Crawl into My Head
Friday, December 30, 2005
One final item...
So, then, to every man his chance -- to every man, regardless of his birth, his shining golden opportunity -- to every man his right to live, to work, to be himself, to become whatever his manhood and his vision can combine to make him -- this, seeker, is the promise of America.
-- Thomas Wolfe
This is the America that we should be, not what is being created today…… ¶ 12/30/2005 09:55:00 AM 1 comments
-- Thomas Wolfe
This is the America that we should be, not what is being created today…… ¶ 12/30/2005 09:55:00 AM 1 comments
Short and sweet, like me!
Hope that everyone has a great New Year's Eve and is able to spend Sunday/Monday recovering from all the extra partying. I will be back next week with some new posts!
Journey over, sorrowless, freed in every way, and with all bonds broken -- for such a man there is no more distress.
~Buddha
I come to the office each morning and stay for long hours doing what has to be done to the best of my ability. And when you've done the best you can you can't do any better.
-- Harry S. Truman ¶ 12/30/2005 09:14:00 AM 1 comments
Journey over, sorrowless, freed in every way, and with all bonds broken -- for such a man there is no more distress.
~Buddha
I come to the office each morning and stay for long hours doing what has to be done to the best of my ability. And when you've done the best you can you can't do any better.
-- Harry S. Truman ¶ 12/30/2005 09:14:00 AM 1 comments
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Just a little something...
Good quote to remember:
Enjoyment is not a goal, it is a feeling that accompanies important ongoing activity.
-- Paul Goodman
Hope everyone has a good day…my butt is being kicked by this cold right now.
Few are those among men who have crossed over to the other shore, while the rest of mankind runs along the bank. However those who follow the principles of the well-taught Truth will cross over to the other shore, out of the dominion of Death, hard though it is to escape. ~Buddha
¶ 12/29/2005 12:57:00 PM 0 comments
Enjoyment is not a goal, it is a feeling that accompanies important ongoing activity.
-- Paul Goodman
Hope everyone has a good day…my butt is being kicked by this cold right now.
Few are those among men who have crossed over to the other shore, while the rest of mankind runs along the bank. However those who follow the principles of the well-taught Truth will cross over to the other shore, out of the dominion of Death, hard though it is to escape. ~Buddha
¶ 12/29/2005 12:57:00 PM 0 comments
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Taking time off...
So I realized that I am starting to get a head cold. Not happy about it. Especially since New Years is coming up this weekend and I wanted to be able to do something (although not really sure what I was going to do). But it looks like I will be taking a few days off from here to try to rest and recover. Don’t worry…I won’t forget everyone. I will still be working on some entries to be posted upon my return, and checking my email. And I might be able to drag up enough energy to post a couple quotes so you don’t feel too lost. LOL
Have a good rest of the week and enjoy the New Year’s celebration. May the New Year see greatness in the cards for you.
Navvies channel water, fletchers fashion arrows, and carpenters work on wood, but the wise disciple themselves. ~Buddha
And just a couple of items I found curious: Anti-gay group targets new NBC drama (can they rehash the same complaint over and over again?) and Report points to “gay generation gap”
And if you are looking for some new music, check out Utada's Exodus or the classical group Bond and some of their albums (currently playing Remixed) ¶ 12/28/2005 04:04:00 AM 2 comments
Have a good rest of the week and enjoy the New Year’s celebration. May the New Year see greatness in the cards for you.
Navvies channel water, fletchers fashion arrows, and carpenters work on wood, but the wise disciple themselves. ~Buddha
And just a couple of items I found curious: Anti-gay group targets new NBC drama (can they rehash the same complaint over and over again?) and Report points to “gay generation gap”
And if you are looking for some new music, check out Utada's Exodus or the classical group Bond and some of their albums (currently playing Remixed) ¶ 12/28/2005 04:04:00 AM 2 comments
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Caught in the holidays
Hey folks. Hope that everyone had a good holiday weekend. Mine still continues..the luck of the Catholic Jew. Chanukah still continues for another six nights (tonight being the third). Yippee. At least I can say that my room looks all nice and bright with the candles lit in it.
Not discussing much right now. Things have come to a culminary point between me and one of my friends. I can't say that I am truly upset, at least not at this point. But I am hurt. I was right in several of my assumptions and the instincts are celebrating that they once again were correct. Tomorrow's weather forecast was calling for mostly sunny and temperatures reaching the upper 50's, but I think that there will be an unexpected cold chill coming in directly from Wilmington. We are sitting down to talk and I don't expect things to be pretty. Of course, it will be the first of several talks. He owes a few explanations to me and one other that has been wrapped up in this twisted triangle.
The funny part of all this is how calm I have been last night and today. Yes, I did have a couple of beers and shots of Hypnotiq without actually eating (do salty nuts count?), but nothing that would have done me any harm, or drowned any sorrow. Not sure if this is a good thing. I seem to have two modes of angry...one is where I will explode. The other is the sweet and kind, building up to extreme hate and loathing. One of my old friends described it as the calm before the storm. I truly hope that this is not the case. I am not going to end the friendship with this fella, but a lot of my trust has been lost with him. Which is funny because my feelings still exist for him. But, what I can I say? Our relationship has always been a twisted one for the last few years.
But I have learned one fact, yet again. Never trust a gay man. There is always an ulterior motive in there somewhere that ends up hurting all involved. Word of advise: If you are involved in a situation that you KNOW will cause problems somewhere down the road, be a man and face it right then and there. Maybe then you can save yourself some explosions later in life.
