Depeche Mode... Precious and fragile thingsNeed special handlingMy God what have we done to youWe always tried to shareThe tenderest of careNow look what we have put you throughThings get damagedThings get brokenI thought we'd manageBut words left unspokenLeft us so brittleThere was so little left to giveAngels with silver wingsShouldn't know sufferingI wish I could take the pain for youIf God has a master planThat only He understandsI hope it's your eyes He's seeing throughThings get damagedThings get brokenI thought we'd manageBut words left unspokenLeft us so brittleThere was so little left to giveI pray you learn to trustHave faith in both of usAnd keep room in your hearts for twoThings get damagedThings get brokenI thought we'd manageBut words left unspokenLeft us so brittleThere was so little left to give  ¶ 1/30/2006 12:10:00 PM 0 comments

  ... If only I had one more chance
to change my life today
Then I would never let you go

All my friends keep telling me
That I should leave you for a while
So you must show your love to me
And tell me what you feel

I thought that even you had feelings for me too
I know I was wrong
And baby when you care, then I will be there
By your side

And now I stand here alone in the dark
Without you
There's nothing more that I would like
Than be with you
I close my eyes but I can't stop
Thinking of you
And now I stand here alone in the dark
Without you
  ¶ 1/30/2006 10:41:00 AM 0 comments

  The greatest thing... It is better to say, "This one thing I do" than to say, "These forty things I dabble in."  ~Washington Gladden

So very true.  So many of us “dabble” in many things, but how many can claim we can do one thing with expertise?  And it be something that we are proud of?  I know that I most definitely cannot.  

Optimism is essential to achievement and it is also the foundation of courage and true progress.   ~Nicholas Murray Butler

It is hard to be optimistic when you see darkness around you, no candle to help light your way through.  Lately, I have felt that some, although most people see me as being upbeat and ever-lasting.  Okay, no puns were intended there, honestly.  LOL  But, while I might have a lot of things going for me, I don’t pay attention to them.  I focus on everything else that I don’t like.  There is a saying “The greatest thing in life is to love and be loved in return.”  I have it on one of my bookmarks at home.  And that is something that is nice to be said.  But how many of us travel through life loving someone and not knowing if it is returned?  How many wait on the other person to make that move we so desire?  Why do we wait?  What is the point?  Why not take control of ourselves and do something about it?  It sounds easy, but it really isn’t.  Not for us all.  We find something that we desire with heart and soul and don’t know how to move past when it doesn’t want to follow through in our wishes.


This weekend was okay.  Didn’t do much since most of my plans fell through.  Did manage to see a couple of people that I hadn’t seen in awhile, and talked with another on the phone.  But, I still managed to feel down through part of it.  Watched re-runs of Charmed on Sunday night while efforting to read.  That was a major success.  I still have to find homes for my daughters.  That is not going very well right now.  Each person that originally expresses an interest backs out.  So, it looks like I might be keeping them, at least for now.  Will have to see, I guess.

Hopefully this week will shape up better than last; although, this morning most definitely start off right.  Maybe I can just chalk that up to being a Manic Monday.  But, I will get back to reading my foundation modules for a job position I have yet to be formally trained on, and let the remix of “Seasons of Love” ease my nerves a bit.

Have a good day, and better week.

  ¶ 1/30/2006 07:43:00 AM 1 comments

  One for all of us The first virtue of all really great men is that they are sincere.
They eradicate hypocrisy from their hearts.

-- Anotole France


Video: Iio, At the End  ¶ 1/27/2006 06:31:00 AM 0 comments

  Friday Finale Song: Journey of Love by L.I.V.
Faithfully by Judy Torres
Love on My Mind by Freemasons ft Amanda Wilson


So Friday has come yet again…where does the time go? Will we ever know? I know that this week has been a very long one…and not the best one either. But, it is okay because the weekend is here and I can relax a little bit.

I saw an old friend last night, one that I had relations with awhile back. And he told me something that I have heard from a few people I have had relations with, something that sticks in the back of my mind and makes me wonder. He said that it was hard seeing me again. I had heard the same thing from my ex-husband, my most recent ex, and a few others scattered here and there. What is it about a person that makes it hard to see them after intense feelings? Why do we get hung up on someone else? What is it about me that makes them say this? I am not special. I mean, I am a man, which makes me as much an ass as the next. I do have my moments, but I don’t see anything special about me. I asked my roommate about it, how it was for him. He couldn’t talk for the others…only for himself. I don’t know why the sudden interest in knowing this…normally I don’t want to know for fear of something. Maybe I am finally growing up and coming to terms with myself. Who knows.

