Friday, December 29, 2006
Hopes for a Better New Year
Another year over and a new one is about to begin. Am I excited about it? I know that I have been looking forward to a new beginning, another transformation, but not really sure if I can honestly say that I am excited.
This past year has not been the greatest. Yeah I have had a few decent moments…getting my own place, a promotion at work with a minor raise. I made a few new friends and learned a lot about others that I thought were good people. Guess I need to start listening to my emotions and feelings again. The inner thoughts are what have allowed me to survive, with some minor help from friends.
But this year has also had a few…downsides. I lost a dear friend and former boyfriend to an act of deliberate harm. My uncle and a former boss passed within several days of each other. My aunt nearly passed in the same week and I did not know what to do with the sudden losses. I made a new friend and lover, but split with him soon after. I was able to reconnect with an old friend who I consider my brother, and nearly lost one who has held a place with me for a long time.
This has been a year of great thinking and introspection. It has been a year of making a person think and wonder about themselves, and the road they have been traveling. Is it time to travel off the main path? There is no telling. I have played Doctor Phil for my friends, providing advice for relationships, sex, medical conditions and diseases. I have had my heart ripped out and stomped on. I have had someone close to me put me on a remote distance and cause some great emotional distress.
I have gotten to the point that I know that I am ready for a relationship, and not looking for one because I think that it is something I NEED. Instead, it is something that I want and desire. I have fought hard for the affections of one person for awhile, and I wonder if I should keep on fighting for it. He has suffered his own losses this year, and I have seen it affect him more than he likes to imagine. There has drama all year long that has dragged us deep into the mire, and seen both of us retract from those nearby. Or almost everyone. He has turned a little more to another friend and spent more time with him, and I have backed off, allowing it to happen.
I know that he loves me and worries a lot. He has seen great advancements in my own personal life, and I have proved a lot to him and others. But I feel I can only do so much to make him appreciate the rest of life around him and pull back out to where he is willing to open up again.
So, I make this wish for the coming new year. Well, maybe more of a hope.
I hope that my friends get all that they want. I hope for an advancement in my own life that sees me with someone that I feel can truly make me happy. I hope for the best with everyone that I have known. I hope for some people to grow up and mature a little more once they realize the effects their actions and statements have on other people involved in their lives. I hope for some people to stop lying to everyone around them. I hope for a less drama-involved year.
And most of all? I dunno. I guess I can hope that the things for which I have fought might actually have an outcome that is appealing to all involved.
All I can do is wait to see what may happen. I have place future events in someone else’s hands at the moment and I will respect whatever his final decision may be. It might kill me inside to lose someone close and dear again, but, I have survived these pitfalls before, and I am sure that I can survive them again. I just ask for an end to it all.
So, lift your glasses high this Sunday evening, turn to the friends you may be surrounded with, and tell them how much you have appreciated all they have done this year. Tell them how much you look forward to the future and even greater times.
Currently listening to:
Benassi Brothers – Hit My Heart
Rihanna – Unfaithful
Da Buzz – Without Breaking
Chicane – Stoned in Love
Cedric Gervais – Spirit in My Life
Oxygen ft Andrea Britton – Am I On Your Mind
Blue October – Into the Ocean
Dave Gahan – I Need You
David Guetta – Love Don’t Let Me Go
Deepsky ft Jes Brieden – Ghost
FeFe Dobson – Don’t Let it Go to Your Head
Wynona Judd – I Want to Know What Love Is
Tyler Hilton – That’s How Love Should Be
Rascal Flatts – What Hurts the Most
Josh Gracin – I Want to Live ¶ 12/29/2006 02:43:00 PM
This past year has not been the greatest. Yeah I have had a few decent moments…getting my own place, a promotion at work with a minor raise. I made a few new friends and learned a lot about others that I thought were good people. Guess I need to start listening to my emotions and feelings again. The inner thoughts are what have allowed me to survive, with some minor help from friends.
But this year has also had a few…downsides. I lost a dear friend and former boyfriend to an act of deliberate harm. My uncle and a former boss passed within several days of each other. My aunt nearly passed in the same week and I did not know what to do with the sudden losses. I made a new friend and lover, but split with him soon after. I was able to reconnect with an old friend who I consider my brother, and nearly lost one who has held a place with me for a long time.
This has been a year of great thinking and introspection. It has been a year of making a person think and wonder about themselves, and the road they have been traveling. Is it time to travel off the main path? There is no telling. I have played Doctor Phil for my friends, providing advice for relationships, sex, medical conditions and diseases. I have had my heart ripped out and stomped on. I have had someone close to me put me on a remote distance and cause some great emotional distress.
I have gotten to the point that I know that I am ready for a relationship, and not looking for one because I think that it is something I NEED. Instead, it is something that I want and desire. I have fought hard for the affections of one person for awhile, and I wonder if I should keep on fighting for it. He has suffered his own losses this year, and I have seen it affect him more than he likes to imagine. There has drama all year long that has dragged us deep into the mire, and seen both of us retract from those nearby. Or almost everyone. He has turned a little more to another friend and spent more time with him, and I have backed off, allowing it to happen.
I know that he loves me and worries a lot. He has seen great advancements in my own personal life, and I have proved a lot to him and others. But I feel I can only do so much to make him appreciate the rest of life around him and pull back out to where he is willing to open up again.
So, I make this wish for the coming new year. Well, maybe more of a hope.
I hope that my friends get all that they want. I hope for an advancement in my own life that sees me with someone that I feel can truly make me happy. I hope for the best with everyone that I have known. I hope for some people to grow up and mature a little more once they realize the effects their actions and statements have on other people involved in their lives. I hope for some people to stop lying to everyone around them. I hope for a less drama-involved year.
And most of all? I dunno. I guess I can hope that the things for which I have fought might actually have an outcome that is appealing to all involved.
All I can do is wait to see what may happen. I have place future events in someone else’s hands at the moment and I will respect whatever his final decision may be. It might kill me inside to lose someone close and dear again, but, I have survived these pitfalls before, and I am sure that I can survive them again. I just ask for an end to it all.
So, lift your glasses high this Sunday evening, turn to the friends you may be surrounded with, and tell them how much you have appreciated all they have done this year. Tell them how much you look forward to the future and even greater times.
Currently listening to:
Benassi Brothers – Hit My Heart
Rihanna – Unfaithful
Da Buzz – Without Breaking
Chicane – Stoned in Love
Cedric Gervais – Spirit in My Life
Oxygen ft Andrea Britton – Am I On Your Mind
Blue October – Into the Ocean
Dave Gahan – I Need You
David Guetta – Love Don’t Let Me Go
Deepsky ft Jes Brieden – Ghost
FeFe Dobson – Don’t Let it Go to Your Head
Wynona Judd – I Want to Know What Love Is
Tyler Hilton – That’s How Love Should Be
Rascal Flatts – What Hurts the Most
Josh Gracin – I Want to Live ¶ 12/29/2006 02:43:00 PM
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