A Shout in the Dark The last few weeks has seen a lot going on in my life. I gained a promotion, had my birthday, got sick and spent time in the emergency room. Saw more time in the ER for a friend of mine who had a bad car wreck (remind me to take my name off the emergency contact list – just kidding). Tie in a lot of non-sleeping, and I have been doing awesome. Work also got rough with a client veering towards to the more insane side, and then we just went through a layoff in four of our office...including mine. Fortunately I am safe because of my position, but it was still rough to deal with.

But right when I thought that things were going to get a little better and an emotional lull was coming my way, I got a shocker.

My friends know that I am a very big proponent of going to the source when you want to know the answer to a question. I basically feel it is a matter of respect. Apparently somebody got some free time on their hands again. I got a text message from a friend back east because someone has come to him regarding something he was hearing about me. Apparently some person back in Raleigh was spreading it around the state that I was the last person he had been with and I gave him HIV. First, why would a person want to spread that around a state? Especially when I was no longer in the area and the y knew that. I never did understand that. But, the biggest part that got to me is that someone who was so concerned about me couldn’t come to me to ask the important questions. Anyone who knows me knows that I feel it is more respectful to ask the source instead of going around to everyone else.

I can understand why they went to the person they did, but it was a lot of assumption on their part that someone would know everything that was going on with me. Just because we were close at the time I lived in the same town, I can’t say that it continued once I left the city and later the state. And that part probably hurt the most. But with each move I made that brought me further from him, it seemed like we drifted further apart. And his means of attempting to show concern for what happens in my life didn’t exactly come out the way he was hoping. But, I guess that is what happens in life.

I know that I am not always the best with opening up and trusting folks, and that comes from a lot of history…not something that started overnight. But, I do think that I have made some improvement. My ex can probably vouch although I still am not as open with him either. But, I do what I can.

Anyway…I think I am digressing from the point. Or maybe I don’t have an exact point. Reading back on this, it looks more like it is being written in the train of through viewpoint instead of an object view. I have had a lot of emotion running through my head that has exploded in the emails back and forth to someone making him wake up some. And I guess is it starting to rub out into my interactions with others because I have noticed that I have probably been a little bit on the sharper side. Yeah, I know that I have been considered as ‘passionate’ because of how much I put into myself and into the relations with others that come close enough to be my friends and potentially more.

But I can’t help it. I spend a lot of time being analytical that it feels good to release the emotional rush that flows through my veins like fiery water. I was born twenty-seven years ago on the cusp of Aquarius and Pisces. I have grown into a nice combination of Air and Water, two signs that can be gentle, yet deadly. My left arm bears a fire and water yin-yang…opposites that are beautiful and deadly all at once. Anyways... Feel free to check out Aquarius and Pisces…I have definitely been incorporating bothe sets of traits into my personality as I evolve and grow as a person.

Okay, so what was the point of all that? I haven’t the foggiest. But I am sure someone will help me pull the details all together. Some point….some day.

  ¶ 4/03/2008 09:32:00 PM