Thursday, March 02, 2006
Near the end of the week
I was forced to do a little thinking yesterday while working…sad to say I don’t focus fully on my tasks whenever I am at work. My mind tends to wander everywhere, and that is not always a good thing (I do get my work done with excellent results, though!). But I have had to face my current situation, and have had a few friends give me their tidbits of advice too.
After a long email from my friend and the reminders of what we have, I have to try to keep that in mind. We really do have a lot of good things going on between us, and he wants to see the best come out of life for me. I guess I really can’t ask for more than that from someone who really does care. My friend James in New York told me yesterday that sometimes it isn’t meant to work out at that time. I know that from personal experience, and I have settled into a good friendship with a guy that I know back in Winston-Salem, NC. Doesn’t mean that I have to like that with my current situation, but that is probably the best thing for me. Take what I have and appreciate it for what it is; stop pushing for more.
I am just scared more than anything else, I think, to get back into the dating pool with the other fish. I have been single for two years…I don’t know how to get back out there and start circulating again. And there is another obstacle I haven’t figured out how to get around yet. I don’t do the clubs or bars very often, and I am hardly ever online. I might stereotype on this, but a lot of the gay community is focused in those areas. I don’t have many friends around here…most of them are in different cities. But, being the strong person that I am, I know that I can do it; I just need the patience for it all. Not my best suit, I think, but I can learn. I know that the feelings I have now are not being wasted completely; they are appreciated greatly. It is just the wrong timing for things. And if the timing doesn’t work out to the way I would like, then that is a part of life. But, I can’t hold my life up waiting and wishing. How does that saying go? “Shit in one hand and wish in the other and see which fills up first”?
So, while my jealous side might not fully appreciate some actions that are taken, I know that I definitely have a friend for life, and one that fully cares about what makes me happy and content. That is the most I can ask from one person. The bonds I create I like to think will last the test of time…I know that the current one has lasted through a lot of stress in the last year and half or so. I love him for that and so much more.
So, grab a glass and join me in the toast to life and things that are yet to come.
Songs of the day:
Natalie Bedingfield ~ Unwritten
From the cast of RENT ~ Love Heals
Lee Cabrera ~ I Watch You
Kaci ~ I Will Learn to Love Again
Reina ~ If I Close My Eyes
Wisdom to think by:
One day a young Buddhist on his journey home, came to the banks of a wide river. Staring hopelessly at the great obstacle in front of him, he pondered for hours on just how to cross such a wide barrier. Just as he was about to give up his pursuit to continue his journey he saw a great teacher on the other side of the river. The young Buddhist yells over to the teacher, "Oh wise one, can you tell me how to get to the other side of this river?" The teacher ponders for a moment looks up and down the river and yells back, "My son, you are on the other side."
"You should respect other religions...the essence of all religions is basically the same: to achieve a true sense of brotherhood, a good heart, respect for others. If we can develop these qualities from within our heart, then I think we can actually achieve true peace." ~ Dalai Lama ¶ 3/02/2006 05:10:00 AM
I was forced to do a little thinking yesterday while working…sad to say I don’t focus fully on my tasks whenever I am at work. My mind tends to wander everywhere, and that is not always a good thing (I do get my work done with excellent results, though!). But I have had to face my current situation, and have had a few friends give me their tidbits of advice too.
After a long email from my friend and the reminders of what we have, I have to try to keep that in mind. We really do have a lot of good things going on between us, and he wants to see the best come out of life for me. I guess I really can’t ask for more than that from someone who really does care. My friend James in New York told me yesterday that sometimes it isn’t meant to work out at that time. I know that from personal experience, and I have settled into a good friendship with a guy that I know back in Winston-Salem, NC. Doesn’t mean that I have to like that with my current situation, but that is probably the best thing for me. Take what I have and appreciate it for what it is; stop pushing for more.
I am just scared more than anything else, I think, to get back into the dating pool with the other fish. I have been single for two years…I don’t know how to get back out there and start circulating again. And there is another obstacle I haven’t figured out how to get around yet. I don’t do the clubs or bars very often, and I am hardly ever online. I might stereotype on this, but a lot of the gay community is focused in those areas. I don’t have many friends around here…most of them are in different cities. But, being the strong person that I am, I know that I can do it; I just need the patience for it all. Not my best suit, I think, but I can learn. I know that the feelings I have now are not being wasted completely; they are appreciated greatly. It is just the wrong timing for things. And if the timing doesn’t work out to the way I would like, then that is a part of life. But, I can’t hold my life up waiting and wishing. How does that saying go? “Shit in one hand and wish in the other and see which fills up first”?
So, while my jealous side might not fully appreciate some actions that are taken, I know that I definitely have a friend for life, and one that fully cares about what makes me happy and content. That is the most I can ask from one person. The bonds I create I like to think will last the test of time…I know that the current one has lasted through a lot of stress in the last year and half or so. I love him for that and so much more.
So, grab a glass and join me in the toast to life and things that are yet to come.
Songs of the day:
Natalie Bedingfield ~ Unwritten
From the cast of RENT ~ Love Heals
Lee Cabrera ~ I Watch You
Kaci ~ I Will Learn to Love Again
Reina ~ If I Close My Eyes
Wisdom to think by:
One day a young Buddhist on his journey home, came to the banks of a wide river. Staring hopelessly at the great obstacle in front of him, he pondered for hours on just how to cross such a wide barrier. Just as he was about to give up his pursuit to continue his journey he saw a great teacher on the other side of the river. The young Buddhist yells over to the teacher, "Oh wise one, can you tell me how to get to the other side of this river?" The teacher ponders for a moment looks up and down the river and yells back, "My son, you are on the other side."
"You should respect other religions...the essence of all religions is basically the same: to achieve a true sense of brotherhood, a good heart, respect for others. If we can develop these qualities from within our heart, then I think we can actually achieve true peace." ~ Dalai Lama ¶ 3/02/2006 05:10:00 AM
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