Okay…to a happier note. LOL

Movies out for release this weekend:

Everywhere
Annapolis starring James Franco and Tyrese Gibson
Big Momma’s House 2 starring Martin Lawrence and Nia Long
The Matador starring Pierce Brosnan and Greg Kinnear
Nanny McPhee starring Emma Thompson, Colin Firth and Angela Lansbury

Limited Release
Bubble – it is the first movie to be released in the theatre, on DVD and on Cable.
Imagine Me and You starring Piper Perabo
Rang de Basanti –foreign film

Movies under recommendation
Brokeback Mountain
Chronicles of Narnia
End of the Spear
Glory Road
Hoodwinked
Hostel
Last Holiday
Munich
Tristan & Isolde
Underworld: Evolution

Have a great weekend…I will see you next week.

Wisdom from the Dalai Lama:
“Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.”
“We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection.”
“When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.”
“Follow the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.”
And finally….
“When the days become longer and there is more sunshine, the grass becomes fresh and, consequently, we feel very happy. On the other hand, in autumn, one leaf falls down and another leaf falls down. The beautiful plants become as if dead and we do not feel very happy. Why? I think it is because deep down our human nature likes construction, and does not like destruction. Naturally, every action which is destructive is against human nature. Constructiveness is the human way. Therefore, I think that in terms of basic human feeling, violence is not good. Nonviolence is the only way.”

The Trouble With Love Is Lyrics
by Kelly Clarkson

Oooh oooh, ooooh yeah, mmmm...

Love can be a many splendid thing
Can't deny the joy it brings
A dozen roses, diamond rings
Dreams for sale and fairy tales
It'll make you hear a symphony
And you just want the world to see
But like a drug that makes you blind,
It'll fool ya every time

The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It's stronger than your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn't care how fast you fall
And you can't refuse the call
See, you got no say at all

Now I was once a fool, it's true
I played the game by all the rules
But now my world's a deeper blue
I'm sadder, but I'm wiser too
I swore I'd never love again
I swore my heart would never mend
Said love wasn't worth the pain
But then I hear it call my name

(The trouble with) The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It's stronger than your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn't care how fast you fall
And you can't refuse the call
See, you got no say at all

Every time I turn around
I think I've got it all figured out
My heart keeps callin' and I keep on fallin'
Over and over again
The sad story always ends the same
Me standin' in the pourin' rain
It seems no matter what I do
It tears my heart in two

(The trouble with love is) The trouble with love, yeah
(It can tear you up inside) It can tear you up inside
(Make your heart believe a lie) Make your heart believe a lie
It's stronger than your pride

(The trouble with love is)
It's in your heart
It's in your soul (doesn't care how fast you fall)
You won't get no control
(and you can't refuse the call)
See, you got no say at all

(The trouble with love is) Oh, yeah
(It can tear you up inside)
(Make your heart believe a lie)

  ¶ 1/27/2006 04:44:00 AM 1 comments

  Video sharing... I don't like work... but I like what is in work -- the chance to find yourself. Your own reality -- for yourself, not for others -- which no other man can ever know.    ~Joseph Conrad



Was playing around on YouTube and decided to search for some DHT videos.  Granted, I have already seen their videos, but I still like watching them.  Well, I found some different ones that I thought I would share.  The first is set to Kingdom Hearts and is pretty awesome, or at least it is in my opinion.  The video starts off pretty dark, but still good.  (For those who don’t know, Kingdom Hearts is a cross between Disney and Final Fantasy made for the Playstation II).  The second was set to an anime film that I am curious to locate.  Seems to center on the love between two guys, one older and the other younger.  Hmm…sounds kinda like me!!  LOL

Check them out, share what you think.  And if you find anything worth mentioning, please share them!








  ¶ 1/26/2006 10:34:00 AM 0 comments

  Forgot my quotes! The sages do not consider that making no mistakes is a blessing. They believe, rather, that the great virtue of man lies in his ability to correct his mistakes and continually make a new man of himself.
-- Wang Yang-Ming (1472-1529) Chinese Philosopher

A life without purpose is a languid, drifting thing; Every day we ought to review our purpose, saying to ourselves: This day let me make a sound beginning, for what we have hitherto done is naught!
-- Thomas A. Kempis


Wisdom from the Dalai Lama: “There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies.  My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness.”  ¶ 1/26/2006 04:47:00 AM 0 comments

  Dragging my feet Song: Raindrops by Stunt

Is it just me, or has this week dragging longer than it should have? Ugh…not sure how I make it sometimes. The morning comes and I am unable to get out of bed, much less stay awake throughout the day. Reading foundation modules for work and doing quality control is a bit mindless…and even the dance CDs I saved to my computer aren’t cutting their trick anymore. I turned to Sirius and XM radio online, but that hasn’t helped much. And they took away my report to have someone else work on…not happy about that! It might have been a little monotonous, but I am one of the few who actually worked on it before…I want my stuff!!! LOL

Tantrum over.

