was a lot of shit going down in the house and I just wanted out. I figured that was the best way to help me on my way since going to a halfway house didn’t help things out any. Probably not the best way of going about things, but I was young and didn’t know any better.
I feel bad for the boy. The news has posted his information and picture all over the place when it didn’t need to be. Reading the comments that have been posted to each news article online, it becomes obvious that the full story isn’t told…just a single side of it. And the media is going for the side that will bring them attention and drive their stats even higher. So many people want to point the blame at him solely, but it does take two to tango. And I do know from past history that he usually was up front about his status. The sad part, though, is that so many people still don’t want to truly educate themselves about HIV and a stigma is still placed against those infected.
I have to wonder if the news will ever do a story on the harassment that the NC Health Department gives to each case of HIV that is reported. Wake County, especially, is bad for that. I know of people whose lives have been ruined and they lost their jobs because the county ‘officials’ tore everything apart in their ‘quest to find information.’ Yeah, I don’t care for them…I’ve seen the damage caused.
Ultimately, it falls down to this: educate the population better, hold bothe parties involved accountable for their actions, and don’t single out one person because of their health status. For every one person who is honest about his status, there are ten more who don’t disclose the information to their partners. And if you decide that you are going to play a certain way, then you better be accepting all the risks that come with it. And don’t waste your time on ‘revenge’ and ‘vindication’….is it really worth the time of trying to make someone else’s life a living hell? Gay men are especially good at that…trust me. I have been accused of spreading HIV to several people even though I have tested negative for years. And that, boys and girls, is why I don’t care for most queers…they want to get involved in the drama of life like we don’t have enough already.

On another note, I wanted to let people know that I am getting through things okay. I know that it has been an emotional last few weeks and I was told that I seemed to focus more on the losses and not the gains. That is not normally my way as a few of my close friends can vouch. But events seem to be happening back to back to back and I don’t recover as quickly as most, it seems. I wasn’t as in touch with my emotions as it seemed on the surface while growing up, having learned at an early age it was better to hide my emotions. I was always told what I felt and thought didn’t matter. So I started bottling everything, which usually resulted in a huge explosion at the end. But it helped me survive, and it helped my friends when they realized that someone was able to keep his head in all the turmoil of bad events. So it came to be that I was the lighthouse in the raging storms. But people seem to forget that even a lighthouse needs to be maintained so that it doesn’t fall to shambles. And I lose a shingle here or there sometimes. Just give me a little time…at least I have been able to express myself a little bit better this time around…only a few can say they have actually seen the crack in the mask behind which I hide.
Have a great weekend!!!

two years ago today....

2008-08-19T18:33:00.000-07:00

I lost someone two years today, and the pain still grabs me. He was only 19...taken before he could even truly flower. But, he does live on in the memories of all his friends and family.....

A little bit emotional right now....

2008-08-18T23:57:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the quantity...have a few emotions spinning through me in this turmoil-filled time........

September CD: Living Is Life

2008-08-16T21:31:00.000-07:00

Hey folks...I know it is a little early, but here is one of the September 2008 CDs - LIVING IS LIFE. I hope you enjoy.

1.Intro (Pleasure Principle)

2.Nina Simone – The Look of Love (Madison Park vs Lenny B Remix)

3.Paris Hilton – Nothing In This World (Kaskade Remix)

4.Colette – Didn't Mean To Turn You On (Kaskade's Extended Remix)

5.Kaskade – In This Life

6.Timo Maas ft Kelis – Help Me (Deep Dish Ghost Mix)

7.Kaskade ft Deadmau5 – Move For Me

8.Opencloud & Cristian Panuraru ft Ebb – Life/Is On TV (DJ River Flow Mix)

9.Rachel Starr – To Forever (Moonbeam Mix)

10.Inhaler ft Christian Burns – Something About You (Filthy Rich Remix)

11.Crystal Waters vs Speakerbox – Dancefloor (Fonseca vs Lane Mix)

12.Made By Monkeys – I Try (Peter Rauhofer Roxy Mix)

13.Lydia Rhodes – Away (Peter Rauhofer Unreleased Mix)

Raleigh, NC, News Story Regarding HIV

2008-08-15T20:43:00.000-07:00

Attorney wants closed court for client's health-law case

Posted: Today at 5:18 p.m. (WRAL.com)
Updated: Today at 7:30 p.m.

Raleigh, N.C. — The case of a Raleigh man charged with a public health violation was continued Friday after his attorney said she does not want the matter heard in open court.

JWW (I am blocking his name since I know him) was arrested in April on charges stemming from North Carolina General Statute 130A-144 (f), which requires all people to comply with measures controlling communicable diseases, and North Carolina Administrative Code 10-41 A.02020 (1)(a)(e), which addresses control measures regarding HIV.

According to an arrest warrant, the alleged offenses ranged from Aug. 1, 2006, to the present. W is out of jail on a $50,000 bond.

W's attorney, Evonne Hopkins, tried to have a judge close proceedings Friday morning when W was in court for what was to have been a plea deal with prosecutors. She said it is a sensitive matter and that exposing medical information might violate medical privacy laws.

"The Americans With Disabilities Act, HIPAA – I'm concerned about State Bar consequences. I am highly alarmed," Hopkins said. She referred to the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act, a federal law that guards patients' privacy.

After several hours of delays and arguments, District Court Judge James Fullwood agreed to continue the case until next Friday.

"We recognize the sensitivity of this issue," Wake County Assistant District Attorney Boz Zellinger said. "We're not out to get anyone."

According to court documents, the Wake County Public Health Department reported W to the district attorney's office.

Although she said she could not talk specifically about W's case, director Gibby Harris said that, in general, the agency has a responsibility to monitor people with communicable diseases to make sure they don't spread them.

"Our intent is to change behavior," Harris said.

When a person is diagnosed with a communicable disease, such as HIV, health officials ask the person to supply a list of people they have had contact with so those people can be notified.

Harris said the patient is initially given an isolation/no-contact order not to spread the disease.

If they fail to comply, they are first warned, Harris said. Criminal charges are a last resort.

"If we see someone who just can't comply for one reason or another or just will not comply, then we do have the option of prosecuting that individual," Harris said.

Overall, there were 229 documented cases of HIV in Wake County last year, down 31 from 2006. Three-quarters of the patients were men.

* Reporter: Amanda Lamb

Because I'm Trying....

2008-08-14T20:56:00.000-07:00

Losing people in your life is never an easy thing to go through. Talking with my roommate tonight I realized how many people I have lost over the last ten years...and even before that, too. I watched people die in the hospital and felt the anguish down to the deepest parts of my soul. There is a joke out there that goes something to the effect that there are three guarantees in life....birth, death and taxes. And the scary part is that it is so true. We are all brought into this life to bring joy to others, and we all pay a tax in one form or another as we live. And then the day finally comes to where the Fates have decided that we need to move on. I believe in a form a reincarnation...I have experienced too much over the years to not believe that we all come back in some form. But I also believe in a power that watches over us and helps guide us down the life road, and gives us shelter when we need it badly. I have to admit that being so far from my 'family' has made things harder when dealing with the emotional problems, but I have to believe that someone is there to hold me when no one else will. Otherwise, I sometimes think that I would drown over the despair that threatens to swallow me whole at times. I know that my first love is with me...I have felt his prescence a few times, and the heart on my wrist is a constant reminder of the love I have for him. I know that he has been gone for nearly nine years, but he still hangs with me. I have to believe....I just have to.

Memorial and Eulogy

2008-08-13T15:47:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, the last few days has been hard on a lot of us with the loss of our friend Duwyann. The funeral was held on Monday. However, a memorial service has been organized for the friends who were unable to attend the services. If you wish to attend, the memorial will be held at Unity Christ Church, Downtown Wilmington, starting at 7pm Thursday night. I know that Duwyann touched many people's lives over the years, and this is a good time to fully remember the good he brought to us all.

Eulogy as written by J.W.Casteen....

FINAL DESTINATION

Jamie “Duwyann” Ward

1976 – August 9, 2008
I was recently reminded in a service such as this of a Bible passage found in Ecclesiastes – Chapter 3. The words from that passage are appropriate for our gathering here tonight:

1To every thing there is a season, and a time for every purpose under the heaven:

2a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

3a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

5a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

6a time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

7a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

8a time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Tonight is the time in which we come together to remember and to celebrate the life of Jamie “Duwyann” Ward. Each of us mourns his passing, and we will continue to do so in the coming days and weeks. However, tonight we are here to celebrate the life of a man that each of us loved in our own way. We are here to recognize, acknowledge, and give thanks for the love that he bestowed upon each of us.

Duwyann loved his family to whom he was known as “Jamie,” “Duwyann,” or “Uncle D.” They love him in many ways, as a son, brother, and uncle. Duwyann was the “baby” of the family, and he relished in the attention. Many times in recent months I reached Duwyann via telephone as he lounged by the pool at his Mom’s house enjoying afternoons with his family. He particularly enjoyed the company of his nieces and nephews, who he adored. Duwyann was preceded in death by his father, Thurman, and that loss, some ten (10) years ago, made the ties of family even more important.

Duwyann loved Paul. Paul has described Duwyann as his soul mate. Duwyann often spoke to me of the care, appreciation, and love that he felt for Paul. They shared many memories. Their passions sometimes flared into a heated word. But, the love that each felt for the other was a constant.

Duwyann loved Roxie, and the menagerie of other animals found in and around his home. Duwyann loved to dance. He loved to spend time with his friends. He had a way of letting each of us know that we were special to him. Perhaps, it can be summed up best in saying that, “Duwyann loved life,” and he had good reason to treasure his life.

Recently, when I relayed to a friend the circumstances of Duwyann’s death, the friend said that the circumstances brought to mind the Final Destination series of movies. As you probably know, the series begins with a group of individuals cheating death only to have death take its revenge in many unusual ways. What my friend did not realize is just how ironic the similarities really were.

Duwyann in fact had cheated death at an early age. As a toddler, Duwyann had been diagnosed with a tumor, which many would have believed terminal. If any of you ever noticed the scar around his abdomen, that scar was a direct result of the bulk of this tumor being removed by surgeons at Duke Hospital. However, removal of the tumor did not rid him of the threat of death.

The growth that threatened his life was all but assured of recurring, and everyone feared that the respite would be short lived. Despite these well-founded fears, the prayers of family and friends were answered when, upon reexamination, there were no signs of the tumor or evidence of its regrowth. Duwyann had been given a second lease on life.

Death caught up to Duwyann last week in a manner and at a time that none of us could have ever predicted. Today, his journeys have ended. He has reached a place of rest and comfort. Each of us can imagine him being welcomed into the loving opened arms of his father. Duwyann’s travels through this life brought him into contact with each of us. Last Friday, Duwyann reached his Final Destination; however, his life, as lived through each of us, will not end.

For more than (30) years, Duwyann lived life to its fullest. He never took his second chance for granted. Each of us here tonight has seen and benefitted from his love for life. We have experienced his passion for living. All of us shared his love in many different ways.

I first met Duwyann when I moved back to Wilmington in 2004. I am not his oldest friend. There are many here who have shared more of his life than me. I am not his closest friend. That accolade goes to others. Nevertheless, he demonstrated to me his limitless ability to bring yet another friend into the fold. I knew him long enough to be the object of his disappointment and more importantly long enough to experience his forgiveness. Over the years, we shared many smiles, and I was privileged to be a beneficiary of his love.

He was an old soul. He was a free spirit. His view of the world was simple. His recipe for life was basic. … “Live life to the fullest. Share life with all around you.”

Each of us basked in the glow of Duwyann’s passion for life. Our hearts were warmed by that glow, and we each learned from him how to better live our own lives. From Duwyann, we learned how to love. We learned how it felt to be loved by him.

I witnessed evidence of that love over the past week. I listened as throngs of family and devoted friends spoke of his life and the loss that they would feel. They spoke of a child with a mischievous streak, who grew into a young man with a rebel’s heart. They spoke of his prodigal travels and of his never-ending quest to solidify his place in the hearts of those who he loved.

Their sentiments were not without recognition of the pangs of life. Their sentiments did not ignore the disappointments and tears that we all experience. However, the trials and tribulations of life could not shroud the love that all felt for Duwyann. The appreciation for Duwyann and for the love that he shared with all was the recurring theme in nearly every conversation.

Through tears of loss, everyone present could see evidence of Duwyann’s love. Even those that could not understand his love felt its effects. Even those who were never privileged to share his love learned from it. His love was never conditioned. It was available to all who returned it. Everyone that shared it was forever changed by the experience.

The Bible speaks of the type of love that Duwyann shared with all of us and highlights the importance of that love. I Corinthians – Chapter 13 reads in part:

Love suffereth long, and is kind; love envieth not; love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up;

Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not its own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil . . .

And now abideth faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

We received a gift by having Duwyann in our lives for thirty-two (32) years. Duwyann showed us all how to love. Let us all repay that gift by committing to taking that love and sharing it with others. Let us all commit to demonstrating that love whenever the opportunities present themselves. Let us never hide or reserve a single loving word or act for the opportunity to share that love may never come again.

Goodbye to a friend

2008-08-08T23:56:00.000-07:00

Today we lost a good friend, Duwyann, due to a freak accident. A sweet guy with an awesome sense of humour, he always knew how to make us laugh, and how to push the right button to get under our skin. He made the day brighter for all those whose path he crossed. I am not going to say much because for once today I am not shaking or trying to see through tears. But I am gonna leave it with a vid...

Thoughts of a tortured mind

2008-08-07T19:59:00.000-07:00

It is scary how things can hit a person, how one single second can change your life. I got a text message from a friend back east that our friend was in the hospital. Of course, me being me, I called back to get the details as I don't like being in the dark...I was that way with Will two years ago, and back in April with Ryan. The details changed my mood from actually cheerful to somber. A freak wind blew an umbrella over at the pool and drove one of the spines into my friend's temple. He now lies in ICU with all of his friends and family wishing and praying for the best.

It seems like 2008 has been the year of oddities and disasters happening. Who would have known that another good friend of mine would have died from methadone...the same drug that killed Will two years ago. Who would have seen me hitting rock bottom in illness and sitting in the hospital overnight while the doctors racked their brains trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Who would have known that I have been fighting my mental issues even harder than ever to maintain a solid and semi-balanced live for the sake of my friends around me. Who would have known that friends around me have been experiencing an increased amount of frights in regards to HIV. I never would have guessed it.

In all of this, though, I have to hope that something good will happen. I can't live believing that all hell has come in 2008, even if I don't have the support network/frame that I would have liked. For the sake of the sanity of those around me who have declared me as their rock in the rough tide, I have to hope that things will get better. Don't worry about me...I'll find that rock that is meant for me.

August 08 CD - Sexual Candy

2008-07-27T08:59:00.001-07:00

Download Sexual Candy - Aug 08

1. Lucas Prata – A Girl Like That (Original Mix)

2. AnnaGrace – You Make Me Feel (Extended Mix)

3. Katy Perry – I Kissed A Girl (DJ Bam Bam & Mixin Marc Remix)

4. Robyn – Who’s That Girl (Seamus Haji Radio Edit)

5. Dragonette – Take It Like A Man (Bimbo Jones Remix)

6. Seal – The Right Life (Josh Harris Radio Edit)

7. Velvet – Chemistry (Eric S Remix Extended)

8. SK8 – Amnesty (Chris Cox Club Anthem)

9. Craig David – Hot Stuff (Chase & Status Mix)

10. The Killers – When You Were Young (Thin White Duke Mix)

11. Holmes Ives ft Avalon Frost – 8 Words (Starkillers Dirty Girl Radio Mix)

12. Sunfreakz – Drive Out (The Attik Mix)

13. Lady Gaga ft Colby Odonis – Just Dance (Bambossa Remix)

14. Ultra Nate – Automatic (Tikaro & Ferran Mix)

15. Morgan Page ft Lissie – The Longest Road(Robbie Rivera Remix)

Confusion of Emotions

2008-07-14T20:30:00.000-07:00

Armin van Buuren ft Chris Jones - Going Wrong

AnnaGrace - You Make Me Feel

Sunfreakz - Drive Out

July CD - Surrender to the Sunrise

2008-06-30T20:40:00.000-07:00

Enjoy!!

Surrender to the Sunrise – July 2008

Milk, Inc – Sunrise (Jeckyll and Hyde Radio Mix)
Donna Summers – Stamp Your Feet (Escape & Collucio Club Mix)
Madonna – Give It 2 Me (Paul Oakenfold remix Edit)
Toby Emerson – Rapture (Chad Cisneros Remix)
Megan McCauley – Tap That (Morgan Page Mix)
Eminem – Business (Brent’s Gettin Down 2 Biz Club Mix)
Kleerup ft Robyn – With Every Heartbeat (Kleerup Remix)
Fragma – Toca’s Miracle 2008 (Chris Lake Ocean Mix)
Robbie Rivera ft Denise Rivera – Back to Zero (2008 Juicy Remix)
Danielle Bollinger – Surrender Me (Moran & Rigg Club Mix)
Armin van Buuren & DJ Shah/Chris Jones – Going Wrong (Armin’s Universal Religion Mix)
Rihanna – Take A Bow (Seamus Haji & Paul Emanuel Club Mix)

A Brand New Day...

2008-06-29T23:02:00.001-07:00

Hey guys...I am now relocated to the Oak Park (92105) area of San Diego with my buddy Kyle. Basically I now am living in a house with hardwood floors, quieter neighbourhood than where I was at, backyard, and the ability to get myself a dog. (Which of course you know I have been looking at dogs since before getting ready for the move last week.) Now is the time for a new start to life and start getting a grasp on my issues and medical problems...and see about getting into the dating game. If only I could kill the stress at work...that would be awesome.

More to come........

Good Charlotte to Start my packing tonight...

2008-06-27T19:18:00.000-07:00

Been putting off packing tonight, but I need to get started...so, time for a little Good Charlotte to put me in the space...next blog will be from my new location ten minutes down the road. =)

June Pride Mix - Forever Bottled Pride

2008-06-09T20:32:00.004-07:00

June marks a month of Pride for many cities across the US. Hope you enjoy FOREVER BOTTELD PRIDE this month.

Christina Aguilera – Genie In a Bottle (Flavio vs Mad Brois Mix)

Rachel Starr – Forever (Vendetta & Modeno Mix)

Cece Winans – Let Everything That Has Breath (Moran & Rigg Radio Edit)

Cyndi Lauper – You Don’t Know (Tony Moran’s Know It All Mix)

68 Beats – Kick It Up (Saeed Younan Mix)

Tina Arena – If I Didn’t Love You (Tony Moran Mix)

Madonna – History (Jacques Lu Cont’s Thin White Duke Mix)

Tony Moran ft Cindy Mizelle – Shine On (Richie Santana’s Dub Mix)

Sia – The Girl You Lost to Cocaine (DJme’s Coked-Up M.P. Extension)

Kristine W – The Boss (Tracy Young’s Big Club Mix)

Coro ft Talessa – Because the Night (Serin Control Electro Mix)

New Music

2008-06-02T15:46:00.000-07:00

Hey guys...here is the new music for June and July 4th. There is another June one on the way....

June '08: Damaged but Not Alone
1. Ayumi - Game (Yoji's Remix Radio Edit)
2. Kat DeLuna - Run the Show (Johnny Vicious Vocal Club Mix)
3. Ferry Corsten ft Howard Jones - Into the Dark (Ferry Dub Fix)
4. Ercola ft Daniella - Every Word
5. Danity Kane - Damaged (AC Beats Popstar Radio Edit)
6. Robyn - Handle Me (Soulseekerz Remix)
7. Estelle - American Boy (Soul Seekerz Club Mix)
8. Jakatta ft Seal - My Vision (Joey Negro Club Mix)
9. Chanel - Dance (Carl Ryden Remix)
10. Stephani Krise - Fallen (Scotty K Klub Mix)
11. Laurent Wolf - No Stress (Club Mix)
12. Gianluca Motta ft Molly - Not Alone (Deadmau5 Remix)

July 4th Pride Mix: Are You Ready?
1. Miss Jane - It's A Fine Day (DJ Icey Breakbeat Mix)
2. Luka - To Nem Ai (DJ Ross Remix Radio Edit)
3. Northernbeat ft Rozella - Are You Ready to Fly (Sleezesisters Mix)
4. Gnarls Barkley - Crazy (Richard Humpty Vission Mix)
5. Christina Aguilera - Tell Me (Edson Pride Radio Edit)
6. The Young Punx - Young and Beautiful (Laurent Konrad Mix0
7. Colton Ford - Everything (Guido Mix)
8. Erin Hamilton - The Flame 2008 (T. Moran & W. Rigg Mix)
9. Juanes - La Camisa Negra (Robbie Rivera Remix)
10. Delta Goodrem - Believe Again (Tommy Trash Remix)
11. Ceevox - Freedom (Manny Lehman Remix)
12. Kat DeLuna - Animal (DJ Jhonny Reworked Lation Mix)

Hope you enjoy!!

Sex....do you know?

2008-06-01T09:10:00.000-07:00

As many people know, I belong to quite a few online sites, sexual and non-sexual. And everyone knows that HIV/AIDS and the research involved with it is pretty close to me from my past starting when I was only 17/18yrs old.

The sexual practices of gay men has traveled down a roller coaster track over the last twenty plus years to become a veritable Molotov cocktail of sex, drugs and alcohol, with maybe an occassional addition of condoms. The 1980's saw the rise of HIV/AIDS amongst the gay population, and then it started dropping some. Today, however, many younger members of the population are becoming involved yet again with taking the Molotov and HIV is once again on the rise amongst gay men under 25.

I don't say this to condone or be hypocritical. I know my sexual practices, and I know the risks that I have run over the last ten years since I was out, bothe figuratively and literally. I have remained involved with the research for medications and the eventual hope for being a cure. My friends have learned that I am there to support them when they get the news their results are positive, as I would hope they would be there for me when mine finally come back that way. (Yes I say finally because I know there is only so long before it finally shows within my system...I cannot deny it like so many of my friends want me to do.)

I know there are a few tests being conducted in person today which also include an HIV and STD test. If you don't know your status, please find one of these test groups and participate....please make yourself aware.

There is also an online study that truly allows anonymity and takes roughly 30 minutes, depending on how you answer the questions. There is a series of questions to answer and a 5 minute video at the end to watch and answer a couple of questions afterwards if you like.

Please do your part to help track the changes that have been happening within the gay lifestyle. If you know that you are negative and wish to remain that way, please play smart if you don't play safe. If you are positive, please tell your partners - they will respect you more for that. And if you don't know your status, please get tested. It does help in the long run.

To participate in the online study, please visit http://www.healthsolutions.org/research/5part/

Remember...the only one who can truly take away your humanity and your life is you. Please get tested on a regular basis.

Trials, Tribulations and Friendship

2008-05-23T16:30:00.000-07:00

I sit here in bed, propped by my pillows while watching Star Trek Voyager, and am accused of suffering from a ‘San Diego mentality’ where I am laid back and don’t follow through with meeting people I have chatted with online. I admit that things have not been the easiest lately in regards for meeting new people between work and being sick. But I have learned one thing, though.

