Crawl into My Head
Monday, August 20, 2007
Expressions of Love
A friend of mine writes about something he had found in a book he was reading....and they are definitely key to relationships working, whether it is gay or straight. But don't think that just one is key to your partner...many times is a combination of things that makes us happy, secure, and content.
Words of Affirmation
Mark Twain once said "I can live for two months on a good compliment." Verbal appreciation speaks powerfully to persons whose primary Love Language is "Words of Affirmation." Simple statements, such as, "You look great in that suit," or "You must be the best baker in the world! I love your oatmeal cookies," are sometimes all a person needs to hear to feel loved.
Aside from verbal compliments, another way to communicate through "Words of Affirmation" is to offer encouragement. Here are some examples: reinforcing a difficult decision; calling attention to progress made on a current project; acknowledging a person's unique perspective on an important topic. If a loved one listens for "Words of Affirmation," offering encouragement will help him or her to overcome insecurities and develop greater confidence.
Quality Time
Quality time is more than mere proximity. It's about focusing all your energy on your mate. A husband watching sports while talking to his wife is NOT quality time. Unless all of your attention is focused on your mate, even an intimate dinner for two can come and go without a minute of quality time being shared.
Quality conversation is very important in a healthy relationship. It involves sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. A good mate will not only listen, but offer advice and respond to assure their mate they are truly listening. Many mates don't expect you to solve their problems. They need a sympathetic listener.
An important aspect of quality conversation is self-revelation. In order for you to communicate with your mate, you must also be in tune with your inner emotions. It is only when you understand your emotions and inner feelings will you then be able to share quality conversation, and quality time with your mate.
Quality activities are a very important part of quality time. Many mates feel most loved when they spend physical time together, doing activities that they love to do. Spending time together will bring a couple closer, and, in the years to come, will fill up a memory bank that you can reminisce about in the future.
Whether it's sitting on the couch and having a brief conversation or playing together in a tennis league, quality time is a love language that is shared by many. Setting aside focused time with your mate will ensure a happy marriage.
Receiving Gifts
Some mates respond well to visual symbols of love. If you speak this love language, you are more likely to treasure any gift as an expression of love and devotion. People who speak this love language often feel that a lack of gifts represents a lack of love from their mate. Luckily, this love language is one of the easiest to learn.
If you want to become an effective gift giver, many mates will have to learn to change their attitude about money. If you are naturally a spender, you will have no trouble buying gifts for your mate. However, a person who is used to investing and saving their money may have a tough time adjusting to the concept of spending money as an expression of love. These people must understand that you are investing the money not in gifts, but in deepening your relationship with your mate.
The gift of self is an important symbol of love. Sometimes all your mate desires is for someone to be there for them, going through the same trials and experiencing the same things. Your body can become a very powerful physical symbol of love.
These gifts need not to come every day, or even every week. They don't even need to cost a lot of money. Free, frequent, expensive, or rare, if your mate relates to the language of receiving gifts, any visible sign of your love will leave them feeling happy and secure in your relationship.
Acts of Service
Sometimes simple chores around the house can be an undeniable expression of love. Even simple things like laundry and taking out the trash require some form of planning, time, effort, and energy. Just as Jesus demonstrated when he washed the feet of his disciples, doing humble chores can be a very powerful expression of love and devotion to your mate.
Very often, both pairs in a couple will speak to the Acts of Service Language. However, it is very important to understand what acts of service your mate most appreciates. Even though couples are helping each other around the house, couples will still fight because the are unknowingly communicating with each other in two different dialects. For example, a wife may spend her day washing the cars and walking to dog, but if her husband feels that laundry and dishes are a superior necessity, he may feel unloved, despite the fact that his wife did many other chores throughout the day. It is important to learn your mate's dialect and work hard to understand what acts of service will show your love.
It is important to do these acts of service out of love and not obligation. A mate who does chores and helps out around the house out of guilt or fear will inevitably not be speaking a language of love, but a language of resentment. It's important to perform these acts out of the kindness of your heart.
Demonstrating the acts of service can mean stepping out of the stereotypes. Acts of service require both mates to humble themselves into doing some chores and services that aren't usually expected from their gender. However, these little sacrifices will mean the world to your mate, and will ensure a happy relationship.
Physical Touch
Many mates feel the most loved when they receive physical contact from their partner. For a mate who speaks this love language loudly, physical touch can make or break the relationship.
