Hump Day in the Cold This week has been pretty slow for me. Still single, not that that part is anything new. But, I am cool with that. I know that I am not really ready to start plunging into anything heavy at the moment. At least, not until I get settled in at my new place (hopefully by the end of March!), and get everything else worked out. So, right now, I casually date when I can find people who are willing to understand, and spend time with my friends that have always been close to me. Now is the time for me to be slightly selfish and focus on myself and do what I feel is right for me. Maybe later on I can focus on someone else.

Me and one of my seriously close friends/significant other (we aren’t dating, but we are definitely more than just friends) had a discussion the other day regarding relationships. I kinda agree with him, but there is some that I don’t agree with. He stated, “…you don’t have to be in a relationship to be happy. However, many people (especially gay men) feel that having that relationship will “fix” anything that may be wrong in their lives. They get “security” from that relationship. While it may be a quick (and all too temporary) fix, the insecurities will inevitably find their way into the relationship. Misery may love company, but in the end most people are still just miserable together.

“Many persons see that as the relationship failing or that the other person is not “the one.” Well, there is no “one” person who will forever be the keystone of another person’s life. Long-term happiness and contentment come from within each individual. No person can MAKE another person happy. The true satisfaction of any relationship is being able to share with each other the happiness that is within each other.”

And that is probably true. I know that the insecurities that me or my partner had did end up driving things apart because we didn’t know how to deal with them. That is why I have spent so much time learning myself and working on evaluating what has made me feel so “wrong.” And, I think I have come to a good point. A rebirth of sorts, if I may say so. That is why my latest tattoo that Jonathan is working on with me is so important. They are going to be angel wings of sorts, ripping through the skin of my back. A sign of my rebirth and renewal. After that one, I think I will go back to working on designs for friends and other people. But, I also think that we do get happiness from the person we are with, as well; probably due to being able to share our contentment with them, and enjoying new experiences.

In other news, I had a friend recently ask me if I would be willing to go with him to Mexico for a mini-vacation. I would love to go…I have never been out of the country, and had been looking into getting my passport awhile back. I even went so far as to request copies of my name-change process so I could request copies of my birth certificate. Of course, now that I am actually looking for that paperwork, I can’t find it. I spent part of the night last night, and some this morning (I was up at 4am again) trying to find it. I located my diploma! But no sign of the required paperwork. So, it looks like I will have to restart the process all over again. I don’t even know how I started it before!!! Back to square one. When I get moved, I am so going to purchase a damn filing cabinet so I can keep all this stuff together in one place!! My accordion binder is falling apart and needs replacement.

And, I have also requested information from the Art Institute branch in Charlotte, NC, to find out about their graphic design program. I just need to look into a landscape architecture program somewhere, too, and then I can really start planning for heading back to school. Slow and surely, this turtle is going to win at something!


Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, Or what's a heaven for?
~Robert Browning  ¶ 2/15/2006 05:08:00 AM