Love The ever elusive thing for some people. Think you find it and somehow things get fucked up and you can't keep it.

I try to remember that "To be alive, to be able to see, to walk...it's all a miracle." (Arthur Rubenstien) but sometimes I feel like I just keep "taking your ass to the top of that building, throwing yourself under cars and trains, taking the pill that you know will kill you, under the wheels...." (GM)

Yeah, I know, I sound so screwed up. I promise I really am not that way. But I think right now I am just going through that phase when you can't really tell up from down. Hard sometimes, especially when you want to talk, but don't know how to get it out there for others to understand. Trying to deal with the stuff at home and supporting other people hasn't really helped much I think.

I feel like I have grown up way too fast and haven't had a chance to just be a kid and not worry about things. My best friend Jeff calls me a Toys'R'Us kid since I like to have fun and, yes, I still collect some of the kid things. Can't help it. That is just me. I guess just call it a chance to relive some of the stuff that I missed out on. When you are fending for yourself earlier than normal and not able to rely on the parental units (add in some really strict parents), you don't know what it is really to just lay back and have fun. One of these days I will be able to do that, but right now I just play when I can.

And love if it comes around again.
  ¶ 11/08/2004 10:27:00 AM