This week has been a little stressful with trying to find out about the apartment situation. I did finally hear that I can get it, but I need to place a security deposit down because of my credit. And I still had to get a co-signer!! So, that just upped my amount needing to be saved. At least I can get my taxes done soon…that should help me out a little bit. And then there have been discussions about what furniture is coming with me, and what will stay with Matt. Two years almost married to a person, and another year and half living with them certain builds up a lot of stuff!! And then, last night, I am all set to go to bed because it was late and already past the time that I should have been in bed, and found that my eldest cat had pissed in my bed. I was NOT happy. The dog I would have been able to understand a little bit more, but she has been doing it a lot lately. This is probably the second time that she has done it in my room since I found another spot on my comforter that she seemed to have hit. I have already been discussing finding the cats another home because it looked like I would not be able to bring them with. But, I think that this might finally clinch it. I just haven’t had the time lately for any of them, and I feel really bad. So, me and Matt are going to find the babies a home where someone can actually give the care and loving they need. My heart breaks, but I know that is probably the best thing.

In other news…there really hasn’t been other news. I have made a few new friends online through Connexion, Friendster, and MySpace. And I have counted that there are actually 27 days (not including today) until I reach the quarter century mark. If anyone cares. I am already getting old!!!!!!!!!!!!

Next.

I know three weeks ago I promised a recap of the previous year, and my newest resolutions for the new year. Hmm. Looks like I fell down on that a bit. Sorry. I honestly didn’t mean to, but it seems like it has been an almost regular occurance lately. I will work on that.

Have a good day today and don’t let the gloomy winter weather get you down.  ¶ 1/26/2006 04:40:00 AM 0 comments

  In tonight's broadcast... Okay, I know that I don’t normally do much in the way of commentary or discussing the news, but here is an article that I think is very worth while to read:

New Military Publication Signals Shifting Attitudes Towards GaysToday at 2:00 AM
Santa Barbara, CA - A new four-volume series on the cultural and psychological dimensions of American military life includes, for the first time, a chapter on the open service of gay troops. The chapter describes social and institutional changes needed to lift the ban on openly gay service members in the U.S. armed forces.
Experts say the inclusion of the topic in a publication endorsed by major military scholars reflects a shifted landscape on the question of military service by gays. Because a majority of junior enlisted service members now say that gays and lesbians should serve openly, according to an Annenberg poll, and because the vast majority of service members now say that they feel personally comfortable around gays and lesbians, integration is seen as a much less difficult option than would have been the case 12 years ago, when President Clinton tried to lift the gay ban.
The new chapter, "Sexual Orientation and Military Service: Prospects for Organizational and Individual Change in the United States," was written by Dr. Gregory M. Herek, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Davis, and Dr. Aaron Belkin, Director of the Center for the Study of Sexual Minorities in the Military at the University of California, Santa Barbara. It appears in Military Life: The Psychology of Serving in Peace and Combat, which was published last month by the Greenwood Publishing group. It was edited by Lt. Col. Carl Castro, Dr. Amy B. Adler of the US Army Medical Research Unit, and Dr. Thomas W. Britt, formerly of the Walter Reed Army Institute of Research.
Described by scholars as a "path-breaking analysis" of the military experience and a "comprehensive review" of factors influencing military performance, the compilation addresses the emotional impact of combat, methods of coping with war, the role of spirituality in military life, issues affecting family life, cultural diversity within the armed forces, and more. Its authors include military officers, academic experts, healthcare professionals and others who have in primary research about the personal and institutional qualities of military life.
The chapter on gay service is unique in that it examines how military culture could smoothly integrate open gay and lesbian troops. It offers "some practical issues relevant to replacing the [current] policy with one that does not discriminate against personnel on the basis of their sexual orientation." This focus is unusual since debate on the topic more commonly centers on whether known gays should be allowed to serve rather than on how to implement a change in policy. "The decision of the editors and publisher to include analysis on how to modify military culture to accommodate this policy change is an important milestone," said Nathaniel Frank, senior research fellow at the Center for the Study of Sexual Minorities in the Military. "It reflects an evolving understanding that the current exclusionary policy on gay troops is harmful and outdated, and that change is inevitable."
The chapter authors explain that compliance with new regulations-in this case nondiscrimination toward gays-will be most stable and enduring if strong leaders enforce new expectations by creating high costs for noncompliance. The initial focus of change in this case, they explain, should be the behavior, rather than attitudes, of heterosexuals; but over time, it is reasonable to expect that personnel will conform to new policies because they believe their conduct reflects their identity as members of the institution.
Source: Center for the Study of Sexual Minorities in the Military
Story is courtesy of Gaywired.com

