Yeah, I know…it has been a full week since I was on last. I ended up taking most of the week off to recover from moving and also because it is the beginning of the sinus season. I always get hit hard at the start of things…kinda like getting fcuked for the first time in a few days. That sense of pressure and pain when it first goes in before you get used to it again and feel pleasure. This year I got hit really hard though; probably because I was half worn down and vulnerable. Fortunately no serious ear infection this time around…I am still taking my antibiotics just to be safe and to kill the rest of my sinus infection. I would rather be safe than sorry.

I think it has become official…I am done with my job. I had my times through the last two and a half years that I could tolerate it with some decency, but I really never did like it. There is no challenge for me, no diversity in everything that is done. No opportunity for me to apply my skills and knowledge. And I know from experience that, when this happens, everything is going to start suffering very soon. That will not be a very good thing. I need something that will challenge me a bit…something that can keep me busy. Something that can keep me out of trouble. I came back from being out last week to find out that IT had been on my computer removing programs, most of which they had told me to place on there because they couldn’t figure out what was going on with it. And now I find out that my computer has been placed under observation for too much downloading, etc. Can we make up our fcuking minds here, please? I have dealt with nothing but bullshit from day one and I am starting to get tired of it. No worries…I am not going to make any rash decisions. I will stick with this until I find another job, but it is going to be a strain to keep a happy face all the time. This is why I got yelled at for my attitude at work before. Sorry…can’t help that I am able to pick things up within the first fifteen minutes of working with a database or study and other people need three weeks.

The apartment is nice. I had it fully set up within three days from moving in. No one knows that I had just moved in there at all. And, so far, I have managed to keep it pretty clean. I am very impressed with myself. The bar top is a slight mess, but that is where I drop stuff off when I get home from work. The only place I can remember to pick everything up when I am heading out the door…keys, wallet, book for when I get bored at the second job. Still no word, though, on when the orgies and porn videos will be starting. Don’t worry, I will post the date once I have it all figured out.

Haven’t really spent much time with anyone these days. Not really caring too, honestly. I know that is a bad thing, but right now I am just in an irritable mood that I don’t really seem to care much on it. I mean, I did spend a little time with Will on Friday and Saturday; saw Chris and hung with that entire crew Saturday night and Sunday morning. Had a few guests over the week and weekend seeing the new place. But have not really cared to cuddle with anyone or anything like that. It is funny. I want to find a boyfriend, but I am not wanting to rush into anything. Most guys around here seem to be looking to get that serious involvement from almost the get go. No more “let’s get to know each other first” type of thing. Will asked me if I was sure I still wanted to be at the ‘we’re talking’ stage. Yeah, I think that is the best thing for me. I haven’t had the eleven years that one of my friends has had, but that would have me dating someone from the time I was fourteen. Somehow, I don’t think that would have worked too well, given all my moving and everything. But I have been through enough to know that I don’t need to rush into anything major. I watched my first true love die from complications with HIV/AIDS. I was married at the young age of nineteen to a guy. My last relationship was two years long as well. I have been single now for two years. It is nice because it allows me to do what I like. But, at the same time, I do want to find that person that I can spend those years with. I am tired of flings, random sex…not that I have that much. Anyone that I have had sex with recently has always been close friends or people I have had a fling with during the last few years. So random sex is a rarity for me. Although it probably would be a nice change. But, then again, would it place me back at the levels from which I ascended since leaving my parents at the ripe age of seventeen? I don’t know. But, at the same time, does it matter much anymore? I mean, I have had more sex partners than anyone that I know. Oh well…

I guess it is coming down to I need to start re-evaluating things again. Where am I going with my life? Where do I want to take things with relationships? Who do I want to go further with? I have several guys talking to me, wanting to go to a next level. And they are all nice guys, but I am not thinking that too many of them are actually going to be good for a ‘next step’ thing.

Where am I going from here? I guess only time will tell right now.

¶ 4/04/2006 05:17:00 AM