Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Passion
“Passion” by Yoko Kanno, from Kingdom Hearts 2
According to Dictionary.com, the word “passion” has the following meanings…
passion –noun
1. any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate.
2. strong amorous feeling or desire; love; ardor.
3. strong sexual desire; lust.
4. an instance or experience of strong love or sexual desire.
5. a person toward whom one feels strong love or sexual desire.
6. a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything: a passion for music.
7. the object of such a fondness or desire: Accuracy became a passion with him.
8. an outburst of strong emotion or feeling: He suddenly broke into a passion of bitter words.
9. violent anger.
10. the state of being acted upon or affected by something external, esp. something alien to one's nature or one's customary behavior (contrasted with ACTION).
11. (often initial capital letter ) Theology.
a. the sufferings of Christ on the cross or His sufferings subsequent to the Last Supper.
b. the narrative of Christ's sufferings as recorded in the Gospels.
12. Archaic. the sufferings of a martyr.
Lately there seems to be the passion missing from my life. Not sure why. I know part of it was when my friend died and the dredging of long hidden feelings from him and from someone seven years ago. Perhaps part of it is from the need to show a strong exterior to the rest of the world and be the strong one for others, while inside the dark waters riled against rocks and threatened to drown. I have appreciated my friends for being there on the emotional level, but that has not seemed enough for me. The late nights are filled with visions and dark thoughts; sleep has not existed for a lingering amount of time. I can feel myself slowly unraveling from the inside out, and it is only a matter of time that I finally collapse.
Staring at the sunrise Saturday morning, listening to the waves crash on the rocks around me did not do as much to calm as I thought. The nights of drinking to numb the pain have helped, but only to a degree. Why am I affected this much? I am not sure. I just know that I am not recovering from anything as well as I should.
To steal lines from Aly & AJ….
“… feel out of my element
Like I'm drifting out to the sea
Like the tides pullin' me in deeper
Makin' it harder to breathe…”
One day time will pause and the world will stand still. Will I then be able to pause and see what has been done with my life? I hope so and hope that I will be able to look back and be proud of all that I have lived in the last nine years.
Take the words of Buddha into heart:
Since the happiness, pleasure, and friends you gather in this life last only for a moment, put them all behind you.
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be, he must be. ~ Abraham Maslow (1908-1970) American Psychologist ¶ 8/30/2006 10:35:00 AM
“Passion” by Yoko Kanno, from Kingdom Hearts 2
According to Dictionary.com, the word “passion” has the following meanings…
passion –noun
1. any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate.
2. strong amorous feeling or desire; love; ardor.
3. strong sexual desire; lust.
4. an instance or experience of strong love or sexual desire.
5. a person toward whom one feels strong love or sexual desire.
6. a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything: a passion for music.
7. the object of such a fondness or desire: Accuracy became a passion with him.
8. an outburst of strong emotion or feeling: He suddenly broke into a passion of bitter words.
9. violent anger.
10. the state of being acted upon or affected by something external, esp. something alien to one's nature or one's customary behavior (contrasted with ACTION).
11. (often initial capital letter ) Theology.
a. the sufferings of Christ on the cross or His sufferings subsequent to the Last Supper.
b. the narrative of Christ's sufferings as recorded in the Gospels.
12. Archaic. the sufferings of a martyr.
Lately there seems to be the passion missing from my life. Not sure why. I know part of it was when my friend died and the dredging of long hidden feelings from him and from someone seven years ago. Perhaps part of it is from the need to show a strong exterior to the rest of the world and be the strong one for others, while inside the dark waters riled against rocks and threatened to drown. I have appreciated my friends for being there on the emotional level, but that has not seemed enough for me. The late nights are filled with visions and dark thoughts; sleep has not existed for a lingering amount of time. I can feel myself slowly unraveling from the inside out, and it is only a matter of time that I finally collapse.
Staring at the sunrise Saturday morning, listening to the waves crash on the rocks around me did not do as much to calm as I thought. The nights of drinking to numb the pain have helped, but only to a degree. Why am I affected this much? I am not sure. I just know that I am not recovering from anything as well as I should.
To steal lines from Aly & AJ….
“… feel out of my element
Like I'm drifting out to the sea
Like the tides pullin' me in deeper
Makin' it harder to breathe…”
One day time will pause and the world will stand still. Will I then be able to pause and see what has been done with my life? I hope so and hope that I will be able to look back and be proud of all that I have lived in the last nine years.
Take the words of Buddha into heart:
Since the happiness, pleasure, and friends you gather in this life last only for a moment, put them all behind you.
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be, he must be. ~ Abraham Maslow (1908-1970) American Psychologist ¶ 8/30/2006 10:35:00 AM
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