Living while dying...a response to a friend's blog After a long day of work and hell, I decided to log into Myspace to see what a friend of mine had posted. He had found an article on HIVPLUSMAG.COM and reposted it. The title? Perfectly Flawed. The subject? That while living life after nearly dying, he felt like he was dying inside. My friend asked (right before reposting the article) the following: "Even after overcoming some of the greatest obstacles we may ever know, what keeps us living to the fullest?"

I might not have been diagnosed with HIV yet like some of my closest friends and lovers have been, but I think that I can say that I have been in those shoes before. And not just once or twice. It was several times over the last eight or nine years. But, I didn't hesitate once when I wrote my response:

"I don't know what to tell you will make you want to keep living when you die inside. For me, I was dying a long time ago. But, some part of me kept saying that there was more to me and more to life and I kept hanging on. Now, I have finally started on that road to where I am being rebuilt and reborn. I have friends around that gently (most of the time) remind me that they are there, and that I have a reason. I have my music that has been inspiring me again and bringing the light back into my life. I try to do it for me, now, and not for someone else. Because, ultimately, it is me and my own strength and happiness which truly determines me for me."

And it is true. Each one of us has our own reason for wanting to live...or not, for that matter. But, we also have around us - as well as within - the reason and desire to keep hanging onto life.

At least, that is what I would like to believe. Otherwise, what is it all for?  ¶ 1/25/2008 10:49:00 PM