Tuesday, July 18, 2006
An Afternoon Giggle
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
-- Juan on Juan
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
-- The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
-- Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
-- Doughnuts
Why is air a lot like sex?
-- Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any
What do you call a smart blonde?
-- A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
-- Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
-- 45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
-- 45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
-- Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
-- They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
-- Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
-- After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
-- The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
-- A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
-- "Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
-- Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
-- Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
-- Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
-- He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
-- Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
-- A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
-- They named him "Sum Ting Wong"
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
-- A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
-- They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
-- A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
-- Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
-- A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
-- A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s....t"
Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
-- No one's tall enough to go on the good rides ¶ 7/18/2006 11:13:00 AM
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
-- Juan on Juan
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
-- The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
-- Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
-- Doughnuts
Why is air a lot like sex?
-- Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any
What do you call a smart blonde?
-- A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
-- Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
-- 45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
-- 45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
-- Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
-- They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
-- Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
-- After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
-- The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
-- A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
-- "Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
-- Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
-- Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
-- Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
-- He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
-- Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
-- A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
-- They named him "Sum Ting Wong"
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
-- A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
-- They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
-- A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
-- Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
-- A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
-- A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s....t"
Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
-- No one's tall enough to go on the good rides ¶ 7/18/2006 11:13:00 AM
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