Crawl into My Head
Monday, October 31, 2005
From the 14th Dalai Lama
We humans have existed in our present form for about a hundred thousand years. I believe that if during this time the human mind had been primarily controlled by anger and hatred, our overall population would have decreased. But today, despite all our wars, we find that the human population is greater than ever. This clearly indicates to me that love and compassion predominate in the world. And this is why unpleasant events are "news"; compassionate activities are so much a part of daily life that they are taken for granted and , therefore, largely ignored.
~His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama
When the days become longer and there is more sunshine, the grass becomes fresh and, consequently, we feel very happy. On the other hand, in autumn, one leaf falls down and another leaf falls down. The beautiful plants become as if dead and we do not feel very happy. Why? I think it is because deep down our human nature likes construction, and does not like destruction. Naturally, every action which is destructive is against human nature. Constructiveness is the human way. Therefore, I think that in terms of basic human feeling, violence is not good. Non-violence is the only way.
~His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama
¶ 10/31/2005 04:51:00 AM 0 comments
~His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama
When the days become longer and there is more sunshine, the grass becomes fresh and, consequently, we feel very happy. On the other hand, in autumn, one leaf falls down and another leaf falls down. The beautiful plants become as if dead and we do not feel very happy. Why? I think it is because deep down our human nature likes construction, and does not like destruction. Naturally, every action which is destructive is against human nature. Constructiveness is the human way. Therefore, I think that in terms of basic human feeling, violence is not good. Non-violence is the only way.
~His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama
¶ 10/31/2005 04:51:00 AM 0 comments
Catch me if you can!
First things first...
Okay, now that I have that outta the way, let me apologize for the delay in posting. Things have been pretty crazy and busy with me at work and elsewhere. I am trying to not let it get too involving. And the computer still wasn’t fixed completely, so I ended up writing all this down over the weekend while watching cartoons and recording music. Can I say that I never got back to sleep on Saturday so I missed Robbie’s Halloween party at his new place? Sorry, Robbie; I really did want to go.
Moving on.
Me. Ugh…why do I start here? Actually, I don’t think that it is that bad. Work has been nuts between studies getting shifted around and my leads being…interesting. Sometimes I really have to wonder how people get jobs around here. Speaking of which, did I mention that I applied for the CDA-I position again? Not that I am going into it with much expectations. They are going off the last interviews, which did not go very well. My boss seriously thinks that I kicked myself in the ass last time when I told the managers what I thought about things. Bluntly. Oh well. I know that I am only 25 (well, almost 25) and might not have the greatest job experience, but I do know what is right and wrong when dealing with a large group of people, especially when emotions run high. Last time the job was posted, there were a lot of hurt feelings the way things got handled. Management has some good ideas and intentions, but their skill and execution methods leaves a lot to be desired. Guess that can be said for anywhere, though. But, anyway. Not going into this with any fingers crossed. Just going to sit back and see what happens.
But to a lighter note…discussing work can be very depressing.
My trip to Chicago has finally been confirmed. Jimmy called me on Thursday with details and itinerary, so I am VERY happy. My first plane trip in about ten years or so, and this should be very interesting. Can’t wait!! Will also be my first trip to Chicago. Granted, it is hard to explore a city in only one full day (due to work constrictions), but this has been discussed for so long, it is a half-relief for it to finally happen. Can’t wait to see my boy!
(yell from the audience) NEXT!!!
Every year, Wilmington holds something called the Cape Fear Fair and Expo. Simplified explanation: take a state fair and compress it…a lot. Overall, it was pretty fun. Casteen decided a night off from work was a good idea (he hadn’t felt very productive lately anyway), so me, him and Matt met up with some friends for a night of fun. Okay, open-ended statement, but get your minds out of the gutter! It was the first time me and Matt got to meet Jimmy’s partner, Ray, and Jimmy’s little boys, Nick and Brandon. Sweet little boys too. They were a little handful, but nothing more than expected. Hell, I think we all pretty much turned into kids that night. It was a blast. And, shockingly, I even tolerated some rollercoaster-ish rides. I have never really been a theme park type of person. I enjoy the water rides with an unparalleled abandon (enjoy getting soaked), but not caring for the rollercoasters. And really don’t like anything where my feet end up over my head. (Again, minds outta the gutter!) They had the Ring of Fire…I preferred the Cliff Hanger and one that drops you about fifty feet or so down. Had plenty of fun with those. There was a lesbian/fem guy watching us on the drop and kept smiling…not sure who he/she was smiling at.
Now, for a really pleasant subject: Truth. We all don’t like being lied to, no matter the situation. Yes, there are white lies, the ones that don’t hurt (hiding a surprise birthday party and the like), but there are those that can really hurt. That is what I am talking about. Recently, a friend of mine found out some information regarding to extracurricular activities his partner had engaged in recently. Real recently. For sake of privacy, I am not going into details. But when I get a phone call late at night from him, I KNOW that something is wrong. They are going to try to work things out. And I really do hope that they are able…they have been so good together and it gives me hope for myself. But there is another thing that I cannot tolerate when it comes to other people: two-faced backstabbing arrogance.
I used to be friends with a somewhat cute guy who was moving here. Or at least trying the city out for a fit. Supposedly, the drama level back home was too high and he wanted to escape it. But it seemed to double once he was getting out around here. I have several rules. Rule One: never brag about how much you make; oftentimes it is false information. Rule Two: never pick on/insult those who are having tough times; you don’t know the full situation behind it and have no right to discuss it. Rule Three: if you received private XXX pics, they are intended for your eyes only; do not feel that you need to share with everyone and their mother. It is a little disconcerting, especially when the photo subject is in the room…and doesn’t know half the people there! Needless to say, I have not been a very happy camper. This person doesn’t think he even did anything wrong. A lot he is discussing with others has been very private and personal, and I have been hearing from a lot of people things he has said and tried to use as insults against me. Sorry, I have had enough of drama in my life. I don’t need to have any more backstabbers around. Thanks.
I don’t know, but I take things like this pretty seriously. Trust is the foundation of everything, whether it is your friendships or your relationship with your lover. Perhaps that is why some of my past relationships have failed…the trust disappeared.
“A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they’re not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they’re not so bad” ~ Arnold H. Glasgow
Alright, I know everyone is wondering about why I mentioned the underwear thing a few posts ago…as to why I bothered to get a new pain; no matter how sexy I might look in them. The friends that have gotten to know me really well know that I prefer commando on my days off and after work. It even goes so far as earning me the actual term as a nickname. Despite all this, I do appreciate a good pair of underwear, and, occasionally, treat myself. Through all my experiences, I can wear anything from jocks and thongs to boxers. Actually, I prefer boxers when I am at work…still retain that “loose” feeling. But, perhaps, I will switch over to the boxer-brief look. What do you think?
One last thing and then you can rest your eyes.
If you are looking for a cute romantic comedy chick-flick, you really need to check out PRIME. Uma Thurman, Meryl Streep, and a really hot Bryan Greenberg do a wonderful job in this comedy about love, age, and family. Just for a brief backdrop, Uma’s character is 14 years older than Bryan’s. The boys that went with us, Patrick and Mike, are about 12 years apart…made for some nice humour. Plus, I have always loved Uma anyway. This is the first time that I have actually watched Bryan in all his glory, but he has done a great job…the only bad acting is right near the very end. The rest of the time, you will be laughing your ass off. Since this also has a tie to me, I had to look over at Matt and ask him if I was back at home…Meryl’s character seem so much like my mother every time I talk to her.
Anyway, enjoy your candy today…whether eye or sugar, I don’t know. I just want to find the boy who works upstairs and…
¶ 10/31/2005 04:27:00 AM 2 comments
Okay, now that I have that outta the way, let me apologize for the delay in posting. Things have been pretty crazy and busy with me at work and elsewhere. I am trying to not let it get too involving. And the computer still wasn’t fixed completely, so I ended up writing all this down over the weekend while watching cartoons and recording music. Can I say that I never got back to sleep on Saturday so I missed Robbie’s Halloween party at his new place? Sorry, Robbie; I really did want to go.
Moving on.
Me. Ugh…why do I start here? Actually, I don’t think that it is that bad. Work has been nuts between studies getting shifted around and my leads being…interesting. Sometimes I really have to wonder how people get jobs around here. Speaking of which, did I mention that I applied for the CDA-I position again? Not that I am going into it with much expectations. They are going off the last interviews, which did not go very well. My boss seriously thinks that I kicked myself in the ass last time when I told the managers what I thought about things. Bluntly. Oh well. I know that I am only 25 (well, almost 25) and might not have the greatest job experience, but I do know what is right and wrong when dealing with a large group of people, especially when emotions run high. Last time the job was posted, there were a lot of hurt feelings the way things got handled. Management has some good ideas and intentions, but their skill and execution methods leaves a lot to be desired. Guess that can be said for anywhere, though. But, anyway. Not going into this with any fingers crossed. Just going to sit back and see what happens.
But to a lighter note…discussing work can be very depressing.
My trip to Chicago has finally been confirmed. Jimmy called me on Thursday with details and itinerary, so I am VERY happy. My first plane trip in about ten years or so, and this should be very interesting. Can’t wait!! Will also be my first trip to Chicago. Granted, it is hard to explore a city in only one full day (due to work constrictions), but this has been discussed for so long, it is a half-relief for it to finally happen. Can’t wait to see my boy!
(yell from the audience) NEXT!!!
Every year, Wilmington holds something called the Cape Fear Fair and Expo. Simplified explanation: take a state fair and compress it…a lot. Overall, it was pretty fun. Casteen decided a night off from work was a good idea (he hadn’t felt very productive lately anyway), so me, him and Matt met up with some friends for a night of fun. Okay, open-ended statement, but get your minds out of the gutter! It was the first time me and Matt got to meet Jimmy’s partner, Ray, and Jimmy’s little boys, Nick and Brandon. Sweet little boys too. They were a little handful, but nothing more than expected. Hell, I think we all pretty much turned into kids that night. It was a blast. And, shockingly, I even tolerated some rollercoaster-ish rides. I have never really been a theme park type of person. I enjoy the water rides with an unparalleled abandon (enjoy getting soaked), but not caring for the rollercoasters. And really don’t like anything where my feet end up over my head. (Again, minds outta the gutter!) They had the Ring of Fire…I preferred the Cliff Hanger and one that drops you about fifty feet or so down. Had plenty of fun with those. There was a lesbian/fem guy watching us on the drop and kept smiling…not sure who he/she was smiling at.
Now, for a really pleasant subject: Truth. We all don’t like being lied to, no matter the situation. Yes, there are white lies, the ones that don’t hurt (hiding a surprise birthday party and the like), but there are those that can really hurt. That is what I am talking about. Recently, a friend of mine found out some information regarding to extracurricular activities his partner had engaged in recently. Real recently. For sake of privacy, I am not going into details. But when I get a phone call late at night from him, I KNOW that something is wrong. They are going to try to work things out. And I really do hope that they are able…they have been so good together and it gives me hope for myself. But there is another thing that I cannot tolerate when it comes to other people: two-faced backstabbing arrogance.
I used to be friends with a somewhat cute guy who was moving here. Or at least trying the city out for a fit. Supposedly, the drama level back home was too high and he wanted to escape it. But it seemed to double once he was getting out around here. I have several rules. Rule One: never brag about how much you make; oftentimes it is false information. Rule Two: never pick on/insult those who are having tough times; you don’t know the full situation behind it and have no right to discuss it. Rule Three: if you received private XXX pics, they are intended for your eyes only; do not feel that you need to share with everyone and their mother. It is a little disconcerting, especially when the photo subject is in the room…and doesn’t know half the people there! Needless to say, I have not been a very happy camper. This person doesn’t think he even did anything wrong. A lot he is discussing with others has been very private and personal, and I have been hearing from a lot of people things he has said and tried to use as insults against me. Sorry, I have had enough of drama in my life. I don’t need to have any more backstabbers around. Thanks.
