Closing the door on a chapter in life... Nearly all my life I have had to deal with rumours being spread about me, some of them true, and some of them not.

But I have to laugh at how much gossip has gone on since I moved to Wilmington five or so years ago.

The first couple of years here saw some turmoil and a huge fuck-up in my relationship that was slowly worked out. After we ended on amicable terms, I decided to hit the town some and see what life was out there. I vanish for a few years to take care of some things, finally emerging from a cocoon of sorts to relive again. I was met with greetings of ‘I thought you had moved’, ‘I heard you were dead’, and ‘Where the fuck have you been?’ It was always interesting to hear what stories were told during my absence because people had nothing better to do with their time than create some really fantastic shit.

The past summer saw me at the club maybe two to three times a month for a little while so I could try to go and have some fun. I met guys, exchanged phone numbers and did the occasional hookup. Some friends would stay at the apartment and everyone thought I was fucking around with them. I made friends quickly at the club and heard that I was banging everyone in town. I had to laugh. It was so amazing the stories that went through people’s minds and flew like wildfire in this small town where everyone knows everyone else.

Once again I got bored with hitting the clubs all the time and looked for people who did not involve themselves so deep in the drama and drugs, who understood that there was more to life than hitting the club every weekend. They understood that people had jobs but not always possessing the ability to blow big bucks all the time, their schedules were not always as set as liked, and did not always need to have the banging of bass throbbing through their heads every night. Hitting a restaurant for dinner, seeing a movie at the theatre, having get-togethers to just bullshit and have fun. That is what I wanted and longed for. People who could be non-judgmental and just enjoy life.

And I did find some that were like that. I enjoyed hanging out and just doing whatever. But there weren’t many. So I occasionally went back out to say hi to the other people I knew and had been polite to me. It was always funny seeing the looks of amazement on their faces that I was still in town. Especially this past New Years when my brother didn’t give me a choice but to meet him and his crew out when they were in town. And I had a blast! I got the usual questions of where have you been, and the updates on some of the latest rumours that were flying through. And I am sure that more were created that night. I do have to say that I found it funny when one kid came up to me trying to find out if it was true that I had HIV. I really would like to know where that came from. Yeah, I have my involvement with that community, but I can say that my tests over the last seven years have come back as being negative each time.

I had my flings here and there, and kept to myself for periods. I shrunk my circle of friends down lower than it had been in years, but kept many acquaintances around town. I knew who I could trust and who I couldn’t. I got wrapped in drama with a couple of people, and seem to be in it still on some level. I decided many times that I should just start being Lucy from the Peanuts strip and rent a couch somewhere with a sign ‘The Doctor is In, $5’ (instead of 5¢) I have opened my door to many people, and took pity on some. I swore to control my emotions, and become a tougher person. But, each time, that was pretty much fucked over because I can only be mean when I am pissed off and just point forward the rest of the time.

But that is kinda beside the point.

The main point of this was to put to rest a rumour that is getting out to people that I had not confided in yet.

I am beginning the last month of my residence within Wilmington, and will be relocating to the Raleigh as of the latter part of March. I know some people will miss me and others will celebrate. I had a good time here, and I enjoy being near the water. But it has not made me as happy as I probably could be. Five years and I still find myself somewhat lost in the dark with why people here act the way they do. But, I will still come back here as there are a couple of people that I cannot forget, no matter how much I might try. And I know that it will step on the toes of a couple that would be happier probably with me out of the picture completely. All I can say is, sorry…I got my territory rights and I will fuck a bitch over!! LOL

But, no, honestly, I will miss this area. I just need to try to get the next step in my life started and completed. Maybe I will come back here; maybe one wish will come true. I don’t know. But, that is why they call it the future and why it is so mysterious.

I have not planned anything for going away as of yet, but I might hit the club/bars on a last time basis before I leave….and maybe I will live up to the names that I have been called by some as well and let the town see what I can do. LOL Yeah…right. The hot dog down the hallway can be left for someone else, thanks.

Hard things are put in our way, not to stop us, but to call out our courage and strength. ~ Anonymous

Nothing will sustain you more potently than the power to recognize in your humdrum routine, as perhaps it may be thought, the true poetry of life. ~ Sir William Osler (1849-1919) Canadian Physician  ¶ 2/14/2007 10:48:00 AM