Quote Life is no brief candle to me. It is sort of a splendid torch which I have got hold of for a moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.
-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) Irish Playwright  ¶ 8/30/2005 10:55:00 AM 0 comments

  Holding out for a Hero Okay, so my roommate has been downloading songs lately....as have I. Not a bad thing, actually. LOL I recently found a site that had the full song as originally sung by Bonnie Tyler. I like the one performed by Jennifer Saunders better, though, in Shrek 2. The Fairy Godmother is absolutely fabulous! Okay, bad play on words, but who cares...she kills! And if you haven't seen Shrek 2, you better go watch it...or else.  ¶ 8/30/2005 07:02:00 AM 0 comments

  One more thing.... Oh, and I think I am going to get a new tattoo soon too. Not the wings that I am trying to work on (they are being a little difficult), but none the less, something that I like anyway. Just can't decide on the exact one that I like. Perhaps a combo of the two will do perfect......



Oh...and is this guy not hot or what?!?!

(Ten points to anyone who can tell me who he is...and maybe a little extra gift too)  ¶ 8/30/2005 03:55:00 AM 0 comments

  Tuesday is here... Thank god Monday is over. Now it is Tuesday, but I still wish I was somewhere else. I am doing bit better, but still wondering why I stick around this town sometimes. I am giving myself seven months, and if things haven't changed much in that time, I am gonna be looking into something else; something different. Someplace where I will be happy and feel like I belong...a hard thing to find sometimes. But I know who I am, and I know that I am not truly happy here. I love the beach, but the atmosphere sucks worse than my worst hook-up (although, I don't have many of those, so it is really hard to compare sometimes). But we shall see as time goes by and the world turns.

The most absurd and reckless aspirations have sometimes led to extraordinary success.
-- Vauvenargues

No man or woman of the humblest sort can really be strong, gentle and good, without the world being better for it, without somebody being helped and comforted by the very existence of that goodness.
-- Phillips Brooks (1835-1893) American Bishop

A dog is not considered a good dog because he is a good barker. A man is not considered a good man because he is a good talker.
~Buddha  ¶ 8/30/2005 03:52:00 AM 0 comments

  How appropriate... The nearest way to glory -- a shortcut, as it were -- is to strive to be what you wish to be thought to be - quoted in Cicero, 44 BC.
-- Socrates (469-399 BC) Greek Philosopher  ¶ 8/26/2005 08:38:00 AM 0 comments

  Time to boast
Okay...I have to say that I am very proud of my friend up in Chicago, Jimmy. He recently decided to run for Alderman and the process, while grueling it may be, has started. He was interviewed for the local newspaper and they posted the article...a year before elections are to be held. Check it out, and if you live in Chicago, give him a chance!! Congrats, babe...I wish you the best of luck!!

Openly Gay Man to Run for Alderman  ¶ 8/26/2005 04:47:00 AM 1 comments

  Promises, promises Okay, so I promised to write more and fill in details about recent events.

So I have been going through a lot with issues at work in the personal life. I have been moving almost non-stop for the last year, trying to just ignore everything and go into an almost isolationist state. Bad, yes I do know that. But I had learned from so many bad experiences growing up that I couldn't lean on other people very well. All the fights with my parents (mom) pretty much killed what trust I could have in someone. And negative experiences after that with several boyfriends pretty much set the concrete around the re-bar. (construction metaphors) So, as a part of it all, I end up going on a mental breakdown and just tend to feel pretty overwhelmed and exhausted.

A lot had happened last summer that I didn't care to deal with. So the end result was that it just got pushed aside and I kept moving through, locking away most of my emotions. It played a little havoc with things, but I seemed to do okay. But things have gotten pretty stressful as of late, and it ended up being the last straw with it all. Monday I really started on the breakdown and having hard times with things.

