Saturday night.. Okay, so me and Brian met up Saturday night to go and hang out. I ended up leaving the house early...things weren't going too hot with the roommate, so I thought I would get outta the house for a bit. Ended up at the mall..god I hate Christmas music before Thanksgiving is over. Brian ended up meeting me over at Books-a-million (less crowded and I can actually think in there). He got his hair cut...looks really cute. And I like his goatee too. I wish I could grow one of those...never really did succeed in that. Oh well. Maybe one of these days. He took me over to Arby's so I could get something to eat and then we travelled over to Wrightsville Beach..to his little spot where he likes to go and think. Never went out on the beach there after dark. We walked a pretty good distance and tried to go out on the pier, but they had part of it closed off, so we didn't go all the way out. But we kissed some on under the pier...and then a further distance down the beach. It was really nice. Never really expected anything like this to happen, but I think it will be a good thing.....Down boy. :-)
  ¶ 11/22/2004 10:22:00 AM 0 comments

  Quote for the day It is a good thing to be rich, it is a good thing to be strong, butit is a better thing to be beloved of many friends.
-- Euripides (480-406 BC) Greek Playwright
  ¶ 11/22/2004 06:09:00 AM 0 comments

  Song of the day Garbage, Version 2.0, I think I'm Paranoid

you can't look but you can't touch
i don't think i like you much
heaven knows what a girl can do
heaven knows what you've got to prove

i think i'm paranoid
and complicated
i think i'm paranoid
manipulate it
bend me,break me
anyway you need me all i want is you
bend me break me
breaking down is easy all i want is you

i fall down just to give you a thrill
prop me up with another pill
if i should fail, if i should fold
i nailed my faith to the sticking pole

i think i'm paranoid
manipulate it
i think i'm paranoid
and complicated
bend me,break me
anyway you need me all i want is you
bend me break me
breaking down is easy all i want is you

bend me,break me
anyway you need me all i want is you
bend me break me
breaking down is easy all i want is you

steal me, deal me,anyway you heal me
maim me, take me you can never change me
love me like me, come ahead and fight me
please me tease me, go ahead and leave me
bend me break me, anyway you need me
as long as i want you baby it's all right
bend me break me, anyway you need me
as long as i want you baby it's all right
  ¶ 11/18/2004 10:22:00 AM 0 comments

  Movie Snippet of the day from Chronicles of Riddick: Dark Fury remixed at end of movie by JunkieXL

Hold your breathe....

There is a man inside this vessel who is something far worse than anyone here has ever encountered.
Should you survive this day, it is one you will remember for the rest of your life. Do not underestimate the importance of such a thing.

Fall Back!! Everyone fall back!!

music

Here they are appreciated for what they truly are, transformed into objects on par with their life's work. 'Cause I gave them the audience they so desperately desired; The recognition they bought with the blood of others.

Here they are art...
  ¶ 11/18/2004 10:13:00 AM 0 comments

  Song snippets.... Just some snippets that of songs I like or love.....

Reba McIntyre, "I'm Gonna Take that Mountain"
I was born a stubborn soul
Ain't afraid of the great unknown
Or a winding road that's all uphill
This is just a stumbling block
Intimidating wall of rock
If you think this broken heart will break my will...
...It's overwhelming looking up
Knowing it's the challenge of
Me against this heartache to survive
I may slip and I may fall
But even if I have to crawl
I'll break through to the healing side...


Garbage, "Androgyny"
Boys in the girls room
Girls in the men's room
You free your mind in your androgyny
Boys in the parlor
They're getting harder
I'll free your mind and your androgyny...
...Behind closed doors and under stars
It doesn't matter where you are
Collecting jewels that catch your eye
Don't let a soulmate pass you by


Anastacia, "Time"
They say timing
is everything
but nothing you control
'cause there's always tomorrow
but tomorrow never knows
It's one day at a
Time keeps running away
no matter what's left behind
it keeps on moving
tomorrow is not in today
and all of yuor yesterdays
are only a matter of time
and the journey of a lifetime
will begin with one step
when you're climbing up that mountain
it's so easy to forget
One step at a time....


George Michael, "Amazing"
...Tell me, I guess that cupid was in disguise
The day you walked in and changed my life
I think it's amazing
The way that love can set you free
So now I walk in the midday sun
I never thought that my saviour would come
I think it's amazing
I think you're amazing...


