Tuesday, October 04, 2005
You can sit back now
“Just keep swimming…just keep swimming…”
--Dory from “Finding Nemo”
A friend reminded me of Dory today…such a cute little fishy. Things have been a tad bit crazy as of late, which many of you know already. I am doing my best to get through a lot if it without hurting anyone…a tough feat sometimes.
"Our capacity to draw happiness from aesthetic objects or material goods in fact seems critically dependent on our first satisfying a more important range of emotional or psychological needs, among them the need for understanding, for love, expression and respect."-- Alain De Botton
The last few weeks has taught me a lot about people, though. No matter how much you think you can trust someone, you should never trust fully. Finding someone who is mature and true can be a tough feat, especially in the gay world. I have a serious dislike of duplicitous people and those who practice double-standards. That really drives me nuts. And then you have those who swear they are through with something, but have to revisit it every other hour, preaching to any who would listen about the horrible acts of a person. I can’t say that I have ever appreciated that part of our society…after all, why would someone want to hear stories from the trash of the town? Please don’t bring the drama around me…I don’t care for it. I have my own bullshit to deal with these days…don’t need extra baggage. But it has made me a little wary about sharing information with people…never know when it could get spread around town by those who have plenty of free time.
"I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be honorable, to be compassionate. It is, after all, to matter: to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all."-- Leo C. Rosten (1908-1977) American Writer
I have had to deal with accusations about not being a good friend as of late. That I find to be very hurtful as well. Those who have taken the time to get know me know that I have to live up to certain standards and courtesies that were instilled in me when I was a child. I currently work two jobs and sometimes don’t get done until 930 or 10 at night. One of the few nice things my mother taught me was to never call after a certain…it can be disrespectful. The only exception is if the other person works opposite schedules or has stated to you that is it okay to call at any time, including late at night. So I am issuing a public statement to run in all of the local newspapers, radio and TV stations: “Please accept my sincerest apologies at not calling or showing up at your house unannounced. From now on, please expect a phone call at any time of the day or night; during dinner or your favorite TV show, while you are in the middle of a date with a hot guy/girl, while you are in the middle of sex with your partner, or while you are trying to get what little sleep you are able. I will attempt to put aside my own ill-gotten sense of courtesy and do all in my power to conform to your standards.” Hopefully this will appease the masses.
But on to other topics…
There really isn’t much to report that most of my friends haven’t already heard. Still working, still living, still hanging in there. Nearly killed a co-worker of mine for butting into my business when she wasn’t asked and attempting to tell me how to handle my own studies. Sorry, but work on taking care of your own business before crashing into mine. At least I know how to perform my job.
The personal life is still okay. Just getting to know people and seeing if anything blossoms. Not expecting too much, though. I am still planning on relocating in six months, whether it be to another apartment here in Wilmington, or to a whole ‘nother city or state. That part is up in the air still. I know that I am not truly happy right now. And it isn’t one of those “I am in a mood” unhappy either. It is a true knowledge of being unhappy with myself as a person and what I do for a living. I know that I have a good job…when the managers above mine don’t keep trying to screw things up. For the most part, I know that I can’t complain too much about life since I have almost everything. But I know that it is not all that I can be doing with myself; I have a lot more to offer. Add in the fact that I would love to go back to school and actually get a degree in something. Graphic design, landscape architecture…something that I know I can truly enjoy. But that will come with time. I don’t expect to have everything solved overnight…I know that it takes patience for that. One of my friends keeps reminding me that I should face my issues head-on, that I should not run from them and hope that they will fade away into the background. I am aware of that, and my desire to relocate is not an escape method that I know very well. You can never fully escape from your problems anyway…they will always be there unless faced head on. It is time to be Hercules facing the Hydra. I have come to know myself really well, now I just have to have the rest fall in place.
I do have a good note though. I have been selected to have another one of my poems published by the ISP (International Society of Poetry) in an work slated for publication next year. So my current problem is to select a poem already written or create a new one. Oh…and hopefully I will be taking a trip to see this really good and patient friend of mine up in Chicago. I do miss talking with him…at least he understands that I am going through a lot right now.
But there you go…the update on things with me. I am sure there will be more to come with each day as things go crazy lately.
“The three great essentials to achieving anything worthwhile are; first, hard work, second,
stick-to-it-iveness, and third, common sense.”