I will expand more later when I write my over-the-shoulder view of the past year. I must say, it has been very interesting.
But try to have a good day...I know that I am doing my best.
Shalom
Do good by stealth, and blush to find it fame. ~Alexander Pope (1688-1744) English Poet
One may desire a spurious respect and precedence among one's fellow monks, and the veneration of outsiders. "Both monks and laity should think it was my doing. They should accept my authority in all matters great or small." This is a fool's way of thinking. His self-seeking and conceit just increase. ~Buddha
Class is an aura of confidence that is being sure without being cocky. Class has nothing to do with money. Class never runs scared. It is self-discipline and self-knowledge. I t's the sure footedness that comes with having proved you can meet life. ~Ann Landers, born 1918
Like fresh milk a bad deed does not turn at once. It follows a fool scorching him like a smouldering fire. ~Buddha
A fool thinks it like honey so long as the bad deed does not bear fruit, but when it does bear fruit he experiences suffering. ~Gautama Buddha
Nothing is ever lost by courtesy. It is the cheapest of pleasures, costs nothing, and conveys much. ~Erastus Wiman
Even if a fool lived with a wise man all his life, he would still not recognize the truth, like a wooden spoon cannot recognize the flavor of the soup. ~Gautama Buddha
Every man stamps his value on himself... man is made great or small by his own will.
~J.C.F. von Schiller
Self-reverence, self-knowledge, self-control. These three alone lead to sovereign power.
~Lord Alfred Tennyson
A fool who recognizes his own ignorance is thereby in fact a wise man, but a fool who considers himself wise -- that is what one really calls a fool. ~Gautama Buddha
'I've got children', 'I've got wealth.' This is the way a fool brings suffering on himself. He does not even own himself, so how can he have children or wealth? ~Gautama Buddha
Songs: Dido - "White Flag" (Scumfrog Remix)
Utada - "Devil Inside" ¶ 12/27/2005 10:31:00 AM 5 comments
Not discussing much right now. Things have come to a culminary point between me and one of my friends. I can't say that I am truly upset, at least not at this point. But I am hurt. I was right in several of my assumptions and the instincts are celebrating that they once again were correct. Tomorrow's weather forecast was calling for mostly sunny and temperatures reaching the upper 50's, but I think that there will be an unexpected cold chill coming in directly from Wilmington. We are sitting down to talk and I don't expect things to be pretty. Of course, it will be the first of several talks. He owes a few explanations to me and one other that has been wrapped up in this twisted triangle.
The funny part of all this is how calm I have been last night and today. Yes, I did have a couple of beers and shots of Hypnotiq without actually eating (do salty nuts count?), but nothing that would have done me any harm, or drowned any sorrow. Not sure if this is a good thing. I seem to have two modes of angry...one is where I will explode. The other is the sweet and kind, building up to extreme hate and loathing. One of my old friends described it as the calm before the storm. I truly hope that this is not the case. I am not going to end the friendship with this fella, but a lot of my trust has been lost with him. Which is funny because my feelings still exist for him. But, what I can I say? Our relationship has always been a twisted one for the last few years.
But I have learned one fact, yet again. Never trust a gay man. There is always an ulterior motive in there somewhere that ends up hurting all involved. Word of advise: If you are involved in a situation that you KNOW will cause problems somewhere down the road, be a man and face it right then and there. Maybe then you can save yourself some explosions later in life.
I will expand more later when I write my over-the-shoulder view of the past year. I must say, it has been very interesting.
But try to have a good day...I know that I am doing my best.
Shalom
Do good by stealth, and blush to find it fame. ~Alexander Pope (1688-1744) English Poet
One may desire a spurious respect and precedence among one's fellow monks, and the veneration of outsiders. "Both monks and laity should think it was my doing. They should accept my authority in all matters great or small." This is a fool's way of thinking. His self-seeking and conceit just increase. ~Buddha
Class is an aura of confidence that is being sure without being cocky. Class has nothing to do with money. Class never runs scared. It is self-discipline and self-knowledge. I t's the sure footedness that comes with having proved you can meet life. ~Ann Landers, born 1918
Like fresh milk a bad deed does not turn at once. It follows a fool scorching him like a smouldering fire. ~Buddha
A fool thinks it like honey so long as the bad deed does not bear fruit, but when it does bear fruit he experiences suffering. ~Gautama Buddha
Nothing is ever lost by courtesy. It is the cheapest of pleasures, costs nothing, and conveys much. ~Erastus Wiman
Even if a fool lived with a wise man all his life, he would still not recognize the truth, like a wooden spoon cannot recognize the flavor of the soup. ~Gautama Buddha
Every man stamps his value on himself... man is made great or small by his own will.
~J.C.F. von Schiller
Self-reverence, self-knowledge, self-control. These three alone lead to sovereign power.
~Lord Alfred Tennyson
A fool who recognizes his own ignorance is thereby in fact a wise man, but a fool who considers himself wise -- that is what one really calls a fool. ~Gautama Buddha
'I've got children', 'I've got wealth.' This is the way a fool brings suffering on himself. He does not even own himself, so how can he have children or wealth? ~Gautama Buddha
Songs: Dido - "White Flag" (Scumfrog Remix)
Utada - "Devil Inside" ¶ 12/27/2005 10:31:00 AM 5 comments
Friday, December 23, 2005
Holiday Wishes
Happy Freestyling Friday to everyone! Only two days left until Christmas and the first night of Chanukah. This will be another year at my home, instead of my parents, but I don’t think that I could stand two holidays with them in a row. They saw me on Thanksgiving, and that was only by luck of the draw.