I don’t know, but I take things like this pretty seriously. Trust is the foundation of everything, whether it is your friendships or your relationship with your lover. Perhaps that is why some of my past relationships have failed…the trust disappeared.
“A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they’re not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they’re not so bad” ~ Arnold H. Glasgow
Alright, I know everyone is wondering about why I mentioned the underwear thing a few posts ago…as to why I bothered to get a new pain; no matter how sexy I might look in them. The friends that have gotten to know me really well know that I prefer commando on my days off and after work. It even goes so far as earning me the actual term as a nickname. Despite all this, I do appreciate a good pair of underwear, and, occasionally, treat myself. Through all my experiences, I can wear anything from jocks and thongs to boxers. Actually, I prefer boxers when I am at work…still retain that “loose” feeling. But, perhaps, I will switch over to the boxer-brief look. What do you think?
One last thing and then you can rest your eyes.
If you are looking for a cute romantic comedy chick-flick, you really need to check out PRIME. Uma Thurman, Meryl Streep, and a really hot Bryan Greenberg do a wonderful job in this comedy about love, age, and family. Just for a brief backdrop, Uma’s character is 14 years older than Bryan’s. The boys that went with us, Patrick and Mike, are about 12 years apart…made for some nice humour. Plus, I have always loved Uma anyway. This is the first time that I have actually watched Bryan in all his glory, but he has done a great job…the only bad acting is right near the very end. The rest of the time, you will be laughing your ass off. Since this also has a tie to me, I had to look over at Matt and ask him if I was back at home…Meryl’s character seem so much like my mother every time I talk to her.Anyway, enjoy your candy today…whether eye or sugar, I don’t know. I just want to find the boy who works upstairs and…
¶ 10/31/2005 04:27:00 AM 2 comments
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Hard at work and hardly working
Okay, so I tried to get to bed early last night…didn’t work. Was pissed off at a couple people last night, so sleep was nearly impossible. Slept with the TV so that I didn’t have to turn it on for the daily morning JO session…less work, the longer I can actually lay in bed. 
Anyway, still working on the radio.blog thing. I need to locate a decent web host that I can upload the playlist to; from there I will be set. But, in the meantime, enjoy the videos playing. My playlist there will get updated as I locate the songs that I like.
Back to work…leaving in a couple of hours before they decide to start testing the fire alarms this morning.
All I would tell people is to hold onto what was individual about themselves, not to allow their ambition for success to cause them to try to imitate the success of others. You've got to find it on your own terms. ~ Harrison Ford (1942-) American Actor
The creatures that inhabit this earth-be they human beings or animals-are here to contribute, each in its own particular way, to the beauty and prosperity of the world. ~His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama ¶ 10/29/2005 02:50:00 AM 0 comments
Anyway, still working on the radio.blog thing. I need to locate a decent web host that I can upload the playlist to; from there I will be set. But, in the meantime, enjoy the videos playing. My playlist there will get updated as I locate the songs that I like.
Back to work…leaving in a couple of hours before they decide to start testing the fire alarms this morning.
All I would tell people is to hold onto what was individual about themselves, not to allow their ambition for success to cause them to try to imitate the success of others. You've got to find it on your own terms. ~ Harrison Ford (1942-) American Actor
The creatures that inhabit this earth-be they human beings or animals-are here to contribute, each in its own particular way, to the beauty and prosperity of the world. ~His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama ¶ 10/29/2005 02:50:00 AM 0 comments
Friday, October 28, 2005
One last thing!!
Oh…nearly forgot….
Saturday night is the time to turn your clocks back (for those of you in the US). Time for Daylight Savings!!
Enjoy the extra hour to party at all your Halloween parties!!
¶ 10/28/2005 11:09:00 AM 1 comments
Saturday night is the time to turn your clocks back (for those of you in the US). Time for Daylight Savings!!
Enjoy the extra hour to party at all your Halloween parties!!
¶ 10/28/2005 11:09:00 AM 1 comments
Pre-Halloween Fridays
Okay…this is just a quickie, and I am sorry. I know that I have been slack this week and not posted the heavy duty stuff that has been on my mind as of late. But I promise that I will. You might actually see a first for me…a post on the weekend! But I have a lot about me, the Fair, truth and updates on the underwear issue.
So, for now, on this day 3 days before Halloween, let me just say “HI” and leave you with a quote from Mary Tyler Moore:
“Pain nourishes courage. You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you.”
So all of you who have been experiencing some rough times of late, keep this in mind. A little bit of courage, your friends, and three shots of tequila or vodka, you can get through anything. What is it that Tony Little says in all of his workouts and the Geico commercial? “You can do it!!” (and….I just recently saved a lot of money by sticking with Geico…about $100 if anyone really cares!)
Oh…and one more thing. Just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have been checking out my blog lately. Goes to show that what we think, do and write does mean something to other people. (will post more about this later too) ¶ 10/28/2005 05:52:00 AM 2 comments
So, for now, on this day 3 days before Halloween, let me just say “HI” and leave you with a quote from Mary Tyler Moore:
“Pain nourishes courage. You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you.”
So all of you who have been experiencing some rough times of late, keep this in mind. A little bit of courage, your friends, and three shots of tequila or vodka, you can get through anything. What is it that Tony Little says in all of his workouts and the Geico commercial? “You can do it!!” (and….I just recently saved a lot of money by sticking with Geico…about $100 if anyone really cares!)
Oh…and one more thing. Just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have been checking out my blog lately. Goes to show that what we think, do and write does mean something to other people. (will post more about this later too) ¶ 10/28/2005 05:52:00 AM 2 comments
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Thursday morning...
Okay, so I am trying to play with the radio.blog thing, but it is not wanting to load right...so click here to see what I have so far. I am going to figure out what is wrong later...
¶ 10/27/2005 06:57:00 AM 1 comments
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
On Phones and Clothes
It is under the greatest adversity that there exists the greatest potential for doing good, both for oneself and others. ~His Holiness, The 14th Dalai Lama
Such a sunny day today. Outside, at least. Inside, not so much. It has been crazy from the get go. Got up, put on my white pants so I could wear my gray Express shirt and find out that there are still black stains on them from a month or two ago from some dang printer cable. Was not very happy with it. Get to work and find out that I had left my headset plugged into the charger at home. Damn it! Sad how you start getting used to the newest technological advancements. This time I didn’t go home…I did that the last time I forgot my phone. (Bad Ian, go to your room and await your punishment.) Get in the bathroom to do my hair and realize that I left my necklace at home. Well, guess that was gonna be the biggest clue as to how my day was going flow. Eight am saw me in the library for a meeting on one of my studies…no problem, although I was not wanting to be in there for four hours. So I had to eat breakfast at like 7:15. Pro: I only needed to be in the meeting for an hour, instead of three. Con: I was starving at 9:15. Crack the Chees-Its open. Gorged myself on them, and then candy and grapes. A real healthy meal today. Oh well. (But now I don’t feel like going anywhere on my lunch break.)
Okay, so then I call the phone company to find out about why my text messages aren’t going through. Well, come to find out that if the bill isn’t paid in full by the end of the billing period, they cut off service. That was fun to find out. Well, that is getting paid off, so no one needs to worry about not being able to get ahold of me. Guess I know what needs to get done next cycle!
On a lighter note… Last night I was going through my closet trying to figure out what I had for long-sleeve shirts and what I could get away without having to iron them. Don’t know what it is, but I do not like ironing. Very often, anyway. (That is how I managed to settle on my gray Express shirt.)
Well, let me back up to March when I was working in the Raleigh office. Well, when I got back, I started freaking out because I couldn’t find a pair of khakis I know went with me to Raleigh. Called the hotel; they hadn’t been turned in or anything. So I got depressed. Now, keep in mind, these are a pair of American Eagle 29” waist khaki cargos that I bought on sale for $12 for my birthday. So it wasn’t like they were anything major. But I still got depressed and upset. Go figure. Okay, now press fast forward to 1045 on a cold Tuesday night in October. I started pulling my shirts out of the closet and one seemed awfully heavy. Open it up…there are my pants. I am such a dork!! I remember now placing them on the hanger together because I didn’t have any extra ones. DORK!!!!
So listen to Wynonna wanting to know what love is and eat potato chips while staring outside…good to just let the mind go.
(More in-depth posts coming)
And just for your viewing pleasure...the photo of the PPD Team at the JDRF Walk this past Saturday.
Be of good cheer. Do not think of today's failures, but of the success that may come tomorrow. You have set yourselves a difficult task, but you will succeed if you persevere; and you will find a joy in overcoming obstacles.
~Helen Keller (1880-1968) American Writer ¶ 10/26/2005 10:32:00 AM 1 comments
Such a sunny day today. Outside, at least. Inside, not so much. It has been crazy from the get go. Got up, put on my white pants so I could wear my gray Express shirt and find out that there are still black stains on them from a month or two ago from some dang printer cable. Was not very happy with it. Get to work and find out that I had left my headset plugged into the charger at home. Damn it! Sad how you start getting used to the newest technological advancements. This time I didn’t go home…I did that the last time I forgot my phone. (Bad Ian, go to your room and await your punishment.) Get in the bathroom to do my hair and realize that I left my necklace at home. Well, guess that was gonna be the biggest clue as to how my day was going flow. Eight am saw me in the library for a meeting on one of my studies…no problem, although I was not wanting to be in there for four hours. So I had to eat breakfast at like 7:15. Pro: I only needed to be in the meeting for an hour, instead of three. Con: I was starving at 9:15. Crack the Chees-Its open. Gorged myself on them, and then candy and grapes. A real healthy meal today. Oh well. (But now I don’t feel like going anywhere on my lunch break.)
Okay, so then I call the phone company to find out about why my text messages aren’t going through. Well, come to find out that if the bill isn’t paid in full by the end of the billing period, they cut off service. That was fun to find out. Well, that is getting paid off, so no one needs to worry about not being able to get ahold of me. Guess I know what needs to get done next cycle!
On a lighter note… Last night I was going through my closet trying to figure out what I had for long-sleeve shirts and what I could get away without having to iron them. Don’t know what it is, but I do not like ironing. Very often, anyway. (That is how I managed to settle on my gray Express shirt.)
Well, let me back up to March when I was working in the Raleigh office. Well, when I got back, I started freaking out because I couldn’t find a pair of khakis I know went with me to Raleigh. Called the hotel; they hadn’t been turned in or anything. So I got depressed. Now, keep in mind, these are a pair of American Eagle 29” waist khaki cargos that I bought on sale for $12 for my birthday. So it wasn’t like they were anything major. But I still got depressed and upset. Go figure. Okay, now press fast forward to 1045 on a cold Tuesday night in October. I started pulling my shirts out of the closet and one seemed awfully heavy. Open it up…there are my pants. I am such a dork!! I remember now placing them on the hanger together because I didn’t have any extra ones. DORK!!!!So listen to Wynonna wanting to know what love is and eat potato chips while staring outside…good to just let the mind go.
(More in-depth posts coming)
And just for your viewing pleasure...the photo of the PPD Team at the JDRF Walk this past Saturday.
Be of good cheer. Do not think of today's failures, but of the success that may come tomorrow. You have set yourselves a difficult task, but you will succeed if you persevere; and you will find a joy in overcoming obstacles.