One of the things that really got to me though was some stuff that had been going on with a friend of mine that I had an interest in...and he had stated he had an interest with me too. Some statements had been made that he wanted to take things slow, and that there were reasons behind it that I would be informed of later. Later came and went, and I still was in the dark. When I care for someone, friend or more, my emotions tend to get pretty wrapped up in it all. Well, we went from talking almost every day to maybe once a week. I didn't know what was going on. I had finally had enough and sent him an IM...he got up with me a day later and we decided to talk. I finally got told that he had been trying to get things worked out with a fella back in his old town and he wasn't going to do anything with anyone until he knew what exactly was gonna happen. He was thoroughly smitten with this kid and if he ever got a phone call saying that the kid was completely ready and able to date, then he would drop everything for him. I was told that he didn't want to lead anyone on, but somehow I couldn't help feeling that I had been lead on a bit. And of course, I had jumped the gun a tad and allowed my emotions to start running around. For being an empath, I sure as hell can't control my own emotions. It always sucks...especially since I keep saying that I am just going to be cold and heartless and not let the emotions out again. Yeah, right. Like that is gonna happen. I can't help getting some emotional attachment and feel it destroy me. C'est la vie.

I ended up listening to X-tina (The Voice Within and Keep On Singing My Song) on repeat most of this week, after the normal few days of Linkin Park and Garbage. It kinda helped since there are a few of her songs, and a couple from Anastacia, that I can relate to and brighten my day. I have been pulling up from the depths like I always do...and allowing myself to be tossed back into the dating pool to be caught at a future date.

So let me raise my glass up high and say "Here is to life and men who suck; to the best friends who always pull my ass outta shit; and to a hopefully never-ending supply of wine and beer to keep all problems out in space." If they ever take that away from me, I am so fucking screwed.

(OH...and I am sending more congrats to my friend Jimmy who is running for Alderman up in Chicago!!)  ¶ 8/25/2005 04:33:00 AM 0 comments

  just a few quotes Because I've always felt, whether the fatwa or whatever, the writer's great weapon is the truth and integrity of his voice. And as long as what you're saying is what you truly, honestly believe to be the case, then whatever the consequences, that's fine. That's an honorable position.

-- Salman Rushdie
(all writers should remember that)

Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.

-- Malcolm Forbes (1919-1990) American Publisher

Song: When the World Ends-Dave Matthews Band/Paul Oakenfold (Matrix Reloaded Soundtrack)


I will have a real post for you soon to read...I promise  ¶ 8/24/2005 10:40:00 AM 0 comments

  Mondays after long weekends... Video code provided by HotCodez.com





Good friendships are fragile things and require as much care as any
other fragile and precious thing.

-- Randolph S. Bourne (1886-1918) American Writer


I wept because I had no shoes, until I saw a man who had no feet.

-- Persian saying, Ancient  ¶ 8/22/2005 04:17:00 AM 0 comments

  Freshly back... Had jury duty for the last couple of days. That was fun. NOT!!! Spent the majority of the entire time sitting around on my ass being bored and wishing I had a better/longer book to read. Oh well. Now I am back at work, my arms sore (from working out, not jacking off) and waiting for 4pm to come so I can go home and take a good shower to relax. Only an hour left!!!

Oh...I did get to meet a really cute sweet boy who is moving here from Myrtle Beach, so maybe we shall see where things go on that field..................................................

Mama exhorted her children at every opportunity to "jump at the Sun." We might not land on the sun, but at least we would get off the ground.
-- Zora Neale Hurston (1903-1960) American Writer

Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are... Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in my pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.
-- Mary Jean Iron

When we accept tough jobs as a challenge to our ability and wade into them with joy and enthusiasm, miracles can happen.
-- Arland Gilbert  ¶ 8/19/2005 11:51:00 AM 0 comments

  Quote of the Day The person who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.
-- Chinese proverb  ¶ 8/16/2005 04:31:00 AM 0 comments

  Quick Catch Up... Okay...just my quotes for the day since I was home sick last week. Hope everyone had a good weekend!