Sexual intercourse makes many mates feel secure and loved in a marriage. However, it is only one dialect of physical touch. Many parts of the body are extremely sensitive to stimulation. It is important to discover how your partner not only physically responds but also psychologically responds to these touches.
It is important to learn how your mate speaks the physical touch language. Some touches are irritating and uncomfortable for your mate. Take the time to learn the touches your mate likes. They can be big acts, such as back massages or lovemaking, or little acts such as touches on the cheek or a hand on the shoulder. It's important to learn how your mate responds to touch. That is how you will make the most of this love language.
All marriages will experience crisis. In these cases, physical touch is very important. In a crisis situation, a hug can communicate an immense amount of love for that person. A person whose primary love language is physical touch would much rather have you hold them and be silent than offer any advice.
It is important to remember that this love language is different for everyone. What type of touch makes you feel secure is not necessarily what will make your partner happy. It is important to learn each other's dialects. That way you can make the most of your hugging, kissing, and other physical contacts. ¶ 8/20/2007 11:11:00 AM 0 comments
Words of Affirmation
Mark Twain once said "I can live for two months on a good compliment." Verbal appreciation speaks powerfully to persons whose primary Love Language is "Words of Affirmation." Simple statements, such as, "You look great in that suit," or "You must be the best baker in the world! I love your oatmeal cookies," are sometimes all a person needs to hear to feel loved.
Aside from verbal compliments, another way to communicate through "Words of Affirmation" is to offer encouragement. Here are some examples: reinforcing a difficult decision; calling attention to progress made on a current project; acknowledging a person's unique perspective on an important topic. If a loved one listens for "Words of Affirmation," offering encouragement will help him or her to overcome insecurities and develop greater confidence.
Quality Time
Quality time is more than mere proximity. It's about focusing all your energy on your mate. A husband watching sports while talking to his wife is NOT quality time. Unless all of your attention is focused on your mate, even an intimate dinner for two can come and go without a minute of quality time being shared.
Quality conversation is very important in a healthy relationship. It involves sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. A good mate will not only listen, but offer advice and respond to assure their mate they are truly listening. Many mates don't expect you to solve their problems. They need a sympathetic listener.
An important aspect of quality conversation is self-revelation. In order for you to communicate with your mate, you must also be in tune with your inner emotions. It is only when you understand your emotions and inner feelings will you then be able to share quality conversation, and quality time with your mate.
Quality activities are a very important part of quality time. Many mates feel most loved when they spend physical time together, doing activities that they love to do. Spending time together will bring a couple closer, and, in the years to come, will fill up a memory bank that you can reminisce about in the future.
Whether it's sitting on the couch and having a brief conversation or playing together in a tennis league, quality time is a love language that is shared by many. Setting aside focused time with your mate will ensure a happy marriage.
Receiving Gifts
Some mates respond well to visual symbols of love. If you speak this love language, you are more likely to treasure any gift as an expression of love and devotion. People who speak this love language often feel that a lack of gifts represents a lack of love from their mate. Luckily, this love language is one of the easiest to learn.
If you want to become an effective gift giver, many mates will have to learn to change their attitude about money. If you are naturally a spender, you will have no trouble buying gifts for your mate. However, a person who is used to investing and saving their money may have a tough time adjusting to the concept of spending money as an expression of love. These people must understand that you are investing the money not in gifts, but in deepening your relationship with your mate.
The gift of self is an important symbol of love. Sometimes all your mate desires is for someone to be there for them, going through the same trials and experiencing the same things. Your body can become a very powerful physical symbol of love.
These gifts need not to come every day, or even every week. They don't even need to cost a lot of money. Free, frequent, expensive, or rare, if your mate relates to the language of receiving gifts, any visible sign of your love will leave them feeling happy and secure in your relationship.
Acts of Service
Sometimes simple chores around the house can be an undeniable expression of love. Even simple things like laundry and taking out the trash require some form of planning, time, effort, and energy. Just as Jesus demonstrated when he washed the feet of his disciples, doing humble chores can be a very powerful expression of love and devotion to your mate.
Very often, both pairs in a couple will speak to the Acts of Service Language. However, it is very important to understand what acts of service your mate most appreciates. Even though couples are helping each other around the house, couples will still fight because the are unknowingly communicating with each other in two different dialects. For example, a wife may spend her day washing the cars and walking to dog, but if her husband feels that laundry and dishes are a superior necessity, he may feel unloved, despite the fact that his wife did many other chores throughout the day. It is important to learn your mate's dialect and work hard to understand what acts of service will show your love.