~Helen Keller (1880-1968) American Writer ¶ 10/26/2005 10:32:00 AM 1 comments
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Tuesday Morning Rush Hour
Just some quick little things. Today is going to find me busy, so I will work on my postage later on once I have slowed. But here are a few quotes for the day.
If the love within your mind is lost and you see other beings as enemies, then no matter how much knowledge or education or material comfort you have, only suffering and confusion will ensue. ~His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama (oh how I should have remembered that this past weekend.)
Not a day passes over this earth but men and women of note do great deeds, speak great words and suffer noble sorrows. ~Charles Reed
Song for the moment: Frou Frou “Let Go” from the Garden State Soundtrack
¶ 10/25/2005 06:59:00 AM 1 comments
If the love within your mind is lost and you see other beings as enemies, then no matter how much knowledge or education or material comfort you have, only suffering and confusion will ensue. ~His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama (oh how I should have remembered that this past weekend.)
Not a day passes over this earth but men and women of note do great deeds, speak great words and suffer noble sorrows. ~Charles Reed
Song for the moment: Frou Frou “Let Go” from the Garden State Soundtrack
¶ 10/25/2005 06:59:00 AM 1 comments
Monday, October 24, 2005
Another boycott
I was scoping through my Connexion webpage this afternoon on my lunch break and came across an article from GayWired.com regarding “Christian group threatens Walgreen Boycott for Gay Games Sponsorship.” First thoughts: “Now what?” Read the article and came to find out that Walgreens has donated $100,000 to the 2006 Gay Games in Chicago, IL. Wow! Well, the Illinois Family Institute is in an uproar again. A few months ago they had gone ballistic with Kraft Foods being a sponsor and called for a boycott then. Don’t think the boycott ever worked.
Anyway, back to Walgreens. According to a company spokesperson, Walgreens pharmacists have been serving HIV+ patients since the 1980s. Go Walgreens! Their sponsorship is a way of giving back to the community. I congratulate them on that. What is the response of the “Family Institute?” They are insisting that Walgreens pull the funding or the executive director, Peter LeBarbara, will encourage his members to boycott. His words: “The Gay Games are about homosexuality, and I think it’s wrong for Walgreens to sponsor it. If they want to donate HIV drugs, that’s one thing. Homosexual behavior itself is a leading cause of HIV.”
Back that g-damn bus up!!
Homosexual behavior is one of the leading causes of HIV?? Okay, I currently work in pharmaceuticals, am somewhat involved with HIV medication studies, have several friends and ex’s that are HIV positive, and had a lover die from it. I have pulled the research that I am able to locate and it does have a higher rate of risk within the gay community. But it is not one of the leading causes. It was first recognized in gay men back as early as 1978. But more recently it has risen among women, and is a leading cause of death among African-Americans. Promiscuity and sharing of dirty needles are your leading causes of infection, Mr. LeBarbara, not us queers. Even with the education out there, many people are still mis-informed.
The Gay Games was created back in the 1980s. Mission statement (of sorts): Built upon the principles of Participation, Inclusion and Personal Best™, for more than 20 years the quadrennial Gay Games have helped to empower tens of thousands of LGBT athletes through fellowship and friendly competition.
Why? Because for some odd reason athletes don’t feel comfortable being out in the mainstream. This is a way for us to be able to get together among peers and have friendly competitions. I almost signed up this year, but due to current situations of not being sure where I will be living at that time, opted out in favor of trying to save some money up. Perhaps the next round.
Let us have our lifestyles and opportunities. As human beings, we deserve that as a basic right. ¶ 10/24/2005 10:40:00 AM 0 comments
Anyway, back to Walgreens. According to a company spokesperson, Walgreens pharmacists have been serving HIV+ patients since the 1980s. Go Walgreens! Their sponsorship is a way of giving back to the community. I congratulate them on that. What is the response of the “Family Institute?” They are insisting that Walgreens pull the funding or the executive director, Peter LeBarbara, will encourage his members to boycott. His words: “The Gay Games are about homosexuality, and I think it’s wrong for Walgreens to sponsor it. If they want to donate HIV drugs, that’s one thing. Homosexual behavior itself is a leading cause of HIV.”
Back that g-damn bus up!!
Homosexual behavior is one of the leading causes of HIV?? Okay, I currently work in pharmaceuticals, am somewhat involved with HIV medication studies, have several friends and ex’s that are HIV positive, and had a lover die from it. I have pulled the research that I am able to locate and it does have a higher rate of risk within the gay community. But it is not one of the leading causes. It was first recognized in gay men back as early as 1978. But more recently it has risen among women, and is a leading cause of death among African-Americans. Promiscuity and sharing of dirty needles are your leading causes of infection, Mr. LeBarbara, not us queers. Even with the education out there, many people are still mis-informed.
The Gay Games was created back in the 1980s. Mission statement (of sorts): Built upon the principles of Participation, Inclusion and Personal Best™, for more than 20 years the quadrennial Gay Games have helped to empower tens of thousands of LGBT athletes through fellowship and friendly competition.
Why? Because for some odd reason athletes don’t feel comfortable being out in the mainstream. This is a way for us to be able to get together among peers and have friendly competitions. I almost signed up this year, but due to current situations of not being sure where I will be living at that time, opted out in favor of trying to save some money up. Perhaps the next round.
Let us have our lifestyles and opportunities. As human beings, we deserve that as a basic right. ¶ 10/24/2005 10:40:00 AM 0 comments
Walking on Sunshine in the Rain
Just wanted to say that Saturday went off without a hitch. Although our true team captains didn’t show up. Oh well. LOL We all got the team picture taken on time and started off with a bang. Finished the walk in about an hour…not bad for a 5k. There were several cute guys there (two being a couple) and one that I nearly drooled over. LOL A lean, buff build (obviously ran a lot), tats and piercings…yummy! Anyway, me and the three girls I walked with had a blast, even chasing each other halfway down the sidewalk, joked about guys, love and life. It was a good morning to pass up Saturday cartoons. (listening to Gavin DeGraw “Follow Through”)
Will leave you this morning with some thoughts…..
Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive. ~His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama
I myself feel, and also tell other Buddhists, that the question of Nirvana will come later. There is not much hurry. If in day to day life you lead a good life, honesty, with love, with compassion, with less selfishness, then automatically it will lead to Nirvana. ~His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama
The universe that we inhabit and our shared perception of it are the results of a common karma. Likewise, the places that we will experience in future rebirths will be the outcome of the karma that we share with the other beings living there. The actions of each of us, human or nonhuman, have contributed to the world in which we live. We all have a common responsibility for our world and are connected with everything in it. ~His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama
Failure is only postponed success as long as courage "coaches" ambition. The habit of persistence is the habit of victory. ~ Herbert Kaufman
Oh…and got me something new (even though I don’t wear them very often)…
¶ 10/24/2005 04:15:00 AM 1 comments
Just wanted to say that Saturday went off without a hitch. Although our true team captains didn’t show up. Oh well. LOL We all got the team picture taken on time and started off with a bang. Finished the walk in about an hour…not bad for a 5k. There were several cute guys there (two being a couple) and one that I nearly drooled over. LOL A lean, buff build (obviously ran a lot), tats and piercings…yummy! Anyway, me and the three girls I walked with had a blast, even chasing each other halfway down the sidewalk, joked about guys, love and life. It was a good morning to pass up Saturday cartoons. (listening to Gavin DeGraw “Follow Through”)
Will leave you this morning with some thoughts…..
Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive. ~His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama
I myself feel, and also tell other Buddhists, that the question of Nirvana will come later. There is not much hurry. If in day to day life you lead a good life, honesty, with love, with compassion, with less selfishness, then automatically it will lead to Nirvana. ~His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama
The universe that we inhabit and our shared perception of it are the results of a common karma. Likewise, the places that we will experience in future rebirths will be the outcome of the karma that we share with the other beings living there. The actions of each of us, human or nonhuman, have contributed to the world in which we live. We all have a common responsibility for our world and are connected with everything in it. ~His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama
Failure is only postponed success as long as courage "coaches" ambition. The habit of persistence is the habit of victory. ~ Herbert Kaufman
Oh…and got me something new (even though I don’t wear them very often)…
¶ 10/24/2005 04:15:00 AM 1 comments
Friday, October 21, 2005
For all my friends out there
A friend hears the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails. --Unknown
¶ 10/21/2005 12:16:00 PM 0 comments
¶ 10/21/2005 12:16:00 PM 0 comments
Thoughts, Feelings and Pain
Thank god that it is Friday. Not that anything really major is planned for this weekend. I have my JDRF walk tomorrow. It has been a long time since I have gotten up and done something energetic on a Saturday. Normally it is time to relax and watch the Saturday morning cartoons. But I have decided that I need to get more motivation to do something…get out and active. I have been paying for a gym membership for the last few months yet hardly utilized it. When I was younger, I used to be in great shape, swimming three to five times a week in practice before participating in swim meets throughout the county. Never really enjoyed the competitive side of things, but it did keep me in shape and gave me a good body.
My friends laugh at me when I talk about going to the gym and always ask why I want to work out. Ever since I can remember, I have always been on the slender side, not going over 130 pounds. It is very rare for me to even get up that high and keep it…the metabolism demolishes anything that I gain. I spend a lot of my time working and don’t get a chance to relax very often. I stay stressed due to current situations with very little chances for a way out. Hitting the pool for thirty minutes, the path at the nearby park, something to release the stress might help out some. My eating habits need to change as well…I would like to get more than a 4.7% body fat content. Whenever I get sick, it hits me hard and I tend to lose even more weight. (Okay; I just took a break to get some water before starting work officially…I am now at 124.5lbs. NOT HAPPY) Hopefully, too, my relocating in a few months will also assist and put me in better environments. Speaking of which, I am still working on that. Not sure where I will end up yet.
First one must change. I first watch myself, check myself, then expect changes from others. ~His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama
So last night I watched Primetime on ABC. Hadn’t watched in awhile (normally on Cartoon Network when I am bullshitting around the room). Got a little freaked out. They did a story on two 13-year old twin girls from the group “Prussian Blue”. Care to take a guess where the name comes from? It goes to honor their German heritage and blue eyes. Okay, that part isn’t bad. I can see how someone wants to honor their heritage. But the real kicker? Their music goes to honor Adolf Hitler, his commanders, and their ideals. The interviewer asked how they could believe that? He killed 6,000+ Jews during his regime. Response: Everything is over-exaggerated and one sister even had the nerve to state “I don’t believe there ever could have been that many Jews alive at that time.” Excuse me?!?!?! Did I just miss something here? Was my own heritage such a lie? Did my grandfather and his parents flee from Russia during WWII for no reason? Hmm…maybe all the history books were wrong and I was just taught a bunch of bull. Sorry, I don’t think so. While discussing the girls, the story went on to interview the owner of Resistance Records, a major hate records label. He hopes that their music matures to harder stuff that will appeal to even more of the headstrong “whites only” populace. They followed this guy to Charlotte, NC (of all places), to a rock concert where they passed out free cds and flyers to possible candidates to conversion to the white supremacy cause.
I live as a minority in two cases: 1)I was raised Jewish and have lived most of my life in the Bible Belt of the United States; 2)I am gay. Both of those things go against all white supremacists beliefs. No, I cannot really change my religion, as that was part of my heritage growing up. Being adopted, I cling to everything that I know from my childhood. I do not participate as fully as I had when I was younger, opting for being a more spiritual person, than a religious one. And, despite what a lot of people say, I did not decide to be gay. That has always been a part of me, ever since I was around twelve. I always knew that I was different, but it wasn’t until then, when I started exploring my sexual side in private, that I fully realized how different. Through middle school and most of high school I hid it from everyone, but did accidentally out myself to my girlfriend at the time through a little short story with a very graphic gay sex scene. Whoops! Only a few people after that knew until I made it official at the age of 17, when I had moved out from the parental units and was able to play on my own.