If you have made mistakes...there is always another chance for you...you may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call "failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down.
-- Mary Pickford (1893-1979) Canadian Actress

If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.
-- Charlotte Bronte

When nothing is sure, everything is possible.
-- Margaret Drabble (1939-) English Novelist

And just a little eye candy...
  ¶ 8/15/2005 09:43:00 AM 0 comments

  Reasons...
I got asked yesterday by a friend of mine why I decided to include my letter about HIV/AIDS and the discrimination positive gay men face. He wondered if I was talking to someone who was positive, or if an ex of mine had it. Here is the jist of the facts.

One of the guys that I had been with back in Durham, the one who died, was HIV+. He was one of the few who have actually meant anything to me, and he had helped me grow as a person as well. I have had several ex-flings who were positive; and the guy I was seeing a while back at the time of the letter was the same. I have a few friends as well who are positive. I have dealt with it in some manner through out my life, whether in a direct interactive with the gentlemen themselves, or a more indirect route with fundraisers or medical studies. I have a now 22yr old friend, that I haven't heard a thing from in awhile, who was so upset about being positive that he having such hard times in life. And he is so young. With the medicines out there today, he will have the opportunity to life a long and full life. But half the time he doesn't want to live it because it is so hard for him to get close to someone.

Chatting online shows a lot of the discrimination. A majority of the chat sites out there geared towards gay men are just meat markets. You sign in, log into a chat room and start talking with a fella. Of course, the topic goes to sex and a "let's get together" is proposed. The first sentence you read as soon as that comes up is "Are you clean?" Or if you read a person's personal ad, a lot of times you will find "I'm clean; you be too" in all of its many abbreviated forms.

There has been so much negative coverage about HIV and AIDS, that no one seems to want to focus on the good things out there any more. Yes, knowing that you have to be on medications for the rest of your life is not always a happy thought. But it isn't any different than being on allergy medications. Or cholesterol pills. Or blood pressure pills. Or anti-depression/anxiety pills. But because of those pills, positive gentlemen (and women) are able to lead full and satisfying lives. They have been given a second chance. And with some recent discoveries in Europe, they might have a chance at being cured.

As people, we face discrimination of all sorts through our lives. Being gay men/women, we have to face homophobia all the time around every corner we turn, or every office we work in. In the times that we should be standing together, we are allowing negative connotations to rule our lives and suck us down to the levels of the hatred we fight so much to destroy. I am a gay male who is also Jewish. I live in an area where it is not always easy to be either of those things. But I have found the strength to ignore the uneducated and their comments.

What am I trying to say? Mainly this: educate yourself. There is plenty of learning materials out there; utilize those resources. Then you can make your decision after that. But please don't just brush the other half of our "family" to the wayside like crumbs...they have a right to be loved and lead the same lives we are.  ¶ 8/11/2005 04:31:00 AM 0 comments

  Whether you be man or woman you will never do anything in this world without courage. It is the greatest quality of the mind next to honor.
-- James Lane Allen (1849-1925) American Author


Video code provided by HotCodez.com

Ben Moody ft. Anastacia - Everything Burns  ¶ 8/10/2005 07:43:00 AM 0 comments

  On lifestyles and gay men
Okay, so I am cruising through Connexions one day checking out the profiles of other people. I come across a really cute 26-year old from NY. In the About Me section, he starts out with how other people describe him. And the last line in the first paragraph is "i'm all of those things...oh, and i have HIV. " He goes on to describe what he does with the rest of his life. You get down to his Want to Meet section and the first line is "you don't have hangups about my being HIV+" It is a shame when a positive man has to state that in his profile.
And he isn't the only one either. I have a few other friends on there who are positive and they haven't had a very good outlook on life. And I find that sad. Last year, OUT Magazine printed an article on men with HIV by Paul Wisotzky. In there, he addressed a lot of issues that gay men face as being carriers of HIV and AIDS. I know that straight people can be very discriminatory, but they have no edge over gay men. Because of the negative connotations that are applied to HIV and AIDS, we seem to have our preconceived notions about these gentlemen, and they couldn't be further from the truth. I had written a letter to the editor regarding the article, and have decided to post it here. The letter did get published on the website the month following.