I will not be back until the middle of next week or so, so I am wishing a Happy Holidays to everyone out there. This is the time to be close to your friends, family and whatever loved ones you might have. May your wishes and dreams come true this holiday season, and hopefully the new year will see improvements for many of us.
Hugs and love to everyone…you guys are always in my thoughts and dreams.
I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.
-- Agatha Christie
Song of the weekend: Seasons of Love from the RENT soundtrack (go see the movie and Broadway performance if you haven’t already!)
Special shout-outs and wishes to Wes, Jimmy, Ethan, the Brians, Jamie, Ken, Philip, Donnie and Scotty. You guys have been around for a lot with me this year...know that it is greatly appreciated knowing that there are people out there who do care. ¶ 12/23/2005 05:46:00 AM 3 comments
I will not be back until the middle of next week or so, so I am wishing a Happy Holidays to everyone out there. This is the time to be close to your friends, family and whatever loved ones you might have. May your wishes and dreams come true this holiday season, and hopefully the new year will see improvements for many of us.
Hugs and love to everyone…you guys are always in my thoughts and dreams.
I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.
-- Agatha Christie
Song of the weekend: Seasons of Love from the RENT soundtrack (go see the movie and Broadway performance if you haven’t already!)
Special shout-outs and wishes to Wes, Jimmy, Ethan, the Brians, Jamie, Ken, Philip, Donnie and Scotty. You guys have been around for a lot with me this year...know that it is greatly appreciated knowing that there are people out there who do care. ¶ 12/23/2005 05:46:00 AM 3 comments
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Movie Trailers...
Okay...more movie trailers for you to enjoy!!!!
Xmen III
Mission Impossible III (okay, how many of these can they make?)
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
Firewall
Any other recommendations? Always looking for new movies that might be worth the recommendation. ¶ 12/21/2005 11:41:00 AM 0 comments
Xmen III
Mission Impossible III (okay, how many of these can they make?)
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
Firewall
Any other recommendations? Always looking for new movies that might be worth the recommendation. ¶ 12/21/2005 11:41:00 AM 0 comments
Wine Wednesdays...
Hey folks, nothing impressive to report this Wine Wednesday. Did meet a really cute boy last night…should be interesting to see where the ball rolls. (No puns intended in the least bit).
But thought I would share what I found for an upcoming movie of 2006: The Da Vinci Code. Read the book, read Angels & Demons as well and they were pretty good. Guess we shall see how things go! Two strong names in the actors list as well…Tom Hanks and Ian (excuse me, Sir) McKellan. Didn’t recognize anyone else in the list.
Oh....and the website for Underworld: Evolution is finally mostly completed, along with the trailer. For all of you who enjoyed the first one, looks like we might actually have a really good sequel coming our way!!
Long is the night for the sleepless. Long is the road for the weary. Long is samsara (the cycle of continued rebirth) for the foolish, who have not recognised the true teaching. ~Gautama Buddha ¶ 12/21/2005 04:34:00 AM 3 comments
Hey folks, nothing impressive to report this Wine Wednesday. Did meet a really cute boy last night…should be interesting to see where the ball rolls. (No puns intended in the least bit).
But thought I would share what I found for an upcoming movie of 2006: The Da Vinci Code. Read the book, read Angels & Demons as well and they were pretty good. Guess we shall see how things go! Two strong names in the actors list as well…Tom Hanks and Ian (excuse me, Sir) McKellan. Didn’t recognize anyone else in the list.
Oh....and the website for Underworld: Evolution is finally mostly completed, along with the trailer. For all of you who enjoyed the first one, looks like we might actually have a really good sequel coming our way!!
Long is the night for the sleepless. Long is the road for the weary. Long is samsara (the cycle of continued rebirth) for the foolish, who have not recognised the true teaching. ~Gautama Buddha ¶ 12/21/2005 04:34:00 AM 3 comments
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Words to Live By
Live your life each day as you would climb a mountain. An occasional glance towards the summit keeps the goal in mind, but many beautiful scenes are to be observed from each new vantage point.
-- Harold B. Melchart
Song of the Moment: P!nk: 18 Wheeler
Thought I would share this too...was sent to me in my email today...... ¶ 12/20/2005 10:11:00 AM 0 comments
-- Harold B. Melchart
Song of the Moment: P!nk: 18 Wheeler
Thought I would share this too...was sent to me in my email today...... ¶ 12/20/2005 10:11:00 AM 0 comments
Trainwreck Tuesdays and Instructions for Life
Trainwreck Tuesday has returned yet again. And once again, I must say that I look pretty good this am. Not bad for only an extra hour of sleep last night. LOL
Things have been worked out between and my friend. He will give me hell for the next few days, but nothing that I can’t handle completely, I think. That is good…at least I feel a bit better now.
If you get a chance, check out Ethan over at Brat Boy School. His post from last night echoes a lot of my own sentiment regarding lifestyles.
Have a good day…maybe I can actually start working in my own rightful capacity of a CDA today. Yeah…and the gays are able to marry all over the world with no problems.