I learned to try to keep my attitude on a positive level. It isn’t always easy, especially when getting sicker than I have ever been in my life before and not having the full support group around me that I had come to rely on in the past.

Many of the people I have talked with online have been through a site called Adam4Adam, which is predominantly known for hooking up gay men for sexual encounters. It isn’t the most condusive for making friendships…just for helping us fags get our rocks off. Not to say that I haven’t made some good friends off of there. There are a couple of people in San Diego I met through there that I have remained friends with over the last couple of months.

But there is one kid whom I have talked with off and on through A4A and been extremely shocked by his negative mentality. I never did understand what the point was for him being upset that he hadn’t dated anyone in four years. I haven’t either. And while I have been depressed here and there because of my strong desire for companionship in my life, I always knew that things would happen when they were supposed to. I have another friend who hasn’t had a relationship and he is 25. But he doesn’t let the downfalls of life drag him down.

I think the biggest thing we have to remember is that our trials and tribulations are what helps build character and makes us stronger, more secure in our life. We are enriched by the people who come into our lives, or so I can believe. But, I (am attempting to) refuse to let the hell of the last few weeks drag me further down. I can’t let it drag me down…otherwise what hope do I have for finally getting better?

Sick Recovery

2008-05-20T15:17:00.001-07:00

Wanted to let you guys know that I am recovering albeit more slowly than I would like at the moment. I was taken to the hospital late Saturday evening as I got increasingly worse and was not able to maintain any foods or liquids since Tuesday night. My bp was 88/48 at the time the ambulance arrived with a temp of 100.1. I was given several IV bags while at the hospital, which helped stabilize my bp some, but it seemed my bp was very dependent on the continual IV fluid. They were finally able to lower my temp from 100.5. The doctor released me unsure if I had pancreatitis or not, but felt that it may be more due to a viral form of gastroenteritis. It was concluded, however, that I did not have meningitis (which is good..I don't want to go through a lumbar puncture again). I am still on the weaker side and still trying to beat the dehydration...it's a funny site watching me trying to walk five feet without falling right now. But I am hanging in there...hopefully it won't be too much longer.

In a contemplative mood....

2008-05-12T19:51:00.001-07:00

Loggerheads

2008-05-12T19:45:00.000-07:00

I got introduced to this movie right before I left Wilmington...made me cry but I can relate to a good portion of it. And one of the things that I liked, too, was that it was filmed all in North Carolina. I thoroughly recommend it...it's a good cuddle movie.

Loggerheads

..

God Is a DJ

2008-05-11T20:57:00.000-07:00

The Pisces May Horoscope

2008-05-08T22:57:00.000-07:00

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Your May Horoscope

This month will be outstanding and could even bring a turning point to an endeavor or relationship that you hold dear. Your mind will crackle with ideas, and it'll be evident that many people will want to hear the ideas and information you have to share. This will be no ordinary month, and I cannot underscore that point enough.

Every month, each of us looks forward to the new moon, for it provides certain opportunities within the house it falls. The aspects of a typical new moon are usually mixed, but not this month. In May, the beams that crisscross between the Sun and new moon and to other planets will be remarkably harmonious, in fact some of the best of 2008!

This new moon, arriving May 5, will form a decisive aspect to Jupiter, the giver of gifts and luck, so it seems a friend or a club to which you belong will have a hand in your advancement. Jupiter's involvement also suggests financial benefits will flow from what comes up in the days following May 5, so keep that point in mind.

Meanwhile, at the same time, Venus, Pluto, and Saturn will create a golden triangle in the sky - called a "grand trine" - offering every possible reason for you to be hopeful and inspired. The moves you make in May will have the power to bring you substantial benefits on just about every level, personal and professional, and some of those benefits may arrive immediately.

I will examine each of the aspects in detail so that you know precisely how to take full advantage of these rare vibrations.

The third house where much of the action will be focused at this month's new moon, May 5, is a house traditionally associated with the written or spoken word. It rules documents, manuscripts, columns, books, as well as contracts, agreements, and letters of intent. It rules languages too - all kinds - including computer language and code that you might write if you work in technology.

This house also encompasses lectures, panel discussions, appearances on TV and radio (or having your own show), teaching, research, editing, as well as sales, marketing, public relations, and even travel and transportation. You may get amazing publicity in a major magazine or Website, or kick off an advertising campaign for your business.

Communication is at the heart of the third house. Whatever you will be involved in now, it appears you will garner a huge audience. Venus will signal Pluto in the early part of May, and since Pluto rules "the masses," you can be sure many viewers or listeners will be aware of your work and want to know more.

Venus' position also suggests that if critics review your work, you will like what is said. Conversely if you are a writer yourself, others will laud your pieces. As you see, Venus works both ways! Talks and negotiations will go well, and if you need to sign papers, do so between May 5 and May 12. The latter, May 12, is truly special, one of your best days of the month, thanks to a lovely interplay between the Sun, Jupiter, and Uranus.

Travel may form a big part of the month. Although your trips will be quick and easy, that doesn't mean they won't be important - they will be! The earlier you leave town, the better, especially from May 5 onward.

This new moon, which is apparently ready to bring you a plethora of cosmic goodies, will be helpful to all Pisces, of every birthday, but doubly so if you were born on March 6, plus or minus five days.

What makes the time of this month's new moon May 5 so exciting is that this new moon will reach out to Jupiter, giver of gifts and luck. Jupiter will perfect your timing and brings financial benefits, too. You may see that writing or speaking engagements, an interview, or appearance in the media also brings benefits. New friends will now begin to enter your sphere in early May, possibly through the course of your work. These new people will be good for you - be open to cultivating new friendships.

Saturn's fine position to Venus and Pluto suggests that you may open interviews to find a new business partner, headhunter, broker, agent, publicist, lawyer, accountant, or other middleman who can help you. If so, the candidates you will see seem to be supremely capable of delivering on their promises to you. Even so, check references. You are now in a position where you will need to rely on partners to bring into the next level, but judging who is real and who isn't will become increasingly critical. Due to Saturn's tour of your seventh house, partners may bring either benefits or sorrows. Your spectrum in regard to partners has become greatly expanded and the extremes are there, at both ends.

At times you may wish you didn't need partners - the whole process of sorting out whom you should align with might, at times, feel exhausting. Still, you do need them, so do what you need to do. In time you will get better at the process and will see immediately whom you can trust and whom you cannot. While now it may seem like trial and error (and to some degree it will be), by the time you get to the end of Saturn's tour of Virgo in October 2009, you will be an expert at knowing.

On May 2, Saturn will make news by turning from retrograde to direct, after having been retrograde since December 19. Think back to late December, for if you had problems with a partner at that time, you will now be able to sort out what to do. You should be prepared for a partner's confrontation but be brave and don't shy away from a complete airing of the situation. If you are not happy with the answers you get, you may now leave this person.

Until now I have been speaking in terms of business partners, but the same may be true for a relationship with a romantic partner, too.

To make matters a little more complicated, Mercury will retrograde from May 26 to June 19. Don't think of those dates as rigid borders, however, as you will feel Mercury's impending retrograde much earlier, as soon as May 12, and at the other end, a bit longer than June 19, until June 23. It is always wise to leave a little space around the start and end dates of a Mercury retrograde period.

Mercury will retrograde in your solar fourth house of home, so this is the area you are most likely to feel delays, miscommunications, and other changes in direction. It is not a time to buy or sell a house, lease an apartment, or order new furniture, as a few examples. You won't have full information to make a wise decision, so if you move ahead during this phase, later you may be sorry you did. It's also not a time to buy any electronic items, from a flat screen TV to a computer, or cell phone to new microwave, for later you will likely feel you acted hastily and will not enjoy your purchase to the fullest. Hold back all large purchases until June 23 or later.

If you had hoped to buy your parent a surprise electronic gift this month (perhaps for Mother's Day or Father's Day), do so in the first week of May, or give your parent a gift certificate instead and have fun shopping together later.

Is there any benefit to Mercury retrograde periods? Yes, during the retrograde period, it will be a real good time to go through closets and drawers to reorganize things and create more space. Tossing out clutter and packing things up for charity will feel therapeutic, and afterward you will feel liberated. You may find treasures you lost too - a beloved watch your father gave you, an old photograph of your grandmother, or a love letter your first sweetheart sent you when you were a teenager. These types of rewards of Mercury retrograde make it fun.

Mercury happens to rule your committed partner as well as your home. This month, if your sweetheart wants to move in with you, your chart says to say no. Don't give up your place, and don't give up your privacy. The idea to do so may look innocent enough on the surface, but later you would come to regret the decision. That will not move your relationship forward but backward. Leave things as they are for now.

If you are in an established, stable relationship, you may find this month that your partner does not agree with your plans to improve your lifestyle or home, or plan to help an elderly relative. Present your case to your partner in great detail - and be prepared to talk about it quite a bit. You can be very persuasive when you want to be - this would be a time to give it all you've got.

Foreign people and places, as well as people in your own country who live a great distance from you, will become very important to you at the full moon May 19, plus or minus four days.

Your ninth house, so brilliantly lit here, rules among other things, legal matters, so you may have a contract to sign. Due to the impending Mercury retrograde phase, be careful. You may need to put off signing until next month, from June 21 onward. As I mentioned earlier, if possible, try to get contracts ready earlier in the month, from May 5 to 12, a good time to sign on the dotted line.

You may be on a trip on the full moon May 19, and if so, you'd be ready to return home within two days (before or after this date). This trip will be so very good for you, bringing you a refreshing and greatly expansive perspective. You'll feel great later, and be so glad you went!

At this full moon, you may also discuss import-export of goods or services or a publishing or broadcasting venture, or be planning more travel. Whatever it is, your plans will culminate and may represent the second and final phase of a two-part discussion.

Part One of your talks likely occurred last month, on the previous full moon, April 20, for that full moon brightened the very same house of your horoscope, your ninth house. It is rare to have two full moons in a row falling in the same sector of the horoscope, but that's precisely what has happened for you. Having two full moons in this area instantly tells me that what you will be discussing near May 19 will be very important for your future, and could bring you considerable growth.

This month's full moon will fall in the critical 29th degree, called "the degree of completion." Hence, you will end talks and happily move forward with an excellent deal on the table that you and the other party has crafted. Planets will be beautifully angled to other planets, putting you in high spirits, and rightly so! This full moon will be in perfect alignment with Uranus (surprises galore) and lucky Jupiter. Whatever occurs now will feel almost destined for you. Enjoy the results.

If you were born on March 19, this month's full moon on May 19 will deliver a double dip of pleasure and fortunate opportunity. If you have planets in a very late degree of a water sign such as Scorpio or Cancer, the same would be true for you.

Romantically, the first 12 days of May will be best for fun socializing and for meeting an interesting new person. Mars will be moving through the final degrees of Cancer then, but still be in a highly beneficial place to help bring fun and love. You'll be confident, open, and interested in others, ready to welcome new types into your life. Cancer rules your solar fifth house of true love, so having Mars adding zest to this house will give you a sweet advantage.

Venus will help too, for Venus will also be in sensuous Taurus until May 24, a sign that blends perfectly with your Pisces sign and also Cancer - the stage is set!

The weekend of May 17-18 should be outstanding for romance - every star in the sky will be twinkling just for you. Venus, touring Cancer, will send a dazzling vibration to both Jupiter (gifts) and Uranus (unanticipated events). This weekend will be chockfull of amazing surprises.

There will be two other dates that deserve gold stars for love and for a whole variety of other social applications and desires. They are Monday, May 12, and Wednesday, May 21. Both will bring you even more good fortune, and possibly the chance to enjoy a lavish party or dinner, an exciting meeting, date, or introduction. Your circumstances will be brought on by the kindness of a friend who cares very much about your welfare.

Here is a list of your most romantic, social, and dazzling evenings: May 5, 8, 12, 17-19, 21, 28, and 31.

Once Mars zooms into Leo on May 12, your work life will become very hectic and remain that way until June 30. You will need to protect your health during this phase, for you will be working long hours. You'll like the work, however, so it won't seem arduous. Surely it won't be like the burdensome projects you used to take on a few years back.

A new day is dawning for you, dear Pisces, and this month you will be on a fast track to success. As said at the start of your forecast, this may well become your landmark month, possibly one of your favorites of 2008. There's only one way to find out - step forward into the spotlight. Be confident that the universe loves you and will pull out all the stops to look out for you!

Summary

This will be an amazingly positive month, filled with crackling conversation, intense discussions, and the generation of many new ideas. Out of this bubbling brew could come a truly exciting new venture, so expect the best. Although much of your focus will be trained on your work, there appear to be pleasurable elements to what you'll be doing too, making your time on your projects seem light and joyful. A friend, group, or community of people may play a part in things too, and could easily open new doors for you.

If you work in sales, publishing, radio, Internet, TV, or in marketing, public relations, advertising, or related fields, you can really take full advantage of the month's communication-oriented vibrations.

This month you may enter into negotiations on an important contract. If so, your timing would be ideal. With planets being so cooperative, you can reach accord more quickly than you would on any typical month. Even if your deal is complicated and will take months to complete, you can start to put the basic building blocks in place and make lots of progress on that as well.

You may hire a publicist, launch an advertising campaign, or network like mad. It's time to let the world know about your goods, services, accomplishments, and ideas. If you need a logo designed or new stationery (for personal or business use), hire a designer now.

You may be asked to lecture or teach this month too, and if so, you should accept. You will deliver your ideas in a stylish, original way, and you will be a hit with those who come to hear you speak. With three planets in Taurus, be sure to sound realistic and practical, but at the same time, don't be afraid to show your most visionary ideas. Just make those ideas do-able and within budget and you'll be hailed as a star. This is your month to shine, dear Pisces.

All these trends will be strongest from May 5 to 15. The closer you act to the new moon, May 5, the better, for the early days of the month favor you most.

Mars will enter your work sector on May 9, just about the same time your communication sector will be so powerfully energized. This means you'll be working hard, but you'll be glad to do so, because you'll be seeing exciting developments.

Keep your health strong, for you will probably not get as much sleep as you're used to this month. Take time for yourself as you can, including spa treatments as you can fit them in.

A trip or matter you've been developing with a colleague abroad will culminate at the full moon May 19, and you'll love how things play out. Discussions involving higher education or a publishing or broadcasting venture are also topics that could be finalized at this full moon, and will be equally exciting. This is a great month for you!

In your personal life, your friends will be looking out for you in ways that will touch and surprise you. If you are involved with a large community of people or club, or a political organization or charity, you will get unusual support there, too. Present your ideas, for rarely have you entered into a month where almost everything you do is accepted. Being this persuasive, you could light an entire nation to your cause. One of your best days will arrive on May 21, when fortunate Jupiter and surprise-a-minute Uranus will work together, making it a standout social day. May 12 will be nearly as glittery, and gets my vote for runner up.

Is there a blinking light? There may be, in terms of a partner. In early May a new collaborator, agent, investor, or partner may come to you, and this person seems quite qualified to help you. Check up on references to be sure - with Saturn in your seventh house, you can't be too careful. However, there seems to be another partner, someone who may have given you grief on the day Saturn went retrograde back near December 19, who could cause you to become angry. If you feel unjustly treated, you'll have to clear the air, and you should not mince words. If you need to leave, you will, even though it may seem an extreme move. Your days of making excuses for others' bad behavior are ending.

In May's last week, give some attention to your home. Mercury will be retrograde in this area, so tackle closet reorganization. Here's your chance to donate things to charity and to make room for all the new things you will want to buy. Feng shui tells us clutter stands in the way of a happier, more successful lifestyle. With Venus in this sector too, spruce up your home and Cupid will soon follow.

Remember:

Culminate an international deal or hear about a publishing or broadcasting idea at the full moon: May 19.

Finalize an academic goal: May 19.

Protect your health from May 9 on - spa treatments necessary!

Friends and groups will support your every goal: May 12 and May 21.

Oh HELL Yeah!!

2008-05-08T18:29:00.000-07:00

And here I thought I only had a couple things to look forward to in July. (Yeah, call me dork...like I care)

Explosive

2008-05-06T20:18:00.001-07:00

I love these girls...

Better in Time...

2008-05-04T01:01:00.000-07:00

Despite all the shit that I face, I have to remember that things do get better....I know that I have seen it before. One day that right one will come along again and things will fall into place seemlessly. I know that it has been years, but the face of my former lover still passes through my head and my thoughts. I have to think that to this day he reminds me that good things can and will happen to/for me once again.

For the friends who are starting to make a difference...

2008-04-30T21:55:00.001-07:00

Praying For You - May 2008 (2nd CD)

2008-04-25T23:55:00.001-07:00

Praying for You

Kristine W - The Boss (Tracy Young's Big Club Mix)
Martha Wash ft RuPaul - It's Raining Men (Headman Extended Remix)
Madonna ft Justin Timberlake - 4 Minutes (Tracy Young House Mix)
Ian Carey ft Michelle Shellers - Keep On Rising (Vocal Mix)
Ron Perkov - I Get Off (Tony Moran & Warren Rigg Club Mix)
Booty Luv - Some Kinda Rush (Soul Avengerz Remix)
Ercola ft Annie - Follow Me (DJ Dlg & Redroche Remix)
Erin Hamilton - The Flame (Offer Nissim 2008 Big Club Mix)
Chris Brown - With You (Tracy Young Club Mix)
Taylor Dayne - Beautiful (Hex Hector's Vocal Mix)
Jordin Sparks ft Chris Brown - No Air (Jason Nevins Radio Edit)
Colton Ford & Pepper Mashay - Signed, Sealed, and Delivered (Ralphie Rosario Remix)

April's CD - Repost

2008-04-25T20:53:00.000-07:00

Hey there...

Wanted to provide a repost for the link for a better quality download of April's FREE DESTINY CD.

Sorry about the issues on the first one!

DJ Aiden Archangel

Something I am starting to put into effect....

2008-04-25T18:42:00.000-07:00

The Daffodil Principle

Several times my daughter had telephoned to say, "Mother, you must come to see the daffodils before they are over.''

I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour drive from Laguna to Lake Arrowhead. "I will come next Tuesday", I promised a little reluctantly on her third call.

Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy. Still, I had promised, and reluctantly I drove there. When I finally walked into Carolyn's house, I was welcomed by the joyful sounds of happy children. I delightedly hugged and greeted my grandchildren.

"Forget the daffodils, Carolyn! The road is invisible in these clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these children that I want to see badly enough to drive another inch!"

My daughter smiled calmly and said, " We drive in this all the time, Mother."

"Well, you won't get me back on the road until it clears, and then I'm heading for home!" I assured her.
"But first we're going to see the daffodils. It's just a few blocks," Carolyn said. "I'll drive. I'm used to this."

"Carolyn," I said ster nly, "Please turn around."

"It's all right, Mother, I promise. You will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience."

After about twenty minutes, we turned onto a small gravel road and I saw a small church. On the far side of the church, I saw a hand lettered sign with an arrow that read, " Daffodil Garden ."

We got out of the car, each took a child's hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path. Then, as we turned a corner, I looked up and gasped. Before me lay the most glorious sight.

It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it over the mountain peak and its surrounding slopes. The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns, great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, creamy white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, saffron and butter yellow. Each different-colored variety was planted in large groups so that it swirled and flowed like its own river with its own unique hue. There were five acres of flowers.

"Who did this?" I asked Carolyn.

"Just one woman," Carolyn answered. "She lives on the prop erty. That's her home." Carolyn pointed to a well-kept A-frame house, small and modestly sitting in the midst of all that glory. We walked up to the house.

On the patio, we saw a poster. "Answers to the Questions I Know You Are Asking", was the headline.

The first answer was a simple one. "50,000 bulbs," it read.

The second answer was, "One at a time, by one woman. Two hands, two feet, and one brain."

The third answer was, "Began in 1958."

For me, that moment was a life-changing experience. I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than forty years before, had begun, one bulb at a time, to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountaintop. Planting one bulb at a time, year after year, this unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived.

One day at a time, she had created something of extraordinary magnificence, beauty, and inspiration. The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principles of celebration.

That is, learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time, often just one baby-step at a time and learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time. When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world …

"It makes me sad in a way," I admitted to Carolyn. " What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty five or forty years ago and had worked away at it 'one bulb at a time' through all those years? "Just think what I might have been able to achieve!"

My daughter summed up the message of the day in her usual direct way. "Start tomorrow," she said.

She was right. It's so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. The way to make learning a lesson of celebration instead of a cause for regret is to only ask, "How can I put this to use today?"

Use the Daffodil Principle. Stop waiting.....

Until your car or home is paid off
Until you get a new car or home
Until your kids leave the house
Until you go back to school
Until you finish school
Until you clean the house
Until you organize the garage
Until you clean off your desk
Until you lose 10 lbs.
Until you gain 10 lbs.
Until you get married
Until you get a divorce
Until you have kids
Until the kids go to school
Until you retire
Until summer
Until spring
Until winter
Until fall
Until you die...

There is no better time than right now to b e happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
So work like you don't need money. Love like you've never been hurt, and dance like no one's watching.

If you want to brighten someone's day, pass this on to someone special. I just did!

Wishing you a beautiful, daffodil day!

Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.

Speak Aloud - May 2008 set

2008-04-25T06:02:00.000-07:00

Hope you enjoy...

Speak Aloud

Mariah Carey – Say Something (David Morales Club Mix)
Leona Lewis – Bleeding Love (Moto Blanco Vocal Club Mix)
Da Buzz – Without Breaking (Extended Mix)
Santana ft Chad Kroeger – Into the Night (Tommie Sunshine Remix Radio Edit)
Ashley Jade – On the Run (Joe Bermudez & Josh Harris Fugitive Club Mix)
Ricky Martin – Pegate (Ralphi Rosario Hard Club Vox Remix)
Natasha Bedingfield – Pocket Full of Sunshine (Johnny Vicious Warehouse Mix)
Robbie Rivera – Back to Zero (Bigroom Mix)
Donna Summer – I’m A Fire (Extended Red Top Mix)
Janet Jackson – Feedback (Moto Blanco Full Vocal Mix)
Mariah Carey – Touch My Body (Seamus Haji Club Mix)

NOTICE: I do apologize for the April CD...a friend of mine has helped me figure out where the issue laid in the poor quality between the transfers, so I will be correcting and re-uploading the April CD. Thanks for your patience!!

This would be awesome....

2008-04-24T19:19:00.000-07:00

For Everyone to Read...

2008-04-19T22:52:00.000-07:00

It has come to my attention recently...yet again...that my HIV status and sexual practices have become the speculation of the gay community.

People who know me and have spent time talking to me (friends, family, former roommates) know that I don't fuck around when it comes to my health, HIV, and the people that I play with. I am very honest because I have been involved with that section of our community since I was 18. I do not believe in placing someone's life at the risk, and I believe it to be very disrespectful to withhold any such information.