It is important to do these acts of service out of love and not obligation. A mate who does chores and helps out around the house out of guilt or fear will inevitably not be speaking a language of love, but a language of resentment. It's important to perform these acts out of the kindness of your heart.
Demonstrating the acts of service can mean stepping out of the stereotypes. Acts of service require both mates to humble themselves into doing some chores and services that aren't usually expected from their gender. However, these little sacrifices will mean the world to your mate, and will ensure a happy relationship.
Physical Touch
Many mates feel the most loved when they receive physical contact from their partner. For a mate who speaks this love language loudly, physical touch can make or break the relationship.
Sexual intercourse makes many mates feel secure and loved in a marriage. However, it is only one dialect of physical touch. Many parts of the body are extremely sensitive to stimulation. It is important to discover how your partner not only physically responds but also psychologically responds to these touches.
It is important to learn how your mate speaks the physical touch language. Some touches are irritating and uncomfortable for your mate. Take the time to learn the touches your mate likes. They can be big acts, such as back massages or lovemaking, or little acts such as touches on the cheek or a hand on the shoulder. It's important to learn how your mate responds to touch. That is how you will make the most of this love language.
All marriages will experience crisis. In these cases, physical touch is very important. In a crisis situation, a hug can communicate an immense amount of love for that person. A person whose primary love language is physical touch would much rather have you hold them and be silent than offer any advice.
It is important to remember that this love language is different for everyone. What type of touch makes you feel secure is not necessarily what will make your partner happy. It is important to learn each other's dialects. That way you can make the most of your hugging, kissing, and other physical contacts. ¶ 8/20/2007 11:11:00 AM 0 comments
August Music
I know things are late this month, and I do apologize. Money and time constraints have limited things. For those of you I have not spoken with in regards to the discs...I do have one note. Due to increasing demand, I am having to make some modifications in preparations and sending. For more details, please contact me directly.
In the meantime, here are the song lists for the August CDs. I will send them out when I send the September discs.
DJ's World
1. Anastacia – Left Outside Alone (Jason Nevins Global Mix)
2. Alice Deejay – Better Off Alone (Sonique Remix)
3. Killers – Mr. Brightside (Jacques Lu Cont's Thin White Duke Mix)
4. Britney Spears – I'm A Slave 4 U (Dave Aude Slave Driver Mix)
5. Madonna – What It Feels Like for a Girl (Techno Mix)
6. Madison Avenue – Who the Hell Are You?
7. Panic! At the Disco – The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage (Tommie Sunshine Brooklyn Fire Remix)
8. Daft Punk – Digital Love (Boris Dlugosh Remix)
9. Anastacia – Sick and Tired (Jason Nevins Electrochill Remix)
10. Fall Out Boy – This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race (Hot Trax Mix)
11. Imogen Heap – Hide and Seek (Morgan Page Micro-house mix)
12. The Knife – Heartbeats (Rex the Dog remix)
13. Radiohead – Street Spirit (Paul Oakenfold Mix)
14. JoJo – Too Little Too Late (Harris Dance Remix)
Looking for a New Memory
1. Fall Out Boy – Thnks Fr Th Mmrs (Lenny B Long Term Memory)
2. Erika Jayne – Roller Coaster (M2 Dub)
3. Ciara – Like A Boy (Bimbo Jones Club Mix)
4. Lindsay Lohan – Confessions of a Broken Heart (Dave Aude Remix)
5. Eddie Thoneick ft Berget Lewis – Forgiveness (Eddie Thoneick's Lifted Mix)
6. Kortezman ft Rozalla – Everybody's Free (Numa Remix)
7. Ron Perkov – Live, Luv, Dance (Tony Moran Radio Mix)
8. Natasha Bedingfield – Soulmate (Bimbo Jones Club Mix)
9. Starsplash – Cold as Ice 2.07 (Jumpstyle Mix)
10. Stevie Nicks – Stand Back (Morgan Page Vox Mix)
11. Lumidee ft Pitbull – Crazy (Boris Dlugosch Remix)
12. Ultra DJ's – Me & U (Spencer & Hill Remix)
13. Henrik B ft Terri B – Soul Heaven (eSQUIRE Remix) ¶ 8/20/2007 11:10:00 AM 0 comments
In the meantime, here are the song lists for the August CDs. I will send them out when I send the September discs.