And to close, please enjoy some of the following Instructions For Life:
Things have been worked out between and my friend. He will give me hell for the next few days, but nothing that I can’t handle completely, I think. That is good…at least I feel a bit better now.
If you get a chance, check out Ethan over at Brat Boy School. His post from last night echoes a lot of my own sentiment regarding lifestyles.
Have a good day…maybe I can actually start working in my own rightful capacity of a CDA today. Yeah…and the gays are able to marry all over the world with no problems.
And to close, please enjoy some of the following Instructions For Life:
- Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
- Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
- In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
- Don’t let a little dispute injury a great relationship.
- When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
- Share your knowledge; it’s a way to achieve immortality.
- Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
- Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
Monday, December 19, 2005
Last minute
Oh...and I did have a wish list too....just in case someone wants to be my Jewish Santa (did you know that the first night of Chanukah is the same day as Christmas this year? Too bad I am not a kid anymore...double the presents!!)
The beauty of the soul shines out when a man bears with composure one heavy mischance after another, not because he does not feel them, but because he is a man of high and heroic temper.
~ Aristotle ¶ 12/19/2005 11:10:00 AM 3 comments
The beauty of the soul shines out when a man bears with composure one heavy mischance after another, not because he does not feel them, but because he is a man of high and heroic temper.
~ Aristotle ¶ 12/19/2005 11:10:00 AM 3 comments
Manic Mondays
Can I say that today is most definitely a Monday for me. I have been awake since about 130 this morning, and haven't had much of an appetite for eating or anything. Work is dragging really bad, and I managed to make a complete ass outta myself. The sad part about it: I did something that I had told myself for years I would never do...jump to conclusions. That is one of my biggest pet peeves with people, especially since my roommate is pretty good about thinking that he knows what is going on with me.
The result? I managed to hurt/wound deeply someone who means a whole lot to me. I accused him of being like a lot of other gay men that I know, when that was not even the case. He keeps telling me that it is okay, now that we have things mostly separated out; but I still feel like a piece of shit. But isn't the person who will be hardest on me going to me? I just wish I could rewind time and start things all over. But I can't. So I will have to settle for just sitting here wishing for a dark hole to crawl into and cry.
I am working on a remembrance of the year type of blog that will hopefully be posted later this week. Definitely before the end of the year if I don't make it for some reason.
But, in the meantime, enjoy these quotes that I compiled in the last few days. I am going to go hide from the world for a bit.
Just as one can make a lot of garlands from a heap of flowers, so man, subject to birth and death as he is, should make himself a lot of good karma. ~Gautama Buddha
Just as one can make a lot of garlands from a heap of flowers, so man, subject to birth and death as he is, should make himself a lot of good karma. ~Gautama Buddha
We cheerfully assume that in some mystic way love conquers all, that good outweighs evil in the just balances of the universe and that at the eleventh hour something gloriously triumphant will prevent the worst before it happens. ~Brooks Atkinson
The world of achievement has always belonged to the optimist. ~J. Harold Wilkins
Seeing your body as no better than an earthen pot, make war on Mara with the sword of wisdom, and setting up your mind as a fortress, defend what you have won, remaining free from attachment. ~Shakyamuni Buddha
picture courtesy of David Rothwell's Photopia ¶ 12/19/2005 10:21:00 AM 1 comments
Can I say that today is most definitely a Monday for me. I have been awake since about 130 this morning, and haven't had much of an appetite for eating or anything. Work is dragging really bad, and I managed to make a complete ass outta myself. The sad part about it: I did something that I had told myself for years I would never do...jump to conclusions. That is one of my biggest pet peeves with people, especially since my roommate is pretty good about thinking that he knows what is going on with me.
The result? I managed to hurt/wound deeply someone who means a whole lot to me. I accused him of being like a lot of other gay men that I know, when that was not even the case. He keeps telling me that it is okay, now that we have things mostly separated out; but I still feel like a piece of shit. But isn't the person who will be hardest on me going to me? I just wish I could rewind time and start things all over. But I can't. So I will have to settle for just sitting here wishing for a dark hole to crawl into and cry.
I am working on a remembrance of the year type of blog that will hopefully be posted later this week. Definitely before the end of the year if I don't make it for some reason.
But, in the meantime, enjoy these quotes that I compiled in the last few days. I am going to go hide from the world for a bit.
Just as one can make a lot of garlands from a heap of flowers, so man, subject to birth and death as he is, should make himself a lot of good karma. ~Gautama Buddha
Just as one can make a lot of garlands from a heap of flowers, so man, subject to birth and death as he is, should make himself a lot of good karma. ~Gautama Buddha
We cheerfully assume that in some mystic way love conquers all, that good outweighs evil in the just balances of the universe and that at the eleventh hour something gloriously triumphant will prevent the worst before it happens. ~Brooks Atkinson
The world of achievement has always belonged to the optimist. ~J. Harold Wilkins
Seeing your body as no better than an earthen pot, make war on Mara with the sword of wisdom, and setting up your mind as a fortress, defend what you have won, remaining free from attachment. ~Shakyamuni Buddha
picture courtesy of David Rothwell's Photopia ¶ 12/19/2005 10:21:00 AM 1 comments
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Such a good one for today...