My sexual practices and my status are the business of myself, my partner, and the people that I feel need to know. And if there are any questions, I prefer that people come to me, even if they feel uncomfortable. And, if my friends receive questioning on anything that pertains to my health, I appreciate it when they provide me with the full information of all they have been asked and who was doing the questioning. Anything that pertains to a person's health is extremely important. Especially when it comes to something that is as life-changing as HIV and AIDS. The knowledge of who is stating they became infected due to an encounter helps build a timeline from the last test performed and any possible exposure. AND it allows a person to determine the next step for further in-depth testing.

So, in the future, I appreciate all questions and concerns coming to me directly. Not all my friends are privy to the private info....and it is also the easiest way to dispel rumours.

Especially when it appears that I have the scary ability to arise from the dead every new year. (Thanks to whomever started that one going....I had needed a good laugh watching a little kid scurry away because he didn't know I was the subject of the rumour).

Anticipated Movies of 2008

2008-04-14T21:18:00.000-07:00

5/2
Iron Man Marvel Comics' steel-plated superhero is coming to the big screen, with a stellar cast and amazing effects. Robert Downey Jr. brings humor and humanity to the role of Tony Stark, the billionaire who builds and wears the indestructible armor.

5/9
Speed Racer The Wachowski Brothers, the creative duo behind The Matrix, return to directing with an altogether different visual extravaganza, the live-action version of a classic anime series. The trailer promises eye-popping sights and a whole lot of speed.

5/16
The Chronicles of Narnia:Prince Caspian The four Pevensie children return to the magical world of Narnia to find 1,300 years have passed and an evil king rules the land. They will need the help of the mighty lion Aslan to restore the young Prince Caspian to his rightful place on the throne.

5/22

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Harrison Ford, Steven Spielburg and George Lucas reunite to bring legendary archeologist and adventurer Dr. Henry Jones Jr. (better known as "Indiana") back to the big screen.

5/30
Sex and the City Four years ago, it looked like Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha had everything they wanted out of life. But life tends to be unpredictable, so it's good to have friends around.

6/13
The Incredible Hulk Edward Norton takes over the role of Dr. Bruce Banner, on the run from forces that want to use his giant, muscle-bound and green alter ego as a destructive weapon.

6/27
WALL-E From the director of Finding Nemo, Pixar's next groundbreaking animated film tells the story of a little robot who spends centuries cleaning up garbage all by himself who finally gets a chance to see what excitement the galaxy has to offer.

6/27
Wanted Angelina Jolie is back in action as a mystery woman named Fox who indoctrinates James McAvoy into a secret fellowship of assassins so highly trained they bend the very laws of physics, with Morgan Freeman as their gun-wielding guru.

7/18
The Dark Knight Continuing the story of director Christopher Nolan's Batman Begins, Christian Bale returns as the Caped Crusader, this time facing his arch-nemesis, the scarred and scary Joker, played with psychotic menace by Heath Ledger.

8/15
Tropic Thunder Ben Stiller directs and stars in a comedy about a group of pampered actors who think they're shooting a war movie, but then find themselves in the middle of a real battle zone.

Free Destiny - April 2008

2008-04-14T20:26:00.001-07:00

Hope you enjoy..

Free Destiny

Kelly Rowland – Work (Freemasons Club Mix)
Kortezman ft Rozalla – Everybody's Free (Numa Remix)
Global DeeJays ft Technotronic – Get Up (Tribalectric Mix)
Kim English – My Destiny (Kobbe & Austin Leeds Club Mix)
Bananarama – Look On the Floor (Angel City Mix)
Delta Goodrem – Believe Again (Rich Remix)
Craig Obey – Music In My Mind (Soul Avengerz Remix)
Filo & Peri ft Tiff Lacey – Dance With a Devil (Serge Devant Mix)
Inez – Walk Away Tonight (Carl Ryden Remix)
Judge Jules ft Amanda O'Riordan – Without Love
Jordin Sparks – Tattoo (Jason Nevins Extended Remix)
Alison Moyet – A Guy Like You (Almighty Anthem Radio Edit)
Sarah Atereth – It Doesn't Take Much (Josh Harris Club Mix)

Rest in Peace, Ryan

2008-04-14T18:02:00.000-07:00

It is sad how a person can be ripped from our lives. A good friend made this video in memory of his boyfriend, another good friend of mine. We will miss you, Ryan.

Just Be - Tiesto and Kirsty Hawkshaw

2008-04-04T17:53:00.000-07:00

My friends know that this has been a trying few weeks for me, but I am getting through it. So, in the fashion of me getting through, here is a song that I love dearly...

A Shout in the Dark

2008-04-03T21:32:00.000-07:00

The last few weeks has seen a lot going on in my life. I gained a promotion, had my birthday, got sick and spent time in the emergency room. Saw more time in the ER for a friend of mine who had a bad car wreck (remind me to take my name off the emergency contact list – just kidding). Tie in a lot of non-sleeping, and I have been doing awesome. Work also got rough with a client veering towards to the more insane side, and then we just went through a layoff in four of our office...including mine. Fortunately I am safe because of my position, but it was still rough to deal with.

But right when I thought that things were going to get a little better and an emotional lull was coming my way, I got a shocker.

My friends know that I am a very big proponent of going to the source when you want to know the answer to a question. I basically feel it is a matter of respect. Apparently somebody got some free time on their hands again. I got a text message from a friend back east because someone has come to him regarding something he was hearing about me. Apparently some person back in Raleigh was spreading it around the state that I was the last person he had been with and I gave him HIV. First, why would a person want to spread that around a state? Especially when I was no longer in the area and the y knew that. I never did understand that. But, the biggest part that got to me is that someone who was so concerned about me couldn’t come to me to ask the important questions. Anyone who knows me knows that I feel it is more respectful to ask the source instead of going around to everyone else.

I can understand why they went to the person they did, but it was a lot of assumption on their part that someone would know everything that was going on with me. Just because we were close at the time I lived in the same town, I can’t say that it continued once I left the city and later the state. And that part probably hurt the most. But with each move I made that brought me further from him, it seemed like we drifted further apart. And his means of attempting to show concern for what happens in my life didn’t exactly come out the way he was hoping. But, I guess that is what happens in life.

I know that I am not always the best with opening up and trusting folks, and that comes from a lot of history…not something that started overnight. But, I do think that I have made some improvement. My ex can probably vouch although I still am not as open with him either. But, I do what I can.

Anyway…I think I am digressing from the point. Or maybe I don’t have an exact point. Reading back on this, it looks more like it is being written in the train of through viewpoint instead of an object view. I have had a lot of emotion running through my head that has exploded in the emails back and forth to someone making him wake up some. And I guess is it starting to rub out into my interactions with others because I have noticed that I have probably been a little bit on the sharper side. Yeah, I know that I have been considered as ‘passionate’ because of how much I put into myself and into the relations with others that come close enough to be my friends and potentially more.

But I can’t help it. I spend a lot of time being analytical that it feels good to release the emotional rush that flows through my veins like fiery water. I was born twenty-seven years ago on the cusp of Aquarius and Pisces. I have grown into a nice combination of Air and Water, two signs that can be gentle, yet deadly. My left arm bears a fire and water yin-yang…opposites that are beautiful and deadly all at once. Anyways... Feel free to check out Aquarius and Pisces…I have definitely been incorporating bothe sets of traits into my personality as I evolve and grow as a person.

Okay, so what was the point of all that? I haven’t the foggiest. But I am sure someone will help me pull the details all together. Some point….some day.

Boys Don't Cry

2008-03-26T19:58:00.000-07:00

Nothing serious: The Birth Test

2008-03-26T19:24:00.000-07:00

Some say our birth date provides insight on our personalities, aptitudes and innate abilities. It also points to what we have to learn and the challenges we face. To determine your birth number, add all the numbers in your birth date together (see following example) until there is only one digit.

NOTE that a birth number does not prevent you from being anything you want to be. It may just provide a little perspective and insight on your choices.

Example: March 20, 1950
3 + 20 + 1950 = 1973
1 + 9 + 7 + 3 = 20
2 + 0 = 2

Keep going until you end up with a single digit number. In this example, 2 is the birth number to read for the birth date.

#1 THE ORIGINATOR
#2 THE PEACEMAKER
#3 THE LIFE OF THE PARTY
#4 THE CONSERVATIVE
#5 THE NONCONFORMIST
#6 THE ROMANTIC
#7 THE INTELLECTUAL
#8 THE BIG SHOT
#9 THE PERFORMER

# 1 - THE ORIGINATOR - 1's are originals. Coming up with new ideas and executing them is natural. Having things their own way is another trait that gets them labeled as being stubborn and arrogant. 1's are extremely honest and would do well to learn some diplomacy skills. They like to take the initiative and are often leaders or bosses, as they like to be the best. Being self-employed is definitely helpful for them. Lessons to learn: Others' ideas might be just as good or better; and to stay open minded.
{Famous 1's - Tom Hanks, Robert Redford, Burnett, Wynona Judd, Nancy Reagan, and Raquel Welch.}

#2 - THE PEACEMAKER - 2's are the born diplomats. They are aware of others' needs and moods and often think of others before themselves. Naturally analytical and very intuitive, they don't like to be alone. Friendship and company onship are very important and can lead them to be successful in life; but, on the other hand, they'd rather be alone than in an uncomfortable relationship. Being naturally shy, they should learn to boost their self-esteem and express themselves freely and seize the moment and not put things off. {Famous 2's - President Bill Clinton, Madonna, Thomas Edison, and Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.}

# 3 - THE LIFE OF THE PARTY - 3's are idealists. They are very creative, social, charming, romantic, and easygoing. They start many things but don't always see them through. They like others to be happy and go to great lengths to achieve it. They are very popular and idealistic. They should learn to see the world from a more realistic point of view. {Famous 3's - Alan Alda, Ann Landers, Bill Cosby, Salvador Dali, Jodi Foster}

# 4 - THE CONSERVATIVE - 4 's a re sensible and traditional. They like order and routine. They only act when they fully understand what they're expected to do. They like getting their hands dirty and working hard. They are attracted to the outdoors and feel an affinity with nature. They are prepared to wait and can be stubborn and persistent. They should learn to be more flexible and to be nice to themselves {Famous 4's - Neil Diamond, Margaret Thatcher, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tina Turner, Paul Hogan, Oprah Winfrey}

# 5 - THE NONCONFORMIST - 5's are the explorers. Their natural curiosity, risk taking, and enthusiasm often land them in hot water. They need diversity, and don't like to be stuck in a rut. The whole world is their school and they see a learning possibility in every situation. The questions never stop. They are well advised to look before they take action and make sure they have all the facts before jumping to conclusions.
{Famous 5's - Abraham Lincoln, Charlotte Bronte, Jessica Walter, Vincent Van Gogh, Bette Midler, Helen Keller.}

# 6 - THE ROMANTIC - 6's are idealistic and need to feel useful to be happy. A strong family connection is important to them. Their actions influence their decisions. They have a strong urge to take care of others and to help. They are very loyal and make great teachers. They like art or music. They make loyal friends who take the friendship seriously. 6's should learn to differentiate between what they can change and what they cannot. {Famous 6's - Albert Einstein, Jane Seymour, Meryl Streep, Christopher Columbus, Goldie Hawn}

#7 - THE INTELLECTUAL - 7's are the searchers. Always probing for hidden information, they find it difficult to accept things at face value. Emotions don't sway their decisions. Questioning everything in life, they don't like to be questioned themselves. Th ey're never off to a fast start, and their motto is 'slow and steady wins the race.' They come across as philosophers and being very knowledgeable, and sometimes as loners. They are technically inclined and make great researchers uncovering information. They like secrets. They live in their own world and should learn what is acceptable and what is not in the world at large.
{Famous 7's - William Shakespeare, Lucille Ball, Joan Baez, Princess Diana, Vince Ricciardi}

# 8 - THE BIG SHOT - 8's are the problem solvers. They are professional, blunt, and to the point, have good judgment and are decisive. They have grand plans and like to live the good life. They take charge of people. They view people objectively. They should learn to base their decisions on their own needs rather than on what others want. {Famous 8's - Edgar Cayce, Barbra Streisand, George Harrison, Pablo Picasso, Aretha Franklin, Nostradamus.}

#9 - THE PERFORMER - 9's are natural entertainers. They are very caring and generous, giving away their last dollar to help. With their charm, they have no problem making friends and nobody is a stranger to them. They have so many different personalities that people around them have a hard time understanding them. They are like chameleons, ever changing and blending in. They have tremendous luck, but also can suffer from extremes in fortune and mood. To be successful, they need to build a loving foundation.
{Famous 9s - Albert Schweitzer, Shirley MacLaine, Harrison Ford, Jimmy Carter, Elvis Presley}

March '08 set

2008-03-06T18:31:00.000-08:00

Letting Go – March 2008

Mixed by Aiden Archangel

Basshunters – Now You're Gone (Fonzerelli Remix)

Tiffany – Higher (Matt Johnson Club Mix)

Grace & Glory – Not Over Yet (BT's Spirit of Grace)

Kimberly Locke – Band of Gold (Dave Aude Club Mix)

Erasure – I Could Fall in Love With You (Monteverde Vocal Extended Remix)

Lasgo ft Dave Beyer – Who's That Girl (Peter Luts Remix)

DJ Tiesto vs Armin van Buuren – Take Me Away

Inez – Mi Aire (Copenhagen Clubbers Remix)

Tomcraft – Lonliness (Goldengroove Remix)

Pussycat Dolls vs Gwen Stefani – Don't Cha Hollaback Girl (DJ Dis_co Drum Matic Tribal Remix)

S. Blush – It's My Life (Tony Moran's Extended Mix)

David Guetta - Time

Fade to Black - Feb 2008 set

2008-02-06T17:27:00.000-08:00

Fade to Black – Feb 2008

Mixed by Aiden Archangel

Kristine W – Save My Soul (Gabriel & Dresden Mix)

Cascada – What Hurts the Most (Spencer & Hill Radio Edit)

Juanes – La Camisa Negra (Mijangos Extended Remix)

Mary J Blige – Just Fine (Jared Jones Vibelicious Juicy Jam Mix)

Megan McCauley – Tap That (Josh Harris’ Tap the Club Mix)

Paul Lekakis – Assume the Position

Kim Leoni – Medicine (Topmodelz Remix Edit)

Tom Stephan ft The S-Man & Kevin Aviance – Hold on Me (Superchumbo Spotlight Vocal Mix)

Idina Menzel - Gorgeous (Lior Magal Vocal Dub)

Warren Malone – French Kisses (Josh Harris Dub)

Brielle Davis – Take It Off (Andy Caldwell Remix)

Dave Aude ft Jessica Sutta – Make It Last (Ralphi Rosario Remix)

Lauren Hildebrandt – My Life Again (Julian Marsh Power Drive Mix)

New Music - January 2008 set

2008-02-03T14:11:00.000-08:00

Getting the Pieces – Jan 2008
mixed by Aiden Archangel

QUARTZLOCK ft LONNIE GORDON – Love Eviction (Quartzlock Original Mix)
BRITNEY SPEARS – Piece of Me (Bimbo Jones Club Mix)
BOOZEBANGERS – Do You Wanna (Heikki L Powerhouse Remix)
RICKI LEE – Can’t Touch It (Rok Coalition Extended Remix)
LAYERS OF SOUND ft SUKI – Something from Nothing (Full Vocal Version)
CHRIS ‘THE GREEK’ PANAGHI – You Just Don’t Get It (Crowd Control Club Mix)
BENASSI BROTHERS ft DHANI – You Make Me Feel
IDA CORR vs FEDDE LE GRAND – Let Me Think About It (Eddie Thoneick Remix)
ONE REPUBLIC – Apologize (Lenny B Radio Mix)
TEGAN & SARA – Back In Your Head (Tiësto Mix)
JASON ANTONE – Be Free (Josh Harris Club Mix)
THE VERONICAS – Hook Me Up (Tommy Trash Remix)
BAD CABBAGE vs QUESTION MARK – You’re Rude; Get Fucked (Brentz Club Mix)
DURAN DURAN – Falling Down (Sebastian Leger Vocal Mix)

Corteo

2008-01-27T19:49:00.000-08:00

Cirque du Soleil is in town through February 17th. I missed the pre-show with my roommate. But, a friend of mine made it up to me and got tickets for the Saturday night showing. Oh - my - fucking - god. I have always watched the shows on TV (thanks Bravo!) and always wanted to go see in person. I had a blast.

What is Corteo about? Here is the basics from the Cirque site:

Corteo, which means "cortege" in Italian, is a joyous procession, a festive parade imagined by a clown. The show brings together the passion of the actor with the grace and power of the acrobat to plunge the audience into a theatrical world of fun, comedy and spontaneity situated in a mysterious space between heaven and earth.

The clown pictures his own funeral taking place in a carnival atmosphere, watched over by quietly caring angels. Juxtaposing the large with the small, the ridiculous with the tragic and the magic of perfection with the charm of imperfection, the show highlights the strength and fragility of the clown, as well as his wisdom and kindness, to illustrate the portion of humanity that is within each of us. The music, by turns lyrical and playful, carries Corteo through a timeless celebration in which illusion teases reality.

I don't know how to express the emotions felt, the amazement at the performances and the great costumes. All I can say...go see it if it comes near you. It is definitely worth sitting under the big top...if you get close to the round stage, you have a greater chance of being able to be a part of the show itself.

My rating - two thumbs up. Now, time to go find the music track for cheaper than the selling price.

Living while dying...a response to a friend's blog

2008-01-25T22:49:00.001-08:00

After a long day of work and hell, I decided to log into Myspace to see what a friend of mine had posted. He had found an article on HIVPLUSMAG.COM and reposted it. The title? Perfectly Flawed. The subject? That while living life after nearly dying, he felt like he was dying inside. My friend asked (right before reposting the article) the following: "Even after overcoming some of the greatest obstacles we may ever know, what keeps us living to the fullest?"

I might not have been diagnosed with HIV yet like some of my closest friends and lovers have been, but I think that I can say that I have been in those shoes before. And not just once or twice. It was several times over the last eight or nine years. But, I didn't hesitate once when I wrote my response:

"I don't know what to tell you will make you want to keep living when you die inside. For me, I was dying a long time ago. But, some part of me kept saying that there was more to me and more to life and I kept hanging on. Now, I have finally started on that road to where I am being rebuilt and reborn. I have friends around that gently (most of the time) remind me that they are there, and that I have a reason. I have my music that has been inspiring me again and bringing the light back into my life. I try to do it for me, now, and not for someone else. Because, ultimately, it is me and my own strength and happiness which truly determines me for me."

And it is true. Each one of us has our own reason for wanting to live...or not, for that matter. But, we also have around us - as well as within - the reason and desire to keep hanging onto life.

At least, that is what I would like to believe. Otherwise, what is it all for?

Outrage

2008-01-16T22:09:00.000-08:00

This is an actual flier posted by Westboro Baptist Church.....

Westboro Baptist Church
(WBC Chronicles - Since 1955)
3701 SW 12th St. Topeka, Kansas 66604 785-273-0325 www.godhatesfags.com
Religious Opinion and Bible Commentary on Current Events
Saturday, January 12, 2008
NEWS RELEASE
WBC to picket Camp Lejeune.
God Hates the u.s. Marines.
The wonderful, spit-and-polish Marine is over
eight months pregnant and she says another
wonderful Marine raped her, and now on the
eve of his court martial where she is the star
witness against him, she turns up dead, and he
is a fugitive from justice. Wonderful. The few.
The proud. Based on our extensive experience
with Marines for over a decade, we can testify
that these are typical Marines.

WBC will picket the filthy, lawless Marine
Corps - at noon next Sat., Jan. 19 - at Camp
Lejeune, North Carolina; in religious protest
and warning: "Be not "'deceived; God is not
mocked." Gal. 6:7. God Hates Fags! & FagEnablers.
Ergo, God hates the Marines.
The Marine Corps is saturated with vile fags and dykes. It matters not
to them that they are violating the laws of God and man. Our leaders
know of the problem, but they refuse to fix it, due to pressure from
political leaders, because fags have enormous political influence - called
in Scripture "The power of the dog." Psa.22:20. And the phenomenon
is called by Tocqueville, "The worm in the American apple."
"Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind; it is abomination. "
Lev. 18:22.
"Let no man deceive you with vain words; for because ofthese things
cometh the wrath ofGod upon the children ofdisobedience. "
Eph.5:6.

I am sorry, but all I can really say is What the Fuck?? I know too many people in the military, gay and straight. And I understand that each branch has their own reputations. But who the hell do you think you are to judge someone else, especially someone who has sworn an oath to lay down their life to protect you and the very freedom that allows you to talk shit. Gay or straight, we have a right to protect our country, our friends and our families.

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you (Matthew 7:12)."
(Yes, I understand that this actually talks about being hypocritical, but I still think feel that it applies in all meanings.)

PSA - 1987 vs 2007

2008-01-09T20:46:00.001-08:00

The trip to Cali...

2008-01-01T13:21:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I have been asked how much mileage and such the drive was from Raleigh to San Diego, so here are my stats:

Mileage actually driven - 2526 (Mapquest and GoogleMaps I think told me something around 2556 or so)

Money spent on gas - $268.01 (extra penny because machine wouldn't stop when I wanted it to)

Number of packs of gum chewed so not to smoke - 6 packs of Dentyne Ice (3 alone through Texas)

Number of states passed through on the ride - 10 (including NC and CA since I do have to cut through parts of each state)

Number of pics taken from the driver's seat - dunno....I'll get those uploaded to Myspace as soon as I actually get fully set up.

Number of friends back on the East Coast that I will miss - lots

Joy felt as I crossed through my home state - exponential...felt like I had come home nearly full circle

Anxiety felt with the beginnings of the new chapter in my life - definitely felt but keeping to a minimum.

This is one of the best things that I could probably have done for myself over the years...it has been long overdue for a change in my life that old circumstances were preventing from happening. I thank those who have been truly supportive, and the rest of ya'll I have only one thing to say: Don't count me out of the game just yet. I don't scream uncle very easily.....

Goodbye and farewell on Christmas

2007-12-25T18:54:00.000-08:00

This is just a short note as I have finally finished packing my car and finally eaten some food for the day. I always hated Christmas because the only thing open was Chinese and that gets boring at times. But, then again, us Jews can only watch movies and eat Chinese during the holidays. ROFL

I will miss my friends back here on the East Coast, but I look forward to the new chapter that I am opening in a couple of days.

Now....if only I cannot smoke on the car ride...that will be really good.

Ciao bellos!!

The 12 Days of Christmas

2007-12-14T14:26:00.000-08:00

With all the serious shit going on around me, I needed to post something that will hopefully bring a smile to your face...even if you ain't of the Christian persuasion...and we all know I ain't!!

This is fckin bllsht

2007-12-03T15:54:00.000-08:00

I am so glad that I am leaving this damn city. I get a phone call from someone I thought was my friend accusing me of telling others about his recent illness. Knowing as much as I have been involved in the different layers of the gay lifestyle and culture, he should know that I would never discuss anything regarding that. And so, now, I get to deal with someone who is pissed at me and screaming bloody murder (literally). So, what to do? If he wants to be that way, then so be it. I don't have time for this anymore...so many people here enjoy telling lies and spreading so much shit around this city and state.

