Thursday, June 15, 2006
General feelings
Thursday….finally it is near the end of the week. Yet, for some odd reason, I am wishing it was the end of the month already. That might be because I want my four-day weekend. I don’t know. I just know that I am ready for this month to be over. Food poisoning, teeth removal, tiredness of life…that has been the theme for this month I think.
I am not fully sure why I am tired of things with life. I just have that general feeling right now where I am done with the shit that has been going on for the last few weeks and I want something new, something different. I talked to my mom for a few hours last week on the phone (a first for us not getting to the point of blowing up at each other) and spent about half that time venting and bitching. No comments from the peanut gallery. It has come to a point where I am tired of knowing shit that goes on in my city, in circles that I could care less about. I am tired of knowing about stuff that is going on in other cities that I don’t live in anymore…I don’t need to know when a drug bust is going to occur, or have the latest gossip over what fag has busted out another fag’s window. It has been crazy the drama that people have been trying to drag me into…or toss in my direction as well. I have had confirmations why I dislike some people, why I am glad I am acquaintances with others. I have found out who are my true friends and had questions raised about others that I thought were.
I think it is getting to that time to relocate and find that place where I don’t know many people. It is time to get a new start in life…new friends, new circles of travel, new goals with my life. I know that I want to go back to school, and I will start that soon enough I feel. I am 25 and pretty flexible still. But, I do have a few months to go through and sort out the way that I want with everything. Cut the flack from crop so to speak. There are some friends that I will keep around me, but the rest I think I might start cutting aside (sings ‘No More Drama’ to myself)…I don’t have the time or emotional energy to deal with the bullshit that has been tossed this direction. Since my split from Matt two years ago, I have been trying to rebuild myself from the ground up…get myself to the position where I am mostly happy with myself (you can never be fully happy or satisfied with yourself) so that I can be that person for someone else. Yeah, I know that I have always been that somewhat perfect person for others, but I never felt that way for me. I spent so much time looking out for others that I never spent the time looking out for me. That is going to have to change. One of my friends has commented that he has not seen me truly happy in the last few years…he has just seen glimpses of it through a fog; not a fully lasting period.
Who knows what the next few months is going to entail for me or those around me. I can only hope for the best and move on from there. We shall see where the great boatman, Time, carries me…
Words of Wisdom
Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world. ~ Buddha
There is nothing noble in being superior to some other man. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self. ~Hindu proverb
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. ~ Buddha
There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up. ~ John Andrew Holmes
Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts of resentment are forgotten. ~ Buddha
An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind. ~ Buddha
He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind. ~ Buddha
Goodness is a special kind of truth and beauty. It is truth and beauty in human behavior. ~H. A. Overstreet
Do not overrate what you have received, nor envy others. ~ Buddha
Take time to laugh - it is the music of the soul. ~From an old English prayer
He who smiles rather than rages is always the stronger. ~Japanese proverb
Words of the Dalai Lama
If one’s life is simple, contentment has to come. Simplicity is extremely important for happiness. Having few desires, feeling satisfied with what you have, is very vital: satisfaction with just enough food, clothing, and shelter to protect yourself from the elements. And finally, there is an intense delight in abandoning faulty states of mind and in cultivating helpful ones in meditation.
If you help others with sincere motivation and sincere concern, that will bring you more fortune, more friends, more smiles, and more success. If you forget about others’ rights and neglect others’ welfare, ultimately you will be very lonely.
True enlightenment is nothing but the nature of one’s own self being fully realized.
All problems that every individual meets with in everyday life – famine, unemployment, delinquency, insecurity, psychological deviancy, various epidemics, drugs, madness, depair, terrorism – all that is bound up with the widening gap between the people, which, needless to say, can also be found inside the rich countries. Our ancient experience confirms it at every instant: everything is linked together, everything is inseparable. Consequently the gap has to be reduced.
Above all, we must put others before us and keep others in our mind constantly: the self must be placed last. All our doings and thinkings must be motivated by compassion for others. the way to acquire this kind of outlook is that we must accept the simple fact that whatever we desire is also desired by others. every being wants happiness, not suffering. If we adopt a self-centered approach to life by which we attempt to use others for our own self-interest, we might be able to gain temporary benefit, but in the long run, we will not succeed in achieving even our personal happiness, and hope for the next life is out of question. (I disagree with this a little because I do think that there are times that you do need to put yourself first...just don't do it to a point to where you turn other people off.)