Enthusiasm is the best protection in any situation. Wholeheartedness is contagious. Give yourself, if you wish to get others. ~David Seabury
¶ 12/15/2005 11:10:00 AM 0 comments
¶ 12/15/2005 11:10:00 AM 0 comments
Thursday has come...and is going by fast
So I started cleaning up my desk today in preparation for the move tomorrow. It looks so bare. No more dragon, no more little foo dogs, no more hot guy on my wall... There is just the computer and some little last minute things that I will move tomorrow morning. And I am getting pissed with Realplayer today as well...it is refusing to play files that it had played with no issues yesterday. So I am guessing that means I need to reload cds again. Better take inventory, huh?
Spent last night with my friend just chilling out. Was nice to do that for a change. I have been on the move so much lately that I kinda forgot what it was like to just lay around, much less actually have someone around to cuddle. Don't worry, I have suppressed a lot of the emotions that normally pop up; that is not to say that they don't bust through a crack here and there. But I think that we will be just fine. I have managed to keep my mouth shut regarding a lot of situations, and that part really impresses me. It was a little funny yesterday. I told him that I would keep my observations to myself...he nearly fell out because that is unusual for me. My statement to his shock: "When I don't want to cause people to go through any more undue stress/tension, etc. I will be fine...I have learned how to deal with quite a bit in the last few years. Just start worrying when I don't talk at all." His response? "I'm pretty damn sure that you shoulder more stress/tension than you could likely every "cause" me. You're right . . . I'm not going to worry (too much) so long as I get some kind of feedback from you. But, you've earned the privilege of speaking your mind. Just remember that communication is not a "yes" or "no" or "black" and "white" proposition. The meanings behind the the communications come into focus slowly through trial and error and through fine tuning what's being said and heard." I do shoulder a lot of stress, but nothing that I can't handle through a day or two. And I have been learning that with us, conversations hardly, if ever, are black and white. But, I think that is something that I like with him. It is never clear cut, but allows for a lot of leeway. Maybe that is why our friendship keeps growing deeper and deeper...at least it is on my end. I know that I am looking for a lot of definition in my life, and that person who is willing to add to it. But I know that what we have can never be replaced by someone else, and I am very happy for it. I don't want someone to be able to replace it. Hell, I don't want anything replaced by anyone else. Each friend I make I want to have a unique relationship with for whatever time period they decide to be around. That is the most that I am asking for from anyone.
I shock myself sometimes when I come to these realizations...or actually admit to them. I have learned a lot over the years, and am continually maturing each day as a result. I think I can finally appreciate that fact.
Have a good day! (Sorry, no HNT pic today...just the other pic of my and Allyn from the Christmas party.)
Song of the morning: Get Mine, Get Yours
Last wishes of luck to Ethan and his bid for Best LGBT Blog.
With his mind free from the inflow of thoughts and from restlessness, by abandoning both good and evil, an alert man knows no fear. ~Shakyamuni Buddha ¶ 12/15/2005 09:19:00 AM 0 comments
Spent last night with my friend just chilling out. Was nice to do that for a change. I have been on the move so much lately that I kinda forgot what it was like to just lay around, much less actually have someone around to cuddle. Don't worry, I have suppressed a lot of the emotions that normally pop up; that is not to say that they don't bust through a crack here and there. But I think that we will be just fine. I have managed to keep my mouth shut regarding a lot of situations, and that part really impresses me. It was a little funny yesterday. I told him that I would keep my observations to myself...he nearly fell out because that is unusual for me. My statement to his shock: "When I don't want to cause people to go through any more undue stress/tension, etc. I will be fine...I have learned how to deal with quite a bit in the last few years. Just start worrying when I don't talk at all." His response? "I'm pretty damn sure that you shoulder more stress/tension than you could likely every "cause" me. You're right . . . I'm not going to worry (too much) so long as I get some kind of feedback from you. But, you've earned the privilege of speaking your mind. Just remember that communication is not a "yes" or "no" or "black" and "white" proposition. The meanings behind the the communications come into focus slowly through trial and error and through fine tuning what's being said and heard." I do shoulder a lot of stress, but nothing that I can't handle through a day or two. And I have been learning that with us, conversations hardly, if ever, are black and white. But, I think that is something that I like with him. It is never clear cut, but allows for a lot of leeway. Maybe that is why our friendship keeps growing deeper and deeper...at least it is on my end. I know that I am looking for a lot of definition in my life, and that person who is willing to add to it. But I know that what we have can never be replaced by someone else, and I am very happy for it. I don't want someone to be able to replace it. Hell, I don't want anything replaced by anyone else. Each friend I make I want to have a unique relationship with for whatever time period they decide to be around. That is the most that I am asking for from anyone.
I shock myself sometimes when I come to these realizations...or actually admit to them. I have learned a lot over the years, and am continually maturing each day as a result. I think I can finally appreciate that fact.
Have a good day! (Sorry, no HNT pic today...just the other pic of my and Allyn from the Christmas party.)
Song of the morning: Get Mine, Get Yours
Last wishes of luck to Ethan and his bid for Best LGBT Blog.
With his mind free from the inflow of thoughts and from restlessness, by abandoning both good and evil, an alert man knows no fear. ~Shakyamuni Buddha ¶ 12/15/2005 09:19:00 AM 0 comments
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Keeping in mind today...
Nothing will ever be attempted, if all possible objections must first be overcome.
-- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784) English Author ¶ 12/14/2005 01:19:00 PM 1 comments
-- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784) English Author ¶ 12/14/2005 01:19:00 PM 1 comments
Christmas Carols for the Psychologically Challenged
These are courtesy of my friend Vince…
Christmas Carols for the Psychologically Challenged
1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Queens Disoriented Are We
3. Amnesia --- I Don't Know if I'll be Home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic--- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Treesand Fire Hydrants and ...