World AIDS Day, Dec 1

2007-12-01T14:29:00.000-08:00

Today is World AIDS Day, a day that many of my friends know has had a strong place with me due to my past. Please be sure to take a moment to remember your friends, past-present-future, and be thankful for them being in your lives. So many out there have been infected and there is still no definite cure. I know that I will always remember my first partner and always give thanks for my friends that are still in my life. Love all of you guys.

Links with more info/locations of support:
World Aids Day: http://www.worldaidsday.org/
CablePositive: http://www.cablepositive.org
amfAR: http://www.amfar.org
Know HIV/AIDS: http://www.knowhivaids.org
AIDS Bracelet: http://www.until.org/
AIDS Wristbands: http://www.broadwaycares.org
AIDS Necklace: http://www.youthaids-aldo.org/

What hurts the most...

2007-11-29T13:35:00.000-08:00

Let Go/White Lies

2007-11-26T18:48:00.000-08:00

Paul van Dyk feat Rea - Let Go

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Paul van Dyk featuring Jessica Sutta - White Lies

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Once and Future Wonders

2007-11-26T13:20:00.001-08:00

Monday, November 26. Who would have thought that today would mark the beginning of my last month in North Carolina. Wow…it seems like this is just a dream. Only two and half months ago I had made the decision to uproot my life yet again in pursuit of the next chapter of my life.

The last few months have not been the greatest in my life, although I have made the best of most of it. I have made some new friends, for which I am always grateful.

However, a good amount of the pain has come from those already tied into my life. And that is the part that I have not dealt with as well.

A couple of weeks ago I got into an argument with someone who states that he cares for and loves me in regards to the move. I didn't expect him to be thrilled with my planned relocation, as I didn't expect any of my friends to be. But, I was a little put off by his attitude on it. He likened his support of my move to that of giving a recovering alcoholic a drink. I just couldn't see that…it was such a negative connotation that I was shocked that he had even come up with it.

With a lot of the bad shit that had gone on in my past here that I have been trying to get through, over and around, why would my move be considered in such a light? If anything, the chance for me to make further steps in improving myself should be a good thing. Or so I would have thought. I was told that him not jerking a knot in me was the best that he could give…that he could not go blindly on faith and luck, nor encourage anyone else to do so for that matter.

Not sure what to make of that. I know that through all the shit I experienced over the last years, and what I still face now, I have done pretty well to keep a strong front and not let it get me down. Do I get depressed at times? Most definitely. I would have to be inhuman not to feel some sort of emotion, whether it is joy at the good times or sadness in the darker nights.

Recovering from drug addictions, escaping the hell of my parents, learning how to pick myself up after nearly being killed by an ex-husband…just a few things that I have dealt with over the years. Maintaining a solid face is not an easy thing, especially when I suffer from the inability to ask for help most times. But trying to ask for it has not been easy when I have not gotten the same thing from others that was always expected from me. I have been met with sarcasm, or conditions, or others selfish expectations of what I should be doing for them instead. Only a very rare few have actually given me encouraging words for the upcoming move. Well, the ones that are based here, anyway.

I don't know; I guess maybe that is my problem. I always expect more from others in regards to their actions because they know that I give it my all. I try not to treat others with disrespect, giving everyone the benefit of the doubt and a second chance. Did I become too forgiving with each year added to my life? I don't think that I have, but who knows. I guess after all the crap I have gone through, and seen others go through, that I still held out hope, instead of letting myself become jaded like other friends of mine have done with their advancing years.

I recently had a friend get really ill and has finally gotten on his feet. But the first things that were spread about him after it became knowledge of his being ill was that he was involved in drugs and had overdosed. The rumours that fly so quickly are so amazing. Everyone here is so wrapped up in their self-righteousness that they are quick to put down everyone else and assume the worst. He is doing fine now, but it was just shocking when he told me that.

I dunno…I can only live my life for me, regardless of how others feel. I have to be strong for me because, ultimately, it comes down to me being the one there for me. I hear all the time from my friends out of town what is going on in their lives, and how upset they are. All I may be able to do is provide words of encouragement and the knowledge that things work out in the end. But, I don't let my sadness prevent me from giving them the support they need and deserve.

But, that is just me. Maybe I am wrong and should say screw it………

November Music

2007-10-25T18:40:00.000-07:00

This Is My True Love – November 2007

Ron Perkov – Liv, Luv, Dance
Space Cowboy ft Nadia Oh – Hot Like Wow
Emjae – Necormancer
Justin Timberlake – Bringing Sexy Back
The Knife – Silent Shout
Molly McQueen – Psycho Gorgeous
KLM Music ft Coco Star – I Need a Miracle
Jonas Steur ft Jennifer Rene – Fall to Pieces
Soulshaker ft CeCe Peniston – Shame, Shame, Shame
Tiffany Affair – Over It
The Night Riders ft Xan – I Don't Wanna See You Again
Nathan Seth – I'm For You Tonight
Altar ft Amannda – Sound of Your Voice

Download to listen here

Creeping - November 2007

Jupiter Rising – Electropop
Viola Wills – Enjoy Yourself
Róisín Murphy – Let Me Know
Sébastien Léger ft Gia Mellish – Hypnotized
Paul Lekakis – Boom Boom
Lifestylerz ft Honey Culture – Creep Delight
Nelly Furtado – Do It
Jennifer Lopez – Hold It, Don't Drop It
Chaka Khan ft Mary J. Blige – Disrespectful
Rihanna – Cry
Chicane – Come Tomorrow

Download to listen here

A Kiss is Just a Kiss

2007-10-21T14:23:00.001-07:00

Miss Tracy Morgan

2007-10-16T03:02:00.000-07:00

Our dear Miss Tracy Morgan who passed away this past weekend while doing what she loved - peroforming...video courtesy of Warehouse 29 in Greensboro, NC.

It's Official

2007-10-12T17:29:00.000-07:00

Well...it is official. I finally did it and produced a child!!

Oh, wait, that requires a second person involved and that hasn't had much success.

Sorry for the confusion on that one.

No, the honest news...I am following through with one of my brainchilds.

My friends know that I have been talking about relocating a lot more often recently, and I am going to be following through. I spoke with my boss earlier this week and she has started communications with her counterpart in San Diego to try and get a full position there. Otherwise, it might just be me reporting cross country to her until a new position opens. The only part that sucks is that she won't promote me until springtime, regardless. I think that is kinda bull, but whatever.

When is my last day here? Well, my last day at work is going to be December 21 and I will probably start on the road cross-country on the 26th. I have been told that I am not traveling during the holiday...well, more like instructed that my ass is going to be sticking put here until after the holiday if I knew what was best for me. LOL

Yes, I know that is four months ahead of the original schedule. No need to tell me. And while I might not be financially ready for it, who ever is for that sort of move? My biggest concern is my psyche (for once) and I need to do what I feel is going to be right for me.

So you can yell, scream and bitch all you want. I am leaving. I love all my friends here and will do my best to see everyone before I go, which I know is hard on many of our schedules (cough, cough...RK). But, please don't love me any less. I have grown a lot over the last few years and some of ya'll have been lucky enough to witness it. I am glad to have you in my life.

October Mix - Disc Two

2007-10-10T18:20:00.000-07:00

You want it, you got it!

Seeing Through the White Lies

Suzanne Palmer – Eye Can See You
Britney Spears – Gimme More
Mika – Relax (Take It Easy)
Danielle Bollinger – Surrender Me
Paul van Dyke ft Jessica Sutta – White Lies
Ferry Corsten – Fire
Filo & Peri – Closer Now
Seal – Get It Together
Amuka – My Man
Space Cowboy – Running Away
Blue December – Here I Am

Click here to download and listen

October Mix - Disc One

2007-10-09T14:53:00.000-07:00

Words to My Heart – October 2007

ATFC ft Inaya Day – Reach Out to Me
The Hours – Ali in the Jungle
Sanny X – Higher
Iio – Chastity
Kelly Osbourne – One Word
Filo & Peri ft Eric Lumiere – Anthem
Plumb – In My Arms
Beyonce – Green Light
Gwen Stefani – 4 in the Morning
Ida Corr – Let Me Think About It
Robyn – Show Me Love
Toni Braxton – Unbreak My Heart

Click HERE to download/listen

Stand

2007-10-01T17:46:00.001-07:00

A break in the shell

2007-10-01T17:02:00.000-07:00

It can be amazing how separation from your normal every day life can see a person turn his eyes on himself, and inside of him.

I had taken a trip to San Diego for the weekend as two-fold venture…visit friends and a town I have not yet been to, and also as a means of trying to place certain aspects of my life into perspective. A perspective that I try not to do on a regular basis as it would possibly turn any normal person mad. *LOL* Just kidding. Although, I do know that many have tried to figure me out and it has not been very easy for those who have understood me.

Why is it so difficult to get me? I think a lot has to do with me being very unwilling to open up to others. I actually prefer to keep my life private and out of the microscope. But of the world of fags and gays in which I live, it is hard not to have yourself placed there on many occasion.

Side track: Why is it that people feel that they need to discuss others so much? What is lacking in their lives that they feel they need to poke into someone else’s? I have always asked that question and never gotten an answer. I have to wonder if people are dissatisfied so much that they feel they need to inflict it on others. Yes, I am aware that I am guilty of this to a degree, but I don’t feel that I have done it out of harm or spreading lies. Those close in my circle of family know that I care deeply about others, and that I will do what I can to make sure that they are not lead blindly into the pitfalls of life.

Anyway, enough of that side track.

My life has not been a disaster, but neither has it been one for the easy roads. My original mother was extremely young when she bore me (or so I am told). About the best thing that she was able to do for me was secretly place me with her neighbour so that I could be placed with a good family. My foster father, though, was another story. I had already experienced the joys of sunburn by the time I was two months old because he was drunk half the time and didn’t have the wherewithal to pull the kids out of the desert sun.

The parents that raised me did their best for what they could. At the time of my adoption, they were already dealing with another child who was psychologically unstable and running away from all homes on a regular basis. She regularly caused pain to everyone involved, and brought the police by on many an occasion. When I was seven, it was decided to leave and move out east….and leave her as a ward of the state. We moved through a couple states up in the northeast before finally moving down south. But dad had to stay up north for a few years, not actually making it down until late in my sixteenth year.

That time period, though, saw it just being me and my mother around the house. Bothe my parents were Gemini, but almost polar opposites. Was funny at times, but also a serious pain. She didn’t seem to understand an emotional side to life because she had to always have control. Any opinion other than hers did not matter. It was not uncommon for some variation of ‘your opinion and feelings do not matter’ to be heard within the house. So, I kept things to myself, bottling all anger, pain, and anything else that might have occurred within my psyche to myself.

I left home when I was 17, probably to the relief of bothe me and my parents. From there life started going downhill for me, going into a rockstar mentality of sorts – drugs, sex (escorting), excessive partying, and plenty of alcohol. I would stay awake for days at a time, allowing it to affect my life and my schooling. But I had a sort of saving grace after roughly six months or so.

I met my first true love, Darrell. He was only a few years older than me, hot, and extremely caring. And he was the first person I dated that was HIV+. Six months later, a twist of fate took him from my life forever, and I dealt with the blame from his parents. They knew about his being gay, but not about his status. They banned me from his burial, and the denial from something that was so personal drove me even further into a deep depression and heavy alcoholism. Much of my time was spent in a stupor, but I managed to hide all but the strongest affects from my friends and coworkers.

Time went on and I relocated cities yet again, and drove myself even farther into the drug world, dating some of the dealers for the city. When I married my now ex-husband, I didn’t know that I was entering into a world of insecurities that could almost come close to trumping my own. He was a good person underneath, I feel, but he also didn’t know how to deal with his own past and demons. And, even after all the crap I went through on our divorce, I still have a part of me that will always care. But he didn’t understand me, and my dive deeper into the drug realm didn’t do anything to help our relationship out. Ultimately, I had rely on myself to quit the drugs, in hopes of saving my own life.

My relationship with my parents didn’t exactly improve after my relocation out of the house. I think it might have gotten worse, although they seemed to want to hang on a bit after my marriage. They were upset at what I had gone through, and truly upset at my visit to the hospital for stitches after my last and final fight. They started showing a little more curiousity into the world of the gays, and kept trying to draw comparisons between the homo and the hetero. I thought it was funny that it took physical harm for them to become involved in my life when they didn’t care about any emotional damage that I had faced, or half of the physical damage I had faced when I was younger. I probably never will understand the sudden switch. They didn’t care for me dating again after the marriage…mom instead urging me to sleep around. Little did she know that I had already managed to accomplish that task. ‘You need time to find yourself and focus on you, on going back to school’ is what she would always tell me. I was too busy trying to live to stay alive.

Once more I relocated and traveled through the dream called life. I still experienced great nightmares. I feel sorry for my last boyfriend because he had to deal with me trying to assemble all my pieces back into the puzzle of me. At the same time he was dealing with his own daemons and nearly drove himself insane with it. Or maybe we drove each other that way because we were attempting to be strong on all levels. He wanted me to feel secure, but the security wasn’t felt. But to no fault of his. Communication lines were very blurred…almost to the point of non-existence. That ultimately led to our downfall. But, we have remained really good friends, and I am glad for his continued inclusion in my life.

After the split three years ago, my parents decided to come back into my life…although it did take a letter describing the life of drugs and everything else I had become involved in to get them to become involved. And yet again I listened to the criticisms about how my life had gone downhill because I was not back in school; I could have been doing more and better with my time and life. Judgements were passed without listening to what I truly had to say; my mom becoming guilty of the one thing she had always told me never to do – assume.

Over a year ago I published a blog on father discussing what he had done to try to provide a good life for me. I sent them a copy to read, to see that I didn’t hold any grudges against him anymore. I had buried the hatchet a long time ago, or so I thought. After two weeks of not hearing from them in regards to the post, I finally called my mom. I received snide comments and a general attitude that I was not worth the time or effort. Tempers started to grow, as they tend to do when me and my mom are having difficulties in our communication. And then I was told that the only reason I wanted a relationship was so that I could use them. There could be nothing further from the truth. I wanted a relationship with the people who had taken the time and raised me for as long as they could. But I also wanted to close the doors on final chapter that led me to leaving home. I wanted there to be clean, fresh air between us.

I guess that had been too much to ask for. I don’t know if the damage that was done on bothe sides was too great, or if it was another part of my mom’s inability to see where she could have done wrong. I knew what I had done wrong, took the responsibilities for my own issues and daemons. But the conversations were deftly steered in a new direction. Apparently she wanted them to remain in the filing cabinet and locked away for good as unsolved cases. Heated words were exchanged and I later received an email regarding symptoms for being bipolar. She had forgotten that I was already diagnosed as such a long time ago, but the medications were dropped for the side effects that I refuse to live through yet again. We decided that it was probably better for us not to talk to each other for awhile. My dad has been caught in the crossfire, and I feel bad for that. He was the one thing that had really helped with easing the passing of time, and the settlements of arguments. But, this time it was inevitable. He took his wife’s side that no wrong could be done.

I relocated back up to my last childhood home with work and had been deciding to ease things out a little bit with the parental units. On a Wednesday afternoon, I was walking through target and saw my mother walking towards me on the other side of the aisle. I had had no communication from them since moving back, although I felt it pertinent to inform them to me being back in the area. However, my attempts of saying hello were spurned. And it wasn’t because she didn’t see me or recognize me. I know that I had changed a lot since the last time she saw me, but my voice didn’t change at all. It was then that I decided that maybe it wasn’t a bad thing for me to not remain in communication.

It kills me that a parent could turn her back on her child…the only child that she had left. But, maybe it was the apparent ease from the last time that made it so easy. Or maybe the way had already been paved when I was 15 and my name was changed. I don’t think the mystery will ever be solved.

So, I sit in the airport terminal waiting on my connection back to the city I currently call home and ponder over the mysteries of life, and the paths I have traveled these last eight years. This trip has seen me extremely introspective, and I don’t know why. Maybe I am at that next crossroads and I am trying to view through the fog in the crystal ball. But I do know one thing. This was the first time that I had really been calm and felt at home in my life. It hurts to fly back to someplace where I don’t fit, where life has always been a case of survival.

I have had my iPod playing the entire trip, and it is always amazing to me how much I can wrap myself into the music. I have been mixing CDs on a relatively regular basis since summer of last year, and my friends tell me that they are impressed with the work that I do. Maybe it is because I allow my senses to expand and flow through the words, the soul of the songs. I don’t know. But there is something I can definitely relate to within each.

Anastacia stated it best when she said that she had paid her dues, that she could not be held down. “I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.” How true. I have grown a lot in the last nine years, and sometimes I wonder if it was such a good thing that I grew so fast, in such a short amount of time. I sometimes feel isolated from those of my generation, not having known the joys of being free and uninhibited like many had been. But, I have made the best of my life and learned many lessons. Ones that I try to pass on to my friends to the best of my capabilities.

But, it is that time where I need to stop worrying about everyone around me and actually live for me. That isn’t to say that I am kicking everyone to the curb. But, I can’t keep making them a higher priority. Yes, I know that I have said that a lot of times in the past. And one day I will actually get it balanced correctly. Live for today…don’t be afraid of tomorrow.

Don’t be surprised if you hear of me talking of relocations soon. Accuse me of running if you want. But please don’t judge me like I try not to judge you. My niche is no longer in the east, but appears to have moved back out to the west again. And, so, I will soon be riding off into the sunset like the old cowboys of my home state…making a life for myself again soon.

“Once again I’m longing
for your hungry touch
Picturing you on me
I’m missing you so much
You turn on my imagination
though you’re far away
And in my fantasy you crave my body
I need you back to stay

“I got my inside out and my headache won’t stop
I felt another look back as I’m bouncing down the wrong track
Halfway up feels like going down
But I’m getting stronger and stronger…

“Midnight turns to morning
I don’t get no sleep
I know that you are out there somewhere
Being someone else’s dream
Your fingers know just how to please me
And chills run down my spine
And when you wake and spill your kisses
I am shivering inside….” Inez “Stronger”

Expressions of Love

2007-08-20T11:11:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine writes about something he had found in a book he was reading....and they are definitely key to relationships working, whether it is gay or straight. But don't think that just one is key to your partner...many times is a combination of things that makes us happy, secure, and content.

Words of Affirmation

Mark Twain once said "I can live for two months on a good compliment." Verbal appreciation speaks powerfully to persons whose primary Love Language is "Words of Affirmation." Simple statements, such as, "You look great in that suit," or "You must be the best baker in the world! I love your oatmeal cookies," are sometimes all a person needs to hear to feel loved.

Aside from verbal compliments, another way to communicate through "Words of Affirmation" is to offer encouragement. Here are some examples: reinforcing a difficult decision; calling attention to progress made on a current project; acknowledging a person's unique perspective on an important topic. If a loved one listens for "Words of Affirmation," offering encouragement will help him or her to overcome insecurities and develop greater confidence.

Quality Time

Quality time is more than mere proximity. It's about focusing all your energy on your mate. A husband watching sports while talking to his wife is NOT quality time. Unless all of your attention is focused on your mate, even an intimate dinner for two can come and go without a minute of quality time being shared.

Quality conversation is very important in a healthy relationship. It involves sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. A good mate will not only listen, but offer advice and respond to assure their mate they are truly listening. Many mates don't expect you to solve their problems. They need a sympathetic listener.

An important aspect of quality conversation is self-revelation. In order for you to communicate with your mate, you must also be in tune with your inner emotions. It is only when you understand your emotions and inner feelings will you then be able to share quality conversation, and quality time with your mate.

Quality activities are a very important part of quality time. Many mates feel most loved when they spend physical time together, doing activities that they love to do. Spending time together will bring a couple closer, and, in the years to come, will fill up a memory bank that you can reminisce about in the future.

Whether it's sitting on the couch and having a brief conversation or playing together in a tennis league, quality time is a love language that is shared by many. Setting aside focused time with your mate will ensure a happy marriage.

Receiving Gifts

Some mates respond well to visual symbols of love. If you speak this love language, you are more likely to treasure any gift as an expression of love and devotion. People who speak this love language often feel that a lack of gifts represents a lack of love from their mate. Luckily, this love language is one of the easiest to learn.

If you want to become an effective gift giver, many mates will have to learn to change their attitude about money. If you are naturally a spender, you will have no trouble buying gifts for your mate. However, a person who is used to investing and saving their money may have a tough time adjusting to the concept of spending money as an expression of love. These people must understand that you are investing the money not in gifts, but in deepening your relationship with your mate.

The gift of self is an important symbol of love. Sometimes all your mate desires is for someone to be there for them, going through the same trials and experiencing the same things. Your body can become a very powerful physical symbol of love.

These gifts need not to come every day, or even every week. They don't even need to cost a lot of money. Free, frequent, expensive, or rare, if your mate relates to the language of receiving gifts, any visible sign of your love will leave them feeling happy and secure in your relationship.

Acts of Service

Sometimes simple chores around the house can be an undeniable expression of love. Even simple things like laundry and taking out the trash require some form of planning, time, effort, and energy. Just as Jesus demonstrated when he washed the feet of his disciples, doing humble chores can be a very powerful expression of love and devotion to your mate.

Very often, both pairs in a couple will speak to the Acts of Service Language. However, it is very important to understand what acts of service your mate most appreciates. Even though couples are helping each other around the house, couples will still fight because the are unknowingly communicating with each other in two different dialects. For example, a wife may spend her day washing the cars and walking to dog, but if her husband feels that laundry and dishes are a superior necessity, he may feel unloved, despite the fact that his wife did many other chores throughout the day. It is important to learn your mate's dialect and work hard to understand what acts of service will show your love.

It is important to do these acts of service out of love and not obligation. A mate who does chores and helps out around the house out of guilt or fear will inevitably not be speaking a language of love, but a language of resentment. It's important to perform these acts out of the kindness of your heart.

Demonstrating the acts of service can mean stepping out of the stereotypes. Acts of service require both mates to humble themselves into doing some chores and services that aren't usually expected from their gender. However, these little sacrifices will mean the world to your mate, and will ensure a happy relationship.

Physical Touch

Many mates feel the most loved when they receive physical contact from their partner. For a mate who speaks this love language loudly, physical touch can make or break the relationship.

Sexual intercourse makes many mates feel secure and loved in a marriage. However, it is only one dialect of physical touch. Many parts of the body are extremely sensitive to stimulation. It is important to discover how your partner not only physically responds but also psychologically responds to these touches.

It is important to learn how your mate speaks the physical touch language. Some touches are irritating and uncomfortable for your mate. Take the time to learn the touches your mate likes. They can be big acts, such as back massages or lovemaking, or little acts such as touches on the cheek or a hand on the shoulder. It's important to learn how your mate responds to touch. That is how you will make the most of this love language.