"I wanted to comment on Paul Wisotzky's article about how positive men are discriminated against by the rest of the gay community. And it is very true. I am a 23yr-old negative guy who is currently dating someone who is HIV positive. We have only been together for a few short months, but he is not the first person that I dated who is like that. Most of my friends and family don't know about the other two that I dated previously, or the one who died five years ago from it. When you are younger, everyone tells you how bad it is to be infected with HIV and everything that can happen to you and how nasty it gets as you get older. But that doesn't always happen, nor does it detract from the person either. With today's medicines, you never know when you can be around someone who had HIV. They live the same lives, and are in every way as healthy as we are. Ironically, my boyfriend now doesn't suffer as easily from the flu as I do. He leads an active life and is currently looking to go back to college as well for a degree. I never really understood why people in the HIV+ community are so frowned upon by the rest of us...the deserve the same love we give to anyone else. At the same time, I do understand that it is hard on someone who is positive to date someone who is negative. Me and my boyfriend discuss all the time how he worries about me and keeps asking what I see in him. I don't see a disease or a future filledwith problems and frequent visits to the doctor. I know that may happen, but the important part is that I see a person who is very caring and loving and deserves the same. It is a pity that a lot of other people can't see that. Especially in the days where people younger and younger are being infected. One of my friends that I talk to online is only 21 and infected. He feels alone because no one wants to talk to him or even look at him half the time. Just because a bad decision was made in your life, it does not mean that you should let it affect your life. I know that is easier said than done sometimes. All I can say for those out there who have HIV, don't give up. Not all of us look down on you....some of us really do see the face behind the screen."

Anyway, that is just my two cents on a popular topic today. Have a great day!!!

*I am no longer dating the gentleman mentioned in my letter due to other reasons. We have remained good friends though.  ¶ 8/10/2005 04:19:00 AM 1 comments

  Quotes for this AM Let no man turn aside, ever so slightly, from the broad path of
honour, on the plausible pretence that he is justified by the
goodness of his end. All good ends can be worked out by good means.

-- Charles Dickens (1812-1870) English Novelist

A bodhisattva is someone who has compassion within himself or
herself and who is able to make another person smile or help
someone suffer less. Every one of us is capable of this.

Thich Nhat Hanh

Song: Angie Stone-Wish I Didn't Miss You  ¶ 8/10/2005 04:15:00 AM 1 comments

  Today's quote... To be able to practice five things everywhere under heaven
constitutes perfect virtue... gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity,
earnestness, and kindness.

-- Confucius (551-479 BC) Chinese Philosopher


Life can be found only in the present moment. The past is
gone, the future is not yet here, and if we do not go back to
ourselves in the present moment, we cannot be in touch with
life.

Thich Nhat Hanh  ¶ 8/09/2005 04:18:00 AM 0 comments

  In Memorandum 1938-2005
As we all know, Peter Jennings died the other day from Lung Cancer. I grew up watching this guy on the news almost every single night. His death has affected a lot of people, not just here in the US, but also elsewhere around the world. He traveled extensively to bring us the latest news. He will be missed by all.

Song: Paul Oakenfold-Send Me An Angel  ¶ 8/09/2005 04:14:00 AM 0 comments

  Get your peanuts and beer...












