Midweek Blues Another Wednesday is upon us and I wonder why the week seems to want to move so slowly.  I had yet another discussion with a close friend last night and broke down too.  Things are not going easy; my emotions don’t want to be shut down at all.  I am trying to keep some sort of semblance of control, but I don’t seem to be able to handle it as well as I do with anything else.  Is it because I haven’t fallen this hard for anyone else in seven years?  I don’t know.  My emotions are telling me to push for what I want and desire, and making me look over the good things that I have now.  I need to try to listen to my head with things, and to him, and not keep going for what I can’t have right now.  Not easy, but patience is going to be an extreme virtue, for both of us.  And I feel really bad because I yelled at him and hurt him.  That is something I never want to do again.  And the funny part?  I had sat there and picked up a relationship book from Barnes and Noble yesterday.  

Words of Wisdom on Ash Wednesday or St. David’s Day (UK)
If our love for someone is based largely on attraction, whether it be their looks or some other superficial characteristic, our feelings for that person are liable, over time, to evaporate.  When they lose the quality we found alluring, the situation can change completely, this despite their being the same person.  This is why intimate relationships based purely on attraction are almost always unstable.  ~Dalai Lama

I wish that I could say that what I have felt and allowed to grow again is based strictly on attraction.  But I know that it runs a lot deeper than that; and that, I think, is why I have such a hard time with things now.  I keep trying to remind myself that I just need to go one day at a time and retract a little, but each day sees something completely different happen.  Why can’t I be as logic-based as most people out there?  I hate how I get at times, but, at the same time, I don’t think that I could trade myself for being any other way.  I know one of these days I will get what I fully deserve and desire.  Just to flow through life like water and be moldable like my birth element always has been.  

On brighter news, only 23 days left until I sign the lease and experience the joys of having my own place.

  ¶ 3/01/2006 06:33:00 AM