--Thomas A. Edison (1847-1931) American Inventor
¶ 10/04/2005 10:57:00 AM
--Dory from “Finding Nemo”
A friend reminded me of Dory today…such a cute little fishy. Things have been a tad bit crazy as of late, which many of you know already. I am doing my best to get through a lot if it without hurting anyone…a tough feat sometimes.
"Our capacity to draw happiness from aesthetic objects or material goods in fact seems critically dependent on our first satisfying a more important range of emotional or psychological needs, among them the need for understanding, for love, expression and respect."-- Alain De Botton
The last few weeks has taught me a lot about people, though. No matter how much you think you can trust someone, you should never trust fully. Finding someone who is mature and true can be a tough feat, especially in the gay world. I have a serious dislike of duplicitous people and those who practice double-standards. That really drives me nuts. And then you have those who swear they are through with something, but have to revisit it every other hour, preaching to any who would listen about the horrible acts of a person. I can’t say that I have ever appreciated that part of our society…after all, why would someone want to hear stories from the trash of the town? Please don’t bring the drama around me…I don’t care for it. I have my own bullshit to deal with these days…don’t need extra baggage. But it has made me a little wary about sharing information with people…never know when it could get spread around town by those who have plenty of free time."I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be honorable, to be compassionate. It is, after all, to matter: to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all."-- Leo C. Rosten (1908-1977) American Writer
I have had to deal with accusations about not being a good friend as of late. That I find to be very hurtful as well. Those who have taken the time to get know me know that I have to live up to certain standards and courtesies that were instilled in me when I was a child. I currently work two jobs and sometimes don’t get done until 930 or 10 at night. One of the few nice things my mother taught me was to never call after a certain…it can be disrespectful. The only exception is if the other person works opposite schedules or has stated to you that is it okay to call at any time, including late at night. So I am issuing a public statement to run in all of the local newspapers, radio and TV stations: “Please accept my sincerest apologies at not calling or showing up at your house unannounced. From now on, please expect a phone call at any time of the day or night; during dinner or your favorite TV show, while you are in the middle of a date with a hot guy/girl, while you are in the middle of sex with your partner, or while you are trying to get what little sleep you are able. I will attempt to put aside my own ill-gotten sense of courtesy and do all in my power to conform to your standards.” Hopefully this will appease the masses.
But on to other topics…
There really isn’t much to report that most of my friends haven’t already heard. Still working, still living, still hanging in there. Nearly killed a co-worker of mine for butting into my business when she wasn’t asked and attempting to tell me how to handle my own studies. Sorry, but work on taking care of your own business before crashing into mine. At least I know how to perform my job.
The personal life is still okay. Just getting to know people and seeing if anything blossoms. Not expecting too much, though. I am still planning on relocating in six months, whether it be to another apartment here in Wilmington, or to a whole ‘nother city or state. That part is up in the air still. I know that I am not truly happy right now. And it isn’t one of those “I am in a mood” unhappy either. It is a true knowledge of being unhappy with myself as a person and what I do for a living. I know that I have a good job…when the managers above mine don’t keep trying to screw things up. For the most part, I know that I can’t complain too much about life since I have almost everything. But I know that it is not all that I can be doing with myself; I have a lot more to offer. Add in the fact that I would love to go back to school and actually get a degree in something. Graphic design, landscape architecture…something that I know I can truly enjoy. But that will come with time. I don’t expect to have everything solved overnight…I know that it takes patience for that. One of my friends keeps reminding me that I should face my issues head-on, that I should not run from them and hope that they will fade away into the background. I am aware of that, and my desire to relocate is not an escape method that I know very well. You can never fully escape from your problems anyway…they will always be there unless faced head on. It is time to be Hercules facing the Hydra. I have come to know myself really well, now I just have to have the rest fall in place.
I do have a good note though. I have been selected to have another one of my poems published by the ISP (International Society of Poetry) in an work slated for publication next year. So my current problem is to select a poem already written or create a new one. Oh…and hopefully I will be taking a trip to see this really good and patient friend of mine up in Chicago. I do miss talking with him…at least he understands that I am going through a lot right now.
But there you go…the update on things with me. I am sure there will be more to come with each day as things go crazy lately.
“The three great essentials to achieving anything worthwhile are; first, hard work, second,
stick-to-it-iveness, and third, common sense.”
--Thomas A. Edison (1847-1931) American Inventor
¶ 10/04/2005 10:57:00 AM
Subscribe to My Feed