If you are interested in buying the book and understand a little more behind the changing psychology, etc, of the military life, you can purchase it online from any major bookstore. Or, possibly even in store. But, be prepared. It is four volumes and Barnes & Noble has it priced at $300.00 ($270 if you are B&N Member).

In other news, all is pretty much the same with me these days. Trying to stay outta trouble, which is not always that easy. But I do my best. I did manage to hit the movie theatre twice this past weekend; the first time in an extremely long time! Friday night: Brokeback Mountain with Matt and Wes. I don’t normally go for the gay movies because so many focus on the stereotypes that is already perpetuated through today’s media and lifestyles. But this movie actually has some depth to it. And a message: if you have a crush or love someone, don’t be scared to tell them. Don’t live a lie…it might come to haunt you in the end.

Saturday night saw dinner and a movie with Wes. This time, Underworld: Evolution. Not as good as the first one, but still pretty spectacular. It was funny because Wes jumped in his seat several times (you do get caught off-guard at a few points). We discussed hitting the club, but neither of us had it in our hearts, plus we hadn’t had our pre-club naps. LOL Sunday ended up with a dreary day filled with chair shopping, running cable and rearranging furniture. I can say that Wes definitely has a living room now! Looks pretty nice and cozy too.

Now, time for some clarifications.

Because I have spent quite a bit of the blog dedicated to HIV, AIDS and its awareness, people have been asking if I am positive. The answer is no, I am not. It is something that has become extremely close to my heart due to such a large part it has played in the past with myself and my relationships. Plus, I am all about trying to get people to learn about something before they judge. Today’s society is all about judging without knowing a damn thing in regards to topic or person. That is something that easily pisses me off.

The other is in regards to me and a close friend who has been mentioned previously. Right now we are extremely close friends. We have not started dating, and I am not sure if that is going to happen. I know that right now, both of us have a lot going on, and the added tension it could bring in certain areas would not be very beneficial. So, we will continue to spend time with each other and discuss the rest at a later date. Not easy for me to say, but I have come to learn to not expect anything…just let the ball roll where it wills.

Today is Tuesday, January 24, 2006, and this has been your latest Ian update. Thank you, and good night.

If there is one thing upon this earth that mankind love and admire better than another, it is a brave man, -- it is the man who dares to look the devil in the face and tell him he is a devil.
-- James A. Garfield

The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials. -- Chinese proverb

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. -- Robert Frost (1875-1963) American Poet
Lesson from the Dalai Lama: “Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.”

  ¶ 1/24/2006 11:27:00 AM 0 comments

  Train-wrecked week...
I do apologize that things are slow right now. My tasks at work have started to pick up again, and I get to fight some nasty reports now. Yippee!! LOL But know that I have not forgotten this, or my friends, and will hopefully have some new things posted soon. Since I am not sure if I will be able to write on Friday, I am posting the latest movies now.

New Releases
End of the Spear
The New World
Underworld: Evolution

Select Theatres
Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World
Pizza
Why We Fight
also
Brokeback Mountain opens at Mayfaire Theatre Complex in Wilmington, NC (finally!)

Current Selections for Recommendation
Hoodwinked
Glory Road
Last Holiday
Chronicles of Narnia
Hostel
Fun with Dick and Jane
Tristan & Isolde
Memoirs of a Geisha (read the book too)
Munich
The Family Stone
Rumour Has It...
Transamerica

please check your local listings for play-times


Have a great weekend if I don't post before then....