Hilary Duff, "I AM"
I'm an angel
I'm a devil
I am sometimes in-between
I'm as bad as it can get
And tood as it can be
Sometimes I'm a million colors
Sometimes I'm black and white
I am all extremes
To to figure me out?
You never can
There's so many things I am...
...I'm someone filled with self-belief
And haunted by self-doubt
I got all the answer
I've got nothing figured out
I like to be by myself
I hate to be alone
I'm up and I am down
But that's part of the thrill
Part of the plan
Part of all the things I am...


Think you know me yet????  ¶ 11/16/2004 10:11:00 AM 0 comments

  Just a few quotes I liked.... I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be honorable, to be compassionate. It is, after all, to matter: to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all.
 Leo C. Rosten (1908-1977) American Writer

The height of your accomplishments will equal the depth of your convictions.
 William F. Scolavino

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they're not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they're not so bad.
 Arnold H. Glasow
  ¶ 11/15/2004 10:44:00 AM 0 comments

  Okay..this was just too funny..couldn't pass it up. The Republican Dictionary
11/09/2004 @ 5:20pm (Katrina vanden Heuvel)

At least until the draft comes, progressive Americans will not be fleeing en masse to Canada, despite the charming offer of so many compassionate Canadians to sacrifice their singlehood to save us from the "cowboy" Bush. (As the New Yorker 's Hendrik Hertzberg says, the Canadians make us proud to be North Americans.)
After all, who is to say Canada is safe from a preemptive strike? Canada's leaders are a bunch of socialists hostile to our president just like the Baathists were, Canada might have hidden stockpiles of WMD, it possesses a natural resource-- cheap prescription drugs--critical to our people's security, and historically-speaking it would be a really bad idea (see Quebec, Battle of; 1812, War of).
No, alas, we will stay and fight to retake our country from the forces of extremism, corruption, and incompetence that have set up shop in the White House, Capitol Hill, and K Street. Taking our cue from the venerable military strategist Sun-tzu, the first stage of this battle is to understand our opponents, who are as bold as they are devious.
Nowhere is their deception more in need of debunking than in the realm of political discourse, where they have over the last several decades created a veritable Orwellian Code of encrypted language. The key to their linguistic strategy is to use words, which sound moderate to us but mean something completely different to their base. Their tactics range from the childish use of antonyms, i.e., "clean" = "dirty" to the pseudo-academic use of prefixes--"neo" is a favorite--to the pernicious (and very expensive) rebranding of traditional political labels-- "liberal"--as an insult.
We need to break the code by building a Republican dictionary. Here's a small list I've put together to get us started. Please feel free to add your own contributions by clicking here. I'll be publishing more examples in the coming weeks.
BI-PARTISANSHIP, n. When conservative Republicans work together with moderate Republicans to pass legislation Democrats hate.
CLARIFY, v. Repeating the same lie over and over again.
CLEAN, adj. The word used to modify any aspect of the environment Republican legislation allows corporations to pollute, poison, or destroy.
FAIRER, adj. Regressive.
FAITH, n. The stubborn belief that God approves of Republican moral values despite the preponderance of textual evidence to the contrary.
FAITH COMMUNITY, n. Evangelicals, because they are saved, and hawkish conservative Jews, because they are useful. Israel is the bait-on-the-hook just waiting for God to take that Rapturous bite.
FISCAL CONSERVATIVE, n. A Republican who is in the minority.
FREEDOM, n. What Arabs want but can't achieve on their own without Western military intervention. It bears a striking resemblance to chaos.
GROWTH, n. The justification for tax cuts for the rich. What happens to the deficits when Republicans cut taxes on the rich.
HONESTY, n. Lies told in simple declarative sentences: "Freedom is on the march."
HUMBLE FOREIGN POLICY, n. The invasion of any sovereign nation whose leadership Republicans don't like.
HUMBLED adj. What a Republican says right after a close election and right before he governs in an arrogant manner.
MORAL VALUES, n. Hatred of homosexuals dressed up in Biblical language.
MANDATE, n. What a Republican claims to possess when only 49 percent of the voting public loathes him instead of 51 percent.
THE MEDIA, n. Immoral elitist liberally-biased traitors who should leave Republicans alone so they can complete God's work on Earth in peace and quiet, behind closed doors.
PHILOSOPHY, n. Religion.
SIMPLIFY, tr. v. To cut the taxes of Republican donors.
SLAVE, n. A person without legal rights, e,g. a fetus.
BONUS DEFINITION: NEOCONSERVATIVES, n. Nerds with Napoleonic complexes.
  ¶ 11/12/2004 10:56:00 AM 0 comments

  Stupidity   ¶ 11/11/2004 03:22:00 PM 0 comments

  Love The ever elusive thing for some people. Think you find it and somehow things get fucked up and you can't keep it.

