Final thoughts of the week. This past week has been a complete bust from day one. Going from slowing things severely with lil’ Matt, to getting into a detailed discussion with a close friend about our status again, to arguing with the roommate…and trying to work through a tension headache to prevent it from hitting migraine status at the same time. I have been a complete wreck and I know one person who has tried to stick through it. Of course, he is also the person that I have had the hardest time with this week.

There is such a strong desire in me to release inner feelings and say damn the world. But I can’t. For myself, or for the other people involved. There is no way around that part. It is yet again another point of trying to master the emotions that run roiled through my body and soul. And it doesn’t help when I know that what is going through me right now is very real. Not any sort of infatuation, although I seriously wish it were. But real feelings that don’t want to be put down.

I now toil with the task of trying to keep everything in check. To not wish for the next step to happen. To continue on in my own life and see if there is someone out there who can be as compatible as my best friend. But he has to be more than just a friend. Or at least, in time, be willing to be more. But I know that my friend does what he does for a reason, and the scary part is that I can understand it.

So, I guess it is a case of sit back and enjoy the ride for as long as it lasts…and hope that I don’t get thrown out of the car in the process. Either that or slam into a brick wall. I think I have hit enough of those now already. Kinda funny, though, because I don’t normally equate my life with songs or movies…but it is almost like scenes from GRAVITATION…an anime show from Japan. Only minus the famous people.

  ¶ 2/17/2006 12:08:00 PM