The Buddha saw that life's very purpose is happiness. He also saw that while ignorance binds beings in endless frustration and suffering, wisdom is liberating. Modern democracy is based on the principle that all human beings are essentially equal, that each of us has an equal right to life, liberty, and happiness. Buddhism too recognises that human beings are entitled to dignity, that all members of the human family have an equal and inalienable right to liberty, not just in terms of political freedom, but also at the fundamental level of freedom from fear and want. Irrespective of whether we are rich or poor, educated or uneducated, belonging to one nation or another, to one religion or another, adhering to this ideology or that, each of us is just a human being like everyone else. Not only do we all desire happiness and seek to avoid suffering, but each of us has an equal right to pursue these goals.
~His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama

Song of the Morning: Tiesto "Just Be"  ¶ 1/19/2006 04:01:00 AM 2 comments

  Getting rid of sick Okay, so I am still sick, and it sucks to hell right now.  Not sure if it is sinus infections or what, but I need to get rid of this congestion and ear pressure bad.  One day I will be done with it all!  Hopefully.

The important thing in the Olympic Games is not winning but taking part.  The essential thing in life is not conquering but fighting well.

• Baron de Coubertin, The Olympic Creed

"Nonviolence is the answer to the crucial political and moral questions of our time: the need for man to overcome oppression and violence without resorting to oppression and violence. Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love."   ~Martin Luther King, Jr., Nobel Prize acceptance speech, Stockholm, Sweden, December 11, 1964

Chinese fortune: “We don’t know who we are until we see what we can do.


  ¶ 1/17/2006 06:03:00 AM 1 comments

  ... None will improve your lot if you yourself do not.

-- Bertolt Brecht, 1933
  ¶ 1/13/2006 10:22:00 AM 0 comments

  Testing there the rain storm came over me
and I felt my spirit break
I had lost
all of my
belief you see
and realized my mistake
but time
threw a prayer to me
and all around me became still

(chorus)
I need love
love's divine
please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
give me love
love is what I need to help me know my name

through the rain storm came sanctuary
and I felt my spirit fly
I have found
all of my
reality&
and realized what it takes

(chorus)
'cause I need love
love's divine
please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
give me love

love is what I need to help me know my name

oh
I don’t beg
don’t pray
show me how to live it
promise me you wont forsake
'cause love can help me know my name

well I tried to say there's nothing wrong
but inside I felt me lying all along
what the message here was plain to see
believe me

(chorus)
'cause I need love
love's divine
please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
give me love
love is what I need to help me know my name
oh
I don’t beg
don’t pray
show me how to live it
promise me you wont forsake
'cause love can help me know my name
love can help me know my name


Anyone know who this song was written for?   ¶ 1/13/2006 06:18:00 AM 0 comments

  It's the 13th Friday the 13th.  Okay, anyone know how you are supposed to ward off any of the bad luck that is supposed to be associated with it?  Unless your lucky number is 13 or 666.  Just kidding!!!  Well, about the 666.  Yeah, I am in a bit of a rare form this morning.  Don’t ask.  Perhaps the prospect of actually getting a weekend mostly alone with the opportunity to relax.  That is something that has never been fully happened.

But anyway, some movies to look out for this week:

LAST HOLIDAY
GLORY ROAD
TRISTAN & ISOLDE
HOODWINKED
APRIL’S SHOWER

Upcoming:
UNDERWORLD EVOLUTION (so going to see it! Although, not sure if I am gonna catch it on the opening night.)
X-MEN 3 (yeah, I know…I still have four more months for this one.  But have you seen the hotties that are going to be in it?  Ben Foster plays Angel/Archangel and it looks like they also introduce the Morlocks as well.  Should be good!!!)

Have a good day…the weekend is only 7 hours away!  Well, for me at least.

“All human beings come from a mother’s womb.  We are all the same part of one human family.  We should have a clear realization of the oneness of all humanity.”  ¶ 1/13/2006 04:36:00 AM 0 comments

  Best quote I have found in awhile: In every person who comes near you look for what is good and strong; honor that; try to imitate it, and your faults will drop off like dead leaves when their time comes.

-- John Ruskin (1819-1900) English Art Critic
  ¶ 1/12/2006 11:53:00 AM 0 comments

  ... Justice is a certain rectitude of mind whereby a man does what he ought to do in circumstances confronting him.

-- St. Thomas Aquinas
  ¶ 1/12/2006 05:14:00 AM 0 comments

  Wanted: Partners in Life
It can be amazing how a little conversation with a friend, watching a show, or listening to a song can bring up thoughts or feelings. You have to stop and wonder, “Why this way? Why this strong?”

