Thursday, December 15, 2005
Thursday has come...and is going by fast
So I started cleaning up my desk today in preparation for the move tomorrow. It looks so bare. No more dragon, no more little foo dogs, no more hot guy on my wall... There is just the computer and some little last minute things that I will move tomorrow morning. And I am getting pissed with Realplayer today as well...it is refusing to play files that it had played with no issues yesterday. So I am guessing that means I need to reload cds again. Better take inventory, huh?
Spent last night with my friend just chilling out. Was nice to do that for a change. I have been on the move so much lately that I kinda forgot what it was like to just lay around, much less actually have someone around to cuddle. Don't worry, I have suppressed a lot of the emotions that normally pop up; that is not to say that they don't bust through a crack here and there. But I think that we will be just fine. I have managed to keep my mouth shut regarding a lot of situations, and that part really impresses me. It was a little funny yesterday. I told him that I would keep my observations to myself...he nearly fell out because that is unusual for me. My statement to his shock: "When I don't want to cause people to go through any more undue stress/tension, etc. I will be fine...I have learned how to deal with quite a bit in the last few years. Just start worrying when I don't talk at all." His response? "I'm pretty damn sure that you shoulder more stress/tension than you could likely every "cause" me. You're right . . . I'm not going to worry (too much) so long as I get some kind of feedback from you. But, you've earned the privilege of speaking your mind. Just remember that communication is not a "yes" or "no" or "black" and "white" proposition. The meanings behind the the communications come into focus slowly through trial and error and through fine tuning what's being said and heard." I do shoulder a lot of stress, but nothing that I can't handle through a day or two. And I have been learning that with us, conversations hardly, if ever, are black and white. But, I think that is something that I like with him. It is never clear cut, but allows for a lot of leeway. Maybe that is why our friendship keeps growing deeper and deeper...at least it is on my end. I know that I am looking for a lot of definition in my life, and that person who is willing to add to it. But I know that what we have can never be replaced by someone else, and I am very happy for it. I don't want someone to be able to replace it. Hell, I don't want anything replaced by anyone else. Each friend I make I want to have a unique relationship with for whatever time period they decide to be around. That is the most that I am asking for from anyone.
I shock myself sometimes when I come to these realizations...or actually admit to them. I have learned a lot over the years, and am continually maturing each day as a result. I think I can finally appreciate that fact.
Have a good day! (Sorry, no HNT pic today...just the other pic of my and Allyn from the Christmas party.)
Song of the morning: Get Mine, Get Yours
Last wishes of luck to Ethan and his bid for Best LGBT Blog.
With his mind free from the inflow of thoughts and from restlessness, by abandoning both good and evil, an alert man knows no fear. ~Shakyamuni Buddha ¶ 12/15/2005 09:19:00 AM
Spent last night with my friend just chilling out. Was nice to do that for a change. I have been on the move so much lately that I kinda forgot what it was like to just lay around, much less actually have someone around to cuddle. Don't worry, I have suppressed a lot of the emotions that normally pop up; that is not to say that they don't bust through a crack here and there. But I think that we will be just fine. I have managed to keep my mouth shut regarding a lot of situations, and that part really impresses me. It was a little funny yesterday. I told him that I would keep my observations to myself...he nearly fell out because that is unusual for me. My statement to his shock: "When I don't want to cause people to go through any more undue stress/tension, etc. I will be fine...I have learned how to deal with quite a bit in the last few years. Just start worrying when I don't talk at all." His response? "I'm pretty damn sure that you shoulder more stress/tension than you could likely every "cause" me. You're right . . . I'm not going to worry (too much) so long as I get some kind of feedback from you. But, you've earned the privilege of speaking your mind. Just remember that communication is not a "yes" or "no" or "black" and "white" proposition. The meanings behind the the communications come into focus slowly through trial and error and through fine tuning what's being said and heard." I do shoulder a lot of stress, but nothing that I can't handle through a day or two. And I have been learning that with us, conversations hardly, if ever, are black and white. But, I think that is something that I like with him. It is never clear cut, but allows for a lot of leeway. Maybe that is why our friendship keeps growing deeper and deeper...at least it is on my end. I know that I am looking for a lot of definition in my life, and that person who is willing to add to it. But I know that what we have can never be replaced by someone else, and I am very happy for it. I don't want someone to be able to replace it. Hell, I don't want anything replaced by anyone else. Each friend I make I want to have a unique relationship with for whatever time period they decide to be around. That is the most that I am asking for from anyone.
I shock myself sometimes when I come to these realizations...or actually admit to them. I have learned a lot over the years, and am continually maturing each day as a result. I think I can finally appreciate that fact.
Have a good day! (Sorry, no HNT pic today...just the other pic of my and Allyn from the Christmas party.)
Song of the morning: Get Mine, Get Yours
Last wishes of luck to Ethan and his bid for Best LGBT Blog.
With his mind free from the inflow of thoughts and from restlessness, by abandoning both good and evil, an alert man knows no fear. ~Shakyamuni Buddha ¶ 12/15/2005 09:19:00 AM
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