Commando Friday
Friday. The end of the week to which we all should be looking forward. The beginning of the club nights for those who party on the weekends. The one day of the week some of us will go commando, feeling the full comfort of our jeans. And, yet, some of us still dread the weekends. Why is that?

Last night was pretty uneventful. Helped a little with cleanup at Wes’s house, but didn’t feel very productive. Had a few drinks, so had a good buzz since I didn’t eat much at Rob’s luncheon yesterday. I don’t like taking my lunch early because it upsets my balance…and leaves with a lot more time until the day is over. Can’t stand long afternoons. The pizza didn’t show up until Jeopardy was almost over, but the little buzz that I had was pretty much dead anyway. I drank too much when I was younger, so that pretty much killed most effects other than it intensifying my desire to sleep. Sad that one has to resort to that in attempts to lay down and rest. Still only slept a few hours…I was awake at 230 listening to the dog having dreams in his crate on the other side of the wall. Such wonders.

Still a little upset with some events from yesterday. Perhaps they will go away, but somehow I doubt it. Things are no longer as close with me and the roommate as they once were, but I don’t see how they can get fixed. I have been accused of bailing, of running away when things got rough like I did during our relationship. At the time, neither one of us really did anything to work on what was wrong, correct and possibly save us. But that is in the past. I will admit that I am still dealing with some stuff from a previous ex, and they will not go away in the blink of an eye, but I am doing better. But I know that we weren’t very compatible at the time and the excess baggage weighed more heavily than anything else.

Not sure what to do at this point. I am hoping to relocate anyway in five or six months, but there are times that I wish I could do it right now. To be able to turn off that instinct I feel with my friends and wanting to make sure that they are okay would be a blessing right now. I don’t mean that with sincerity, but I do wish it sometimes. I am continually being told by others that I do too much for everyone else, that I don’t look after myself, and sometimes that is probably true. I am not used to looking after myself…I was taught by experience to be strong, accept what happens to me and keep on moving; other people come first. But now I start to wonder if perhaps those past experiences have instilled the wrong senses in me.

Where does everyone else end, and where do I begin?

Hopefully, by the end of March I can have that question answered. My body has screamed for awhile now that it is time to get out, find a new job and a new locale. Time to go back to school and restart my improvement. I completed my CAN at home…it is now time to complete a full degree. It is time to step outside of the current shell and be washed clean.

Okay, so now that I have really depressed myself on a Friday when I should happy… I hope that today goes off without a hitch because right now I can not deal with it.

So who watched THE APPRENTICE last night? Anyone care to comment on the topic SEX IN THE WORKPLACE? Can we say that a gay guy managed to upset the conservative Jew. I thought that was pretty funny.

Anyway, have a good Friday!

(more coming later today hopefully)

Although gold dust is precious, when it gets in your eyes, it obstructs your vision.
~Hsi-Tang

  ¶ 11/04/2005 04:22:00 AM