The last week or two has had me thinking like this, and, honestly, I find it kinda scary. And I think that it is probably because I am not always honest with myself. Janet Jackson said it eloquently in “YOU”:
“You gotta mean what you say/ You gotta say what you mean/ Tryin’ to please everyone/ Sacrifice your own needs/ Check in the mirror my friend/ No lies will be told then/ Pointin’ the finger again/ You can’t blame nobody but you”
Why her you ask? Not sure. Probably because I have done half of that. I never really have been honest and admitting with my feelings. They always get locked away far from the reaches of the sun. Probably that is why I fear them so much; and why I feel they do me harm.

And this leads me to the love issues. A friend asked me if I had ever been in love. I had dated a lot, but had I actually been IN love with any of them? Honestly, I think that can be answered by yes – twice.

The first was with Darrell, my ex who passed away before his time. I didn’t find out until afterwards that he hadn’t told his parents about me. Not until confrontation. The hardest part was them blaming me for his sickness. I still have a hard time dealing with that, even though it has been a few years; I mean, how to do you deal with someone blaming you for the death of another person? Try explaining to friends why you break down crying in the middle of a movie. Not exactly the easiest thing to do sometimes. Especially when you are one of those people who grew up having to learn not to show emotion – it is considered a sign of weakness in a house full of dominants.

The second has been more recent. It is not as easy to discuss, but I am sure sometime later I will. It is something that is not fully discussed right now as it is considered a sort of inappropriate timing. Do I see anything coming of it? I don’t know, honestly. I can hope, but only time will tell.

I am not sure why I talk the way that I do these days. Lessons learned have taught me that it is not prudent to always rely on others for anything. Which is why I probably have so many damn walls built up. Someone have a wrecker ball handy? The destruction would be fabulous. Okay, I just proved I am definitely gay with that word!

I have only had a few seriously meaningful relationships over the past eight years. Only two of them have actually lasted any meaningful amount of time in the gay world. But I honestly can’t discount any of the little flings either in the last year. It is amazing what you learn about yourself while learning about others.

Men can be assholes, yet we still love them. I really do think that we have our own version of PMS for all the moods that we go through. And anyone who knows me knows that I can definitely be a moody sonofabitch. Pisces are a very emotional bunch, being water signs. But add in a strong empathic nature, it can cause great problems. Take a cross-section of those taking anti-depressants, lithium, or any other mood-altering medication; I would not be surprised if a large selection of them are water signs.

But those who get to know us, who have the emotional understanding and see past all facades we present, they realize us to be caring individuals who are simply trying to find the same in another person. But we don’t want another extremely emotion person. We need that ying for our yang. We need someone with a more solid base to allow us our freedom, yet keep us anchored in the sand; prevent our being swept away with the tide.

I don’t know what others look for in another person when they date, or seek that person to spend a good majority of their life with. But what am I looking for? Mr. Right, of course. Is there a way of getting away from the Mr. Right-Now that seems so predominant? Most definitely. How? I haven’t the foggiest clue.

All I know is that I look for certain attributes within someone. Caringness; some loyalty; honesty is a plus; and a strong sense of determination. A willingness to just try to understand me and give me the space I need and desire. But at the same time, be there when I reach my most vulnerable moments. But that probably sounds like everyone’s dream. It more than likely is; I would not be surprised. But the only thing I can truly ask for? A person to be himself. I am not so concerned with a person’s looks. I try to look deeper than that. This is fact not common in the gay lifestyle. We are the vainest people out there, perhaps even surpassing women. (listens for startled gasps)

Where do I go from here? I don’t know, honestly. Exploration of the great unknown lies ahead of me and I go as prepared as I will ever be. Just one question...

Anyone want to explore with me?

“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.”

“Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend – or a meaningful day.”  ¶ 1/12/2006 04:58:00 AM 2 comments

  ... Sorry I have been incommunicado lately.  Trying to deal with an ear infection that has kept me offline for the most part.  Will have updates and all that soon.

“Since there is never a time when worldly activities come to an end, limit your activities.”
I believe with all my heart that civilization has produced nothing finer than a man or woman who thinks and practices true tolerance.       ~Frank Knox

“Avoid friends who cause you to increase delusions, and rely upon those who increase your virtue. This you should take to heart.”

The abundant life does not come to those who have had a lot of obstacles removed from their path by others.  It develops from within and is rooted in strong mental and moral fiber.        ~William Mather Lewis
  ¶ 1/11/2006 04:41:00 AM 1 comments

  Falling behind on the times... I have been tied up in training and other work projects for most of the day, so I have to apologize for not having a thrilling post today.  Sorry!!  So, I will leave you with a few quotes and hope that you have a great day.