Oh, and a shocker for all of you who thought I didn't care for sports.....me, my roommate, Matt, and our friend, Jay, attended this past Saturday's baseball game of the Wilmington Sharks vs the New Bern River Rats. The Sharks won 5-2. We have tickets for tonight (Monday), but if it keeps raining like it is now, we will have to see about going on Wednesday..the last home game. And the funny part, I still remembered a lot of the stuff I was taught when I played as a kid. I am not completely disinterested in sports...I just get into them more if they are played live...not on TV.  ¶ 8/08/2005 10:47:00 AM 0 comments

  Letter to those who oppress us...   ¶ 8/08/2005 10:21:00 AM 0 comments

  Free publicity Okay...so I am doing some free publicity for a friend of mine. August 6th is the annual party of Sandblast (sort of Wilmington's Gay Pride thing) If you are going to be in Wilmington, come check out the beach party. No charge. There is a charge for the evening party at Club Ibiza, but check out the website for more information.






















Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.
Thich Nhat Hanh

The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.
-- William Arthur Ward  ¶ 8/05/2005 08:11:00 AM 0 comments

  Some fun stuff...
Take the Star Trek Quiz





Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!

  ¶ 8/04/2005 10:14:00 AM 0 comments

  Today's quote... I had rather do and not promise than promise and not do.
-- Arthur Warwick  ¶ 8/04/2005 08:25:00 AM 0 comments

  Today's quote Don't bother about genius. Don't worry about being clever. Trust to hard work, perseverance and determination.
-- Sir Frederick Treves (1853-1923) English Surgeon  ¶ 8/03/2005 12:49:00 PM 0 comments

  Viewing entertainement... Video code provided by HotCodez.com
  ¶ 8/03/2005 10:28:00 AM 0 comments

  On a lighter note.. Have to thank a friend of mine for sending this to me. I know it has been passed around few million times, but it is always true.


The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.
It filled the areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed."Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things --- your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter, like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else---the small stuff."
"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you."
"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."  ¶ 8/03/2005 04:14:00 AM 0 comments

  Not what you would expect... ...me to post at almost 7 in the morning. But I had to do my reading online and ran across this article..... Gay.com Despite the rise of AIDs and STDs among our community, it is not just in the private bedroom that gay men don't use condoms, but also in the private clubs where your butt is privy to the pleasure of a lot more men. Somehow, though, I can't say that I am truly shocked...most guys just ask if you are negative and then if you perform bareback. I do have to say that it does feel more pleasurable, but I make sure that it is someone that I know I trust before I perform. Most of the time.
~~~~~~
We really have to understand the person we want to love. If our love is only a will to possess, it is not love. If we only think of ourselves, if we know only our own needs and ignore the needs of the other person, we cannot love.
Thich Nhat Hanh (I think this can be applied to ourselves in a manner as well)  ¶ 8/03/2005 03:49:00 AM 0 comments

  ... All big things in this world are done by people who are naive and have an idea that is obviously impossible.
-- Dr. Frank Richards (1875-1961) English Writer  ¶ 8/02/2005 09:15:00 AM 0 comments

  A Good One to Remember Far away in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see the beauty, believe in them and try to follow where they lead.
-- Louisa May Alcott (1832-1888) American Writer  ¶ 8/01/2005 12:49:00 PM 1 comments

  Mondays suck I officially hate Mondays. Especially since things have been turned on end here at work. Oh well...I will survive...Bartender, where is my f*cking shot o' Crown and Vodka?!

I like a person who knows his own mind and sticks to it; who sees at once what, in given circumstances, is to be done, and does it.
-- William Hazlitt (1778-1830) English Essayist

Smiling is very important. If we are not able to smile, then the world will not have peace. It is not by going out for a demonstration against nuclear missiles that we can bring about peace. It is with our capacity of smiling, breathing, and being peace that we can make peace.
Thich Nhat Hanh


Song listing:
Jefferson Airplane: Stop Children
Oasis: Wonderwall
Ben Moody ft Anastacia: Everything Burns (Fantastic Four soundtrack)
Seal: Kiss From a Rose
The Corrs: Breathless
Journey: Don't Stop Believin'
  ¶ 8/01/2005 10:03:00 AM 0 comments