All marriages will experience crisis. In these cases, physical touch is very important. In a crisis situation, a hug can communicate an immense amount of love for that person. A person whose primary love language is physical touch would much rather have you hold them and be silent than offer any advice.

It is important to remember that this love language is different for everyone. What type of touch makes you feel secure is not necessarily what will make your partner happy. It is important to learn each other's dialects. That way you can make the most of your hugging, kissing, and other physical contacts.

August Music

2007-08-20T11:10:00.000-07:00

I know things are late this month, and I do apologize. Money and time constraints have limited things. For those of you I have not spoken with in regards to the discs...I do have one note. Due to increasing demand, I am having to make some modifications in preparations and sending. For more details, please contact me directly.

In the meantime, here are the song lists for the August CDs. I will send them out when I send the September discs.

DJ's World

1. Anastacia – Left Outside Alone (Jason Nevins Global Mix)
2. Alice Deejay – Better Off Alone (Sonique Remix)
3. Killers – Mr. Brightside (Jacques Lu Cont's Thin White Duke Mix)
4. Britney Spears – I'm A Slave 4 U (Dave Aude Slave Driver Mix)
5. Madonna – What It Feels Like for a Girl (Techno Mix)
6. Madison Avenue – Who the Hell Are You?
7. Panic! At the Disco – The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage (Tommie Sunshine Brooklyn Fire Remix)
8. Daft Punk – Digital Love (Boris Dlugosh Remix)
9. Anastacia – Sick and Tired (Jason Nevins Electrochill Remix)
10. Fall Out Boy – This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race (Hot Trax Mix)
11. Imogen Heap – Hide and Seek (Morgan Page Micro-house mix)
12. The Knife – Heartbeats (Rex the Dog remix)
13. Radiohead – Street Spirit (Paul Oakenfold Mix)
14. JoJo – Too Little Too Late (Harris Dance Remix)

Looking for a New Memory

1. Fall Out Boy – Thnks Fr Th Mmrs (Lenny B Long Term Memory)
2. Erika Jayne – Roller Coaster (M2 Dub)
3. Ciara – Like A Boy (Bimbo Jones Club Mix)
4. Lindsay Lohan – Confessions of a Broken Heart (Dave Aude Remix)
5. Eddie Thoneick ft Berget Lewis – Forgiveness (Eddie Thoneick's Lifted Mix)
6. Kortezman ft Rozalla – Everybody's Free (Numa Remix)
7. Ron Perkov – Live, Luv, Dance (Tony Moran Radio Mix)
8. Natasha Bedingfield – Soulmate (Bimbo Jones Club Mix)
9. Starsplash – Cold as Ice 2.07 (Jumpstyle Mix)
10. Stevie Nicks – Stand Back (Morgan Page Vox Mix)
11. Lumidee ft Pitbull – Crazy (Boris Dlugosch Remix)
12. Ultra DJ's – Me & U (Spencer & Hill Remix)
13. Henrik B ft Terri B – Soul Heaven (eSQUIRE Remix)

One Year

2007-08-19T12:45:00.000-07:00

It has been one year today. One year since I got the phone call that someone that was extremely close in my life passed away.

That day and week was rough for me. It felt like a portion of me had disappeared. For three days prior I had gone to work and walked through life with the hope that he would recover, that he would walk out of the hospital only worse for the wear. Hope that he would get some help that he needed, always being there the best that I could.

But that Tuesday when I left for work, I felt strange. I knew something would happen. His mom hadn't called me back and I knew that it was the day that tests were being run to see if it was worth saving him. It poured rain all that day...the roads I traversed home flooding. The phone call starting with 'You might want to sit down for this' came right before I left work. I was in a daze the entire ride home, calling other friends to tell them, not caring if I wrecked.

That night was the phone call that the funeral was the following afternoon. His family hadn't wasted any time, not that I can blame them. The service was nice, despite some alterations to the details to his life, and it was hard to hold back the tears. The rest of the week is somewhat of a blur. I know that I was drinking most of the time when I was home, but not everyone could understand it. This time around I was at work the entire time, with only a slight buzz through the day. I didn't know what to do to make it through...I just knew that I needed to keep myself distracted this time around. The first time I had experienced this loss was much deeper, and the grieving/recovery time took a lot longer...and took a lot more out of me. People then didn't see me for several days and I stayed drunk the entire time.

So, I keep this person on my top friends on Myspace as a memorial to him. Even with all his issues and our differences, he had been a great friend to me, as I hoped that I had been to him.

Okay...I am confused

2007-08-12T19:58:00.001-07:00

Okay...
Somebody recently sent me a whole clipping on Borderline Personality Disorder, saying that they see some of this in me....anyone else care to comment? Just curious more than anything....

Do you know anything about Borderline Personality Disorder?

Symptoms
While a person with depression or bipolar disorder typically endures the same mood for weeks, a person with BPD may experience intense bouts of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last only hours, or at most a day.5 These may be associated with episodes of impulsive aggression, self-injury, and drug or alcohol abuse. Distortions in cognition and sense of self can lead to frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity, and values. Sometimes people with BPD view themselves as fundamentally bad, or unworthy. They may feel unfairly misunderstood or mistreated, bored, empty, and have little idea who they are. Such symptoms are most acute when people with BPD feel isolated and lacking in social support, and may result in frantic efforts to avoid being alone.
People with BPD often have highly unstable patterns of social relationships. While they can develop intense but stormy attachments, their attitudes towards family, friends, and loved ones may suddenly shift from idealization (great admiration and love) to devaluation (intense anger and dislike). Thus, they may form an immediate attachment and idealize the other person, but when a slight separation or conflict occurs, they switch unexpectedly to the other extreme and angrily accuse the other person of not caring for them at all. Even with family members, individuals with BPD are highly sensitive to rejection, reacting with anger and distress to such mild separations as a vacation, a business trip, or a sudden change in plans. These fears of abandonment seem to be related to difficulties feeling emotionally connected to important persons when they are physically absent, leaving the individual with BPD feeling lost and perhaps worthless. Suicide threats and attempts may occur along with anger at perceived abandonment and disappointments.
People with BPD exhibit other impulsive behaviors, such as excessive spending, binge eating and risky sex. BPD often occurs together with other psychiatric problems, particularly bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety disorders, substance abuse, and other personality disorders.

The Lindy Hip Hop

2007-08-12T19:55:00.000-07:00

Fags...enough said

2007-07-26T18:40:00.000-07:00

It is funny how life works. And I think it is even funnier how it works in the gay world.

A few days back I posted a line asking ‘At what level does a gay man go from being queer to being a fag? How low does he have to stoop?’

There seems to have been a lot of deliberation about who I was referring to, or what it was that I was talking about. I guess that it can be directed towards a lot of people.

That Sunday I had gotten a phone call from a friend of mine telling me about people feeling like they needed to discuss me, my habits, and my reputations. Apparently I have managed to piss yet another person off because I didn’t want to play his games. So, he felt it was his place to discuss everything that I was into now, and what I had done back in my previous town of residence. It was interesting to hear the words ‘whore’ and ‘freak’ again. Apparently the feeling is that I had slept with everyone around the town and cleared out all the available people, so had to relocate for fresh meat.

That probably isn’t the most disturbing assumptions that had been made on things in my life. It was what was said after that which really drove a knife into my back and my heart. I was told that I never really cared for people, and that I used them as long as I needed something. ‘I guess the escort mentality never leaves you.’ If that were the case, then I don’t think I would have been able to hold a marriage or a relationship that had lasted a combined total of four and half years. Yes, I have my issues, and I have my past, but so do a lot of people. The fact is that, while not proud of it, I am willing to face it and speak about it.

What I really have to laugh at when it comes to fags is that they think their shit doesn’t stink. They hold themselves higher than everyone else. And while it is okay for them to sleep around heavily, do drugs, throw parties every night, cheat on their partners, and more, it is trashy for anyone else to do so. Their friends are those who are friendly to the face, but gossip-mongers when the back is turned. And to hell with those who actually give a shit and try to point out the double-standards, or warn them of dangers. They make assumptions on the littlest amount of information available. And they wonder why half the population, gay or straight, doesn’t like them. It is hard for them to grasp why everyone doesn’t party and ‘live it up’ on a regular basis, buying the expensive clothes.

It is sad to see someone that you care about going down that wrong path. And, while I do feel that it is important for everyone to live their own life, I also think that it is important for them to listen to the advice of their friends…the ones who have truly cared. Life is more than sex, drugs, money and alcohol. It is more than worrying about what other people think about you. Image is not everything if you don’t have the security of your life, friends, and family behind and within you.

I am told I am a prick because I don’t expose my emotions when others ‘pour’ their heart out to me. I had to ask a close friend about it because I had gotten so devastated that someone felt that I had hurt them so much. (My friends know that I don’t like to hurt people, although it does happen sometimes.) He explained to me that to those who don't know me that well, or have not had the chance to get to know me too much due to current circumstances, I might come off that way (prickish) or as a cold-hearted bitch. But, to those who were able to get to know me before so many things sprung up, I am an odd combination of reservations and up-frontness. Due to circumstances going with work and the strong possibilities of going back to school, I have been very much a 'this is how I am, take it or leave it' person, and he told me that not many people are able to deal with that very easily. For so long I placed my life on hold for other people that I am trying to charge of it myself and do something for me that will be about me. Doesn’t mean that I don’t keep an open mind on things, but I have to look out for myself first and foremost. I just ask that my friends keep that in mind. I will do what I can for you…just be a little patient if it doesn’t come out the way that you would like.

So, I ask you this… What is important to you? What do you hold dear to you? How willingly can you relinquish the past, and how people may have hurt you? Can you be the adult and move on? Or do you wish to remain the child, lower your standards, and say fuck everyone, they are all assholes and know absolutely nothing? I would hope that you would see that life is not the black and grey; that it is filled with plenty of colour.

I have a past, I admit that. I made bad choices growing up. But I learned from them, from those that were around looking out for my well-being. I grew into the person that I am today. I have tried to move past the pain and the hurt that I experienced in the last eight years…even though I live with vivid memories of it all. I do my best not to judge people as I don’t like being judged. But, as we are all human, it is an every day part of life.

I have two quotes on my Myspace…. “I’m not a bitch, I just speak the truth; I’m not a slut, I just get every guy I want; I’m not a heartbreaker, I just get bored easily; I’m not cocky, I’m confident.” plus “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. (Dr Seuss)” I think that bothe appropriate apply to me…and probably to many more.

For shts and giggles....

2007-07-19T18:56:00.000-07:00

Per Imagini I have been classifed as the following:

Mood: Easy Rider

Always taking life how it comes, and living in the moment. They don't get fazed by life, they just breeze through.

My full explanation – You're a bit of a romantic and have a taste for the exotic. You love feeling the sea breeze in your hair, sun on your skin…Slip those shoes off…you like to kick back. When it comes to art, you have a traditional and anthropological eye. You appreciate the history of a piece, the stories that it holds – you are a touch sentimental! As for music, it's the soundtrack to your world. It gives you focus, and concentration – you might find it hard to switch off. Your choice of treat shows you love being a little bit naughty. Being good all the time is a bore. You've got a good sense of fun and maybe an infectious giggle.

Fun: Conqueror

They are full of ambition, and energy – cavalier and always moving onto the next level.

My full explanation – You take any opportunity to tune out and immerse yourself in your own world. You like to keep a healthy distance and not get too caught up in all the dramas life can throw at you – keeping a cool head. For kicks, you like to experience life at full volume with the lights on full. You're extremely passionate and emotional, and a bit of an exhibitionist? You express yourself and don't mind who's watching. When it comes to holidays, there's no stopping you once you've got the taste for adventure. You like to be immersed in a completely different world and would be really bored just sitting around on the beach. What grosses you out? You like to be well groomed, with a tight bod and heaps of sex appeal. Wobbly bits and hairy areas are a complete turn off.

Habits: High Time Roller

They are only seen in the best, and the finest, they love top quality, high-end glamour. Always adding a touch of sophistication to the proceedings.

My full explanation – Even if you have a healthy approach to life, you still have your little vices that keep you going. It is all part of the routine, you're a creature of habit. Your choice of drink reflects your classic taste – yes you're a bit of glamorous one. You probably like to get dressed up, go out, and be seen! As for the home you have very cool and contemporary tastes – a bit of a style monger actually. It's not just about function – your environment has to be as stylish as you are.

Love: Love Bug

They are the type to fall in love a thousand times a day. Their feelings snowball quickly, and they are full of passion.

My full explanation – A strong friendship is the best basis for any loving relationship. You like to be able to share your whole life with your friends, family and your partner. When you think of freedom – you think of being in charge of your direction. The open road and a full tank can take you pretty much anywhere.

New Music

2007-06-30T13:07:00.000-07:00

Thanks to all of you have been asking for me to keep putting these out..and to Chris for gaining me some play time over Pride! I have definitely been sending out more than I expected...thanks so much!!!

Lost My Mind - July 4th Mix
Seasons of Jack (DJ Tool Mix) - Grant Nelson
Stranger (Vission vs Aude Mixshow) - Hilary Duff
Time (Speakerbox Club Mix) - Speakerbox ft Michelle Shaprow
Whine Up (Johnny Vicious Party Mixshow Drama) - Kat Deluna ft Elephantman
Missing (Johnny Crockett's The Game is Not Over Mix) - Delano & Crockett
Get It Off (That Kid Chris Mix) - Monica ft Missy Elliott
Beautiful Day (Sunburst Mix) - Matt Darey ft Antoine & Marcia Juell
Lovestoned (Goldtrix Remix) - Justin Timberlake
Daydreamin' (Lenny B Radio Edit) - Mon A Q
Now I Found You (Brian Cross Remix) - 4th Child
Feel (Martin Roth "Girls Love DJs" Remix) - Pedro del Mar ft Emma Nelson
Lost Yo Mind (Frank Pellegrino Tribal Mix) - Pepper Mashay
Hypnotized (Chris Lake Remix) - Sebastien Leger ft Gia Mellish

Lost in Halfway Love
Que Lloren (Ralphi Rosario's Radio Edit) - Ivy Queen
Be My Boyfriend (Jose Spinnin's Tribe/Tek Mix) - Offer Nissin ft Maya
Not Ready to Make Nice (Ellis Miah/David Knapp Edit) - Elisa ft Southern Belles
Halfway Love (Original Mix) - Cedric Gervais & Second Sun
Gotta Let Go (Vocal Dub Mix) - A. Lee ft Amanda Wilson
Been Good (Ivan Gogh & Grant Smillie Remix) - Deepface
L.O.V.E. (Funked Off DJs Club Mix) - Ashlee Simpson
Defying Gravity (Tracy Young's Flying Monkey's Club Mix) - Idina Menzel
Come Tomorrow (Cicada Remix) - Chicane
Come to Me (E-Smoove House Mix) - Diddy ft Nicole Scherzinger
Over It (Funk Generation Mixshow) - Katherine McPhee
Come (Hex Hector Maximum room Mix) - Martha Wash
This Game (Radio Edit) - Energia ft Marc Andrews
Can't Keep It a Secret (Josh Harris Elektrick Club Mix) - Jacinta

Lost to the Wonders
Never Again (Dave Aude Club Mix) - Kelly Clarkson
I Can't Take It (Johnny Budz Extended Mix) - Lola
Daylight (ATB Mix) - Chicane
Take On Me (Feelgood & Dave Aude Remix) - A-ha
Truly Madly Deeply (Thomas Gold Remix) - Cascada
Proud Mary (Arenna Underground Anthem) - Randy Friess
Makes Me Wonder (Harry 'Choo Choo' Romero's Bambossa Mix) - Maroon 5
It's My Life (Tony Moran's Extended Mix) - S. Blush
Breakin' Dishes (Soul Seekerz Remix) - Rihanna
This Time (Klaas remix) - DJ Antoine ft Mad Mark
Bombs (Benny Benassi Mix) - Faithless
All Good Things [Come to an End] (Dave Aude Club Mix) - Nelly Furtado

Pain and Emotions

2007-06-18T13:09:00.000-07:00

Hey there...me again.

So this past weekend has been crazy for me. Very tiring, and very emotional. And Monday seems to follow in the footsteps.

I am not sure what is going on in my life anymore. Seems that when I get things set up right and as stable as I can get them, new things happen to knock me off the rock. I have a lot on my mind that I need to focus on again, and hopefully get lined up. I was asked by a friend of mine (hopefully he will remain my friend) today why I needed to plan for the future. I have had so many things up in the air and without resolution for so long in my life that I can't afford to live with uncertainties.

I know that there are a few people out there who are wanting to date me. But I am not sure that I can right now. With so many factors having come into play recently, I have had too many pans tossed into the fires.

I had to disappoint and hurt someone today that has been nothing but sweet and kind to me. And he may not want to talk to me any more after today. But I cannot honestly put someone through a relationship with me if I can't give them all of me and what I have. Perhaps one day in the future, but not right now. Hopefully he can understand that. I know that not everything can be planned out, but I can hopefully set the right strands in the spiderweb of life into play.

But, only time will be able to tell with anything in my life, my future and my destiny. I care for many people, but now is the time that I must focus on me and what will do good for me. Call me selfish. I need to be happy again before I can make someone else that way.

So, give me some time. I will be back again.....

June Music...

2007-06-18T13:08:00.000-07:00

The latest from my collection for the month of June...

LOST & FOUND
Coldplay - Talk (Dave Aude's Vocal Club Mix)
Snow Patrol - Open Your Eyes (Walker Remix)
Runner - Lifeline
Radiohead - Fade Out (Paul Oakenfold Mix)
Jose Amnesia ft Fedo - I Need You (Vocal Mix)
Young Love - Find A New Way (Moral's Pink Noise Radio Edit)
Inaya Day - Breakaway (Anthem Club Mix)
P!nk - Leave Me Alone [I'm Lonely] (Digital Dog Remix)
Lady Sovereign - Those Were the Days (Digital Dog Mix)
Tatu - All About Us (Dave Aude Big Mixshow)
Chris Moody - Music in My Heart (Raw Mix)
Meck ft Dino - Feels Like Home (Dave Aude Radio Edit)
Rihanna - Good Girl Gone Bad (Soulseekers Remix)

LOST IN THE SUMMER DAYS
The Underdog Project - Summer Jam (Hardstyle Remix)
Infusion - Daylight Hours
Chelo - Cha Cha (Dave Aude Mix)
Rascal Flatts - What Hurts the Most (Club Mix)
Rihanna ft Jay-z - Umbrella (Seamus Haji & Paul Emanuel Club Mix)
ATB - Summer Rain (138 BPM Mix)
Timbaland ft Nelly Furtado & Justin Timberlake - Give It to Me (Aetoms Remix)
Manian ft Aila - Heaven (Kareema Remix)
DJ Encore - Walk on Water (La Rush Remix)
Gabriel & Dresden ft Molly Bancroft - Let Go (Original Mix)
Kristine W - Walk Away (Tony Moran Full Mix)
Howard Jones - What is Love (The Dba Mix - HoJo Vocal Version)
Groove Coverage - 21st Century Digital Girl (Club Mix)

July CDs will be coming soon...

Introspective, Part 1

2007-04-29T06:42:00.000-07:00

I recently was asked by a dear friend of mine about what I wanted for my future…what I wanted in different aspects of my life from the job to my relationships to my lifestyle. I know that I have been asked that so many times to find out what circulates through my head, but no one ever actually asked me to ply deeper into my psyche and actually give a real answer. And I wonder how many people could actually think and answer more than just the typical “I want a relationship with someone I love, a good job with lots of money.” Can you give detail on what you want to do and why? Not always an easy task.

Job: I am content with what I do right now, but can't say that I am truly happy. I have a challenge here, which is something that I wanted. But, things do move slow and it takes awhile to get things going. Ultimately, I want to be back in school. I want to finish my degrees, although having to start all over from scratch is daunting to me sometimes. I had to back out so early in life just so that I could survive. I was probably lucky to have graduated high school early, but I don't know if that really was a plus in my life. Well, outside of the fact that it saw me out of the house early and shortly after I got home from Duke Inpatient on the court orders. I have done some home courses for CNA and could go get my certification with the state if I really wanted to, but I never really felt motivated for it. It was just more of something to assist with my job understandings...and to make me look good. LOL I enjoyed doing the landscaping when I was younger, and my mom always tried to encourage me on the artwork, although we would always argue over subject matter. She hated that my imagination went to the side of the dragons and fairies and such...I don't think she ever looked at my stuff that I would draw during class in school instead of doing my classwork. Ultimately, I am going to go back and finish what I accomplished. That will also give me the chance to say to mom 'you thought I wasn't strong enough to do it, but I did.' Yeah, I know...kinda childish, but I am tired of things with her. She kept promising me to help with the school...the only thing I ever would have asked for help with it...but acted like no such thing was said when it came up in serious conversations started by me.

Relationship: I would like to regain what I had before with Darrell, and what I felt recently with someone else. But it is hard finding those people that can actually look at someone and say, 'he is a great person, and not just for the sex.' So many in our world seem to be focused on the next lay, and I am past that. Yeah, I enjoy it, don't get me wrong, but I would like to be able to enjoy it with someone close to me, and who can also feel comfortable enough to get on the darker side as well. That is ALWAYS a plus. LOL But, I want someone with a good heart, a great personality, someone who is willing try to understand me and be patient...who can realize that things don't happen in an instant...that I do have walls that have been crumbling, but need that extra push. Someone who can make me feel more secure that myself alone. I would like to be able to have a kid one day (not sure on the multiple kids yet) and give back the chance that was given to me. I want to be able to come home and act like Ricky once in awhile...'Lucy, I'm home!' Someone who can cook and is willing to step outside that comfort zone once in awhile to try something new. My diet can be extremely varied because of the foods that I can't eat...it requires some creativity to take the old and make it new. I need someone who is willing to stand up to me because I know that I can be overpowering at times, and is willing to put me in my place...but also able to take it themselves. I am not as concerned with looks, although gentle on the eyes is always nice...and if they can dominate me when I like it, that is even better. LOL

Lifestyle: Oh lord. This is one that is always changing, I think. Ultimately, I want to be someplace that makes me happy. I would like to travel some, own a piece of property in my name. I don't go out very often because I am not always good on crowds (that is slowly being worked on again for control methods), but enjoy being with my friends as they are normally my family. Hit more shows, movies, go out to play pool or bowling once in awhile. Catch a game here and there (not the biggest sports fan, but I can definitely understand it nine times outta ten). Find something exciting and say screw life. Kayak, camp (allergy meds please), hiking (pain meds, too)...create my fish pond and relaxing retreat in the backyard. My personal beliefs are more spiritual than religious, so I am a hodge-podge of Jewish, Catholic, Buddhist and Wiccan. I want to travel to Asia and see Tibet and Thailand; visit a rain forest and go back to the desert. Travel to Europe and maybe find out if I have relatives there. I would like to go to Scotland so I can honour my grandmother who came from there. She might not have been related to me, but she was the only one in the family that made me feel welcome. February is always an odd month for me...she died on the 12 and my birthday is the 22nd. August and September are hard because of Will and Darrell. I want to be over that, to not feel so much pain. I know that in time I will...but I don't want to have the ache in my heart. The wristband is partly because of them. Eventually, I hope to know where it is that I come from, and what my background is.