I cherish my life and my lifestyle with pride. I don’t appreciate people who have been uneducated making statements that are either completely false, or only have a half-truth to them. I would like to see people taught the facts. Which, this brings me to another thing. Last Sunday I was laying in bed watching HBO around 6 or 7 in the morning and they were covering AIDS in Russia. Last year, a group of people decided to do a little march through Moscow with a giant red ribbon wrapped around them. The cameraman and narrator followed along and stopped to talk to a few of the people that were watching the parade. One guy said he was “in favor of AIDS because it only hit druggies and homos. If the fags get sick and die, then I vote for it. If the druggies die from it, then I vote for it.” A little later he was talking to one of the paraders who said “why do you hate me so much? Do I not deserve to live? I cherish my life? I cannot harm you by shaking hands. If I kissed you, you would need to swallow 2 litres of saliva before you could become infected.” (Okay, slightly paraphrased since the exact wording I wrote down is not in front of me right now.) In the end, they clasped hands and parted on good terms.
We need more education like that; dispel the rumours about AIDS and homosexuality.
But those are just my thoughts this morning…
To end, a quote from a friend of mine and Jim Morrison:
“ ‘Expose yourself to your deepest fear. After that, fear has no power.
The fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes... You are free.’ (Jim Morrison)
“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit.
Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it.
That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”
There are many ways to measure success; not the least of which is the way your child describes you when talking to a friend. -- Unknown ¶ 10/21/2005 06:24:00 AM 1 comments
My friends laugh at me when I talk about going to the gym and always ask why I want to work out. Ever since I can remember, I have always been on the slender side, not going over 130 pounds. It is very rare for me to even get up that high and keep it…the metabolism demolishes anything that I gain. I spend a lot of my time working and don’t get a chance to relax very often. I stay stressed due to current situations with very little chances for a way out. Hitting the pool for thirty minutes, the path at the nearby park, something to release the stress might help out some. My eating habits need to change as well…I would like to get more than a 4.7% body fat content. Whenever I get sick, it hits me hard and I tend to lose even more weight. (Okay; I just took a break to get some water before starting work officially…I am now at 124.5lbs. NOT HAPPY) Hopefully, too, my relocating in a few months will also assist and put me in better environments. Speaking of which, I am still working on that. Not sure where I will end up yet.
First one must change. I first watch myself, check myself, then expect changes from others. ~His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama
So last night I watched Primetime on ABC. Hadn’t watched in awhile (normally on Cartoon Network when I am bullshitting around the room). Got a little freaked out. They did a story on two 13-year old twin girls from the group “Prussian Blue”. Care to take a guess where the name comes from? It goes to honor their German heritage and blue eyes. Okay, that part isn’t bad. I can see how someone wants to honor their heritage. But the real kicker? Their music goes to honor Adolf Hitler, his commanders, and their ideals. The interviewer asked how they could believe that? He killed 6,000+ Jews during his regime. Response: Everything is over-exaggerated and one sister even had the nerve to state “I don’t believe there ever could have been that many Jews alive at that time.” Excuse me?!?!?! Did I just miss something here? Was my own heritage such a lie? Did my grandfather and his parents flee from Russia during WWII for no reason? Hmm…maybe all the history books were wrong and I was just taught a bunch of bull. Sorry, I don’t think so. While discussing the girls, the story went on to interview the owner of Resistance Records, a major hate records label. He hopes that their music matures to harder stuff that will appeal to even more of the headstrong “whites only” populace. They followed this guy to Charlotte, NC (of all places), to a rock concert where they passed out free cds and flyers to possible candidates to conversion to the white supremacy cause.
I live as a minority in two cases: 1)I was raised Jewish and have lived most of my life in the Bible Belt of the United States; 2)I am gay. Both of those things go against all white supremacists beliefs. No, I cannot really change my religion, as that was part of my heritage growing up. Being adopted, I cling to everything that I know from my childhood. I do not participate as fully as I had when I was younger, opting for being a more spiritual person, than a religious one. And, despite what a lot of people say, I did not decide to be gay. That has always been a part of me, ever since I was around twelve. I always knew that I was different, but it wasn’t until then, when I started exploring my sexual side in private, that I fully realized how different. Through middle school and most of high school I hid it from everyone, but did accidentally out myself to my girlfriend at the time through a little short story with a very graphic gay sex scene. Whoops! Only a few people after that knew until I made it official at the age of 17, when I had moved out from the parental units and was able to play on my own.
I cherish my life and my lifestyle with pride. I don’t appreciate people who have been uneducated making statements that are either completely false, or only have a half-truth to them. I would like to see people taught the facts. Which, this brings me to another thing. Last Sunday I was laying in bed watching HBO around 6 or 7 in the morning and they were covering AIDS in Russia. Last year, a group of people decided to do a little march through Moscow with a giant red ribbon wrapped around them. The cameraman and narrator followed along and stopped to talk to a few of the people that were watching the parade. One guy said he was “in favor of AIDS because it only hit druggies and homos. If the fags get sick and die, then I vote for it. If the druggies die from it, then I vote for it.” A little later he was talking to one of the paraders who said “why do you hate me so much? Do I not deserve to live? I cherish my life? I cannot harm you by shaking hands. If I kissed you, you would need to swallow 2 litres of saliva before you could become infected.” (Okay, slightly paraphrased since the exact wording I wrote down is not in front of me right now.) In the end, they clasped hands and parted on good terms.
We need more education like that; dispel the rumours about AIDS and homosexuality.
But those are just my thoughts this morning…
To end, a quote from a friend of mine and Jim Morrison:
“ ‘Expose yourself to your deepest fear. After that, fear has no power.
The fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes... You are free.’ (Jim Morrison)
“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit.
Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it.
That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”
There are many ways to measure success; not the least of which is the way your child describes you when talking to a friend. -- Unknown ¶ 10/21/2005 06:24:00 AM 1 comments
New stuff
“Whenever I’ve faced adversity, I’ve used that challenge as motivation to win through, no matter the cost. When I meet with failure, I pick myself up, dust off the dirt from the fall and focus on trying again. You can’t let failure beat you or give in to the temptation to take the easy way out. The world’s greatest accomplishments aren’t achieved on the first try.
“In life and in competition, good character is the foundation of everything. We build our character by taking chances, accepting challenges, and helping others meet their goals. This is not just a good idea-it’s a way of life.
“There are few things as powerful as having people in your life who want to see you succeed and thrive. Most goodhearted people are willing to help others and make sacrifices-they only ask that other people do the same. And finding people like that in your own life begins with serving others.”
---All quotes from Kyle Maynard
All the above comes from Kyle Maynard, now-famous congenital amputee who went on to win a state championship for wrestling in Georgia. Despite his shortcomings, he has been able to lead a very normal life, even playing football for a short time.
I write this because the last few days I have been watching several people feeling like they can't do anything...making excuses for not being able to do one thing or another. I know that things can get rough, and the world may seem to be against you, but crying about something tends to be wasteful. That time can be spent better on doing something about the situations, I think. The world is a tough place for most of us, there is no doubt on that. But why cave to the pressures? why not just take a deep breath and take the plunge in the icy cold water of change? I know that is the only reason why I am at the place that I am at now. Otherwise, I don't think that I would have survived very well.
“The first period is won by the best technician. The second period is won by the kid in the best shape. The third period is won by the kid with the biggest heart.
“We make our own luck. We decide our own fate.”
---Both quotes by Dan Gable
Sometimes one creates a dynamic impression by saying something, and sometimes one creates as significant an impression by remaining silent.
~His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama
When we tire of well-worn ways, we seek for new. This restless craving in the souls of men spurs them to climb, and to seek the mountain view.
-- Ella Wheeler Wilcox
(sorry for all the quotes...just thought that they were very appropriate) ¶ 10/21/2005 04:20:00 AM 0 comments
“In life and in competition, good character is the foundation of everything. We build our character by taking chances, accepting challenges, and helping others meet their goals. This is not just a good idea-it’s a way of life.
“There are few things as powerful as having people in your life who want to see you succeed and thrive. Most goodhearted people are willing to help others and make sacrifices-they only ask that other people do the same. And finding people like that in your own life begins with serving others.”
---All quotes from Kyle Maynard
All the above comes from Kyle Maynard, now-famous congenital amputee who went on to win a state championship for wrestling in Georgia. Despite his shortcomings, he has been able to lead a very normal life, even playing football for a short time.
I write this because the last few days I have been watching several people feeling like they can't do anything...making excuses for not being able to do one thing or another. I know that things can get rough, and the world may seem to be against you, but crying about something tends to be wasteful. That time can be spent better on doing something about the situations, I think. The world is a tough place for most of us, there is no doubt on that. But why cave to the pressures? why not just take a deep breath and take the plunge in the icy cold water of change? I know that is the only reason why I am at the place that I am at now. Otherwise, I don't think that I would have survived very well.
“The first period is won by the best technician. The second period is won by the kid in the best shape. The third period is won by the kid with the biggest heart.
“We make our own luck. We decide our own fate.”
---Both quotes by Dan Gable
Sometimes one creates a dynamic impression by saying something, and sometimes one creates as significant an impression by remaining silent.
~His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama
When we tire of well-worn ways, we seek for new. This restless craving in the souls of men spurs them to climb, and to seek the mountain view.
-- Ella Wheeler Wilcox
(sorry for all the quotes...just thought that they were very appropriate) ¶ 10/21/2005 04:20:00 AM 0 comments
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Something to remember...
Courage to start and willingness to keep everlasting at it are the requisites for success.
-- Alonzo Newton Benn
¶ 10/20/2005 07:34:00 AM 0 comments
-- Alonzo Newton Benn
¶ 10/20/2005 07:34:00 AM 0 comments
Nearing the end...
Ahh…Thursday morning. One day closer to Friday, the end of the week, and my walk for JDRF. I have to thank Ethan this morning for turning me onto a new artist. Well, not necessarily new, but new to me. All of us with Brat Boy School have been working on updating profiles with myYearbook and, as part of it, you can upload your top 10 favorite mp3 files. Well, hard for me to pick a top ten, especially since a lot of the songs I have are burned to CDs lying in my room or in one of three or four cases. Anyway, I digress. The newest one Ethan has uploaded is for Casey Stratton, “Wild Soul (Orchestral version)”. Yeah…can I say that I had to locate the website to download several of his songs here at work. Umm…yeah, I will take them off later. Anyway, I enjoy talking with my friends and finding out what music turns them on…that is the best way to get turned onto newer music. (And get outta the ring that most of my friends seem to be in with all the dance. Sometimes you just need more.) I still recommend Eric Himan for those of you who haven’t listened to him yet. He was actually in Wilmington a few weeks ago playing at the local club on a Thursday night. (Click here for a recent interview.)
Speaking of friends, I want to say hello to all the military boys here and overseas. I have been meeting more “family” members in the last few days. I support the military, always have and always will. I don’t fully support the reasons as to why we are over there. But we are not getting into that one. At least not today. But I have a lot of friends who have served several tours in Iraq as of late, and as wishing them a very safe return. Love ya’ll!
Quote for the day: One has to try to develop one's inner feelings, which can be done simply by training one's mind. This is a priceless human asset and one you don't have to pay income tax on!