I try to remember that "To be alive, to be able to see, to walk...it's all a miracle." (Arthur Rubenstien) but sometimes I feel like I just keep "taking your ass to the top of that building, throwing yourself under cars and trains, taking the pill that you know will kill you, under the wheels...." (GM)

Yeah, I know, I sound so screwed up. I promise I really am not that way. But I think right now I am just going through that phase when you can't really tell up from down. Hard sometimes, especially when you want to talk, but don't know how to get it out there for others to understand. Trying to deal with the stuff at home and supporting other people hasn't really helped much I think.

I feel like I have grown up way too fast and haven't had a chance to just be a kid and not worry about things. My best friend Jeff calls me a Toys'R'Us kid since I like to have fun and, yes, I still collect some of the kid things. Can't help it. That is just me. I guess just call it a chance to relive some of the stuff that I missed out on. When you are fending for yourself earlier than normal and not able to rely on the parental units (add in some really strict parents), you don't know what it is really to just lay back and have fun. One of these days I will be able to do that, but right now I just play when I can.

And love if it comes around again.
  ¶ 11/08/2004 10:27:00 AM 0 comments

  Little things... Okay, so I am reading an article on Connexion about Proctor&Gamble and the boycott that American Family Association is pushing nationwide. He accuses P&G of contributing to the "homo agenda". I am sorry..did I miss something? There was a homo agenda?!?! I really must have been living under a rock somewhere, because I missed my daily memos from Gay Central telling me what companies we are corrupting to help our cause. My god...how stupid are these people? I can't stand it. In a time of when we are supposed to becoming advanced, our culture is taking a turn back to the Dark Ages. Are they going to start lynching again for being gay? Honestly, I really would not be surprised. With the conservative majority that is running the country right now, I expect that there will be a lot of work damaging relations with other countries and with our own people. Matthew Shepard is only the first in a long line that will form of gay hate crimes.

I hate saying that, but I don't see anything to the contrary these days. Anything to deal with our culture is pushed down into the depths of the dirt, taken out of health books, called detrimental to children. The kids don't even understand what it is to be gay yet!!!! I hate living like this. And to make things worse, it seems as if my generation doesn't even care. I usually don't get involved with politics..try to steer as far away as I can. But sometimes you need to speak your mind..before everything gets censored and you can't say anything at all.

"...I don't think that I could love and lose again
I don't think I have the strength..." (George Michael-American Angel)

Okay..one more quote from George...
" Youth, beautiful youth
We walked through the walls until we found the truth
And said 'Change it, it's ugly just change it'
Everyone we sued to know
Must have given up, so long ago
You can see it, it's written on their faces
And the inside of their clothes

"But the words that made me cry
'Cos I knew just what they meant
He turned to me and said
'Hey boy, if Jesus Christ is alive and well
Then how come John and Elvis are dead?'...

....How come peace, love and Elvis are dead?" (From John&Elvis are Dead)

Why must people be so hateful?
  ¶ 11/08/2004 10:11:00 AM 0 comments

  Been awhile I know...it has been awhile since I got on here and wrote something. Sorry.

Things have been the usual for me...crazy at work, crazy at home. Nothing new there. Did find out yesterday that my letter to OUT magazine is going to be published...I am happy for that. People out there need to know that some people don't see them for the problems they have, just as the people they are.

Gwen Stefani...where is my million dollar contract? What am I waiting for? Who knows.

A ball spins round and round, sending light to every corner of the room except mine. Things seem a little dark right now, but that is okay. I know that I am strong and will get through it okay. I just hope that Jay remembers that I do love him, even if we can't be together right now.
  ¶ 11/05/2004 10:32:00 AM 0 comments