I know that I have come a long way from where I had been back when I was 17. I became the rock for many and always wondered who would be mine. I gave of myself to my friends, and to the strangers that would pay for it. I proved that I could live life without depending on others...but then found it hard to be willing to lean them when it was offered. My 'brother' down in Wilmington had lost track of me for six years and was impressed of how far I had come when he found me before I moved. I had no car, a crappy job, was stuck out in the middle of nowhere and was raising three kids for my roommate. Now, I have my own vehicle, a good job, am able to live on my own if I need to; I dealt with many ghosts of the past and stopped blaming my birthmom for abandoning me (despite that still being a fear). I learned to deal with the ups and downs of my mood swings, and get them minimized without the aid of medications. I still get hurt by certain things, but I don't let my reactions get as bad as they used to. I am sure that others that have known me can give other examples of how much more I have grown and matured over the years, and probably even more so after my marriage.

More to come later.......................

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

2007-04-29T06:15:00.000-07:00

And the world of Harry Potter takes another dark twist and turn....

Your movies for 3/30

2007-03-30T04:01:00.000-07:00

Blades of Glory (PG-13); Nationwide
When rival figure skaters Chazz Michael Michaels and Jimmy MacElroy go ballistic in an embarrassing, no-holds-barred fight at the World Championships, they are stripped of their gold medals and banned from the sport for life. Now, three-and-a-half years on, they've found a loophole that will allow them to compete: if they can put aside their differences, they can skate together--in pairs' figure skating.

Starring: Will Ferrell, Jon Heder, Will Arnett, Amy Poehler, William Fichtner

Journey From the Fall (R); Nationwide
April 30, 1975: the Fall of Saigon. American troops withdraw from Vietnam and the 21-year civil war is at an end. Four million Vietnamese are dead. Half a million South Vietnamese who fought with the Americans or worked in the government are sent to re-education camps. Close to two million Vietnamese flee by boat. Before they reach safety, thousands of them will die. From the jungles of Vietnam to the streets of Southern California, "Journey From the Fall" tells the untold story of what happened to millions of Vietnamese in the aftermath of the war.

Starring: Kieu Chinh, Long Nguyen, Diem Lien, Nguyen Thai Nguyen, Khanh Doan

The Lookout (R); Nationwide
Chris Pratt was once a Golden Boy athletic hero in his small Midwestern town. Chris had it all--a beautiful girlfriend, a well-heeled family and a shining future. But after a serious accident, Chris has found himself in a strange new world where the most basic things seem to fall through holes in his memory and nothing quite makes sense. Unable to make it on his own, he lives with his mentor in navigating this surreal life--the wisecracking, fiercely independent blind man, Lewis. For a job, Chris sweeps the floor at the bank waiting for his halted life to come unstuck. Things suddenly shift when he meets Gary Spargo, an old school acquaintance and street philosopher who begins to revive Chris' shattered confidence, even helping him find a stripper--albeit a stripper named Luvlee Lemons. But Gary has bigger plans, and when he recruits Chris into his grand plan to rob the bank where he works, Chris appears to be in way over his damaged head. As the bank heist unravels into chaos, both Chris' uncertain future and even more importantly Lewis' survival are on the line. Now, it's up to this young outcast who can't always think straight to figure out how to outwit and take down his manipulators his own way.

Starring: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Jeff Daniels, Matthew Goode, Morgan Kelly, Carla Gugino

Meet the Robinsons (G); Nationwide
Lewis is a boy genius with a love of gizmos and gadgets and an undying hope of finding the family he never knew. But Lewis' journey is about to take him to a place even he couldn't have imagined, a place where the impossible no longer exists: the future. When Lewis encounters a mysterious stranger named Wilbur Robinson, he's in for the time-travel of his life and will be whisked off to meet a family unlike any other--the sublimely fun and futuristic Robinsons--who will help him to discover a series of amazing and heartfelt secrets about his own limitless potential. But his incredible trip will also bring him into conflict with a villain who gives evil a bad name: the bungling Bowler Hat Guy, who steals Lewis' only way home.

Starring: Angela Bassett, Tom Selleck, Harland Williams, Laurie Metcalf, Adam West

Dinosaurs Alive! (NR); Limited
"Dinosaurs Alive" is a global adventure of science and discovery--featuring the earliest dinosaurs of the Triassic Period to the monsters of the Cretaceous "reincarnated" life-sized for the giant IMAX ® screen. Audiences will journey with some of the world's preeminent paleontologists as they uncover evidence that the descendents of dinosaurs still walk (or fly) among us. From the exotic, trackless expanses and sand dunes of Mongolia's Gobi Desert to the dramatic sandstone buttes of New Mexico, the film will follow American Museum of Natural History paleontologists as they explore some of the greatest dinosaur finds in history. Through the magic of scientifically accurate computer-generated animation, these newly discovered creatures, and some familiar favorites, will come alive... in a big way!

Starring: Michael Douglas, Roy Chapman Andrews, Mike Novacek, Mark Norell

Fakers (R); Limited
Nick Edwards owes £50,000 and has no way of paying-off wannabe crime lord Foster Wright. This is until he stumbles across a lost sketch by legendary Italian artist Antonio Fraccini. Problem is it's only worth £15,000. A plan is hatched to forge the drawing, and sell it to five Mayfair galleries within an hour before anyone cottons onto the fact that there's a scam going down.

Starring: Matthew Rhys, Kate Ashfield, Tom Chambers, Tony Haygarth, Art Malik

G.I. Jesus (R); Limited
A Mexican citizen, Jesus, joins the military to become a legal citizen of the United States. After returning from a tour of combat in Iraq, Jesus is shocked to find how much his Mexican wife and daughter have changed in his absence. He watches his American dream turn into a nightmare, as he struggles to hold his family together in a country obsessed with materialism and conspicuous consumption. Jesus soon learns that the true battle begins after the fighting stops.

Starring: Joe Arquette, Patrícia Mota, Telana Lynum, Maurizio Farhad, Mark Cameron Wystrach

Live Free or Die (R); Limited
Taking its title from the state motto of New Hampshire, "Live Free or Die" is a deadpan comedy about a clueless, aspiring criminal named John "Rugged" Rudgate, who spends his days forging rebate coupons and selling speakers out the back of his van. One day, Rugged runs into an old acquaintance, the dim-witted Jeff Lagrand, who recently returned home to help his cynical sister run the storage facility that they inherited from their father. When Rugged tries to force his way into the Lagrand family business, things go terribly wrong--and the situation gets even more complicated when an emotionally unstable cop begins investigating.

Starring: Aaron Stanford, Paul Schneider, Judah Friedlander, Zooey Deschanel, Michael Rapaport

Meet the Robinsons in Disney Digital 3-D (G); Limited
Lewis is an orphan who dreams of finding a family. His journey takes an unexpected turn when a mysterious stranger named Wilbur Robinson whisks him away to a world where anything is possible... the future. There, he meets an incredible assortment of characters and a family beyond his wildest imagination, The Robinsons, who help lead him on an amazing and hilarious adventure with heartfelt results.

Starring: Angela Bassett, Tom Selleck, Harland Williams, Laurie Metcalf, Adam West

Nomad (The Warrior) (R); Limited
18th century Kazakhstan is a vast region of austere beauty, bordered by China, Russia and Tibet. The proud and warlike Kazakh tribes have survived and fought for centuries--against their enemies and amongst themselves. Oraz, a mystic warrior possessing great powers, foretells the birth of Mansur--a savior destined to bring victory to the Kazakh people. Fearful of Oraz' prediction, the Jungar ruler Galdan orders his mighty General, Sharish, to find the child and slay him. Oraz devotes himself to training Mansur to become a warrior of unequalled strength and skill. Oraz must also protect him by concealing the boy's true identity--the son of a Sultan and descendant of legendary warrior king Ghenghis Kahn. Erali, an abandoned orphan, is also trained by Oraz and becomes a brother to Mansur. When Oraz has done all he can to prepare Mansur, he must withdraw and allow him to prove his worth if he is to fulfill the prophecy against overwhelming odds. He is powerless to intervene when brother is pitted against brother and the death of one ensures the other's survival. Extraordinary landscapes and ravishing design provide the exotic backdrop against which the breathtaking action is played out. Good confronts Evil, friendship is forged in adversity and tested by jealousy and love is sacrificed on the altar of fate. And through it all, a legend is born.

Starring: Jay Hernandez, Dilnaz Akhmadieva, Kuno Becker, Azis Beyshinaliev, Mark Dacascos

Operation Homecoming (NR); Limited
An exploration of the firsthand accounts of American troops through their own words, the film is built upon the 'Operation Homecoming' initiative created by the National Endowment for the Arts to gather the writing of soldiers and their families who have participated in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Through interviews and dramatic readings by such actors including, Robert Duvall, Josh Lucas, Beau Bridges, Blair Underwood, Justin Kirk, Aaron Eckhart, Chris Gorham and John Krasinski, the film transforms selections from this collection of writing into a deep examination of the experiences of the men and women who are serving in America's armed forces. At the same time, it provides context to these experiences through a broader look at the universal themes of war literature.

Starring: Tim O'Brien, James Salter, Anthony Swofford

Peaceful Warrior (PG-13); Limited
Arrogant, talented Dan Millman seems to have the perfect college life: a stunning gymnast's body of incredible strength, handsome looks, good grades, plenty of money and a shot at the Olympic qualifiers in men's gymnastics. Still, Dan wakes up almost nightly from terrifying nightmares and odd visions he can't explain or dismiss. One night, awakened by yet another nightmare, Dan goes for a run through his foggy neighborhood and comes upon a well-lit service station. Behind the counter, an old man seemingly moves without regard for space or time. One moment, Dan is paying for his snacks, the next the old man is on the roof of the station. Stunned by the impossibility, Dan begs the old man, whom he instinctually names Socrates, to share the secret of his abilities in order to achieve his goal of Olympic Gold. The old man puts him through a regiment that changes his diet, training, and lifestyle. Before long, his life is ruined, and he loses his friends, his girls, and is almost thrown off his Gymnastics squad. Thus begins a journey of discovery for Dan that will shatter every preconceived notion he has about academics, athletics, and achievement, Guided by Socrates, Dan will consider a whole new ideology--one that values consciousness over intelligence, strength in spirit over strength in body. But in order to succeed, Dan must somehow let go of all of his expectations--and simply live in the now.

Starring: Scott Mechlowicz, Nick Nolte, Amy Smart, Paul Wesley, Ashton Holmes

Coming Attractions
--------------
Are We Done Yet? (PG); Nationwide; opens 4/4

Firehouse Dog (PG); Nationwide; opens 4/4

The Reaping (NR); Nationwide; opens 4/5

Grindhouse (R); Nationwide;opens 4/6

British court rules "Da Vinci Code" is not a copy...

2007-03-28T09:03:00.000-07:00

By DANICA KIRKA, Associated Press Writer

LONDON - Britain's Court of Appeal rejected a lawsuit Wednesday from two authors who claimed novelist Dan Brown stole their ideas for his blockbuster novel "The Da Vinci Code."

Both books deal with the theory that Jesus married Mary Magdalene and had a child, and that the bloodline continues.

One of the judges said copyright protects an author's labor in researching and writing a book, but does not extend to facts, theories, and themes.

Brown was not a defendant in the case. He testified last year that he studied the plaintiffs' book when writing his best-seller but did not copy from it.

The authors now face legal bills of about $6 million.

Baigent and Leigh "expended a vast amount of skill and labor" on their book, their lawyers said. "That skill and labor is protectable."

Brown testified for several days during the High Court hearing last year.

The claimants' lawyer, Jonathan Rayner James, said that although the suit had been against the publisher rather than the author, Brown was really the one on trial.

During a hearing earlier this year, Rayner James said issues remained about the role of Brown's wife, Blythe, who did much of the research. She did not testify at the High Court hearing. Brown said he wanted to protect his wife from publicity.

In April, Justice Peter Smith ruled that Random House had not breached the copyright. Smith said the claim was based on a "selective number of facts and ideas artificially taken out of (the book) for the purpose of the litigation."

"The Da Vinci Code" has sold more than 40 million copies since its release in March 2003. A film version starring Tom Hanks was released last year.

Lord Justice Bernard Rix said Brown had not disguised his use of the work of Baigent and Leigh.

The character of Leigh Teabing is an anagram of Leigh and Baigent, Rix noted, and at one point Teabing refers to "The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail" as "perhaps the best-known tome" on the subject.

"That is not the mark of an author who thought that he was making illegitimate use of the fruits of someone else's literary labors, but of one who intended to acknowledge a debt of ideas, which he has gone on to express in his own way and for his own purposes," Rix wrote in his opinion.

Me in a nutshell

2007-03-27T07:36:00.000-07:00

The Meaning of Insight...

2007-03-27T06:43:00.000-07:00

Insight is not an act of remembrance, the continuation of memory. Insight is like a flash of light. You see with absolute clarity, all the complications, the consequences, the intricacies. Then this very insight is action, complete. In that there are no regrets, no looking back, no sense of being weighed down, no discrimination. This is pure, clear insight - perception without any shadow of doubt. Most of us begin with certainty and as we grow older the certainty changes to uncertainty and we die with uncertainty. But if one begins with uncertainty, doubting, questioning, asking demanding, with real doubt about man's behaviour, about all the religious rituals and their images and their symbols, then out of that doubt comes the clarity of certainty.
~J. Krishnamurti

Happiness is good health and a bad memory. -- Ingrid Bergman

Track Listing for the latest compilation: Lost to the Insomnia

Alibi vs Rockfeller – Sexual Healing
Jenny Bliss – See You Again
Pepper Mashay & Digital Trip– Send Me An Angel (Friscia & Lamboy's Heavenly Tribal)
Christian Burns – In The Dark
Samantha James – Rise
Maya Azucena – Make It Happen (Mahjong Extended Vocal Mix)
Illuminati ft Lovely Laura – It's a Saxxy Thing (Like I Do)
Inaya Day – U Spin Me (Mike Cruz Mix)
Groove Coverage – Runaway (Special D Remix)
Alex Gaudino – Destination Calabria (Nari & Milani Club Mix)
Andrea Love ft Celeda – Wonderful (Friscia & Lamboy Club Mix)
Dannii Minogue & Flip 'N' Fill – I Can't Sleep At Night (Friday Night Posse Remix)
Sugababes – Easy (Ultrabeat Remix)

Your Movie Update 3/16

2007-03-16T04:23:00.000-07:00

Dead Silence (R); Nationwide
There is an old ghost story in the sleepy town of Ravens Fair about Mary Shaw, a ventriloquist who went mad. Accused of the murder of a young boy, she was hunted down by vengeful townspeople who cut out her tongue and killed her. They buried her along with her children, a hand-made collection of vaudeville dolls. Since that time, Ravens Fair has been plagued by death. The ghastly dolls from Mary Shaw's collection have gone missing from the grave and reappeared over the decades. In the dead of night--wherever they are glimpsed--families are found gruesomely murdered with their tongues torn out. Far from the pall of their hometown, newlyweds Jamie and Lisa Ashen thought they had established a fresh start. But when his wife is grotesquely killed, Jamie reluctantly returns to Ravens Fair for the funeral, intent on unraveling the mystery of her death. Once reunited with his ill father and his father's new young bride, Jamie must dig into the town's bloody past to find out who killed his wife and why. As he uncovers the legend of Mary Shaw, Jamie unlocks the story of her curse and the truth behind the song from his childhood: if you see her and scream, you will never speak again.

Starring: Donnie Wahlberg, Amber Valletta, Steve Adams, Cody Arens, Jason Deline

I Think I Love My Wife (R); Nationwide
Richard Cooper has it all. His wife, Brenda, is beautiful, intelligent and a fantastic mother to his children--but there's just one little problem: he's bored out of his suburban businessman's mind. Richard can't help but fantasize about having nearly every woman he sees. Still, it's only fantasy. Then, one fateful day, an alluring, free-spirited, not to mention stunning, old friend, Nikki, suddenly appears at his office door, putting him to the ultimate test. Just how much is Richard Cooper willing to risk when temptation comes after him? After all, he really does love his wife--at least he thinks he does.

Starring: Chris Rock, Kerry Washington, Gina Torres, Steve Buscemi, Eliza Coupe

Premonition (PG-13); Nationwide
Linda Hanson has a beautiful house, a loving husband and two adorable daughters. Her life is perfect, until the day she receives the devastating news that her husband Jim has died in a car accident. When she wakes up the next morning to find him alive and well, she assumes it was all a dream, but is shaken by how vivid it felt. She soon realizes it wasn't a dream, and her world is turned upside down as the surreal circumstances lead her to discover that her perfect life may not have been all that it appeared. Desperate to save her family, Linda begins a furious race against time and fate to try and preserve everything that she and Jim have built together.

Starring: Sandra Bullock, Marcus Lyle Brown, Courtney Taylor Burness, Phillip DeVona, Mark Famiglietti

American Cannibal: The Road to Reality (NR); Limited
Two struggling, desperate-for-success TV writers partner with a porn promoter to create a shocking reality show involving cannibalism and a desert island. Struggling sitcom writers Dave Roberts and Gil S. Ripley are urged by their manager to focus on reality programming. After being spurned by one network after another, they start to pitch increasingly outrageous concepts, finally hooking up with Kevin "K.B." Blatt, the promoter behind the Paris Hilton sex tape. Blatt enthusiastically bankrolls the Darwinian American Cannibal, a show that originated as an absurd example of how far reality TV could be pushed. Contestants on this show are starved on a desert island for days and then scared with hints of cannibalism. The drama behind the actual documentary stems from its exploration of the two writers' moral evolution: while Roberts turns giddy at the prospect of a hit show, Ripley grows increasingly disillusioned. When one of the contestants becomes critically injured, Roberts beats himself up on camera, and both he and Ripley bail on the project. The inescapable irony is that Roberts and Ripley have now inadvertently become stars of their own reality show.

Starring: Mitchell Allen, Chip Arndt, Kevin Blatt, Jill Boniske, Hannah Buchdahl

Beauty and the Beast: A Latter-Day Tale (PG); Limited
Eric Landry is a cold-hearted man that people have nicknamed "the Beast." Years of anger and bitterness have consumed him, turning him into a selfish man. But, Belle Watson is the exact opposite. She's caring and kind. She works hard to help her family, often sacrificing her own wants and desires to satisfy the needs of others. When her father accidentally breaks a valuable work of art at the Landry mansion, Belle is thrust into the life of Eric Landry.

Starring: Summer Naomi, Matthew Reese, Caitlin E.J. Meyer, Matthew Flynn Bellows`, Lindsay Bird

Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (R); Limited
On the surface, Leslie Vernon seems like your average small town, nice guy. He has goals, ambition and aspirations to follow in the footsteps of his long-time hero Freddy Krueger, Michael Myers and Jason Vorhees, and be the world's next great psycho-slasher. A true self-promoter, Leslie gives documentary filmmaker Taylor Gentry and her crew exclusive access to his life as he plans and executes his next great reign of terror over the sleepy town of Glen Echo, all the while deconstructing the constructions and archetypes of the horror genre for them..

Starring: Nathan Baesel, Matt Bolt, Jenafer Brown, Krissy Carlson, Robert Englund

Beyond the Gates (R); Limited
Based on real events and filmed at the actual location where this story took place, a real life drama set during the Rwandan genocide in 1994: Joe Connor has come to teach in Rwanda because he believes he can make a difference. When the school becomes a haven for thousands of Tutsis fleeing the violent Hutu militia using clubs and machetes, Joe promises his brightest pupil, Marie, that the U.N. soldiers will protect her from the hordes of extremist baying for blood outside the school. But when the U. N. abandons the refugees, Joe and the school's headmaster, Father Christopher, face an agonizing dilemma: should they leave or should they stand firm with the Tutsis? As the U.N. trucks force their way through the terrified refugees, Joe stares at the tear-stained face of Marie: what should he do?

Starring: Hugh Dancy, Dominique Horwitz, Louis Mahoney, Nicola Walker, Steve Toussaint

Mummies: Secrets of the Pharaohs (NR); Limited
"Secrets of the Pharaohs" follows researchers and explorers as they piece together the archeological and genetic clues of Egyptian mummies. These relics of the past create a window into the fascinating and mysterious world of the pharaohs. In addition to increasing our understanding of the culture, religion, medicine and daily life thousands of years ago, scientists today are reconstructing mummy DNA and deciphering ancient texts to gain insight into modern human genetics and advance medical treatments. To unwrap the secrets of the pharaohs is perhaps to glimpse the future of our own civilization.

Starring: William Hope, Crispin Redman, Nasser Memarzia, Daud Shah, Boris Terral

My Brother (PG-13); Limited
"My Brother" is an inner city story of two impoverished boys, brothers from different fathers. One brother, James, is developmentally disabled, but functional. The other, Isaiah, was told by his mother to always watch over his brother. Their unwavering bond, however, gets put to the test when one brother, who's trying to get free of an oppressive debt, falls prey to ruthless men.

Starring: Vanessa L. Williams, Nashawn Kearse, Tatum O'Neal, Fredro Starr, Christopher Scott

The Namesake (PG-13); Limited
The Gangulis family comes to the U.S. from India in order to experience a world of limitless opportunities--only to be confronted with the perils and confusion of trying to build a meaningful life in a baffling new society. On the heels of their arranged marriage, Ashoke and Ashima jet off from sweltering Calcutta to a wintry New York where they begin their new life together. Virtual strangers to one another and with Ashima now living in a new and very strange land, their relationship quickly takes a turn when Ashima gives birth to a son. Under pressure to name him quickly, Ashoke settles on Gogol, after the famous Russian author--a name that serves as a link to a secret past and, Ashoke hopes, a better future. But life isn't as easy for Gogol as his parents might wish. As a first-generation American teenager, Gogol must learn to tread a razor-thin line between his Bengali roots and his American birthright in the search for his own identity. As Gogol attempts to forge his destiny--rejecting his given name, dating a rich American girl, heading to study architecture at Yale--his parents cling to their Bengali traditions. But their paths keep crossing with both comic and painfully revelatory consequences until Gogol begins to see the links between the world his parents left behind and the new world that lies in front of him.

Starring: Rani Mukherjee, Kal Penn, Zuleikha Robinson, Irrfan Khan, Tabu

Nomad (The Warrior) (R); Limited
In the 18th century a number of nomadic tribes joined to found Kazakhstan. For centuries in this vast, beautiful but harsh land, bordered by China, Tibet and Russia, the tribes have fought invaders for their independence. This tale tells the story of a boy who is destined to one day unite the three warring tribes of this country who have survived and fought for centuries--against their formidable enemies and amongst themselves.