~His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama
Speaking of friends, I want to say hello to all the military boys here and overseas. I have been meeting more “family” members in the last few days. I support the military, always have and always will. I don’t fully support the reasons as to why we are over there. But we are not getting into that one. At least not today. But I have a lot of friends who have served several tours in Iraq as of late, and as wishing them a very safe return. Love ya’ll!
Quote for the day: One has to try to develop one's inner feelings, which can be done simply by training one's mind. This is a priceless human asset and one you don't have to pay income tax on!
~His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama
Oh...and yes, I am trying to work on my blogs some more. If you have any ideas, please feel free to share them!
¶ 10/20/2005 04:35:00 AM 0 comments
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Hauntings and Ravings
Okay, so me and my roommate went to the opening night for the Frightmare on Market Street here in Wilmington. (Did you know that San Diego has the same thing?) Anyway, got there a little after 7, they didn’t start letting people through the maze until around 730 and the Trail of Terror didn’t get going until about the same time. For the delays, it wasn’t too bad. We attached ourselves to the group of kids ahead of us (amazing how you can become chatty with the people in front of you in line) because they didn’t want any surprises from behind. Yeah, well… You walk through the maze with a tour guide who keeps saying “Stay with me; keep bunched up with me” and allow your eyes to get used to the dark. There are blacklights, but of course, those don’t always light up much around the area…especially in open spaces. One of the actors got right in my face trying to scare me, but I was so busy laughing at the kids freaking out that I didn’t really feel anything. Perhaps I have gotten to used to scary stuff. Granted, I will jump with some things, but it is all normal. But I really had to laugh when we got to the end when the chainsaw man jumped out at us and then we turn around to get startled by one of the other guys who had followed since about halfway through the maze. The maze wasn’t as freaky as I would have liked and only lasted for maybe 15 minutes, but it wasn’t too bad. Maybe later I will go back to hit up the trail. That actually runs through the woods and a barn, and comes complete with its own chainsaw man, but I heard a lot more people screaming on that one. We shall see.
So everyone who knows me knows that I need to have something playing in the background…something extra to help me focus. I have a slight case of ADD, so my attention flits around from here to there. Normally I listen to books on CD, the current being ERAGON by Christopher Paolini, but today I just don’t have the motivation to actually focus on anything. I think I have popped online to check email and whatnot at least ten times in the last few hours. Nothing looked appealing on my music list on the computer, so I decided to check out what was on the radio tuner for Windows Media. Usually I pull up 123party.fm or Tempo FM’s Hottest Vinyl, but decided to check something different. Stayed in the dance arena, but not the DJ Josh K that I really would have liked. And Brat Boy School had been inaccessible, so I couldn’t check out the other guy that Ethan had suggested to see what he was all about. (Okay, just located Keith so I will have to try to check him tomorrow night.) But I did find something that ties in a lot of my different tastes for the dance side of the realm. But not all of it is fast and energetic. There is some that is just mellow, exactly what I need right now. But, judging from the website, you have your choice as to which you would like to listen, in addition to various platforms. So, I have been listening to the Lounge and enjoying myself.
There is one more post that I am working on; that one will go up later this week, or maybe even this weekend. I don’t normally post on the weekends, as all my friends know, but I might bend the rules this time around. LOL Only three and a half hours left for me and then I can leave. I have been here since 6am, up since about 5am and finally passed out probably around 1am.
Anyone want to cuddle with me tonight? Sleeping with a cat/dog just doesn’t do the trick anymore.
**Afterthought: Not sure if I had posted this before (short-term memory kicking in), but checked out David Rothwell’s site recently. Not only is he cute, but he sure as hell has one vivid imagination for photography.
You see things; and you say, "Why?" But I dream things that never were; and I say "Why not?"
-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) Irish Playwright ¶ 10/19/2005 10:42:00 AM 1 comments
Okay, so me and my roommate went to the opening night for the Frightmare on Market Street here in Wilmington. (Did you know that San Diego has the same thing?) Anyway, got there a little after 7, they didn’t start letting people through the maze until around 730 and the Trail of Terror didn’t get going until about the same time. For the delays, it wasn’t too bad. We attached ourselves to the group of kids ahead of us (amazing how you can become chatty with the people in front of you in line) because they didn’t want any surprises from behind. Yeah, well… You walk through the maze with a tour guide who keeps saying “Stay with me; keep bunched up with me” and allow your eyes to get used to the dark. There are blacklights, but of course, those don’t always light up much around the area…especially in open spaces. One of the actors got right in my face trying to scare me, but I was so busy laughing at the kids freaking out that I didn’t really feel anything. Perhaps I have gotten to used to scary stuff. Granted, I will jump with some things, but it is all normal. But I really had to laugh when we got to the end when the chainsaw man jumped out at us and then we turn around to get startled by one of the other guys who had followed since about halfway through the maze. The maze wasn’t as freaky as I would have liked and only lasted for maybe 15 minutes, but it wasn’t too bad. Maybe later I will go back to hit up the trail. That actually runs through the woods and a barn, and comes complete with its own chainsaw man, but I heard a lot more people screaming on that one. We shall see.
So everyone who knows me knows that I need to have something playing in the background…something extra to help me focus. I have a slight case of ADD, so my attention flits around from here to there. Normally I listen to books on CD, the current being ERAGON by Christopher Paolini, but today I just don’t have the motivation to actually focus on anything. I think I have popped online to check email and whatnot at least ten times in the last few hours. Nothing looked appealing on my music list on the computer, so I decided to check out what was on the radio tuner for Windows Media. Usually I pull up 123party.fm or Tempo FM’s Hottest Vinyl, but decided to check something different. Stayed in the dance arena, but not the DJ Josh K that I really would have liked. And Brat Boy School had been inaccessible, so I couldn’t check out the other guy that Ethan had suggested to see what he was all about. (Okay, just located Keith so I will have to try to check him tomorrow night.) But I did find something that ties in a lot of my different tastes for the dance side of the realm. But not all of it is fast and energetic. There is some that is just mellow, exactly what I need right now. But, judging from the website, you have your choice as to which you would like to listen, in addition to various platforms. So, I have been listening to the Lounge and enjoying myself.
There is one more post that I am working on; that one will go up later this week, or maybe even this weekend. I don’t normally post on the weekends, as all my friends know, but I might bend the rules this time around. LOL Only three and a half hours left for me and then I can leave. I have been here since 6am, up since about 5am and finally passed out probably around 1am.
Anyone want to cuddle with me tonight? Sleeping with a cat/dog just doesn’t do the trick anymore.
**Afterthought: Not sure if I had posted this before (short-term memory kicking in), but checked out David Rothwell’s site recently. Not only is he cute, but he sure as hell has one vivid imagination for photography.
You see things; and you say, "Why?" But I dream things that never were; and I say "Why not?"
-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) Irish Playwright ¶ 10/19/2005 10:42:00 AM 1 comments
A quickie...
Just a quickie….working on a new post, and also the details about the haunted maze last night. Have a good day! Oh, and who okayed for it to get cold already here? I don’t like having to wear my pullover in the middle of October…it shouldn’t come out until next month. (
Through violence, you may 'solve' one problem, but you sow the seeds for another.
~His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama
¶ 10/19/2005 04:26:00 AM 1 comments
Through violence, you may 'solve' one problem, but you sow the seeds for another.
~His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama
¶ 10/19/2005 04:26:00 AM 1 comments
Monday, October 17, 2005
Monday
Not sure what is going on right now…just not feeling very much myself. Not bad mooded, per se, but definitely feeling very indifferent. Finding out a friend is not really the friend they are hurts, especially when you have been stupid enough to allow certain actions to occur. Oh well…c’est le vie.
Hope everyone has a good day. ¶ 10/17/2005 10:41:00 AM 1 comments
Hope everyone has a good day. ¶ 10/17/2005 10:41:00 AM 1 comments
"Ecological" thinking and the road to enlightenment
The only reason we don't open our hearts and minds to other people is that they trigger confusion in us that we don't feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with. To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves, we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else's eyes.
~Pema Chodron (A recent post from a friend reminded me of this)
I recently commented on my mother wanting me to get evaluated and be medicated again. Not one of my better conversations with her to say in the least. I have gotten some feedback on it, not too badly stated from some pretty decent friends of mine. My friend in Chicago stated “I think that you have to work with your body to figure out how things need to be addressed. Yes, there are sometimes "ecological" solutions to the problems. Better diet, better sleep pattern, change in lifestyle (or a move to Chicago... hint hint...) can all help to reduce the problems. "Ecological" just means that you figure out a way to make improvements in a broad way. “On the other hand, imbalances are imbalances. It is just my opinion, but I think it is a good idea to work with the people that are trying to help. Once we figure out how to make the important and necessary changes in our lives, we can find a harmony that makes us happy. :) ” (Sorry, Monseiur Jimmy, but you get picked on today! MUAH!!!)
I think he makes a very good point for all of us, not just me and my current situations. For me, the sleep patterns have always been point of turmoil…I am usually pretty lucky to get more than 3-4 hours a night. And the usual manners of getting that much don’t exactly correspond into something that I care to repeat every night. Alcohol is good, and sex is even better, but my liver can only take so much after my binging and alcohol sickness days of my youth. And my ass needs to keep in shape! Okay, probably too much info, but I am not a shy person, in case anyone hasn’t figured that out by now. Meds leave me too groggy feeling in the morning. I am working on changes in lifestyle, but that is also a little difficult at the moment with working two jobs and sorting through the stress. But I think, overall, I have actually started doing a lot better than I had a six months to a year ago. One of my friends here stated that he has seen me actually trying to do something with my life. In a recent email, he stated “I think you're working hard trying to address some legitimate and significant issues in your life. It's not like you're stirring up drama for the sake of drama.
These same issues are faced by most of people, but you have the balls to face them head on and the confidence and ability to come out of the experience ahead.
I have to resist the urge (like so many others) to paint your picture my way... to make "suggestions" and recommendations that may not apply to you. I trust your outlook and vision of things, and I trust that you'll make good decisions and work hard. That's all that anyone should expect from you.” That makes me feel good that it is obvious that I am working on things…it is hard when you can’t see the results yourself.
Thank you, all of my friends out there who have helped provide the support unknowningly when I couldn’t find it within myself.
“The young do not know enough to be prudent, and therefore they attempt the impossible -- and achieve it, generation after generation.”
“If you haven't wept deeply, you haven't begun to meditate.”
~Ajhan Chah
“The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it.”
¶ 10/17/2005 04:25:00 AM 0 comments
~Pema Chodron (A recent post from a friend reminded me of this)
I recently commented on my mother wanting me to get evaluated and be medicated again. Not one of my better conversations with her to say in the least. I have gotten some feedback on it, not too badly stated from some pretty decent friends of mine. My friend in Chicago stated “I think that you have to work with your body to figure out how things need to be addressed. Yes, there are sometimes "ecological" solutions to the problems. Better diet, better sleep pattern, change in lifestyle (or a move to Chicago... hint hint...) can all help to reduce the problems. "Ecological" just means that you figure out a way to make improvements in a broad way. “On the other hand, imbalances are imbalances. It is just my opinion, but I think it is a good idea to work with the people that are trying to help. Once we figure out how to make the important and necessary changes in our lives, we can find a harmony that makes us happy. :) ” (Sorry, Monseiur Jimmy, but you get picked on today! MUAH!!!)