“Avoid places that disturb your mind, and always remain where your virtues increase.”

In the final analysis there is no solution to man's progress but the day's honest work, the day's honest decisions, the day's generous utterances and the day's good deed.    ~Clare Booth Luce

“Since you cannot become a Buddha merely by understanding Dharma, practise earnestly with understanding.”

The best portion of a good man's life is the little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love.   ~William Wordsworth (1770-1850) English poet

And the best for those who have issues with roommates, etc:

“Spend some time alone every day.”  Wise words for a Dalai Lama.

  ¶ 1/09/2006 01:43:00 PM 0 comments

  Just another Freestylin' day Hey…its FREESTYLE FRIDAY!! Hell, actually, for me almost every day is becoming a freestyle day. Decided to start bumping it up more. LOL Mental images, anyone?

Not much to report today…it has been a pretty slow week for me, although, I really haven’t managed to work on anything that I wanted to start or complete. Guess that will have to wait until this weekend. The apartment search will start this weekend, as well as cleaning my fish tank. I was going to wait on the tank, but it is starting to look really nasty now, so I might as well.

New releases:
Everywhere
BLOODRAYNE
GRANDMA’S BOY
HOSTEL
MUNICH

Selected Theatres
FATELESS
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN (Yes, I know that it has already been released, but it is still going through the “select cities” thing. Maybe one day it will hit Wilmington!)

Movies of Possible Interest
KING KONG
CHRONICLES OF NARNIA
FUN WITH DICK AND JANE (I know that I don’t like Jim Carrey much, but you have to give him a shot once in awhile)
THE PRODUCERS
MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA
THE FAMILY STONE
RUMOR HAS IT…
CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN 2
HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
TRANSAMERICA (A transsexual movie for those who didn’t know)

Have a great Friday, a wonderful weekend, and I will see you bright and early on Monday morning. Oh, wait. You don’t have to be at work with me! Lucky fools!

“Until you realize ultimate truth, listening is indispensable, therefore listen to the instructions of the Spiritual Guide.”

“Some boys fall in love with girls, and some girls fall in love with boys. And there are some boys who fall in love with boys, and some girls who fall in love with girls. And that's just the way it is." John Ritter to his son, Jason Ritter

And, for those of us who are getting over being sick, or just trying to deal with a lot of stress:

“Sleep is the best meditation.” ~ The Dalai Lama  ¶ 1/06/2006 07:06:00 AM 2 comments

  A Freestyle Thursday... So I decided to peruse my Connexions profile this morning and see what the latest news stories were being posted.  Come to find out that there is more issues with the latest NBC TV show, The BOOK OF DANIEL.  Seems that GLAAD is worried that the conservative groups will pull weight with the local NBC affiliates and have the show pulled of the air.  

Honestly, I don’t know why the conservative groups are putting up such a fight.  Do they wish to live with their heads in the sand and ignore the fact that they are not as perfect as they seem?  I know several leaders of the faith with gay children; drugs seem to be predominant in today’s youth; and most kids are sleeping around.  Scandal is not a new thing here, people.  I never did fully understand the gay Republican thing, but I do accept it.  After all, one of my closest friends is a Republican.  My roommate seems to abhor their presence almost…he thinks that they turn their backs on the gay values, but I don’t see it that way.  Anyway, I am not getting involved in that debate again.

But, I do look forward to trying to catch the show this Friday night.  The local NBC station apparently has already run a new story on the issue, and the station manager has already stated that he will not censor the show in any manner.  That is good to hear, but frankly, I want to see a TV show that does not fill all the gay stereotypes.

Have a great Thursday!

Not the owner of many possessions will you be right to call happy: he more rightly deserves the name of happy who knows how to use the Gods' gifts wisely and to put up with rough poverty, and who fears dishonor more than death.      ~Horace (65-8 BC) Roman Poet

"Aware of the suffering caused by the destruction of life, I vow to cultivate compassion and learn ways to protect lives of people, animals, plants, and minerals. I am determined not to kill, not to let others kill, and not to condone any killing in the world, in my thinking, and in my way of life."   ~Ven. Thich Nhat Hanh

Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.   ~Henry Ford (1863-1947) American Industrialist


  ¶ 1/05/2006 07:19:00 AM 0 comments

  Hump Day Hump day!  Can I say that I woke up hornier than a cat in heat this morning!  Damn!  Anyway, now that everyone has a nice mental image… LOL  

I got my copy of the latest INSTINCT magazine yesterday in the mail.  Cutie on the front!  It is none other than our friend Ethan Reynolds from Brat Boy School.  Check it out.  The interview isn’t very long, but there are a couple of great shots of him in there…nice butt, Ethan!  And the rest of the articles aren’t bad either.  I can officially say that I now know two people who have been on the cover of Instinct.

