Tuesday afternoon and it is almost time for me to go home. Well, go to Wes’ anyway. Wish that the weather would make up its mind, though. It is going back and forth between sunny and cloudy, but staying very cool. Not liking it in the least bit.

Some good news. I was finally extended the offer for the CDA I position I had posted for awhile back. Very happy about it. And it looks like things are going pretty fast too as far as the turn over. In less than two weeks I will be starting in the new position, and starting part of my training next week. I am so ready for it! Now to just start trimming out some of the stress so that I can keep my mood swings down to a minimum. But a new car, a new job position, what more can I ask for? A boyfriend would be a nice addition.

Speaking of the mood swings… I finally told my roommate some of the issues that I had been going through/dealing with. Several weeks ago, I had asked a guy if he wanted to date, and he had to hold back from saying yes. Being somewhat of an empathy, I managed to pick up on the emotional changes going on and thought it was a good time. I knew that it was a pretty good time for me; I was willing to commit again. Well, we went through a few weeks of discussing, not discussing, leaving things sort of up in the air. My emotions started going a little haywire, causing me to get jealous and the usual stuff. Did not make me very happy. There were repeated discussions, but nothing that actually put things out into definites. Finally last week we had THE discussion. Have you ever realized that it can be hard for an emotional person and an analytical person to communicate? Locating that common ground for the discussion is not always easy. Needless to say, I will probably still be feeling a little rough for a few more days, but it doesn’t mean that I am going to stop loving this guy for the world. I know that he has a lot that he is going through right now in his own right; I just want to make sure that he knows that I will be there for him, always.

Which brings me back to my roommate. He isn’t fully understanding why I would keep myself in such an emotional escapade, especially knowing how strong my feelings can get at times. Like I have told both of them, all I can do is just watch the ball and see what direction it gets rolled. I have an old friend of mine that I have always had feelings for, but the timing never seemed to get perfect, so we stayed along as friends. And that is good because he seems to be very happy with his current boyfriend. They celebrated their first year several months ago. Just because I am not dating/being exclusive/however you wish to define it, it is not going to mean that I am just going to abandon the feelings I have for either of these people. I love myself, I know what I am able to contribute to anything, and I know what I am able to handle on top of the various things that currently run through my life. If someone wishes to feel considerate and not add, then that is fine. But I am refusing to let it drag me back down into the depths that I had been before. Hell, this time I think my depression period was pretty minimal. I have made my comments, but I am aiming not to detract from what I have now.

As long as I can remain friends, and enjoy the times that I have with my friends, that is the best thing that I can ask for. I just need to try to pull the patience horse back into my ownership and let him lead around, instead of corralling him deep in the corners of my mind. Perhaps a little patience will bring me the desire that so strongly beats within my heart and soul. Perhaps.

I find that it is not the circumstances in which we are placed, but the spirit in which we face them, that constitutes our comfort. ~Elizabeth T. King

Those who have not lived the holy life, and have not acquired wealth in their youth, grow old like withered cranes beside a fishless pool. ~Gautama Buddha

Song of the Day:

Just Be (Antilles Club Mix) – DJ Tiesto/ Kirsty Hawkshaw

Devil Inside - Utada

¶ 12/06/2005 10:42:00 AM