I think he makes a very good point for all of us, not just me and my current situations. For me, the sleep patterns have always been point of turmoil…I am usually pretty lucky to get more than 3-4 hours a night. And the usual manners of getting that much don’t exactly correspond into something that I care to repeat every night. Alcohol is good, and sex is even better, but my liver can only take so much after my binging and alcohol sickness days of my youth. And my ass needs to keep in shape! Okay, probably too much info, but I am not a shy person, in case anyone hasn’t figured that out by now. Meds leave me too groggy feeling in the morning. I am working on changes in lifestyle, but that is also a little difficult at the moment with working two jobs and sorting through the stress. But I think, overall, I have actually started doing a lot better than I had a six months to a year ago. One of my friends here stated that he has seen me actually trying to do something with my life. In a recent email, he stated “I think you're working hard trying to address some legitimate and significant issues in your life. It's not like you're stirring up drama for the sake of drama.
These same issues are faced by most of people, but you have the balls to face them head on and the confidence and ability to come out of the experience ahead.
I have to resist the urge (like so many others) to paint your picture my way... to make "suggestions" and recommendations that may not apply to you. I trust your outlook and vision of things, and I trust that you'll make good decisions and work hard. That's all that anyone should expect from you.” That makes me feel good that it is obvious that I am working on things…it is hard when you can’t see the results yourself.
Thank you, all of my friends out there who have helped provide the support unknowningly when I couldn’t find it within myself.
“The young do not know enough to be prudent, and therefore they attempt the impossible -- and achieve it, generation after generation.”
- Pearl S. Buck (1892-1973) American Writer
“If you haven't wept deeply, you haven't begun to meditate.”
~Ajhan Chah
“The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it.”
- Chinese proverb
¶ 10/17/2005 04:25:00 AM 0 comments
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Knocked down? Then get your ass back up
Just as a mother would protect with her life her own son, her only son, so one should cultivate an unbounded mind towards all beings, and loving-kindness towards all the world. One should cultivate an unbounded mind, above and below and across, without obstruction, without enmity, without rivalry. Standing, or going, or seated, or lying down, as long as one is free from drowsiness, one should practice this mindfulness. This, they say, is the holy state here.
~Sutta Nipata
Ya’ll know I am not a religious person…just one who is pretty spiritual. But I think this can be applied through normal, every day life. It is only common sense and courtesy.
Man has never made any material as resilient as the human spirit.
Never have I seen this to be more true than in listening to the stories of a few of my friends, reflections on my own life, and reading Kyle Maynard’s book. (Yes, I have read more than just fiction) So often I hear people complaining about how things have gotten them down, dragging them through the dirt, but they don’t do anything about it. You have to learn in life that you can’t always let the small things wear you down; and don’t sweat the big ones either. Take the problem, circle it, view it from all angles, and look for your solution. Once that is done, then things fall into place for you. Or at least that it is how it works for me. At age 17, I left my parents and the abuse at home. A few months before my 18th birthday, I ditched my first boyfriend after he decided to use his larger stature to his advantage. I pulled myself off drugs and the disaster that was causing my life. And finally got the courage and strength to leave the controlling husband when I was 21. (Okay, really scary that Joss Stone’s “You Had Me” starts playing while I am typing”) I know that life will always toss some obstacles my direction, but I can never let them get me down. No time to waste the energy on crying when it can go to better use. Just my opinion though.
Hugs; have a good Thursday! ¶ 10/13/2005 10:53:00 AM 0 comments
~Sutta Nipata
Ya’ll know I am not a religious person…just one who is pretty spiritual. But I think this can be applied through normal, every day life. It is only common sense and courtesy.
Man has never made any material as resilient as the human spirit.
- Bernard Williams (1929-) English Philosopher
Never have I seen this to be more true than in listening to the stories of a few of my friends, reflections on my own life, and reading Kyle Maynard’s book. (Yes, I have read more than just fiction) So often I hear people complaining about how things have gotten them down, dragging them through the dirt, but they don’t do anything about it. You have to learn in life that you can’t always let the small things wear you down; and don’t sweat the big ones either. Take the problem, circle it, view it from all angles, and look for your solution. Once that is done, then things fall into place for you. Or at least that it is how it works for me. At age 17, I left my parents and the abuse at home. A few months before my 18th birthday, I ditched my first boyfriend after he decided to use his larger stature to his advantage. I pulled myself off drugs and the disaster that was causing my life. And finally got the courage and strength to leave the controlling husband when I was 21. (Okay, really scary that Joss Stone’s “You Had Me” starts playing while I am typing”) I know that life will always toss some obstacles my direction, but I can never let them get me down. No time to waste the energy on crying when it can go to better use. Just my opinion though.
Hugs; have a good Thursday! ¶ 10/13/2005 10:53:00 AM 0 comments
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Pain and Purpose
Pain is temporary, pride is forever.
~Anonymous
Funny how this would come in my mail today. I have been up since about 5:30 after having a hell of time trying to sleep last night. Didn’t pass out until late last night, yet again, and I think I am finally starting to get sick. Been around a bunch of people who had some sort of virus, and then the roommate has been sick since last week, so I am not feeling the greatest at the moment. Since they are not offering overtime this weekend, I might actually try to get some rest. Which I can’t really afford to get since I need to really practice and train for the walk in a couple of weeks. Is the twenty-second really that close now?! And I really want to get back into the swimming again full-hearted while I have a membership at the local gym.
But it is not just a physical pain that I feel right now…it is pure mental exhaustion as well. I have always dealt with people relatively well, I think; or, at least, no one has told me otherwise. This morning has been absolute insane, though, so I think the last bits of my patience has been worn absolutely thin. But I hate talking bad about folks, so I will not go into further detail.
That brings me to something else…purpose. I have received questions from several people as to the purpose of my blog, my life and my goals. None of them have a true full answer. So I shall answer to the best of my current abilities…next week could have completely new answers.
So, perhaps this will allow a better view of me. Or maybe it will just keep an interest in seeing what newest subject I expound. Like I said, this is part of a growing experience for me; one that I enjoy every day.
I do have one other note, though…one that has been bugging me since last week. First, a little history. When I was younger, I was given a court-order to have a mental evaluation. Declared bi-polar and manic depressive, I was placed on medications, that semi-helped. I got into a lot of trouble as a kid, so of course I didn’t follow doctor’s orders. There was a lot of mental/emotional baggage, though, from the knowledge of my adoption and other circumstances during my childhood. After I left home, I still dealt with those issues, but this time without the extra baggage of drugs and side effects. Overall, I managed pretty well; still feeling the shifts of moods, but making through with very little damage along the way. Last summer saw a shift, however. My insomnia got worse and the doctor wanted me to see a psychiatrist again before she would proscribe me any sleep meds. I mentioned it in passing to my mother at the time and she thought it would be a good idea. Never made it to the doctor, though. I was so used to the insomnia that I ended up not even paying much attention. My allergy meds helped out as well, offering several extra hours of sleep. There has been a lot of stress in my life lately, so sometimes the mood swings come back with some pronouncement. I never thought much about it; I tend to keep pretty busy with two jobs and reading. Well, my mother decided to call me out of the blue last week and put a little burr under the seat. She is now encouraging me to go and get re-evaluated. She thinks that the lithium and who knows whatever other drugs I could be prescribed will assist the moods. I am not so sure. I know why I have problems now because of the added stress. Taking the meds has a greater chance of zombie-fying me, something that I really do not enjoy. If you cannot experience life and all opportunities it offers, then why were you sticking around? Just my opinion. But does anyone have any opinions on that one? Would love to hear pros and cons for this one.
Okay…I guess it is back to work. Only a few more hours here, then off to work with Wes and I can finally shower and lay down. Sweet Chariot, coming to carry me home….
¶ 10/12/2005 10:53:00 AM 3 comments
~Anonymous
Funny how this would come in my mail today. I have been up since about 5:30 after having a hell of time trying to sleep last night. Didn’t pass out until late last night, yet again, and I think I am finally starting to get sick. Been around a bunch of people who had some sort of virus, and then the roommate has been sick since last week, so I am not feeling the greatest at the moment. Since they are not offering overtime this weekend, I might actually try to get some rest. Which I can’t really afford to get since I need to really practice and train for the walk in a couple of weeks. Is the twenty-second really that close now?! And I really want to get back into the swimming again full-hearted while I have a membership at the local gym.
But it is not just a physical pain that I feel right now…it is pure mental exhaustion as well. I have always dealt with people relatively well, I think; or, at least, no one has told me otherwise. This morning has been absolute insane, though, so I think the last bits of my patience has been worn absolutely thin. But I hate talking bad about folks, so I will not go into further detail.
That brings me to something else…purpose. I have received questions from several people as to the purpose of my blog, my life and my goals. None of them have a true full answer. So I shall answer to the best of my current abilities…next week could have completely new answers.
- This blog is a work in progress. I write an expression of my own feelings and observations in hopes that it may help someone else through their own issues, however similar they may or may not be to my own. Often times, an outside viewpoint can shine new light on a situation.
- The purpose of life is to exist. Actually, I don’t know the purpose of life. That subject is one that will be debated throughout the end of time. My life, though, has some meaning. At least to me. Is that not the most important part? Others will try to manipulate you into their own mold, push you to pathways that best serve them and not yourself. I have always tried to keep my own personal identity. After moving out, I learned to blend into different circles and observe. But once you get deeply involved with the other lifestyles that are not your own, you can lose your defining features.
- And that brings me to my goals. Right now, I am working hard to get the opportunities restarted for heading back to school, to expand my current horizons and search for new experiences. Each day will bring new challenges and hopefully I will be able to stand up to them and win. “I teach one thing and one only: that is suffering and the end of suffering.” ~Buddha
So, perhaps this will allow a better view of me. Or maybe it will just keep an interest in seeing what newest subject I expound. Like I said, this is part of a growing experience for me; one that I enjoy every day.
I do have one other note, though…one that has been bugging me since last week. First, a little history. When I was younger, I was given a court-order to have a mental evaluation. Declared bi-polar and manic depressive, I was placed on medications, that semi-helped. I got into a lot of trouble as a kid, so of course I didn’t follow doctor’s orders. There was a lot of mental/emotional baggage, though, from the knowledge of my adoption and other circumstances during my childhood. After I left home, I still dealt with those issues, but this time without the extra baggage of drugs and side effects. Overall, I managed pretty well; still feeling the shifts of moods, but making through with very little damage along the way. Last summer saw a shift, however. My insomnia got worse and the doctor wanted me to see a psychiatrist again before she would proscribe me any sleep meds. I mentioned it in passing to my mother at the time and she thought it would be a good idea. Never made it to the doctor, though. I was so used to the insomnia that I ended up not even paying much attention. My allergy meds helped out as well, offering several extra hours of sleep. There has been a lot of stress in my life lately, so sometimes the mood swings come back with some pronouncement. I never thought much about it; I tend to keep pretty busy with two jobs and reading. Well, my mother decided to call me out of the blue last week and put a little burr under the seat. She is now encouraging me to go and get re-evaluated. She thinks that the lithium and who knows whatever other drugs I could be prescribed will assist the moods. I am not so sure. I know why I have problems now because of the added stress. Taking the meds has a greater chance of zombie-fying me, something that I really do not enjoy. If you cannot experience life and all opportunities it offers, then why were you sticking around? Just my opinion. But does anyone have any opinions on that one? Would love to hear pros and cons for this one.
Okay…I guess it is back to work. Only a few more hours here, then off to work with Wes and I can finally shower and lay down. Sweet Chariot, coming to carry me home….