6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me
7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
8 . Full Personality Disorder--- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell You Why
9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ...
10. Agoraphobia --- I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't leave My House
11. Senile Dementia --- Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House in My Slippers and Robe
12. Oppositional Defiant Disorder --- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House
13. Social Anxiety Disorder --- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas while I Sit Here and Hyperventilate.
Careful amidst the careless, amongst the sleeping wide- awake, the intelligent man leaves them all behind, like a race-horse does a mere hack. ~Shakyamuni Buddha ¶ 12/14/2005 10:24:00 AM 0 comments
Christmas Carols for the Psychologically Challenged
1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Queens Disoriented Are We
3. Amnesia --- I Don't Know if I'll be Home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic--- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Treesand Fire Hydrants and ...
6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me
7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
8 . Full Personality Disorder--- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell You Why
9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ...
10. Agoraphobia --- I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't leave My House
11. Senile Dementia --- Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House in My Slippers and Robe
12. Oppositional Defiant Disorder --- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House
13. Social Anxiety Disorder --- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas while I Sit Here and Hyperventilate.
Careful amidst the careless, amongst the sleeping wide- awake, the intelligent man leaves them all behind, like a race-horse does a mere hack. ~Shakyamuni Buddha ¶ 12/14/2005 10:24:00 AM 0 comments
Gay Agendas
Hump Day at last! The day that marks the middle of the week and hopefully someone around here is getting lucky today/tonight. It is also supposed to mark two more days left to the work week, but that will definitely not be the case this week for me. Actually, I don’t think that it has ever been the case for me. C’est la vie.
Alright…one last plug, and I know that it is late in the day for me on this one. You know that I have been talking about Ethan and the Webblog Awards. Well, voting ends at midnight tonight, please cast your vote for him!!!
Speaking of Ethan and Brat Boy School, he had sent out an email late last night to all the students with requests for ideas, and proposals for a new improved page. The last part of the letter referred back to some emails he had received regarding why some people were not going to vote for him. I am taking the liberty of copying that paragraph over here:
My inbox has also had a few emails from people who tell me they will
Not vote for me because I do not talk about "gay" issues enough. My
personal belief is that life is a gay issue since I am a gay man.
Anything that I talk about regarding life is touching a gay issue for
me. I know what these people mean and they obviously think that the
gay world should be filled with "activists". So I have to ask you, do you
feel that I should discuss "gay" issues more?
Well, being the person that I am, I had to respond. Here is what I sent him:
I agree with you on the stand point that for a gay man, life is a gay issue. I don't particularly agree with the idea that there has to be more "gay activism"; we have enough out there and I honestly think that it might have hurt more then healed rifts. When we write, we write about the things that are important to us, and that will not always include such topics as gays in the military or gay marriage. It might include boyfriend situations, or past loves, or, in my case, dealing with the AIDS issues. But we write about our lives as it may affect us on different levels, in addition to how it may affect those around us. That is the part that is the most important. Do we go up to people introducing ourselves as "Hi, I am John Doe and I am gay"? I know that I don't. Should we? Doubt it. But that is just my own opinion.
Am I wrong for thinking that? Should there be more “gay activists” out there? Please correct me if I am wrong for thinking this way.
Okay, so there has been a big deal made about BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN. I will have to admit that I was originally not fully keen on the movie, especially since it is straight actors playing gay. Can we not have a gay actor actually play a gay man? Is it that hard to ask? But then you get into the whole fiasco of “Oh my god! He is gay?! We can’t have that in Hollywood!” Whatever. Anyway, my Windows media player doesn’t work properly anymore since my computer fried itself last week. I have had to resort to utilizing Realplayer. Sign in, open the program, and low and behold I see previews for the movie. Now, it says the movie is playing everywhere. Not true. Wilmington probably won’t see it for at least another month. Oh well. But I do have to admit that the preview I watched has peaked my curiousity. Not sure which one will actually work for ya’ll, but try here or here.
Oh…to hop back to earlier’s comment to Ethan, I have been asked several times in the last few days about what I look for in a guy. I was checking My Yearbook profile and came across what I had written a long time ago…
Someone who is smart, witty, looks after himself and is not quick to judge others. He needs to be willing to say what is on his mind, and have a lot of patience. I don't look at the outside...I enjoy the inside of a person.
Somehow I think it needs to be spruced up more. Maybe later I will actually go into the specifics. (I do seem to be writing more about feelings and dating lately.)
Anyway, have an enjoyable Hump Day!
Oh, couldn't resist showing myself gaying it up some at the Christmas Party this past Saturday.
Our real duty is always found running in the direction of our worthiest desires. ~Randolph S. Bourne (1886-1918) American Writer ¶ 12/14/2005 09:51:00 AM 0 comments
Alright…one last plug, and I know that it is late in the day for me on this one. You know that I have been talking about Ethan and the Webblog Awards. Well, voting ends at midnight tonight, please cast your vote for him!!!
Speaking of Ethan and Brat Boy School, he had sent out an email late last night to all the students with requests for ideas, and proposals for a new improved page. The last part of the letter referred back to some emails he had received regarding why some people were not going to vote for him. I am taking the liberty of copying that paragraph over here:
My inbox has also had a few emails from people who tell me they will
Not vote for me because I do not talk about "gay" issues enough. My
personal belief is that life is a gay issue since I am a gay man.