When a faulty deed has been done, after learning that it was wrong one can be engaged in disclosure of the faulty deed (in prescence of actual or imagined holy beings) and develop an intention not to do that action again in the future. This diminishes the force of the ill deed. ¶ 6/15/2006 06:07:00 AM
I am not fully sure why I am tired of things with life. I just have that general feeling right now where I am done with the shit that has been going on for the last few weeks and I want something new, something different. I talked to my mom for a few hours last week on the phone (a first for us not getting to the point of blowing up at each other) and spent about half that time venting and bitching. No comments from the peanut gallery. It has come to a point where I am tired of knowing shit that goes on in my city, in circles that I could care less about. I am tired of knowing about stuff that is going on in other cities that I don’t live in anymore…I don’t need to know when a drug bust is going to occur, or have the latest gossip over what fag has busted out another fag’s window. It has been crazy the drama that people have been trying to drag me into…or toss in my direction as well. I have had confirmations why I dislike some people, why I am glad I am acquaintances with others. I have found out who are my true friends and had questions raised about others that I thought were.
I think it is getting to that time to relocate and find that place where I don’t know many people. It is time to get a new start in life…new friends, new circles of travel, new goals with my life. I know that I want to go back to school, and I will start that soon enough I feel. I am 25 and pretty flexible still. But, I do have a few months to go through and sort out the way that I want with everything. Cut the flack from crop so to speak. There are some friends that I will keep around me, but the rest I think I might start cutting aside (sings ‘No More Drama’ to myself)…I don’t have the time or emotional energy to deal with the bullshit that has been tossed this direction. Since my split from Matt two years ago, I have been trying to rebuild myself from the ground up…get myself to the position where I am mostly happy with myself (you can never be fully happy or satisfied with yourself) so that I can be that person for someone else. Yeah, I know that I have always been that somewhat perfect person for others, but I never felt that way for me. I spent so much time looking out for others that I never spent the time looking out for me. That is going to have to change. One of my friends has commented that he has not seen me truly happy in the last few years…he has just seen glimpses of it through a fog; not a fully lasting period.
Who knows what the next few months is going to entail for me or those around me. I can only hope for the best and move on from there. We shall see where the great boatman, Time, carries me…
Words of Wisdom
Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world. ~ Buddha
There is nothing noble in being superior to some other man. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self. ~Hindu proverb
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. ~ Buddha
There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up. ~ John Andrew Holmes
Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts of resentment are forgotten. ~ Buddha
An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind. ~ Buddha
He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind. ~ Buddha
Goodness is a special kind of truth and beauty. It is truth and beauty in human behavior. ~H. A. Overstreet
Do not overrate what you have received, nor envy others. ~ Buddha
Take time to laugh - it is the music of the soul. ~From an old English prayer
He who smiles rather than rages is always the stronger. ~Japanese proverb
Words of the Dalai Lama
If one’s life is simple, contentment has to come. Simplicity is extremely important for happiness. Having few desires, feeling satisfied with what you have, is very vital: satisfaction with just enough food, clothing, and shelter to protect yourself from the elements. And finally, there is an intense delight in abandoning faulty states of mind and in cultivating helpful ones in meditation.
If you help others with sincere motivation and sincere concern, that will bring you more fortune, more friends, more smiles, and more success. If you forget about others’ rights and neglect others’ welfare, ultimately you will be very lonely.
True enlightenment is nothing but the nature of one’s own self being fully realized.
All problems that every individual meets with in everyday life – famine, unemployment, delinquency, insecurity, psychological deviancy, various epidemics, drugs, madness, depair, terrorism – all that is bound up with the widening gap between the people, which, needless to say, can also be found inside the rich countries. Our ancient experience confirms it at every instant: everything is linked together, everything is inseparable. Consequently the gap has to be reduced.
Above all, we must put others before us and keep others in our mind constantly: the self must be placed last. All our doings and thinkings must be motivated by compassion for others. the way to acquire this kind of outlook is that we must accept the simple fact that whatever we desire is also desired by others. every being wants happiness, not suffering. If we adopt a self-centered approach to life by which we attempt to use others for our own self-interest, we might be able to gain temporary benefit, but in the long run, we will not succeed in achieving even our personal happiness, and hope for the next life is out of question. (I disagree with this a little because I do think that there are times that you do need to put yourself first...just don't do it to a point to where you turn other people off.)
When a faulty deed has been done, after learning that it was wrong one can be engaged in disclosure of the faulty deed (in prescence of actual or imagined holy beings) and develop an intention not to do that action again in the future. This diminishes the force of the ill deed. ¶ 6/15/2006 06:07:00 AM
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