¶ 10/12/2005 10:53:00 AM 3 comments
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Trainwreck Tuesdays
Okay, not really as bad as it sounds. Actually, it is a game that radio station I listen to plays every Tuesday. Basics: They play three songs at one time and you have to figure out what they are. I lucked out this morning in catching the game; I found my rent check still in my checkbook (oops!!), so I had to run home real fast and drop it at the office. Sat there and was listening and figured that I would try to call just to see. Ended up being the second caller, and the first person to actually answer the question. Their first caller said that they liked turtles and hung up. A little random. I should have gotten something extra for stating both artist and song, but just got a cd and tickets to the local haunted house thing they are doing this year. Of course, that works just fine for me! LOL I finally won something from a damn radio station! Yippee! LOL
I am so tired though...really want my bed right about now. But I will be okay...I can make it...I can make it. I think.
I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. ~Thomas Paine (1737-1809) British-American Writer
I am so tired though...really want my bed right about now. But I will be okay...I can make it...I can make it. I think.
I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. ~Thomas Paine (1737-1809) British-American Writer
Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. ~Buddha
The self is not something that one finds. It is something that one creates.
~ Thomas Szasz (1920-) American Psychiatrist (I disagree with that...it is not something that one creates in its entirety...it grows and expands as we learn about ourselves)
Rely on the ordinary virtues that intelligent, balanced human beings have relied on for centuries: common sense, thrift, realistic expectations, patience, and perseverance.
~John C. Bogle (1929-) American Investor
Monday, October 10, 2005
Quickies in the morning
Let your love flow outward through the universe, To its height, its depth, its broad extent, A limitless love, without hatred or enmity. Then as you stand or walk, Sit or lie down, As long as you are awake, Strive for this with a one-pointed mind; Your life will bring heaven to earth. ~Sutta Nipata
Had a pretty decent weekend this weekend. Worked a little more than I wanted on Saturday morning, but the ends should be worth it. I hope. Hit the club for the first time in a long while…got a reminder why I don’t go. And learned of new stuff with friends who have been staying hidden. Somehow, I am not shocked with the news. Other than that, not much really to report at the moment. But I do have commentary on my conversation with my mother last week…that is still being worked on though. ¶ 10/10/2005 06:16:00 AM 0 comments
Had a pretty decent weekend this weekend. Worked a little more than I wanted on Saturday morning, but the ends should be worth it. I hope. Hit the club for the first time in a long while…got a reminder why I don’t go. And learned of new stuff with friends who have been staying hidden. Somehow, I am not shocked with the news. Other than that, not much really to report at the moment. But I do have commentary on my conversation with my mother last week…that is still being worked on though. ¶ 10/10/2005 06:16:00 AM 0 comments
Saturday, October 08, 2005
Grow as you learn
Conquer the angry man by love. Conquer the ill-natured man by goodness. Conquer the miser with generosity. Conquer the liar with truth.
~The Dhammapada
It is a Saturday morning…the security guard has already stopped by to say hello this morning, and I don’t have a jacket or anything for when I leave. It has been raining since I got here…at least I made it beforehand! And I am yet again questioning myself why I have such dedication to being at work on a Saturday morning, especially when it is 4am that I normally start. Damn it is early!! (Ok…it is actually around 5am now, but it is still early!)
Found out last night that my fish tank light is also starting to burn, so I need to go replace that too. I am so hoping that I am right in assuming that it is a ten gallon tank. One of my friends had given it to me before he disappeared…not sure what happened there. He did some not so good practices at work and was having to deal with that and then he just vanished. I do hope that he is ok.
Not sure what is gonna happen this weekend…hopefully I can chill out some and catch up on my reading. I have a book by Kyle Maynard called NO EXCUSES. He is a congenital amputee and has overcome that to become a wrestling champ and play football. He is kinda cute too…I saw him on Larry King earlier this week.
Okay…back to work…once I am done with this case, I will have my study completed before the Monday afternoon deadline. Yay!!
Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way. ~ Charles B. Newcomb ¶ 10/08/2005 02:08:00 AM 0 comments
~The Dhammapada
It is a Saturday morning…the security guard has already stopped by to say hello this morning, and I don’t have a jacket or anything for when I leave. It has been raining since I got here…at least I made it beforehand! And I am yet again questioning myself why I have such dedication to being at work on a Saturday morning, especially when it is 4am that I normally start. Damn it is early!! (Ok…it is actually around 5am now, but it is still early!)
Found out last night that my fish tank light is also starting to burn, so I need to go replace that too. I am so hoping that I am right in assuming that it is a ten gallon tank. One of my friends had given it to me before he disappeared…not sure what happened there. He did some not so good practices at work and was having to deal with that and then he just vanished. I do hope that he is ok.
Not sure what is gonna happen this weekend…hopefully I can chill out some and catch up on my reading. I have a book by Kyle Maynard called NO EXCUSES. He is a congenital amputee and has overcome that to become a wrestling champ and play football. He is kinda cute too…I saw him on Larry King earlier this week.
Okay…back to work…once I am done with this case, I will have my study completed before the Monday afternoon deadline. Yay!!
Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way. ~ Charles B. Newcomb ¶ 10/08/2005 02:08:00 AM 0 comments
Friday, October 07, 2005
Friday's thoughts...
These teachings are like a raft, to be abandoned once you have crossed the flood. Since you should abandon even good states of mind generated by these teachings, How much more so should you abandon bad states of mind!
~Buddha
I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning.
~J.B. Priestly (1894-1984) English Author
Not sure what I will be up to this weekend. If I ever hear back from my friend, that would be cool since we haven’t seen each other in awhile. But I guess we will have to see. Hopefully I won’t be working this weekend. At the same time, I really do need the money. Catch 22 yet again. I posted for the CDA position again at work. My boss doesn’t think that I will get it because of my outburst last time. But that is fine. There was a lot of circumstances at work the last time they screwed things up and didn’t take into account the feelings of everyone working there. Go figure. Why would your boss care if they were not being fair? That would just make too much sense. Oh well. But it is a matter of sitting back and watching. I am not putting much faith or expectations. I am just happy that they are not actually doing the interview process. Although, I would like to do that part again…I am very curious why someone would put me down as saying that a weakness of mine is not getting along with anyone here. Who knows. People will always interpret something incorrectly. Just another fact of life.
Have a great weekend!
It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone; but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
¶ 10/07/2005 10:55:00 AM 2 comments
~Buddha
I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning.
~J.B. Priestly (1894-1984) English Author
Not sure what I will be up to this weekend. If I ever hear back from my friend, that would be cool since we haven’t seen each other in awhile. But I guess we will have to see. Hopefully I won’t be working this weekend. At the same time, I really do need the money. Catch 22 yet again. I posted for the CDA position again at work. My boss doesn’t think that I will get it because of my outburst last time. But that is fine. There was a lot of circumstances at work the last time they screwed things up and didn’t take into account the feelings of everyone working there. Go figure. Why would your boss care if they were not being fair? That would just make too much sense. Oh well. But it is a matter of sitting back and watching. I am not putting much faith or expectations. I am just happy that they are not actually doing the interview process. Although, I would like to do that part again…I am very curious why someone would put me down as saying that a weakness of mine is not getting along with anyone here. Who knows. People will always interpret something incorrectly. Just another fact of life.
Have a great weekend!
It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone; but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
¶ 10/07/2005 10:55:00 AM 2 comments
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Poems...
The poem I decided to send in for publication….
Why?? By Ian D. Marsh
Why do people refuse to see me as a person?
They view me as a monster,
Something to be hated or killed.
This I do not understand.
I am but a human,
The same as the rest of you.
I may be black, red, tan or white;
Jew, Baptist or Catholic;
Homo, Bi or Hetero;
But that does not change the fact
That I am still a person,
A being with feelings.
So what gives you the right
To be Judge,
To say whether I should live or die?We have neither
The time or right
To judge each other.
So why can we not
Accept each other,
And our faults?
¶ 10/06/2005 07:38:00 AM 0 comments
Why?? By Ian D. Marsh
Why do people refuse to see me as a person?
They view me as a monster,
Something to be hated or killed.
This I do not understand.
I am but a human,
The same as the rest of you.
I may be black, red, tan or white;
Jew, Baptist or Catholic;
Homo, Bi or Hetero;
But that does not change the fact
That I am still a person,
A being with feelings.
So what gives you the right
To be Judge,
To say whether I should live or die?We have neither
The time or right
To judge each other.
So why can we not
Accept each other,
And our faults?
¶ 10/06/2005 07:38:00 AM 0 comments
My horoscope...I am now on a search
“There's only one person on the face of the planet at this moment in time who can absolutely help you to figure out what to do -- you know it and they know it. The thing is, you haven't seen them for a while, and you're not quite sure where they are. Okay. Get those antennae working, and find them. Give them a buzz, send an email, or show up at their door. It's time to reconnect, anyway.”
Okay…are you that person? Am I looking for you? Please let me know because I am so lost!!
If only I could throw away the urge to trace my patterns in your heart, I could really see you. ~David Brandon ¶ 10/06/2005 04:12:00 AM 0 comments
Okay…are you that person? Am I looking for you? Please let me know because I am so lost!!
If only I could throw away the urge to trace my patterns in your heart, I could really see you. ~David Brandon ¶ 10/06/2005 04:12:00 AM 0 comments
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Serenity
Serenity, n: The state or quality of being serene.
1: a disposition free from stress or emotion [syn: repose, quiet, placidity, tranquillity, tranquility] 2: the absence of mental stress or anxiety [syn: peace, peacefulness, peace of mind, repose, heartsease, ataraxis]
This is something that we all seem to lack, but need to find a measure of in order to exist in this world. Or at least I know that I need it bad!!
But I did go to see the movie last night, based off the SciFi TV series “Firefly.” A slow start, but it kept a lot of the original crew from the show. I enjoyed it, and that is what mattered the most to me last night. I needed a night for my own thing before kissing everything else good-bye. But if you are looking to watch it, perhaps wait until the DVD comes out and rent it then. By all standards, this movie should not have actually existed. Joss Whedon decided that the fans were the ones responsible for the movie’s creation judging from fan sites and sales on the DVDs. But I will leave that decision up to you.
Mindfulness is the aware, balanced acceptance of the present experience. It isn't more complicated that that. It is opening to or recieving the present moment, pleasant or unpleasant, just as it is, without either clinging to it or rejecting it. ~Sylvia Boorstein
¶ 10/05/2005 04:37:00 AM 0 comments
1: a disposition free from stress or emotion [syn: repose, quiet, placidity, tranquillity, tranquility] 2: the absence of mental stress or anxiety [syn: peace, peacefulness, peace of mind, repose, heartsease, ataraxis]
This is something that we all seem to lack, but need to find a measure of in order to exist in this world. Or at least I know that I need it bad!!
But I did go to see the movie last night, based off the SciFi TV series “Firefly.” A slow start, but it kept a lot of the original crew from the show. I enjoyed it, and that is what mattered the most to me last night. I needed a night for my own thing before kissing everything else good-bye. But if you are looking to watch it, perhaps wait until the DVD comes out and rent it then. By all standards, this movie should not have actually existed. Joss Whedon decided that the fans were the ones responsible for the movie’s creation judging from fan sites and sales on the DVDs. But I will leave that decision up to you.
Mindfulness is the aware, balanced acceptance of the present experience. It isn't more complicated that that. It is opening to or recieving the present moment, pleasant or unpleasant, just as it is, without either clinging to it or rejecting it. ~Sylvia Boorstein
¶ 10/05/2005 04:37:00 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
You can sit back now
“Just keep swimming…just keep swimming…”
--Dory from “Finding Nemo”
A friend reminded me of Dory today…such a cute little fishy. Things have been a tad bit crazy as of late, which many of you know already. I am doing my best to get through a lot if it without hurting anyone…a tough feat sometimes.