Anything that I talk about regarding life is touching a gay issue for
me. I know what these people mean and they obviously think that the
gay world should be filled with "activists". So I have to ask you, do you
feel that I should discuss "gay" issues more?
Well, being the person that I am, I had to respond. Here is what I sent him:
I agree with you on the stand point that for a gay man, life is a gay issue. I don't particularly agree with the idea that there has to be more "gay activism"; we have enough out there and I honestly think that it might have hurt more then healed rifts. When we write, we write about the things that are important to us, and that will not always include such topics as gays in the military or gay marriage. It might include boyfriend situations, or past loves, or, in my case, dealing with the AIDS issues. But we write about our lives as it may affect us on different levels, in addition to how it may affect those around us. That is the part that is the most important. Do we go up to people introducing ourselves as "Hi, I am John Doe and I am gay"? I know that I don't. Should we? Doubt it. But that is just my own opinion.
Am I wrong for thinking that? Should there be more “gay activists” out there? Please correct me if I am wrong for thinking this way.
Okay, so there has been a big deal made about BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN. I will have to admit that I was originally not fully keen on the movie, especially since it is straight actors playing gay. Can we not have a gay actor actually play a gay man? Is it that hard to ask? But then you get into the whole fiasco of “Oh my god! He is gay?! We can’t have that in Hollywood!” Whatever. Anyway, my Windows media player doesn’t work properly anymore since my computer fried itself last week. I have had to resort to utilizing Realplayer. Sign in, open the program, and low and behold I see previews for the movie. Now, it says the movie is playing everywhere. Not true. Wilmington probably won’t see it for at least another month. Oh well. But I do have to admit that the preview I watched has peaked my curiousity. Not sure which one will actually work for ya’ll, but try here or here.
Oh…to hop back to earlier’s comment to Ethan, I have been asked several times in the last few days about what I look for in a guy. I was checking My Yearbook profile and came across what I had written a long time ago…
Someone who is smart, witty, looks after himself and is not quick to judge others. He needs to be willing to say what is on his mind, and have a lot of patience. I don't look at the outside...I enjoy the inside of a person.
Somehow I think it needs to be spruced up more. Maybe later I will actually go into the specifics. (I do seem to be writing more about feelings and dating lately.)
Anyway, have an enjoyable Hump Day!
Oh, couldn't resist showing myself gaying it up some at the Christmas Party this past Saturday.Our real duty is always found running in the direction of our worthiest desires. ~Randolph S. Bourne (1886-1918) American Writer ¶ 12/14/2005 09:51:00 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
New Rules for 2006, courtesy of Bill Maher
Oh….a friend of mine sent this to me at work. The only person I know who does “New Rule” is Bill Maher, so I give him credit. You don’t have to agree, but try to laugh a little.
NEW RULES FOR 2006
New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.
New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it was a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive.
New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.
New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're gay. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.
New Rule: Stop f***ing with old people. Target is introducing a newly designed pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.
New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra-dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.
New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy. Paper, plastic? I don't have time for that. I've just been called to do a cleanup on Aisle Nine!
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.
New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking up the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.
New Rule, and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there,or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.
New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't care in the first place.
Don't indulge in careless behaviour. Don't be the friend of sensual pleasures. He who meditates attentively attains abundant joy. ~Shakyamuni Buddha (I don’t fully agree with this…sensual pleasures can be fun!) ¶ 12/13/2005 06:35:00 AM 2 comments
NEW RULES FOR 2006
New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.
New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it was a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive.
New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.
New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're gay. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.
New Rule: Stop f***ing with old people. Target is introducing a newly designed pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.
New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra-dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.
New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy. Paper, plastic? I don't have time for that. I've just been called to do a cleanup on Aisle Nine!
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.
New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking up the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.
New Rule, and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there,or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.
New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't care in the first place.
Don't indulge in careless behaviour. Don't be the friend of sensual pleasures. He who meditates attentively attains abundant joy. ~Shakyamuni Buddha (I don’t fully agree with this…sensual pleasures can be fun!) ¶ 12/13/2005 06:35:00 AM 2 comments
Trainwreck Tuesdays down Memory Lane
Tuesday mornings. Why, after Mondays, is that the other day that I dread so much in the work week? I never could figure that out. Who knows.
Okay, so I told you about the CDA position being granted to me. Can’t wait…it starts officially on Friday. They are looking to get me moved then as well. If that happens, though, I will not be happy since that means most of the stuff at my desk will have to be packed up and brought home. The proposed seat has no shelves to it…which means no display space!!! ARGH! Okay, calm down, it isn’t the end of the world. Yet.
I did a little travel down memory lane this morning, too. Had to go back to my last post, which, incidentally, was Tuesday of last week! Emotions, emotions, emotions. I know that I can’t say too much, because I have chosen to place myself in this spot. Me and my friend still hang out a lot, and still perform little side events, if you can catch my drift. These little side events contain a lot of emotion with me, which can cause a little havoc. It was kinda funny this past weekend because I actually did a feel a little pang of regret while missing him. He had to go out of town for some prior obligations. I went through the weekend okay, but still wished that he had been around, even though I know that I wouldn’t have discussed anything with him. Not his fault, just didn’t know how to be able to place it all in words. Last night was great, though. A little game of Who-Teased-Who and just being able to talk with him. The ability to share events and a laugh or two, that is what I really needed. Not sure what it is, but there is just a sense of calm that I get when I am around him. Of course, the side events are great too…not sure what I would do if they stopped. I actually had a spot hit last night that hardly, if ever, gets hit. That was what really got me the most. Like I said, I still love the fella dearly, but I know that I can’t get hung up on it. As long as he sticks around in some manner, that is the best that I can ask and hope for in life.