Starring: Jay Hernandez, Dilnaz Akhmadieva, Kuno Becker, Azis Beyshinaliev, Mark Dacascos

Tortilla Heaven (PG-13); Limited
Falfurrias, N.M., is a tightly-knit community revolving around church, family, and fresh Mexican food--and not necessarily in that order. Isidor's Tortilla Heaven is the best restaurant in town, maybe even the world. Although his tortillas are scrumptious and his enchiladas divine, Isidor has never made a dime. Why? Falfurrias only has a population of 73. One Sunday, upon one of his famous, hand-made tortillas the face of Jesus Christ appears. It's a miracle that threatens to turn this sleepy community upside down.

Starring: Jose Zuniga, Miguel Sandoval, Lupe Ontiveros, George Lopez, Olivia Hussey

Coming Attractions
------------
The Hills Have Eyes 2 (NR); Nationwide; opens 3/23

The Last Mimzy (PG); Nationwide; opens 3/23

Pride (PG); Nationwide; opens 3/23

Reign Over Me (R); Nationwide; opens 3/23

Shooter (R); Nationwide; opens 3/23

TMNT (PG); Nationwide; opens 3/23

Coming to DVD
-----------
Casino Royale - 3/13 (a must have for 007 fans - plus he is just hot)
The Holiday - 3/13
The Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning - 3/13
Blood Diamond - 3/20
Everyone's Hero - 3/20
Rocky Balboa - 3/20
Eragon - 3/20 (a must have for all collections)
Turistas - 3/27
Happy Feet - 3/27
Children of Men - 3/27
Curse of the Golden Flower - 3/27

Pink....

2007-03-09T07:06:00.001-08:00

Fried Eggs and Ham: Movies for 3/9

2007-03-09T05:28:00.000-08:00

300 (R); Nationwide
In the ancient Battle of Thermopylae, King Leonidas and 300 Spartans fought to the death against Xerxes and his massive Persian army. Facing insurmountable odds, their valor and sacrifice inspire all of Greece to unite against their Persian enemy, drawing a line in the sand for democracy.

Starring: Gerard Butler, Lena Headey, David Wenham, Dominic West, Vincent Regan (and a cast of some pretty decent looking built men in nothing other than loinclothes for most of the movie!!!)

The Ultimate Gift (PG); Nationwide
When his wealthy grandfather dies, trust fund baby Jason Stevens anticipates a big inheritance. Instead, his grandfather has devised a crash course on life: twelve gifts designed to challenge Jason in improbable ways, sending him on a journey of self-discovery and forcing him to determine what is most important in life: money or happiness.

Starring: Drew Fuller, James Garner, Ali Hillis, Abigail Breslin, Brian Dennehy

300: The IMAX Experience (R); Limited
"300" is a ferocious retelling of the ancient battle of Thermopylae in which King Leonidas and 300 Spartans fought to death against Xerxes and his massive Persian army. The film combines live action with virtual backgrounds that capture this ancient historic tale. "300" as been digitally re-mastered into the unparalleled image and sound quality of The IMAX Experience® with proprietary IMAX DMR® (digital re-mastering) technology.

Starring: Gerard Butler, Lena Headey, David Wenham, Dominic west, Vincent Regan

Believe in Me (PG); Limited
Set in Oklahoma in the mid-'60s, "Believe in Me" is the story of a young man whose dreams of coaching boys' high-school basketball are derailed when the school board assigns him to the girls' basketball team instead. The girls and the coach eventually earn each other's trust, and despite the opposition of the conservative town, learn how to play to win.

Starring: Jeffrey Donovan, Samantha Mathis, Bruce Dern, Bob Gunton, Ryil Adamson

The Host (Gwoemul) (R); Limited
Gang-du works at a food-stand on the banks of the Han River. Dozing on the job, he is awakened by his daughter, Hyun-seo, who is angry with him for missing a teacher-parent meeting at school. As Gang-du walks out to the riverbank with a delivery, he notices that a large crowd of people have gathered, taking pictures and talking about something hanging from the Han River Bridge. The otherwise idyllic landscape turns suddenly to bedlam, when a terrifying creature climbs up onto the riverbank and begins to crush and eat people. Gang-du and his daughter run for their lives, but suddenly the being grabs Hyun-seo and disappears back into the river. The government announces that the monstrous thing apparently is the Host of an unidentified virus. Having feared the worst, Gang-du receives a phone call from his daughter who is frightened, but very much alive. Gang-du soon makes plans to infiltrate the forbidden zone near the Han River to rescue his daughter from the clutches of the horrifying Host.

Starring: Kang-ho Song, Hie-bong Byeon, Hae-il Park, Du-na Bae, Ah-sung Ko

The Namesake (PG-13); Limited
The Gangulis family comes to the U.S. from India in order to experience a world of limitless opportunities--only to be confronted with the perils and confusion of trying to build a meaningful life in a baffling new society. On the heels of their arranged marriage, Ashoke and Ashima jet off from sweltering Calcutta to a wintry New York where they begin their new life together. Virtual strangers to one another and with Ashima now living in a new and very strange land, their relationship quickly takes a turn when Ashima gives birth to a son. Under pressure to name him quickly, Ashoke settles on Gogol, after the famous Russian author--a name that serves as a link to a secret past and, Ashoke hopes, a better future. But life isn't as easy for Gogol as his parents might wish. As a first-generation American teenager, Gogol must learn to tread a razor-thin line between his Bengali roots and his American birthright in the search for his own identity. As Gogol attempts to forge his destiny--rejecting his given name, dating a rich American girl, heading to study architecture at Yale--his parents cling to their Bengali traditions. But their paths keep crossing with both comic and painfully revelatory consequences until Gogol begins to see the links between the world his parents left behind and the new world that lies in front of him.

Starring: Rani Mukherjee, Kal Penn, Zuleikha Robinson, Irrfan Khan, Tabu

Starter for 10 (PG-13); Limited
Brian Jackson, a working-class student from Essex navigating his first year at Bristol University, has a lot to prove. While his hometown mates worry about him turning into a poncey wanker, Brian's biggest concern is making the team for the long-running British television quiz show University Challenge. Amidst Tarts & Vicars dances, anti-Apartheid rallies, minging dorm rooms and puffs of marijuana smoke, Brian also finds himself romantically torn between two very different co-eds: the ultra-fit, University Challenge teammate, blonde bomshell Alice, and thoughtful, politically-conscious Rebecca Epstein.

Starring: Alice Eve, Rebecca Hall, James McAvoy, Charles Dance, Benedict Cumberbatch

Coming Attractions
-----------
Dead Silence (R); Nationwide; opens 3/16

I Think I Love My Wife (R); Nationwide; opens 3/16

Premonition (PG-13); Nationwide; opens 3/16

This week's releases...anything interesting?

2007-03-02T06:17:00.000-08:00

Black Snake Moan (R); Nationwide
There was a time when Lazarus played the blues; a time he got Bojo's Juke Joint shakin' back in the day. Now he lives them. Bitter and broken from a cheating wife and a shattered marriage, Lazarus' soul is lost in spent dreams and betrayal's contempt--until Rae. Half naked and beaten unconscious, Rae is left for dead on the side of the road when Lazarus discovers her. The God-fearing, middle-aged black man quickly learns that the young white woman he's nursing back to health is none other than the town tramp from the small Tennessee town where they live. Worse, she has a peculiar anxiety disorder. He realizes when the fever hits, Rae's affliction has more to do with love lost than any found. Abused as a child and abandoned by her mother, Rae is used by just about every man in the phone book. She tethers her only hope to Ronnie, but escape to a better life is short-lived when Ronnie ships off for boot camp. Desperation kicks in, as a drug-induced Rae reverts to surviving the only way she knows how, by giving any man what he wants to get what she needs--until Lazarus. Refusing to know her in the biblical sense, Lazarus decides to cure Rae of her wicked ways--and vent some unresolved male vengeance of his own. He chains her to his radiator, justifying his unorthodox methods with quoted scripture. Preacher R.L. intervenes, but it is Lazarus and Rae who redeem themselves. Unleashing Rae emotionally, Lazarus unchains his heart, finding love again in Angela. By saving Rae, he frees himself.

Starring: Samuel L. Jackson, Christina Ricci, Justin Timberlake, S. Epatha Merkerson, John Cothran Jr.

Wild Hogs (PG-13); Nationwide
A comedy-adventure about a group of middle-aged friends who decide to rev up their routine suburban lives with a freewheeling motorcycle trip. Taking a long, dreamed-of breather from their stressful jobs and family responsibilities, they can't wait to feel the freedom of the open road. However, when this mis-matched foursome, who have grown far more used to the couch than the saddle, set out for their once-in-a-lifetime experience, they encounter a world that holds far more than they ever bargained for. The trip begins to challenge their wits and their luck, especially during a chance run-in with the Del Fuegos, a real-life biker gang whose members are less than amused with the suburbanites' novice approach. As they go looking for adventure, they soon find that they've embarked on a journey they will never forget.

Starring: Tim Allen, John Travolta, Martin Lawrence, William H. Macy, Marisa Tomei

Zodiac (R); Nationwide
From 1966 to 1978, the Zodiac Killer claimed victim after victim in the San Francisco Bay area, repeatedly taunting law-enforcement authorities with direct messages bragging about his deeds. The killer is officially blamed for six murders, but claimed to have killed some 37 people and could have been responsible for as many as 50. When Zodiac starts killing again, the son of the broken journalist who tracked his every move and the retired cop who never caught him, continue the search to find the notorious serial killer.

Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Mark Ruffalo, Robert Downey Jr., Anthony Edwards, Brian Cox

Breaking and Entering (R); Limited
Will is a partner in a thriving landscape architecture firm which he runs with his friend, Sandy. Professionally, things could not be better but Will spends less and less time at home with his beautiful, melancholy partner, Liv, and her troubled 13 year-old daughter, Bea. Will's office has recently relocated to King's Cross, the centre of Europe's most ambitious urban regeneration site and their state-of-the-art studio repeatedly attracts the attention of a local gang of thieves. After one of the break-ins, Will follows teenaged parkour enthusiast Miro back to the apartment he shares with his mother, Amira, a Bosnian refugee. With his relationship already in crisis, Will embarks on a passionate journey into both the wilder side of himself and the city in which he lives.

Starring: Jude Law, Vera Farmiga, Juliette Binoche, Martin Freeman, Ray Winstone

Days of Glory (Indigenes) (R); Limited
Time period: 1944-1945. The liberation of Italy, Provence, the Alps, the Rhone Valley, the Vosges and Alsace marked vital stages in the Allied victory. And, in the place that France was able to take among the Allies following the Armistice. This victorious and bloody march on Germany was carried out by the 1st French Army, recruited in Africa to sidestep the German occupiers and the officials of the Vichy regime: 200,000 men, including 130,000 "natives" comprising 110,000 North Africans and 20,000 Black African. The rest of the force was made up of French North Africans and of young Frenchmen who had fled the Occupation. This is the forgotten story of the so-called "native" soldiers.

Starring: Bernard Blancan, Sami Bouajila, Jamel Debbouze, Aurelie Eltvedt, Benoit Giros

Full of It (PG-13); Limited
A 17-year-old habitual liar wakes up one morning to find his tall tales have come true.

Starring: Ryan Pinkston, Kate Mara, Joshua Close, Amanda Walsh, Carmen Electra

Two Weeks (R); Limited
Four siblings rush home for what they think is a final goodbye to their dying mother. When the matriarch refuses to pass away the family members find themselves trapped together for two weeks and rediscover their mutual love.

Starring: Sally Field, Ben Chaplin, Thomas Cavanagh, Julianne Nicholson, Glenn Howerton

Coming Attractions
-
300 (R); Nationwide; opens 3/9

Miss Potter (PG); Nationwide; opens 3/9

Movie Debuts for 2/16

2007-02-16T06:11:00.000-08:00

Trials, temptations, disappointments -- all these are helps instead of hindrances, if one uses them rightly. They not only test the fibre of a character, but strengthen it. Every conquered temptation represents a new fund of moral energy. Every trial endured and weathered in the right spirit makes a soul nobler and stronger than it was before.
-- James Buckham

This week's movie debuts.....

Music and Lyrics (PG-13); Nationwide; opens 2/14
A romantic comedy following Alex Fletcher, a washed-up '80s pop star who's been reduced to working the nostalgia circuit at county fairs and amusement parks. The charismatic and talented musician gets a chance at a comeback when reigning diva Cora Corman invites him to write and record a duet with her, but there's a problem--Alex hasn't written a song in years, he's never written lyrics, and he has to come up with a hit in a matter of days. Enter Sophie Fisher, Alex's beguilingly quirky plant lady, whose flair for words strikes a chord with the struggling songwriter. On the rebound from a bad relationship, Sophie is reluctant to collaborate with anyone, especially commitment-phobe Alex. As their chemistry heats up at the piano and under it, Alex and Sophie will have to face their fears--and the music--if they want to find the love and success they both deserve.
Starring: Drew Barrymore, Hugh Grant, Sherman Alpert, Jason Antoon, Blake Baxendell

Tyler Perry's Daddy's Little Girls (PG-13); Nationwide; opens 2/14
A single father, Monty, is a garage mechanic who lives in a poor neighborhood and struggles to make ends meet as he raises his three young daughters on his own. But when the courts award custody of his daughters to his corrupt, drug-dealing ex-wife, Monty desperately tries to win them back, enlisting the help of Julia, a beautiful--and hard-nosed--attorney he meets during his short stint as a chauffeur. While Monty and the Ivy-League-educated Julia couldn't be less alike, an unexpected romance blossoms--and it soon begins to feel like true love. But in order for their relationship to survive, the couple must reconcile their two very different worlds--and overcome the forces that threaten to tear Monty's family apart.
Starring: Gabrielle Union, Idris Elba, Lou Gossett, Jr., Tasha Smith, Gary Sturgis

Breach (PG-13); Nationwide; opens 2/16
When young Eric O'Neill is promoted out of his low-level surveillance job and into the headquarters of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, his dream of becoming a full-fledged agent is on the verge of becoming reality. Even more impressive, O'Neill is hand picked to work for renowned operative Robert Hanssen within "information assurance," a new division created to protect all classified FBI Intelligence. But O'Neill is quickly confronted with the true reason behind his hire: Hanssen is the sole subject of a long-term, top-secret investigation, a suspected mole made all the more dangerous by the sheer global import of the information he is charged with protecting. The Bureau asks O'Neill to use Hanssen's growing trust and slowly draw the traitor out of deep cover. Engaged in a lethal game of spy-versus-spy without the benefit of a cover story or backup, O'Neill finds himself fighting to bring down Hanssen before the treacherous double-agent can destroy O'Neill, his family and the nation they are both sworn to serve.
Starring: Ryan Phillippe, Jonathan Keltz, Chris Cooper, Aaron Abrams, Laura Linney

Bridge to Terabithia (PG); Nationwide; opens 2/16
Jess Aarons is an outsider at school and even in his own family. Jess has trained all summer to become the fastest kid in his middle school class but his goal is unexpectedly thwarted by the new girl in school, Leslie Burke, who competes in the boys only race and wins. Despite their awkward introduction, the two outsiders quickly become best friends. Leslie loves to tell stories of fantasy and magic. Jess loves to draw, but until he met Leslie it was something he kept to himself. Leslie opens a new world of imagination for Jess. Together they create the secret kingdom of Terabithia, a magical place accessible by swinging on an old rope over a stream in the woods near their homes. There, the friends rule the kingdom, fight the Dark Master and his creatures and plot against the school bullies. Thanks to his friendship with Leslie, Jess is changed for good.
Starring: Josh Hutcherson, AnnaSophia Robb, Zooey Deschanel, Lauren Clinton, Bailee Madison

Ghost Rider (PG-13); Nationwide; opens 2/16
Superstar motorcycle stunt rider Johnny Blaze strikes a deal with the vile Mephistopheles for the most precious of commodities, his immortal soul. Now Johnny Blaze is forever destined to ride night after night as the host to the powerful supernatural entity known as the Ghost Rider.
Starring: Nicolas Cage, Wes Bentley, Eva Mendes, Matthew Long, Peter Fonda

Close to Home (Karov La Bayit) (NR); Limited
A tale chronicling the day to day life of two young Israeli women, Smadar and Mirit, during their compulsory military service in which they are assigned to patrol the streets of Jerusalem. Both eighteen-years-old, they are paired together, despite their other differences. They are assigned to detain any Palestinian passersby, check their papers, and register their details in special forms. Mirit is respectful of her superiors, while Smadar barely conceals her desire to rebel. When a tragic event occurs, they are quickly reminded of their surroundings and must learn to overcome their differences. Jerusalem's multifaceted reality presents obstacles that these young women face, set against the backdrop of the decisions made by political and religious leaders that directly affect their lives. For Smadar and Mirit, compulsory army service is another challenge to endure in order to start adulthood.
Starring: Smadar Sayar, Naaina Schendar, Irit Suki, Katia Zimbris

Coming Attractions
----------------
The Abandoned (R); Nationwide; opens 2/23

Astronaut Farmer (PG); Nationwide; opens 2/23

The Number 23 (R); Nationwide; opens 2/23

Reno 911!: Miami (R); Nationwide; opens 2/23

Closing the door on a chapter in life...

2007-02-14T10:48:00.000-08:00

Nearly all my life I have had to deal with rumours being spread about me, some of them true, and some of them not.

But I have to laugh at how much gossip has gone on since I moved to Wilmington five or so years ago.

The first couple of years here saw some turmoil and a huge fuck-up in my relationship that was slowly worked out. After we ended on amicable terms, I decided to hit the town some and see what life was out there. I vanish for a few years to take care of some things, finally emerging from a cocoon of sorts to relive again. I was met with greetings of ‘I thought you had moved’, ‘I heard you were dead’, and ‘Where the fuck have you been?’ It was always interesting to hear what stories were told during my absence because people had nothing better to do with their time than create some really fantastic shit.

The past summer saw me at the club maybe two to three times a month for a little while so I could try to go and have some fun. I met guys, exchanged phone numbers and did the occasional hookup. Some friends would stay at the apartment and everyone thought I was fucking around with them. I made friends quickly at the club and heard that I was banging everyone in town. I had to laugh. It was so amazing the stories that went through people’s minds and flew like wildfire in this small town where everyone knows everyone else.

Once again I got bored with hitting the clubs all the time and looked for people who did not involve themselves so deep in the drama and drugs, who understood that there was more to life than hitting the club every weekend. They understood that people had jobs but not always possessing the ability to blow big bucks all the time, their schedules were not always as set as liked, and did not always need to have the banging of bass throbbing through their heads every night. Hitting a restaurant for dinner, seeing a movie at the theatre, having get-togethers to just bullshit and have fun. That is what I wanted and longed for. People who could be non-judgmental and just enjoy life.

And I did find some that were like that. I enjoyed hanging out and just doing whatever. But there weren’t many. So I occasionally went back out to say hi to the other people I knew and had been polite to me. It was always funny seeing the looks of amazement on their faces that I was still in town. Especially this past New Years when my brother didn’t give me a choice but to meet him and his crew out when they were in town. And I had a blast! I got the usual questions of where have you been, and the updates on some of the latest rumours that were flying through. And I am sure that more were created that night. I do have to say that I found it funny when one kid came up to me trying to find out if it was true that I had HIV. I really would like to know where that came from. Yeah, I have my involvement with that community, but I can say that my tests over the last seven years have come back as being negative each time.

I had my flings here and there, and kept to myself for periods. I shrunk my circle of friends down lower than it had been in years, but kept many acquaintances around town. I knew who I could trust and who I couldn’t. I got wrapped in drama with a couple of people, and seem to be in it still on some level. I decided many times that I should just start being Lucy from the Peanuts strip and rent a couch somewhere with a sign ‘The Doctor is In, $5’ (instead of 5¢) I have opened my door to many people, and took pity on some. I swore to control my emotions, and become a tougher person. But, each time, that was pretty much fucked over because I can only be mean when I am pissed off and just point forward the rest of the time.

But that is kinda beside the point.

The main point of this was to put to rest a rumour that is getting out to people that I had not confided in yet.

I am beginning the last month of my residence within Wilmington, and will be relocating to the Raleigh as of the latter part of March. I know some people will miss me and others will celebrate. I had a good time here, and I enjoy being near the water. But it has not made me as happy as I probably could be. Five years and I still find myself somewhat lost in the dark with why people here act the way they do. But, I will still come back here as there are a couple of people that I cannot forget, no matter how much I might try. And I know that it will step on the toes of a couple that would be happier probably with me out of the picture completely. All I can say is, sorry…I got my territory rights and I will fuck a bitch over!! LOL

But, no, honestly, I will miss this area. I just need to try to get the next step in my life started and completed. Maybe I will come back here; maybe one wish will come true. I don’t know. But, that is why they call it the future and why it is so mysterious.

I have not planned anything for going away as of yet, but I might hit the club/bars on a last time basis before I leave….and maybe I will live up to the names that I have been called by some as well and let the town see what I can do. LOL Yeah…right. The hot dog down the hallway can be left for someone else, thanks.

Hard things are put in our way, not to stop us, but to call out our courage and strength. ~ Anonymous

Nothing will sustain you more potently than the power to recognize in your humdrum routine, as perhaps it may be thought, the true poetry of life. ~ Sir William Osler (1849-1919) Canadian Physician

Valentine/S.A.D.

2007-02-14T05:40:00.000-08:00

February 14th. Most people know it as Valentine's Day and exchange cutsie little gifts with their partner or loved one. All because of two Christian martyrs by the name of Valentine. But it is also know as Singles Awareness Day and a way of just poking fun. Why should only those who are involved in something be able to celebrate? I know a few people that are happy being single right now…they'll look for the other half later on in life when truly ready.

A few friends of mine recently had some issues in regards to friends/potentials and have had their feelings hurt. And one was told that he should not have given anything to his friend. But I think that is more of one becoming wrapped in the sadness of solitude rather than embracing the fact that someone actually cares enough to show it.

So, whether you are involved in a relationship, crushing on someone, or single, make sure that you smile and remember that today should be a day to just have some fun. Grab drinks, hang out, have a great time. But just try to smile today…even if it hurts. I know I will (well, once I wake up and can deal with cheeriness in the mornings….)

Movies 2/9

2007-02-09T11:49:00.000-08:00

Hannibal Rising (R); Nationwide
The monster Hannibal Lecter's formative years. These experiences as a child and young adult led to his remarkable contribution to the fields of medicine, music, painting and forensics. We begin in World War II at the medieval castle in Lithuania built by Dr. Lecter's forebear, Hannibal the Grim. The child Hannibal survives the horrors of the Eastern Front and escapes the grim Soviet aftermath to find refuge in France with the widow of his uncle, mysterious and beautiful Japanese descended from Lady Murasaki Shikibu, author of the Tale of Genji. Her kind and wise attentions help him understand his unbearable recollections of the war. Remembering, he finds the means to visit the outlaw predators that changed him forever as they battened on helpless during the collapse of the Eastern Front. Hannibal helps these war criminals toward self-knowledge even as we see his own nature become clear to him.

