Been so long Okay, so it has probably been a few months, or maybe just one, since I decided to write...or found the time to. (listens to stomach grumble in hunger in the morning) Okay, I guess I should eat too. But that can wait. I found out a lot of things in the last few weeks....stuff I should have known, and probably did but just needed the refresher. I have learned that at the times when people let you down the most and trample all over your feelings, someone can come along and pick you up, dust you off, load you on the back of the horse and take you off into the sunset on the beach. I had lost a lot of faith in people and it sucked.I didn't think that true friends could be really petty about things, but I guess I was wrong. I lost two good friends of mine, actually probably three since I haven't heard from Joe in awhile either. Apparently he doesn't like to send emails since he hasn't bothered to respond to any that I have sent him. And that is the part that sucks badly. I spend more of my time around a computer during the day when I am at work, and when I am home, I don't always have my phone near. Of course he has only called me a couple of times, but who knows. But two of my good friends decided that I wasn't worth it because we had a misunderstanding about where to get up with me and my roommate one night to hang out. And they left some nasty voicemails cussing at us, which is really not appreciated. I do have to admit that I did get an attitude with them about it when I called them, but I didn't mean to...I was just a little frazzled about the way they were acting and didn't even try to call us on the cell phones. I would have thought that would be a given if you can't reach someone at the house and you know both people have cell phones. I got cussed out and told that I wasn't a good friend and could go fry in hell...and a few other things that are too graphic to put in something like this. I tried to call back and apologize for getting attitude, but it was sent to voicemail. My roommate even try to send them messages but nothing was returned. And I think that was what hurt even more than anything. I knew I did wrong...and I was trying to apologize for it. I mean, we had been through a lot more horrendous fights than this before and made it through...but something like this, they decide to "fire a friend" as it was phrased to me. That is just plain old stupid I think. Oh well. Their problem I guess.And then, to top all of that off, the military friend of ours that has an interest in me decides to blow everything off as well. He wanted me to come and get him from the base on a Sunday afternoon so he could chill with me before getting shipped out to Iraq again. But he never called me...didn't even text me to say that he wouldn't be able to make it. Do people not know how to communicate these days? Or is it just that hard to do anything anymore? I don't know. I try to email my friends if I know that I am not going to be in the mood to talk on the phone...at least then they have an idea that something is going on, but that I am okay. That is all I ask from my friends.But Labour Day showed me that there are some really good people out there still. I decided to get online and just look around to chat with people and see if anyone decent I knew was online. After about 20 minutes this cute guy messages me and we started talking. He asked me out for coffee and I finally said yes. Met him up at the Starbucks and we stayed there talking for like five hours. I couldn't believe it. The first cute person who was decent and had a head on his shoulders around here. We have been on four dates since then, and while both of us are broke right now, we don't need much money to have a good time. He has made me feel completely whole again...like that missing puzzle piece was found when cleaning out the cat toys from under the couch. We can spend five or six hours together just talking..something I haven't done in a long time. And we both want a relationship to work. And he is very respectful of me not wanting to "do the deed" for several months...I don't want that to screw anything up. Every time I got involved with someone, sex was always the first thing to happen in the first couple of days. This time I am not going to do that. It is hard, but he is very respectful of it...and appreciative of it as well. And I think I shocked him even more with my comfortness about his being positive. That doesn't bother me in the least. True love doesn't care about any of that...it is just there. And I think that is what is forming with us. I know what I am in for when the medicines can no longer keep things in check...I went through that before...and am perfectly fine. I just wish that other people could be that way. Our culture (meaning the gay culture) has such a hard problem when it comes to those of us who are HIV+, and I never could understand why. They are people just like us, and most of them don't complain or cry "why me". They just take their pills and keep moving on with their lives. They love, they cry, they bleed, they live just as full lives as the rest of us do. But there are a lot of us out there who have a problem of dating people who are positive...or, hell, even just being around them. I don't think that I will ever understand that. With all the diversity around us, why can't we get along? Just another one of those age-old mysteries I guess.Ta-ta for now. Muah!
  ¶ 9/16/2004 11:31:00 AM