DJ's World
1. Anastacia – Left Outside Alone (Jason Nevins Global Mix)
2. Alice Deejay – Better Off Alone (Sonique Remix)
3. Killers – Mr. Brightside (Jacques Lu Cont's Thin White Duke Mix)
4. Britney Spears – I'm A Slave 4 U (Dave Aude Slave Driver Mix)
5. Madonna – What It Feels Like for a Girl (Techno Mix)
6. Madison Avenue – Who the Hell Are You?
7. Panic! At the Disco – The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage (Tommie Sunshine Brooklyn Fire Remix)
8. Daft Punk – Digital Love (Boris Dlugosh Remix)
9. Anastacia – Sick and Tired (Jason Nevins Electrochill Remix)
10. Fall Out Boy – This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race (Hot Trax Mix)
11. Imogen Heap – Hide and Seek (Morgan Page Micro-house mix)
12. The Knife – Heartbeats (Rex the Dog remix)
13. Radiohead – Street Spirit (Paul Oakenfold Mix)
14. JoJo – Too Little Too Late (Harris Dance Remix)
Looking for a New Memory
1. Fall Out Boy – Thnks Fr Th Mmrs (Lenny B Long Term Memory)
2. Erika Jayne – Roller Coaster (M2 Dub)
3. Ciara – Like A Boy (Bimbo Jones Club Mix)
4. Lindsay Lohan – Confessions of a Broken Heart (Dave Aude Remix)
5. Eddie Thoneick ft Berget Lewis – Forgiveness (Eddie Thoneick's Lifted Mix)
6. Kortezman ft Rozalla – Everybody's Free (Numa Remix)
7. Ron Perkov – Live, Luv, Dance (Tony Moran Radio Mix)
8. Natasha Bedingfield – Soulmate (Bimbo Jones Club Mix)
9. Starsplash – Cold as Ice 2.07 (Jumpstyle Mix)
10. Stevie Nicks – Stand Back (Morgan Page Vox Mix)
11. Lumidee ft Pitbull – Crazy (Boris Dlugosch Remix)
12. Ultra DJ's – Me & U (Spencer & Hill Remix)
13. Henrik B ft Terri B – Soul Heaven (eSQUIRE Remix) ¶ 8/20/2007 11:10:00 AM 0 comments
Sunday, August 19, 2007
One Year
It has been one year today. One year since I got the phone call that someone that was extremely close in my life passed away.
That day and week was rough for me. It felt like a portion of me had disappeared. For three days prior I had gone to work and walked through life with the hope that he would recover, that he would walk out of the hospital only worse for the wear. Hope that he would get some help that he needed, always being there the best that I could.
But that Tuesday when I left for work, I felt strange. I knew something would happen. His mom hadn't called me back and I knew that it was the day that tests were being run to see if it was worth saving him. It poured rain all that day...the roads I traversed home flooding. The phone call starting with 'You might want to sit down for this' came right before I left work. I was in a daze the entire ride home, calling other friends to tell them, not caring if I wrecked.
That night was the phone call that the funeral was the following afternoon. His family hadn't wasted any time, not that I can blame them. The service was nice, despite some alterations to the details to his life, and it was hard to hold back the tears. The rest of the week is somewhat of a blur. I know that I was drinking most of the time when I was home, but not everyone could understand it. This time around I was at work the entire time, with only a slight buzz through the day. I didn't know what to do to make it through...I just knew that I needed to keep myself distracted this time around. The first time I had experienced this loss was much deeper, and the grieving/recovery time took a lot longer...and took a lot more out of me. People then didn't see me for several days and I stayed drunk the entire time.
So, I keep this person on my top friends on Myspace as a memorial to him. Even with all his issues and our differences, he had been a great friend to me, as I hoped that I had been to him. ¶ 8/19/2007 12:45:00 PM 0 comments
That day and week was rough for me. It felt like a portion of me had disappeared. For three days prior I had gone to work and walked through life with the hope that he would recover, that he would walk out of the hospital only worse for the wear. Hope that he would get some help that he needed, always being there the best that I could.
But that Tuesday when I left for work, I felt strange. I knew something would happen. His mom hadn't called me back and I knew that it was the day that tests were being run to see if it was worth saving him. It poured rain all that day...the roads I traversed home flooding. The phone call starting with 'You might want to sit down for this' came right before I left work. I was in a daze the entire ride home, calling other friends to tell them, not caring if I wrecked.