"Our capacity to draw happiness from aesthetic objects or material goods in fact seems critically dependent on our first satisfying a more important range of emotional or psychological needs, among them the need for understanding, for love, expression and respect."-- Alain De Botton
The last few weeks has taught me a lot about people, though. No matter how much you think you can trust someone, you should never trust fully. Finding someone who is mature and true can be a tough feat, especially in the gay world. I have a serious dislike of duplicitous people and those who practice double-standards. That really drives me nuts. And then you have those who swear they are through with something, but have to revisit it every other hour, preaching to any who would listen about the horrible acts of a person. I can’t say that I have ever appreciated that part of our society…after all, why would someone want to hear stories from the trash of the town? Please don’t bring the drama around me…I don’t care for it. I have my own bullshit to deal with these days…don’t need extra baggage. But it has made me a little wary about sharing information with people…never know when it could get spread around town by those who have plenty of free time.
"I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be honorable, to be compassionate. It is, after all, to matter: to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all."-- Leo C. Rosten (1908-1977) American Writer
I have had to deal with accusations about not being a good friend as of late. That I find to be very hurtful as well. Those who have taken the time to get know me know that I have to live up to certain standards and courtesies that were instilled in me when I was a child. I currently work two jobs and sometimes don’t get done until 930 or 10 at night. One of the few nice things my mother taught me was to never call after a certain…it can be disrespectful. The only exception is if the other person works opposite schedules or has stated to you that is it okay to call at any time, including late at night. So I am issuing a public statement to run in all of the local newspapers, radio and TV stations: “Please accept my sincerest apologies at not calling or showing up at your house unannounced. From now on, please expect a phone call at any time of the day or night; during dinner or your favorite TV show, while you are in the middle of a date with a hot guy/girl, while you are in the middle of sex with your partner, or while you are trying to get what little sleep you are able. I will attempt to put aside my own ill-gotten sense of courtesy and do all in my power to conform to your standards.” Hopefully this will appease the masses.
But on to other topics…
There really isn’t much to report that most of my friends haven’t already heard. Still working, still living, still hanging in there. Nearly killed a co-worker of mine for butting into my business when she wasn’t asked and attempting to tell me how to handle my own studies. Sorry, but work on taking care of your own business before crashing into mine. At least I know how to perform my job.
The personal life is still okay. Just getting to know people and seeing if anything blossoms. Not expecting too much, though. I am still planning on relocating in six months, whether it be to another apartment here in Wilmington, or to a whole ‘nother city or state. That part is up in the air still. I know that I am not truly happy right now. And it isn’t one of those “I am in a mood” unhappy either. It is a true knowledge of being unhappy with myself as a person and what I do for a living. I know that I have a good job…when the managers above mine don’t keep trying to screw things up. For the most part, I know that I can’t complain too much about life since I have almost everything. But I know that it is not all that I can be doing with myself; I have a lot more to offer. Add in the fact that I would love to go back to school and actually get a degree in something. Graphic design, landscape architecture…something that I know I can truly enjoy. But that will come with time. I don’t expect to have everything solved overnight…I know that it takes patience for that. One of my friends keeps reminding me that I should face my issues head-on, that I should not run from them and hope that they will fade away into the background. I am aware of that, and my desire to relocate is not an escape method that I know very well. You can never fully escape from your problems anyway…they will always be there unless faced head on. It is time to be Hercules facing the Hydra. I have come to know myself really well, now I just have to have the rest fall in place.
I do have a good note though. I have been selected to have another one of my poems published by the ISP (International Society of Poetry) in an work slated for publication next year. So my current problem is to select a poem already written or create a new one. Oh…and hopefully I will be taking a trip to see this really good and patient friend of mine up in Chicago. I do miss talking with him…at least he understands that I am going through a lot right now.
But there you go…the update on things with me. I am sure there will be more to come with each day as things go crazy lately.
“The three great essentials to achieving anything worthwhile are; first, hard work, second,
stick-to-it-iveness, and third, common sense.”
--Thomas A. Edison (1847-1931) American Inventor
¶ 10/04/2005 10:57:00 AM 0 comments
--Dory from “Finding Nemo”
A friend reminded me of Dory today…such a cute little fishy. Things have been a tad bit crazy as of late, which many of you know already. I am doing my best to get through a lot if it without hurting anyone…a tough feat sometimes.
"Our capacity to draw happiness from aesthetic objects or material goods in fact seems critically dependent on our first satisfying a more important range of emotional or psychological needs, among them the need for understanding, for love, expression and respect."-- Alain De Botton
The last few weeks has taught me a lot about people, though. No matter how much you think you can trust someone, you should never trust fully. Finding someone who is mature and true can be a tough feat, especially in the gay world. I have a serious dislike of duplicitous people and those who practice double-standards. That really drives me nuts. And then you have those who swear they are through with something, but have to revisit it every other hour, preaching to any who would listen about the horrible acts of a person. I can’t say that I have ever appreciated that part of our society…after all, why would someone want to hear stories from the trash of the town? Please don’t bring the drama around me…I don’t care for it. I have my own bullshit to deal with these days…don’t need extra baggage. But it has made me a little wary about sharing information with people…never know when it could get spread around town by those who have plenty of free time."I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be honorable, to be compassionate. It is, after all, to matter: to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all."-- Leo C. Rosten (1908-1977) American Writer
I have had to deal with accusations about not being a good friend as of late. That I find to be very hurtful as well. Those who have taken the time to get know me know that I have to live up to certain standards and courtesies that were instilled in me when I was a child. I currently work two jobs and sometimes don’t get done until 930 or 10 at night. One of the few nice things my mother taught me was to never call after a certain…it can be disrespectful. The only exception is if the other person works opposite schedules or has stated to you that is it okay to call at any time, including late at night. So I am issuing a public statement to run in all of the local newspapers, radio and TV stations: “Please accept my sincerest apologies at not calling or showing up at your house unannounced. From now on, please expect a phone call at any time of the day or night; during dinner or your favorite TV show, while you are in the middle of a date with a hot guy/girl, while you are in the middle of sex with your partner, or while you are trying to get what little sleep you are able. I will attempt to put aside my own ill-gotten sense of courtesy and do all in my power to conform to your standards.” Hopefully this will appease the masses.
But on to other topics…
There really isn’t much to report that most of my friends haven’t already heard. Still working, still living, still hanging in there. Nearly killed a co-worker of mine for butting into my business when she wasn’t asked and attempting to tell me how to handle my own studies. Sorry, but work on taking care of your own business before crashing into mine. At least I know how to perform my job.
The personal life is still okay. Just getting to know people and seeing if anything blossoms. Not expecting too much, though. I am still planning on relocating in six months, whether it be to another apartment here in Wilmington, or to a whole ‘nother city or state. That part is up in the air still. I know that I am not truly happy right now. And it isn’t one of those “I am in a mood” unhappy either. It is a true knowledge of being unhappy with myself as a person and what I do for a living. I know that I have a good job…when the managers above mine don’t keep trying to screw things up. For the most part, I know that I can’t complain too much about life since I have almost everything. But I know that it is not all that I can be doing with myself; I have a lot more to offer. Add in the fact that I would love to go back to school and actually get a degree in something. Graphic design, landscape architecture…something that I know I can truly enjoy. But that will come with time. I don’t expect to have everything solved overnight…I know that it takes patience for that. One of my friends keeps reminding me that I should face my issues head-on, that I should not run from them and hope that they will fade away into the background. I am aware of that, and my desire to relocate is not an escape method that I know very well. You can never fully escape from your problems anyway…they will always be there unless faced head on. It is time to be Hercules facing the Hydra. I have come to know myself really well, now I just have to have the rest fall in place.
I do have a good note though. I have been selected to have another one of my poems published by the ISP (International Society of Poetry) in an work slated for publication next year. So my current problem is to select a poem already written or create a new one. Oh…and hopefully I will be taking a trip to see this really good and patient friend of mine up in Chicago. I do miss talking with him…at least he understands that I am going through a lot right now.
But there you go…the update on things with me. I am sure there will be more to come with each day as things go crazy lately.
“The three great essentials to achieving anything worthwhile are; first, hard work, second,
stick-to-it-iveness, and third, common sense.”
--Thomas A. Edison (1847-1931) American Inventor
¶ 10/04/2005 10:57:00 AM 0 comments
Monday, October 03, 2005
Monday 10/3
Renunciation is not getting rid of the things of this world, but accepting that they pass away.
~Aitken Roshi
Just as the highest and the lowest notes are equally inaudible, so perhaps, is the greatest sense and the greatest nonsense equally unintelligible.
~Allan Watts
All high achievers plan their work and work their plan, for they are keenly aware that "luck" is most often being prepared to take advantage of a situation.
~Unknown
Video code provided by HotCodez.com
¶ 10/03/2005 04:39:00 AM 0 comments
~Aitken Roshi
Just as the highest and the lowest notes are equally inaudible, so perhaps, is the greatest sense and the greatest nonsense equally unintelligible.
~Allan Watts
All high achievers plan their work and work their plan, for they are keenly aware that "luck" is most often being prepared to take advantage of a situation.
~Unknown
Video code provided by HotCodez.com
¶ 10/03/2005 04:39:00 AM 0 comments
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Buddha says...
Quotes of the day…..
Seek always for the answer within. Be not influenced by those around you, by their thoughts or their words.
--Buddhist teachings
I think I'd like to be remembered as someone who beat the odds through just plain determination...that I persevered. Because I think that being somewhat of a pest to life, constantly plaguing and pursuing, will bring results.
--Sylvester Stallone (1946-) American Actor
In order to laugh, you must be able to play with your pain.
--Buddhist teachings
The greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising up every time we fall.
--Confucius (551-479 BC) Chinese Philosopher
Perseverance is a great element of success. If you only knock long enough at the gate, you are sure to wake up somebody.
-- Longfellow
And the best one of all that is always good to remember:
Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn't you - all of the expectations, all of the beliefs - and becoming who you are.
--Buddhist teachings
Don’t worry…I haven’t forgotten that I need to update on the other things! I have been busy with deadlines at work, but will get it typed up soon for you. I haven’t forgotten all my friends who keep up with me through this. I miss you all.
¶ 10/01/2005 04:49:00 AM 0 comments
Seek always for the answer within. Be not influenced by those around you, by their thoughts or their words.
--Buddhist teachings
I think I'd like to be remembered as someone who beat the odds through just plain determination...that I persevered. Because I think that being somewhat of a pest to life, constantly plaguing and pursuing, will bring results.
--Sylvester Stallone (1946-) American Actor
In order to laugh, you must be able to play with your pain.
--Buddhist teachings
The greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising up every time we fall.
--Confucius (551-479 BC) Chinese Philosopher
Perseverance is a great element of success. If you only knock long enough at the gate, you are sure to wake up somebody.
-- Longfellow
And the best one of all that is always good to remember:
Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn't you - all of the expectations, all of the beliefs - and becoming who you are.
--Buddhist teachings
Don’t worry…I haven’t forgotten that I need to update on the other things! I have been busy with deadlines at work, but will get it typed up soon for you. I haven’t forgotten all my friends who keep up with me through this. I miss you all.
¶ 10/01/2005 04:49:00 AM 0 comments
Abortion and crime rates?!
Okay...what the hell was this guy thinking?! Does he really think that he could get away with this???? You never say anything like this, especially on national radio and TV. I understand that he has spent so many years at the center of controversy, and because he edited “The Book of Virtues” thinks that he knows what is right, but it still does not excuse him. At least the White House has actually done something right this time around by distancing themselves from him.
¶ 10/01/2005 03:25:00 AM 0 comments
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