Don’t have too much to actually report on.  I have screwed up one of my upcoming entries, so that is being reworked.  I have started to make some more friends, though, and that part I am extremely happy about.  

Anyway, have a great Hump Day, Wacky Wednesday, or whatever you wish to call it.  I know that I will!  (Don’t ask why I am in such a good mood…I can’t figure it out myself!)

"Hatred does not cease by hatred at any time: hatred ceases by love, this is an old rule."      ~The Dhammapada

It is the nature of man to rise to greatness if greatness is expected of him.  ~John Steinbeck (1902-1968) American Novelist

Know all things to be like this: A mirage, a cloud castle, A dream, an apparition, Without essence, but with qualities that can be seen. Know all things to be like this: As the moon in a bright sky In some clear lake reflected, Though to that lake the moon has never moved. Know all things to be like this: As an echo that derives From music, sounds, and weeping, Yet in that echo is no melody. Know all things to be like this: As a magician makes illusions Of horses, oxen, carts and other things, Nothing is as it appears.       ~Buddha

He whose inflowing thoughts are dried up, who is unattached to food, whose dwelling place is an empty and imageless release -- the way of such a person is hard to follow, like the path of birds through the sky.          ~Buddha

The recollected go forth to lives of renunciation. They take no pleasure in a fixed abode. Like wild swans abandoning a pool, they leave one resting place after another.       ~Buddha




  ¶ 1/04/2006 07:27:00 AM 2 comments

  Video game movies So I signed into Realplayer this morning and found they finally posted some new movie previews. One that I had forgotten about: Bloodrayne, set for release this Friday.

Now, the last couple of years has seen an increase in the movies off of comic books and video games: X-Men, Spiderman, The Hulk, DOOM, Aeon Flux, just to name a few. X-Men and Spiderman have done wonderfully in the box offices due to their strong following among us comic geeks and nerds. (Yes, there is a BIG difference between the two.) The Hulk probably could have been done better. DOOM, I never did see in the theatres although it had been an interest. But the trailers showed switching back and forth from the character to first-person view. The CGI left a lot to be desired.

Bloodrayne has set itself somewhat apart from the rest of the vampyre video games, but not by much. A female vampyre who comes into her own and is supposed to hold the fate of the world in her hands. Basically, she retaliates against her kind. In my opinion, it ties in some with Soul Reaver video games: Raziel defeats his brothers in order to save himself and find out more about his past and destiny.

The website states that it is not like other vampyre movies. It is mix of romance, adventure, action, drama and “a raging battle of good against evil.” Okay, don’t most movies have some sort of plot of good against evil? Van Helsing, Constantine, The Chronicles of Riddick…although, in the last one, it was a little more of a point of view who was good and who was evil. But, anyway. The producers seem to have pulled together a decent cast for the movie: Michael Madsen (Kill Bill), Kristanna Loken (T3), Michelle Rodriguez (Resident Evil), Ben Kingsley (House of Sand and Fog), Billy Zane (The Phantom), Meat Loaf (of obvious fame, and Rocky Horror) to name a few. Can they make this a worthwhile movie? We will have to see.  ¶ 1/03/2006 10:54:00 AM 2 comments

  Happy New Year (a little belated) Just a quick reassurance that I am still alive.  LOL  I know that I have been incognito for a while, but that is because I am attempting to recover from this stupid cold that I caught.  So, pretty much, it killed my New Years a little bit (I was passed out before the ball even dropped) and I didn’t get a kiss from anyone, but that is okay.  I think I can survive this time around.

Hope that everyone managed to have a great time and didn’t let anything bad upset the night.  For some of us, the first moments of the new year tend to predict how the rest of the year will go for them.  Hmm…wonder if that means I will actually get some rest this year.  Fingers crossed!!

I will post more later, but have a great day!!


"Life is dear to all. Comparing others with oneself, one should neither kill nor cause to kill."          ~The Dhammapada

To aim at the best and to remain essentially ourselves is one and the same thing.  
~Janet Erskine Stuart

Life is not holding a good hand; Life is playing a poor hand well. ~Danish proverb


  ¶ 1/03/2006 05:45:00 AM 1 comments