Caught in the holidays Hey folks. Hope that everyone had a good holiday weekend. Mine still continues..the luck of the Catholic Jew. Chanukah still continues for another six nights (tonight being the third). Yippee. At least I can say that my room looks all nice and bright with the candles lit in it.

Not discussing much right now. Things have come to a culminary point between me and one of my friends. I can't say that I am truly upset, at least not at this point. But I am hurt. I was right in several of my assumptions and the instincts are celebrating that they once again were correct. Tomorrow's weather forecast was calling for mostly sunny and temperatures reaching the upper 50's, but I think that there will be an unexpected cold chill coming in directly from Wilmington. We are sitting down to talk and I don't expect things to be pretty. Of course, it will be the first of several talks. He owes a few explanations to me and one other that has been wrapped up in this twisted triangle.

The funny part of all this is how calm I have been last night and today. Yes, I did have a couple of beers and shots of Hypnotiq without actually eating (do salty nuts count?), but nothing that would have done me any harm, or drowned any sorrow. Not sure if this is a good thing. I seem to have two modes of angry...one is where I will explode. The other is the sweet and kind, building up to extreme hate and loathing. One of my old friends described it as the calm before the storm. I truly hope that this is not the case. I am not going to end the friendship with this fella, but a lot of my trust has been lost with him. Which is funny because my feelings still exist for him. But, what I can I say? Our relationship has always been a twisted one for the last few years.

But I have learned one fact, yet again. Never trust a gay man. There is always an ulterior motive in there somewhere that ends up hurting all involved. Word of advise: If you are involved in a situation that you KNOW will cause problems somewhere down the road, be a man and face it right then and there. Maybe then you can save yourself some explosions later in life.

I will expand more later when I write my over-the-shoulder view of the past year. I must say, it has been very interesting.

But try to have a good day...I know that I am doing my best.

Shalom



Do good by stealth, and blush to find it fame. ~Alexander Pope (1688-1744) English Poet

One may desire a spurious respect and precedence among one's fellow monks, and the veneration of outsiders. "Both monks and laity should think it was my doing. They should accept my authority in all matters great or small." This is a fool's way of thinking. His self-seeking and conceit just increase. ~Buddha


Class is an aura of confidence that is being sure without being cocky. Class has nothing to do with money. Class never runs scared. It is self-discipline and self-knowledge. I t's the sure footedness that comes with having proved you can meet life. ~Ann Landers, born 1918

Like fresh milk a bad deed does not turn at once. It follows a fool scorching him like a smouldering fire. ~Buddha

A fool thinks it like honey so long as the bad deed does not bear fruit, but when it does bear fruit he experiences suffering. ~Gautama Buddha


Nothing is ever lost by courtesy. It is the cheapest of pleasures, costs nothing, and conveys much. ~Erastus Wiman

Even if a fool lived with a wise man all his life, he would still not recognize the truth, like a wooden spoon cannot recognize the flavor of the soup. ~Gautama Buddha


Every man stamps his value on himself... man is made great or small by his own will.
~J.C.F. von Schiller


Self-reverence, self-knowledge, self-control. These three alone lead to sovereign power.
~Lord Alfred Tennyson

A fool who recognizes his own ignorance is thereby in fact a wise man, but a fool who considers himself wise -- that is what one really calls a fool. ~Gautama Buddha

'I've got children', 'I've got wealth.' This is the way a fool brings suffering on himself. He does not even own himself, so how can he have children or wealth? ~Gautama Buddha



Songs: Dido - "White Flag" (Scumfrog Remix)
Utada - "Devil Inside"  ¶ 12/27/2005 10:31:00 AM