Wednesday, August 10, 2005
On lifestyles and gay men
Okay, so I am cruising through Connexions one day checking out the profiles of other people. I come across a really cute 26-year old from NY. In the About Me section, he starts out with how other people describe him. And the last line in the first paragraph is "i'm all of those things...oh, and i have HIV. " He goes on to describe what he does with the rest of his life. You get down to his Want to Meet section and the first line is "you don't have hangups about my being HIV+" It is a shame when a positive man has to state that in his profile.
And he isn't the only one either. I have a few other friends on there who are positive and they haven't had a very good outlook on life. And I find that sad. Last year, OUT Magazine printed an article on men with HIV by Paul Wisotzky. In there, he addressed a lot of issues that gay men face as being carriers of HIV and AIDS. I know that straight people can be very discriminatory, but they have no edge over gay men. Because of the negative connotations that are applied to HIV and AIDS, we seem to have our preconceived notions about these gentlemen, and they couldn't be further from the truth. I had written a letter to the editor regarding the article, and have decided to post it here. The letter did get published on the website the month following.
"I wanted to comment on Paul Wisotzky's article about how positive men are discriminated against by the rest of the gay community. And it is very true. I am a 23yr-old negative guy who is currently dating someone who is HIV positive. We have only been together for a few short months, but he is not the first person that I dated who is like that. Most of my friends and family don't know about the other two that I dated previously, or the one who died five years ago from it. When you are younger, everyone tells you how bad it is to be infected with HIV and everything that can happen to you and how nasty it gets as you get older. But that doesn't always happen, nor does it detract from the person either. With today's medicines, you never know when you can be around someone who had HIV. They live the same lives, and are in every way as healthy as we are. Ironically, my boyfriend now doesn't suffer as easily from the flu as I do. He leads an active life and is currently looking to go back to college as well for a degree. I never really understood why people in the HIV+ community are so frowned upon by the rest of us...the deserve the same love we give to anyone else. At the same time, I do understand that it is hard on someone who is positive to date someone who is negative. Me and my boyfriend discuss all the time how he worries about me and keeps asking what I see in him. I don't see a disease or a future filledwith problems and frequent visits to the doctor. I know that may happen, but the important part is that I see a person who is very caring and loving and deserves the same. It is a pity that a lot of other people can't see that. Especially in the days where people younger and younger are being infected. One of my friends that I talk to online is only 21 and infected. He feels alone because no one wants to talk to him or even look at him half the time. Just because a bad decision was made in your life, it does not mean that you should let it affect your life. I know that is easier said than done sometimes. All I can say for those out there who have HIV, don't give up. Not all of us look down on you....some of us really do see the face behind the screen."
Anyway, that is just my two cents on a popular topic today. Have a great day!!!
*I am no longer dating the gentleman mentioned in my letter due to other reasons. We have remained good friends though. ¶ 8/10/2005 04:19:00 AM
Okay, so I am cruising through Connexions one day checking out the profiles of other people. I come across a really cute 26-year old from NY. In the About Me section, he starts out with how other people describe him. And the last line in the first paragraph is "i'm all of those things...oh, and i have HIV. " He goes on to describe what he does with the rest of his life. You get down to his Want to Meet section and the first line is "you don't have hangups about my being HIV+" It is a shame when a positive man has to state that in his profile.
And he isn't the only one either. I have a few other friends on there who are positive and they haven't had a very good outlook on life. And I find that sad. Last year, OUT Magazine printed an article on men with HIV by Paul Wisotzky. In there, he addressed a lot of issues that gay men face as being carriers of HIV and AIDS. I know that straight people can be very discriminatory, but they have no edge over gay men. Because of the negative connotations that are applied to HIV and AIDS, we seem to have our preconceived notions about these gentlemen, and they couldn't be further from the truth. I had written a letter to the editor regarding the article, and have decided to post it here. The letter did get published on the website the month following.
"I wanted to comment on Paul Wisotzky's article about how positive men are discriminated against by the rest of the gay community. And it is very true. I am a 23yr-old negative guy who is currently dating someone who is HIV positive. We have only been together for a few short months, but he is not the first person that I dated who is like that. Most of my friends and family don't know about the other two that I dated previously, or the one who died five years ago from it. When you are younger, everyone tells you how bad it is to be infected with HIV and everything that can happen to you and how nasty it gets as you get older. But that doesn't always happen, nor does it detract from the person either. With today's medicines, you never know when you can be around someone who had HIV. They live the same lives, and are in every way as healthy as we are. Ironically, my boyfriend now doesn't suffer as easily from the flu as I do. He leads an active life and is currently looking to go back to college as well for a degree. I never really understood why people in the HIV+ community are so frowned upon by the rest of us...the deserve the same love we give to anyone else. At the same time, I do understand that it is hard on someone who is positive to date someone who is negative. Me and my boyfriend discuss all the time how he worries about me and keeps asking what I see in him. I don't see a disease or a future filledwith problems and frequent visits to the doctor. I know that may happen, but the important part is that I see a person who is very caring and loving and deserves the same. It is a pity that a lot of other people can't see that. Especially in the days where people younger and younger are being infected. One of my friends that I talk to online is only 21 and infected. He feels alone because no one wants to talk to him or even look at him half the time. Just because a bad decision was made in your life, it does not mean that you should let it affect your life. I know that is easier said than done sometimes. All I can say for those out there who have HIV, don't give up. Not all of us look down on you....some of us really do see the face behind the screen."
Anyway, that is just my two cents on a popular topic today. Have a great day!!!
*I am no longer dating the gentleman mentioned in my letter due to other reasons. We have remained good friends though. ¶ 8/10/2005 04:19:00 AM
Subscribe to My Feed