That night was the phone call that the funeral was the following afternoon. His family hadn't wasted any time, not that I can blame them. The service was nice, despite some alterations to the details to his life, and it was hard to hold back the tears. The rest of the week is somewhat of a blur. I know that I was drinking most of the time when I was home, but not everyone could understand it. This time around I was at work the entire time, with only a slight buzz through the day. I didn't know what to do to make it through...I just knew that I needed to keep myself distracted this time around. The first time I had experienced this loss was much deeper, and the grieving/recovery time took a lot longer...and took a lot more out of me. People then didn't see me for several days and I stayed drunk the entire time.
So, I keep this person on my top friends on Myspace as a memorial to him. Even with all his issues and our differences, he had been a great friend to me, as I hoped that I had been to him. ¶ 8/19/2007 12:45:00 PM 0 comments
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Okay...I am confused
Okay...
Somebody recently sent me a whole clipping on Borderline Personality Disorder, saying that they see some of this in me....anyone else care to comment? Just curious more than anything....
Do you know anything about Borderline Personality Disorder?
Symptoms
While a person with depression or bipolar disorder typically endures the same mood for weeks, a person with BPD may experience intense bouts of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last only hours, or at most a day.5 These may be associated with episodes of impulsive aggression, self-injury, and drug or alcohol abuse. Distortions in cognition and sense of self can lead to frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity, and values. Sometimes people with BPD view themselves as fundamentally bad, or unworthy. They may feel unfairly misunderstood or mistreated, bored, empty, and have little idea who they are. Such symptoms are most acute when people with BPD feel isolated and lacking in social support, and may result in frantic efforts to avoid being alone.
People with BPD often have highly unstable patterns of social relationships. While they can develop intense but stormy attachments, their attitudes towards family, friends, and loved ones may suddenly shift from idealization (great admiration and love) to devaluation (intense anger and dislike). Thus, they may form an immediate attachment and idealize the other person, but when a slight separation or conflict occurs, they switch unexpectedly to the other extreme and angrily accuse the other person of not caring for them at all. Even with family members, individuals with BPD are highly sensitive to rejection, reacting with anger and distress to such mild separations as a vacation, a business trip, or a sudden change in plans. These fears of abandonment seem to be related to difficulties feeling emotionally connected to important persons when they are physically absent, leaving the individual with BPD feeling lost and perhaps worthless. Suicide threats and attempts may occur along with anger at perceived abandonment and disappointments.
People with BPD exhibit other impulsive behaviors, such as excessive spending, binge eating and risky sex. BPD often occurs together with other psychiatric problems, particularly bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety disorders, substance abuse, and other personality disorders. ¶ 8/12/2007 07:58:00 PM 0 comments
Somebody recently sent me a whole clipping on Borderline Personality Disorder, saying that they see some of this in me....anyone else care to comment? Just curious more than anything....
Do you know anything about Borderline Personality Disorder?
Symptoms
While a person with depression or bipolar disorder typically endures the same mood for weeks, a person with BPD may experience intense bouts of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last only hours, or at most a day.5 These may be associated with episodes of impulsive aggression, self-injury, and drug or alcohol abuse. Distortions in cognition and sense of self can lead to frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity, and values. Sometimes people with BPD view themselves as fundamentally bad, or unworthy. They may feel unfairly misunderstood or mistreated, bored, empty, and have little idea who they are. Such symptoms are most acute when people with BPD feel isolated and lacking in social support, and may result in frantic efforts to avoid being alone.
People with BPD often have highly unstable patterns of social relationships. While they can develop intense but stormy attachments, their attitudes towards family, friends, and loved ones may suddenly shift from idealization (great admiration and love) to devaluation (intense anger and dislike). Thus, they may form an immediate attachment and idealize the other person, but when a slight separation or conflict occurs, they switch unexpectedly to the other extreme and angrily accuse the other person of not caring for them at all. Even with family members, individuals with BPD are highly sensitive to rejection, reacting with anger and distress to such mild separations as a vacation, a business trip, or a sudden change in plans. These fears of abandonment seem to be related to difficulties feeling emotionally connected to important persons when they are physically absent, leaving the individual with BPD feeling lost and perhaps worthless. Suicide threats and attempts may occur along with anger at perceived abandonment and disappointments.
People with BPD exhibit other impulsive behaviors, such as excessive spending, binge eating and risky sex. BPD often occurs together with other psychiatric problems, particularly bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety disorders, substance abuse, and other personality disorders. ¶ 8/12/2007 07:58:00 PM 0 comments
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