Some thoughts on people I recently found out from a good friend of mine in Cali that his second husband disappeared from there last week and has been located in Idaho. I don't know the full circumstances, but judging from J's profile, there is something deep within that scares him. DR and Kev are extremely upset at the lose of J..the sudden disappearance. I know how they feel. The three of them have been together for a good time now...longer than most people manage to keep in relationships. DR has never been this dumbstruck since I have been around...and I worry about him. I know that life is difficult for all of them right now, but they don't need to let it get in the way of their own feelings. Earlier today I went to DR's page and read his last entry in his journal. He said that it is time for action and restart the construction in that home. I hope that J reads that journal while he is away and realizes that there are two people who are waiting for him to come back home...and if they ever read this, I just want to say one thing. Joe: You are a very lucky person to have two people care about you so much like Dar and Kev do. We all search for that in our lives....you have already found it. Get yourself collected again...they won't ever leave you. Dar: Being a person is always about being under construction. It sucks, sometimes, but we always learn to grow with each new experience. Dar and Kev: Don't give up hope; he will return to you...and I am always there to talk/listen if you need it. Peace always be with you.

Much love from me to all of my friends. no matter what trouble they may be going through. Life loves to throw little curve balls at us to see how we will react. We can never give up on it; if we do that, then the daemons will be there to drag us down.

I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.
 Agatha Christie

The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials.
 Chinese proverb

The sages do not consider that making no mistakes is a blessing. They believe, rather, that the great virtue of man lies in his ability to correct his mistakes and continually make a new man of himself.
 Wang Yang-Ming (1472-1529) Chinese Philosopher
  ¶ 1/31/2005 10:06:00 AM 0 comments

  A little randomness never hurt a thing So I have officially been called the devil and an angel in one day. What are the odds of that? Didn't think that would be...normally I am a devil...or Archangel on a good day. I am still trying to figure how I got that nickname too. Oh well. I know that I don't have wings on my back...or at least not yet. I worked on a new tattoo that will take care of that. Take from my namesake and apply to me. ;-)

"If God is a DJ
Life is a dance floor
Love is the rhythm
You are the music
If God is a DJ
Life is a dance floor
You get what you're given
It's all how you use it"

So very true. Lemonade from lemons and sugar...so sweet yet sour at the same time. That is how life is. You get tossed through the upper layers of hell until you can reach Purgatory...and from there, depending on your actions, you can head either up into Heaven and pure ecstasy or down into the lower levels of hell. Something else to remember: "You take what you get and you get what you give. I say don't run from yourself, man, that's no way to live, I've got a record in my bag you should give it a spin, Lift your hands in the air so that life can begin." P!nk is so good sometimes. :-)

Okay..so my roommate is worried about heading to his brother's house this weekend because his mother has stated that they are attending church as a family. Something that never happened before and just recently started. He thinks that they are going to try to "recuperate" him from being gay and try to blockade him in there. Everyone deserves their own beliefs...isn't that was sets us apart as people? His family knows that and it gets practiced a bit too. I honestly don't think that they are that close-minded anymore...they can't be with quite a few of the family members being of a gay descent. LOL Talking like we are our own species. Homo sapiens faggotus. LOL....too funny. I don't know where I come from sometimes with this stuff. He used to not be like that...I am not sure what really has changed with him anymore. He is letting more and more of his gayness define him; one of those I am gay and male, instead of I am male who is gay. Our orientation should not define our lives...and those that try to make it that way in today's society have taken a step backwards in time. The Space Age is becoming more like the Stone Age again. Perhaps if "Day After Tomorrow" happens, things will change. Ha..what I thinking. But you never know.

I will say though that I used to be the same way. I let my gayness define me and who I was. These days, as I grow up, I just try to be myself. The flambouyance has fallen to the background for the most part and I blend like the chameleon. We live with enough extra bullshit in our lives, why does there have to be more? Not saying that I don't support the gay causes, and HRC, but I know that things will take their turn when people are truly ready. When people are ready to listen to facts and realize that a religion is not an absolute..it is just a manner to help us feel a little more secure. There is a lot of uncertainty in our lives...some security is nice to have. But everything is man-made here. The Jews were the first to have organized one-God religion and rules set down in stone tablets. Hence the beginnings of the Old Testament. But the Babylonians and Egyptians had their own gods to start off with. The Greeks and Romans and Aztecs worshipped their own set of gods for the earth and war and love, etc. It wasn't (supposedly) until Jesus Christ came along and missionaries started carrying the Word that it was spread to everyone else. The main thing that I believe is that we ultimately answer to one being later in life...ourselves and karma. "Do onto others as you would have them do unto you"; the best rule to remember in all life.