Starring: Gaspard Ulliel, Gong Li, Ivan Marevich, Aaron Thomas, Rhys Ifans

Norbit (PG-13); Nationwide
Norbit has never had it easy. As a baby, he was abandoned on the steps of a Chinese restaurant/orphanage and raised by Mr. Wong. Things get worse when he's forced into marriage by the mean, junk food-chugging queen, Rasputia. Just when Norbit's hanging by his last thread, his childhood sweetheart, Kate, moves back to town.

Starring: Eddie Murphy, Thandie Newton, Eddie Griffin, Terry Crews, Clifton Powell

Black Friday (NR); Limited
Black Friday is a film about the investigations following the March 12, 1993 serial Bombay bomb blasts, told through the different stories of the people involved - police, conspirators, victims, and middlemen. The film is based on S. Hussain Zaidis' book of the same name which depicted the shocking and violent events of that fateful day which followed just two weeks after the bombing of the World Trade Center.

Starring: Kay Kay Menon, Aditya Srivastava, Pavan Malhotra, Dibyendu Bhattacharya, Kishore Kadam

Breaking and Entering (R); Limited
Will is a partner in a thriving landscape architecture firm which he runs with his friend, Sandy. Professionally, things could not be better but Will spends less and less time at home with his beautiful, melancholy partner, Liv, and her troubled 13 year-old daughter, Bea. Will's office has recently relocated to King's Cross, the centre of Europe's most ambitious urban regeneration site and their state-of-the-art studio repeatedly attracts the attention of a local gang of thieves. After one of the break-ins, Will follows teenaged parkour enthusiast Miro back to the apartment he shares with his mother, Amira, a Bosnian refugee. With his relationship already in crisis, Will embarks on a passionate journey into both the wilder side of himself and the city in which he lives.

Starring: Jude Law, Vera Farmiga, Juliette Binoche, Martin Freeman, Ray Winstone

The Last Sin Eater (PG-13); Limited
In 1850's Appalachia, 10-year-old Cadi Forbes is wracked with guilt over the death of her sister. She feels responsible for the loss and sets out to find the only man, known as The Sin Eater, who can take away her guilt. But while seeking redemption, Cadi learns a devastating secret that has the potential to tear apart her family and community.

Starring: Louise Fletcher, Henry Thomas, Liana Liberato, Soren Fulton, A.J. Buckley

Coming Attractions
--------------------------
Music and Lyrics (PG-13); Nationwide; opens 2/14

Tyler Perry's Daddy's Little Girls (PG-13); Nationwide; opens 2/14

Breach (PG-13); Nationwide; opens 2/16

Bridge to Terabithia (PG); Nationwide; opens 2/16

Ghost Rider (PG-13); Nationwide; opens 2/16

Movie Release 2/2

2007-02-01T12:50:00.000-08:00

Because I Said So (PG-13); Nationwide
Daphne Wilder is a mother whose love knows no bounds or boundaries. As a single parent, she has raised three fantastic girls--klutzy, adorable Milly, stable psychologist Maggie and sexy and irreverent Mae--to become the kind of women any mom would die to have. The only problem is they're about to strangle her. In order to prevent her youngest, Milly, from making the same romantic mistakes she did, Daphne decides to set her up with the perfect man. The one thing Daphne decides not to tell Milly, however, is that she placed an ad in the online personals to find him. If anyone knows exactly what her daughter does and doesn't need out of a long-term relationship (or clothes or her career), it's Daphne. Comic mayhem unfolds as the well-intended mom continues to do the wrong thing for the right reasons--all in the name of love for her beloved daughter. Is the man of Daphne's (erm, Milly's) dreams the responsible architect Jason, or is he the free-spirited rocker Johnny? Daphne will continue to push, cajole, suggest and nudge her way into Milly's smallest of decisions until she rights the wrongs of her own life choices or drives her girl nuts. But once Johnny's own father, Joe, catches a buried spark within Daphne, things really start to heat up for the Wilder matriarch. Finally letting herself begin to fall, Daphne begins to wonder if she is just pushing her girls as a way of ignoring her own issues.

Starring: Diane Keaton, Mandy Moore, Lauren Graham, Gabriel Macht, Tom Everett Scott

The Messengers (PG-13); Nationwide
The Solomon family has left the fast paced life of Chicago for the secluded world of a North Dakota farm. Amidst the tranquil sway of the farm's field of sunflowers, Jess, 16, soon realizes how terrifying seclusion can be when she and her brother Ben, 3, begin seeing ominous apparitions invisible to everyone else. When those specters become violent, Jess' sanity is questioned--a double jeopardy for the tormented teen. Her troublesome past comes face to face with the past of those who once lived in the house, a perilous confrontation that leaves her believability in question with those she desperately tries to warn before it is too late.

Starring: Kristen Stewart, Dylan McDermott, Penelope Ann Miller, John Corbett, Graham Bell

Constellation (PG-13); Limited
Returning to the Deep South to a town that once held back their opportunities but now glistens as a modern, sexy city, the Boxer family and its extended members discover in the memory of a loved one what binds them together.

Starring: Ever Carradine, David Clennon, Rae Dawn Chong, Melissa De Sousa, Hill Harper

East of Havana (NR); Limited
Calling themselves "El Cartel," a trio of underground rappers in Cuba struggle to get their music heard while bypassing the official government-sanctioned music industry. Growing by word of mouth thanks to their electrifying performances, they put all of their energy into creating a music festival, even as government officials and Hurricane Charley close in.

Starring: Clark Peterson, Meagan Riley-Grant, Juan Carlos Saizabitoria, Charlize Theron

Factory Girl (R); Limited
The year is 1965, and Edie Sedgwick is living every young girl's dream. Rich, ambitious and breathtakingly beautiful, Edie's life changes forever when she meets Andy Warhol, New York's most famous artist, and the man who will transform this trust fund baby into the Big Apple's most dazzling Superstar. At the center of this exciting and decadent new world is The Factory, Warhol's downtown loft, a place where musicians, artists, actors and all types of misfits gather to create art and movies during the day, and to throw fabulous parties at night. It is here that Edie takes her place at Andy's side, as the Factory's most alluring and irresistible Superstar. Edie has the world at her feet. Every woman wants to be her. Every man wants to be with her. But unable to find the love she craves from Andy and The Factory, Edie turns to the voice of a generation singer-songwriter Danny Quinn, a captivating and talented musician who represents everything that Andy is not--where Andy is all cool surfaces, Danny burns with the fire of his convictions. Danny pushes Edie to free herself from Andy, who has been using her in his movies but never paying her. Edie quickly falls for Danny, but every affair has its price.

Starring: Guy Pearce, Sienna Miller, Hayden Christensen, Jimmy Fallon, Meredith Ostrom

Raising Flagg (PG-13); Limited
Flagg Purdy and his oldest friend Gus Falk have been fierce competitors since they were three. When one of their conflicts escalates into a courtroom drama, it reunites the Purdy clan and tests the power of forgiveness to heal … even those who are toughest to love.

Starring: Alan Arkin, Lauren Holly, Glenne Headly, Richard Kind, Austin Pendleton

Coming Attractions
-
Hannibal Rising (R); Nationwide; opens 2/9

Norbit (PG-13); Nationwide; opens 2/9

Movie Release 1/26

2007-01-26T07:39:00.000-08:00

Blood and Chocolate (PG-13); Nationwide
Ten years ago, in the remote mountains of Colorado, a young girl watched helplessly as her family was murdered by a pack of angry men for the secret they carried in their blood. She survived by running into the woods, and changing into something the hunters could never find--a wolf. Now, though she lives half a world away, Vivian Gandillon is still running. Living in relative safety in Bucharest, Vivian spends her days working at a chocolate shop and nights trawling the city's underground clubs, fending off the reckless antics of her cousin Rafe and his gang of delinquents he calls "The Five." Aiden Galvin is an artist researching Bucharest's ancient art and relics for his next graphic novel based on the mythology of the loup garoux--shapeshifters whose power to change effortlessly into the forms of both human and wolf was once considered holy among men. Wrestling demons of his own, Aiden hopes to explore the inner lives of these outsiders that he believes were persecuted to extinction--labeled monsters, murderers, werewolves. What he doesn't know is that the loup garoux are not only very real, they're far from extinct. During a chance encounter in an abandoned church celebrating the loup garoux, Aiden unknowingly comes face-to-face with the real thing, Vivian. Others may have secrets but none as extraordinary as hers, for Vivian is among the last of her kind, leading a tenuous existence under the protection and control of Gabriel, the powerful and enigmatic leader of one of the last packs of loup garoux on earth. After their brief exchange in the church, Aiden can't get Vivian out of his mind, nor can she forget him. He pursues her until she relents and begins to see him, but she can't bring herself to tell him the truth--and lives in fear of showing him what she really is. And what's worse: her future, and who she falls in love with, is already predetermined. To keep their kind from being hunted to extinction, Gabriel holds them to strict laws. One is that he must take a new bride every seven years, and Vivian has been prophesied to be his next.
Starring: Agnes Bruckner, Hugh Dancy, Olivier Martinez, Katja Riemann, Bryan Dick

Catch and Release (PG-13); Nationwide
After the sudden death of her fiancé, Gray Wheeler finds comfort in the company of his friends: lighthearted and comic Sam, hyper-responsible Dennis, and, oddly enough, his old childhood buddy Fritz, an irresponsible playboy whom she'd previously pegged as one of the least reliable people in the world. As secrets about her supposedly perfect fiancé emerge, Gray comes to see new sides of the men she thought she knew, and at the same time, finds herself drawn to the last man she ever expected to fall for.
Starring: Jennifer Garner, Sonja Bennett, Timothy Olyphant, Juliette Lewis, Sam Jaeger

Epic Movie (PG-13); Nationwide
Centers on four not-so-young orphans: one raised by a curator at the Louvre (where an albino assassin lurks), another a refugee from Mexican libre wrestling, the third a recent victim of snakes on her plane, and the fourth a normal resident of a mutant X community. The hapless quartet visits a chocolate factory, where they stumble into an enchanted wardrobe that transports them to the land of Gnamia (with a G). There they meet a flamboyant pirate captain and earnest students of wizardry--and join forces with, among others, a wise-but-horny lion to defeat the evil White Bitch of Gnarnia.
Starring: Kal Penn, Adam Campbell, Faune A. Chambers, Jayma Mays, Mary Castro

Smokin' Aces (R); Nationwide
In these interlocking tales of high stakes and low lifes, Mob boss Primo Sparazza has taken out a hefty contract on Buddy Aces Israel--a sleazy magician who has agreed to turn state's evidence against the Vegas mob. The FBI, sensing a chance to use this small-time con to bring down big-target Sparazza, places Aces into protective custody-under the supervision of two agents dispatched to Aces' Lake Tahoe hideout.When word of the price on Aces' head spreads into the community of ex-cons and cons-to-be, it entices bounty hunters, thugs-for-hire, smokin' hot vixens and double-crossing mobsters to join in the hunt. With all eyes on Tahoe, this rogues' gallery collides in a comic race to hit the jackpot and rub out Aces.
Starring: Ben Affleck, Jason Bateman, Peter Berg, Brian Bloom, Sharon Bruneau, Ryan Reynolds, Alicia Keys, Ray Liotta

Volver (R); Nationwide
Three generations of women survive the east wind, fire, insanity, superstition and even death by means of goodness, lies and boundless vitality. They are Raimunda, who is married to an unemployed labourer and has a teenage daughter; Sole, her sister, who makes a living as a hairdresser; and the mother of both, who died in a fire along with her husband. This character appears first to her sister and then to Sole, although the people with whom she has some unresolved matters are Raimunda and her neighbor in the village, Agustina.
Starring: Penélope Cruz, Yohana Cobo, Carmen Maura, Lola Dueñas, Blanca Portillo

Breaking and Entering (R); Limited
A young Muslim thief breaks into the office of a yuppie architect in London; afterwards the architect re-evaluates his life. A series of related events intersects the lives of the two men with a variety of other people in the seedy inner-city area of Kings Cross.
Starring: Jude Law, Vera Farmiga, Juliette Binoche, Martin Freeman, Ray Winstone

Notes on a Scandal (R); Limited
Barbara Covett, the keeper of an acerbic diary, is a domineering and solitary teacher who rules with an iron fist over her classroom at a decaying state-run secondary school in London. Save for her cat, Portia, Barbara lives alone, without friends or confidantes--but her world changes when she meets the school's new attractive art teacher, Sheba Hart. Sheba appears to be the kindred spirit and loyal friend Barbara has always been seeking. But when she discovers that Sheba is having an incendiary affair with one of her young students, their budding relationship takes an ominous turn. Now, as Barbara threatens to expose Sheba's terrible secret to both her husband and the world, Barbara's own secrets and dark obsessions come tumbling to the fore, exposing the deceptions at the core of each of the women's lives.
Starring: Cate Blanchett, Judi Dench, Bill Nighy, Andrew Simpson, Phil Davis

Salaam-e-Ishq (NR); Limited
"Salaam-e-ishq" is the story of six groups of people. They are from different parts of the world and from different walks of life. They are ignorant about each other's existence, but they end up being brought together by destiny, fate and love.
Starring: Salman Khan, Priyanka Chopra, Anil Kapoor, Juhi Chawla, Akshaye Khanna

Seraphim Falls (R); Limited
The Civil War has ended, but Colonel Morsman Carver is on one final mission: to kill Gideon no matter what it takes. Launched by a gunshot and propelled by rage, the relentless pursuit takes them both far from the comforts and codes of civilization, into the bloodiest recesses of their own souls.
Starring: Pierce Brosnan, Liam Neeson, Anjelica Huston, Angie Harmon, Jimmi Simpson

Coming Attractions
-----------------------
Because I Said So (PG-13); Nationwide

The Messengers (PG-13); Nationwide

__________________

There have been some new developments lately in my life....those details to come soon......

Movie Day...1/19

2007-01-19T08:44:00.000-08:00

The Good German (R); Nationwide
Berlin, 1945. U.S. war correspondent Jake Geismer has just arrived to cover the upcoming Potsdam Peace Conference, where Allied leaders will meet to determine the fate of a vanquished Germany and a newly liberated Europe--and, in the process, carve up what's left of any value for themselves. It's not Jake's first visit to Berlin. He once managed a news bureau here. He once fell in love here. But that seems a lifetime ago as he takes in the staggering devastation on the jeep ride from the airport to his hotel in the American zone. Jake's driver, Corporal Tully, exudes small-town American charm--an eager, guileless, good-natured kid from the Midwest. In reality, he's corrupt to the core, bartering anything and anyone, and playing all sides for the highest price. But that's not unusual. Everyone in Berlin has a secret now. Everyone is working an angle to get what they need: money, power, survival--or just a way out. Tully's black market dealings don't interest Jake, but Tully's girlfriend does. She's Lena Brandt, Jake's former love, although somehow, now, not quite the person he once knew. She has been irrevocably changed by the war, the hardship of life in this ruined city and the burden of her own secrets. When Tully ends up in the Russian zone with 100,000 marks in his pocket and a bullet in his back, Jake finds himself drawn into the mystery of this murder, and the bigger mystery of why both the American and Russian authorities look the other way. The deeper his investigation takes him, the more it leads him back to Lena. Jake discovers that it is nearly impossible to unearth the truth in a time and place where people are still reeling from the horrors of the war and desperate to salvage their humanity in the shadow of the often unbearable knowledge of what they did to survive.

Starring: George Clooney, Cate Blanchett, Tobey Maguire, Robin Weigert, Dave Power

The Hitcher (R); Nationwide
A thriller which tracks the terror-filled trajectory of Grace Andrews and Jim Halsey, a collegiate couple who are tormented by the mysterious hitchhiker John Ryder, a.k.a. The Hitcher. The young couple hit the road in a 1970 Oldsmobile 442, en route to spring break. But their pleasure trip soon turns into a waking nightmare. The initial encounters with Ryder are increasingly off-putting for Grace and Jim, and they bravely fight back when he ambushes them. However, they are truly blindsided when he implicates them in a horrific slaying and continues to shadow them. The open road becomes a battleground of suspense and action, blood and metal as--in trying to elude not only Ryder but also New Mexico State Police Lieutenant Esteridge's officers--Grace and Jim must fight for their lives and face their fears head-on.

Starring: Sean Bean, Sophia Bush, Zachary Knighton, Kyle Davis, Neal McDonough

Screamers (R); Nationwide
A documentary examining why genocides keep occurring--from the Armenian genocide in 1915, to the Holocaust, Bosnia, Rwanda and now Darfur. With the contribution of the band 'System of a Down', whose members are all grandchildren of genocide survivors, the film traces the locations and stories of genocide in the last century. Through the arguments of Pulitzer prize-winning author Samantha Power, the personal stories of genocide survivors, policy critics and whistleblowers--the screamers--the film dissects the problem of genocide denial and, as well, Power's thesis that America's interest has always been to stay neutral, no matter how wide-scale the carnage, with successive Presidents conspiring to turn a blind eye to genocides as they are happening. After the Holocaust, we may say never again--but we don't mean it.

Starring: John Dolmayan, Daron Malakian, Shavo Odadjian, Serj Tankian

Babel (R); Limited
In the remote sands of the Moroccan desert, a rifle shot rings out--detonating a chain of events that will link an American tourist couple's frantic struggle to survive, two Moroccan boys involved in an accidental crime, a nanny illegally crossing into Mexico with two American children and a Japanese teen rebel whose father is sought by the police in Tokyo. Separated by clashing cultures and sprawling distances, each of these four disparate groups of people are nevertheless hurtling towards a shared destiny of isolation and grief. In the course of just a few days, they will each face the dizzying sensation of becoming profoundly lost--lost in the desert, lost to the world, lost to themselves--as they are pushed to the farthest edges of confusion and fear as well as to the very depths of connection and love.

Starring: Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett, Gael Garcia Bernal, Koji Yakusho, Mahima Chaudhry

The Dead Girl (R); Limited
The murdered body of a young woman named Krista is found by Arden, a lonesome caretaker living with her irascible mother. This leads to Leah, a forensics graduate student whose sister went missing as a child, stumbling upon possible closure when Krista's body appears on her gurney. The story continues with Ruth, who in the midst of a long and intense love/hate relationship with her husband, discovers a disturbing connection between her husband and Krista's murder. Finally, Melora is a mother searching for answers about her runaway daughter Krista's troubled life and finds help in her quest from another troubled young woman.

Starring: Toni Collette, Rose Byrne, Mary Beth Hurt, Marcia Gay Harden, Brittany Murphy

God Grew Tired of Us: The Story of Lost Boys of Sudan (PG); Limited
Orphaned by a tumultuous civil war and traveling barefoot across the sub-Saharan desert, John Bul Dau, Daniel Abol Pach and Panther Blor were among the 25,000 "Lost Boys" (ages 3 to 13) who fled villages, formed surrogate families and sought refuge from famine, disease, wild animals and attacks from rebel soldiers. The boys traveled together for five years and against all odds crossed into the UN's refugee camp in Kakuma, Kenya. A journey's end for some, it was only the beginning for John, Daniel and Panther, who along with 3,800 other young survivors, were selected by the International Rescue committee to re-settle in the United States. The cameras observe three resilient young men in a complex and confusing western world. illuminating all that has been gained and much that has been lost in the continuing immigrant experience of coming to America.

Starring: John Bul Dou, Peter Greneng, Mabouc Thon Mabouc, Paul Ding Nyuon, Daniel Abul Pach

The Last King of Scotland (R); Limited
A Scottish doctor on a Ugandan medical mission becomes irreversibly entangled with one of the world's most barbaric figures: Idi Amin. Impressed by Dr. Garrigan's brazen attitude in a moment of crisis, the newly self-appointed Ugandan President Amin hand picks him as his personal physician and closest confidante. Though Garrigan is at first flattered and fascinated by his new position, he soon awakens to Amin's savagery--and his own complicity in it. Horror and betrayal ensue as Garrigan tries to right his wrongs and escape Uganda alive.

Starring: Forest Whitaker, James McAvoy, Gillian Anderson, David Oyelowo, Kerry Washington

Letters From Iwo Jima (R); Limited
Sixty-one years ago, U.S. and Japanese armies met on Iwo Jima. Decades later, several hundred letters are unearthed from that stark island's soil. The letters give faces and voices to the men who fought there, as well as the extraordinary general who led them. The Japanese soldiers are sent to Iwo Jima knowing that, in all probability, they will not come back. Among them are Saigo, a baker who wants only to live see the face of his newborn daughter; Baron Nishi, an Olympic equestrian champion known around the world for his skill and his honor; Shimizu, a young former military policeman whose idealism has not yet been tested by war; and Lieutenant Ito, a strict military man who would rather accept suicide than surrender. Leading the defense is Lt. General Tadamichi Kuribayashi, whose travels in America have revealed to him the hopeless nature of the war, but have also given him strategic insight into how to take on the vast American armada streaming in across the Pacific. With little defense other than sheer will and the volcanic rock of the island itself, Gen. Kuribayashi's unprecedented tactics transform what was predicted to be a quick and bloody defeat into nearly 40 days of heroic and resourceful combat. Almost 7,000 American soldiers were killed on Iwo Jima; more than 20,000 Japanese troops perished. The black sands of Iwo Jima are stained with their blood, but their sacrifices, their struggles, their courage and their compassion live on in the letters they sent home.

Starring: Ken Watanabe, Kazunari Ninomiya, Shido Nakamura, Tsuyoshi Ihara, Ryo Kase

Pan's Labyrinth (El Laberinto del Fauno) (R); Limited
Set in 1940s Spain against the postwar repression of Franco's Spain, a fairy tale that centers on Ofelia, a lonely and dreamy child living with her mother and adoptive father, who is a military officer tasked with 'ridding the area' of rebels. In her loneliness, Ofelia creates a world filled with fantastical creatures and secret destinies. With Fascism at its height, Ofelia must come to terms with her world through a fable of her own creation.

Starring: Sergi Lopez, Maribel Verdu, Ivana Baquero, Alex Angulo, Doug Jones

Venus (R); Limited
Maurice and Ian are a pair of veteran actors who never quite hit the big time. Now in their ‘golden years,' they continue to work, though the jobs are far from glamorous. But their comfortable routine and witty banter over breakfast in a favorite café is disrupted by the arrival of Ian's grand-niece, Jessie. Jessie quickly tries her great-uncle's patience; but Maurice is absolutely taken with the young woman and proceeds to show her the cultural sights of London. As Maurice tries to give Jessie the benefit of his experience, he is surprised to discover how very little he actually knows about himself now that his life is drawing to a close. Jessie, who had arrived with an enormous chip on her shoulders, slowly learns from Maurice the value of respect--for herself as well as others.

Starring: Peter O'Toole, Leslie Phillips, Jodie Whittaker, Vanessa Redgrave, Richard Griffiths
Director(s): Roger Michell

Coming Attractions
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Blood and Chocolate (PG-13); Nationwide; opens 1/26

Catch and Release (PG-13); Nationwide; opens 1/26

Epic Movie (PG-13); Nationwide; opens 1/26

Smokin' Aces (R); Nationwide; opens 1/26