Decisions and moves... I have made mention to a few close friends that I am considering relocating cities and possibly jobs. Well, okay, now I guess I just told everyone else too. So much for THAT secret! LOL Sometimes I have to be my own worst enemy, huh?

Anyway, one of my friends told me last night that whatever I do, it should not be as a method of running away from all that I find bad here…that I should not be going expecting to be happy. That brought to mind a little scene from the latest Final Fantasy movie where Tifa and Cloud are in the house talking…..

Tifa Lockhart: Stop running! I know. Even if you find the kids you might not be able to help them. Maybe something will happen that can never unhappen, that scares you, doesn't it? But you need to think about it now, really take it in. Look at you, you think you've got it so damn hard. Well you hate being alone so let people in. Sure you might not answer the phone, but I don't see you throw it away either!

So many times I am accused by others of retreating from everything around me, which is probably true. I have a tendency to keep to myself half the time, internalizing any issues that I might have. I know that I keep to myself many a time, especially during this time period. But, it is hard to make other people realize that sometimes the alone time is what I need the most. I grew up separated from other people for so long that it sometimes get hard to mingle, much less open up about my issues. I know that is not a good excuse, but that is me. I have worked over the last years and became a little more open. But, there is only so much that I can do at one time. And there are times when I get home that the one thing I really need to do is just be alone and kick the hell out of someone on Soul Caliber or Prince of Persia. One of my other friends is the same way and understands where I come from and he doesn’t take offense to it.

But the same advice that Tifa gives Cloud can apply to a few of my other friends that want to live life as if there is never anything wrong, allowing the issues caused by their actions to grow worse and more entangling like a deadly weed. You can’t run away from your issues, and you can’t always be alone. If you have friends around you that care, then make sure that they know you know that. Talk to them about what might be wrong. And listen to their advice. (Hush to the peanut gallery that is right now saying, ‘Why can’t you do that?’)

So, yeah, this possible move isn’t to run away from problems. Hell, Raleigh was the start of half of my problems! But, I also know that I had been happy there. And I have a greater chance of getting back to school since I had started for the landscaping at State. Maybe you can see me in a speedo there, too. ;-)

So, thanks to the guys and gals that I can call friends here, that have helped me with pulling myself back out of the muck. It is time for me to start things on my own again…maybe with some minor help. And, if anyone tries to give me any more hell….

Sephiroth: Tell me what you cherish most. Give me the pleasure of taking it away.
Cloud: You just don't get it. There isn't a thing I don't cherish!

(I just don't always show it....)  ¶ 1/10/2007 11:09:00 AM