Okay...that is my two cents on that!! Have a nice day if I don't talk to you before then!!!!



  ¶ 1/28/2005 10:11:00 AM 1 comments

  One more Laughter shall drown the raucous shout; And, though these sheltering walls are thin, May they be strong to keep hate out and hold love in.

-- Louis Vortemeyer, 1918
  ¶ 1/27/2005 10:33:00 AM 0 comments

  The only queer people are those that don't love anyone

--Rita Mae Brown, author
  ¶ 1/27/2005 10:31:00 AM 0 comments

  The sages do not consider that making no mistakes is a blessing. They believe, rather, that the great virtue of man lies in his ability to correct his mistakes and continually make a new man of himself.

-- Wang Yang-Ming (1472-1529) Chinese Philosopher
  ¶ 1/26/2005 10:53:00 AM 0 comments

  A life without purpose is a languid, drifting thing; Every day we ought to review our purpose, saying to ourselves: This day let me make a sound beginning, for what we have hitherto done is naught!
-- Thomas A. Kempis

~AIDM
  ¶ 1/25/2005 10:35:00 AM 0 comments

  Chicane (say it again)Standing here in the dim light, You can only see your soul.No place that we can hide in, no, Your love will still unfold.By the time your sense is moving, You see,The one you lost is leading, And turning out to be, Strong in love! (Say it again.)Strong in love! (Say it again.) And when all your dreams have turned into dust,And your world has fallen down,You know you've got to be, Strong in love!Sunrise here in the morning, And you're lying next to me.Somewhere love is begining, On a journey I don't know.By the time your sense is moving, You see,The one you lost is leading, And turning out to be,Strong in love! (Say it again.) Strong in love! (Say it again.)And when all your dreams have turned into dust,And your world has fallen down,You know you've got to be, Strong in love! (Say it again.) Strong in love! (Say it again.)Strong in love! (Say it again.) Strong in love! (Say it again.)
  ¶ 1/24/2005 12:33:00 PM 0 comments

  Stardate 01202005 LOL...Okay, so I had to throw a little Star Trek into this. I did grow up with it and spend most of the day Tuesday watching it. Whoops.

It can get scary sometimes when you don't know what you are doing in your life...when you try to think of things, but can't because your mind itself has gone completely numb...when your total lack of sleep increases your irritablility to the point that one little thing not going right can set you off or make you break down. For the last two weeks that is how I have been. Started off just with a normal depressive stage (always happens during the winter months), and then just went downhill from there. I stopped sleeping on Sunday, tried to take my medicine, but that didn't work in the least bit and didn't finally get to pass out until Wednesday night. A little scary when I think about it. I had never gotten to that point before...but I guess I finally hit it. Hopefully things will be okay from here on in.

Things are starting to work out again some with the boy too. We had a talk Saturday regarding each others attitudes and just plain ol' problems too. Of course this is the first time that I started opening up period to anyone (one of my flaws with my relationships...I never open up) so it was a little weird. But maybe it will help with things. Hopefully.

Okay, so why does this cold snap need to last any longer? It needs to be back to the 70 degrees outside that it was only a week ago...that was so nice. Wear shorts in January....now I am sitting here with a beanie on my head and my fleece on...that sucks. Summer is not going to come too soon for me this year.

So what has happened with you this week? Anything interesting I should know about? Really?! Congrats for you!!! Well...I guess I better get back to getting ready for work. I will talk to you soon...and try not to make it as long as it was before.
  ¶ 1/20/2005 04:32:00 AM 0 comments

  Mirror behind the Screen Here's the mirror
Behind there is a screen
Turn around
On both ways you can get in
The experience of survival
Look around just people, can you hear their voice
Find the one who'll guide you to the limits of your choice
The experience / of survival
Try to think about it ...
That's the chance to live your life and discover
Try to think about it
The experience of survival
The experience ...
The experience of survival
The experience ... (The Screen Behind the Mirror, Enigma)
  ¶ 1/20/2005 04:30:00 AM 0 comments

  guess the anime show and get a special treat ;-) Save your tears
for the day
when our pain is far behind
on your feet
come with me
we are soldiers stand or die

save your tears
take your place
save them for the judgement day
fast and free
follow me
time to make the sacrifice
we rise or fall
  ¶ 1/04/2005 01:09:00 PM 0 comments