Written on Valentine's day Anyone who knows me knows that music plays a large part in my life, although I don't play any instrument anymore. I sing when I can, but am out of tune big time these days. The combination of insomnia and a slight cold does nothing to help out. But I have found myself a new artist that I am ranking up in my highest regards...right there with Anastacia, P!nk, Christina, George, and others. I had listened to Joss Stone on MTV and VH1 when I was able to catch the videos. Recently I picked up her album and have fallen in love with it. She has this rich, dark, husky touch to her voice...coupled with her English accent it makes for a very good combination. I was a little upset that she didn't win at the Grammy, but impressed that she got nominated for New Artist of the Year. She speaks to my soul and awakens chords that are not very often touched.





This year, yet again, I spend Valentine's Day alone with my roommate. We are both single and do hate it. Yet we have our own reasons. I hate the fact that I have an ex who hates me because I was not able to go see him up in Raleigh a few weeks ago...and another who is close to loathing my existence, or so it feels. I do know that he hurts right now, and I do what I can to help him out and show that I really do care. But apparently that is not enough. I did not want my own unhappiness with things to drag him down, but either way, he is still dragged down to the pits of things. He has written me stating that he does not feel that I really care about him or worry about him....which perhaps means that he does not know me as well as he thinks. I care about all my friends..and I wish that I can still call him my friend. Perhaps with time and maturity he will wisen up to that fact.

Chris, on the other hand, is a whole 'nother story. He continually pestered me to come to Raleigh to see him. He was in the state, for what he says is the last time he will ever step foot in North Carolina. He would have met me in Raleigh, but somehow, despite all his saying that he would have paid for everything for me, I don't think I would have been any more than a trick for him. No matter what history we have behind us. I couldn't have gone anyway...there were issues going on here that were a little more important, and I tried to explain that to him. He didn't care...I wasn't treating him like I treat the rest of my friends. Shit happens. He sent me an e-present this morning that stated "Just wanted to wish you a HAPPY Valentines Day. I will always remember the special day, our first V-day, we spent together, and our love will last forever....... BULLSHIT...... i had tricks that meant less than you did travel 6 hours from Wash DC to come visit me." He was here two weeks ago. And he still is being pissed about it..just like a little child. He says that he has matured since we split up. I really am not seeing it. I emailed him back and wasn't too nice in it. Here is what I said: "you know, you can be a real a**....you want to stay like that, then fine. go ahead and stay like that. the world does not revolve around you anymore than it does around me. remember that. right now you really make me not want to remain friends with you, no matter what my feelings towards you are. keep your tricks coming...apparently they keep you better company than i did for the time we spent together." Was that a little harsh? Oh well. Once again, the joys of Valentine's Day. (Play 3 Doors Down, "My World")

I hope the best Valentine's Day to those who truly deserve it...my closest friends Dan and Wayne, and Dar and Kev. Dan and Wayne for the newness of the relationship. Dar and Kev for all the hell that they have been through over the last few weeks and are rebounding from.

Playing in CD player right now: Joss Stone, MIND BODY & SOUL, "Security" and "Snakes and Ladders"

*addendum=brian emailed me and said that he really does not loathe me...that is nice to know. he is just having a hard time dealing with his pain and recuping from it all right now. but we are kewl for now....i am glad to hear it. Chris on the other hand, is being a jerk...don't need immature people around me...i no longer consider him a friend.  ¶ 2/14/2005 09:57:00 AM