And then I got reminded of a pet peeve of mine. Kinda ties back into my guest post. I was logged into Connexion this morning checking to see what a friend of mine was writing me. While checking that out, and a few profiles, some little kid decides to IM me. Okay, I have no problems with IM’s in the least bit. But don’t be brand new to a site; don’t have a picture up; hit someone up telling them they are hot; and then, when the answer to “Do you have cam?” is No, don’t sign off immediately and not want to talk. I don’t mind the whole not having a picture up. But, some of us are not into cam, but we would love to chat and meet people. I don’t get online that often anymore…too many people are so concerned these days with seeing someone else on the other end and trying to get off in some manner. If you don’t want to talk, then don’t bug me. That is my philosophy.
So, I am now on Trainwreck Tuesday and not enjoying the day in the least bit.
And don’t worry, Ethan. I have not forgotten about you!! For those of you who are new, my friend Ethan has had his blog nominated for Best LGBT Blog. We are all trying our damnest to make sure that he gets the award, for it is something he completely deserves. So, check him out, and then go vote!!!! You can vote once every twenty-four hours; voting ends on Thursday, November 15th! So cast your vote now!!
In the same way that rain breaks into a house with a bad roof, desire breaks into the mind that has not been practicing meditation. ~Gautama Buddha
If you have not often felt the joy of doing a kind act, you have neglected much, and most of all yourself. ~A. Neilen ¶ 12/13/2005 06:33:00 AM 0 comments
Okay, so I told you about the CDA position being granted to me. Can’t wait…it starts officially on Friday. They are looking to get me moved then as well. If that happens, though, I will not be happy since that means most of the stuff at my desk will have to be packed up and brought home. The proposed seat has no shelves to it…which means no display space!!! ARGH! Okay, calm down, it isn’t the end of the world. Yet.
I did a little travel down memory lane this morning, too. Had to go back to my last post, which, incidentally, was Tuesday of last week! Emotions, emotions, emotions. I know that I can’t say too much, because I have chosen to place myself in this spot. Me and my friend still hang out a lot, and still perform little side events, if you can catch my drift. These little side events contain a lot of emotion with me, which can cause a little havoc. It was kinda funny this past weekend because I actually did a feel a little pang of regret while missing him. He had to go out of town for some prior obligations. I went through the weekend okay, but still wished that he had been around, even though I know that I wouldn’t have discussed anything with him. Not his fault, just didn’t know how to be able to place it all in words. Last night was great, though. A little game of Who-Teased-Who and just being able to talk with him. The ability to share events and a laugh or two, that is what I really needed. Not sure what it is, but there is just a sense of calm that I get when I am around him. Of course, the side events are great too…not sure what I would do if they stopped. I actually had a spot hit last night that hardly, if ever, gets hit. That was what really got me the most. Like I said, I still love the fella dearly, but I know that I can’t get hung up on it. As long as he sticks around in some manner, that is the best that I can ask and hope for in life.
And then I got reminded of a pet peeve of mine. Kinda ties back into my guest post. I was logged into Connexion this morning checking to see what a friend of mine was writing me. While checking that out, and a few profiles, some little kid decides to IM me. Okay, I have no problems with IM’s in the least bit. But don’t be brand new to a site; don’t have a picture up; hit someone up telling them they are hot; and then, when the answer to “Do you have cam?” is No, don’t sign off immediately and not want to talk. I don’t mind the whole not having a picture up. But, some of us are not into cam, but we would love to chat and meet people. I don’t get online that often anymore…too many people are so concerned these days with seeing someone else on the other end and trying to get off in some manner. If you don’t want to talk, then don’t bug me. That is my philosophy.
So, I am now on Trainwreck Tuesday and not enjoying the day in the least bit.
And don’t worry, Ethan. I have not forgotten about you!! For those of you who are new, my friend Ethan has had his blog nominated for Best LGBT Blog. We are all trying our damnest to make sure that he gets the award, for it is something he completely deserves. So, check him out, and then go vote!!!! You can vote once every twenty-four hours; voting ends on Thursday, November 15th! So cast your vote now!!
In the same way that rain breaks into a house with a bad roof, desire breaks into the mind that has not been practicing meditation. ~Gautama Buddha
If you have not often felt the joy of doing a kind act, you have neglected much, and most of all yourself. ~A. Neilen ¶ 12/13/2005 06:33:00 AM 0 comments
Monday, December 12, 2005
Starting on playing catch-up...
Hey folks…I know it has been awhile! My computer was down last week and by the time it was working again, I had too much piled up for work. Sorry. I will update on full details soon, though…had the company Christmas party over the weekend and two more parties coming this weekend, so I am staying a little busy!
Attention leads to immortality. Carelessness leads to death. Those who pay attention will not die, while the careless are as good as dead already. ~Shakyamuni Buddha
To live in the presence of great truths and eternal laws, to be led by permanent ideals - that is what keeps a man patient when the world ignores him, and calm and unspoiled when the world praises him. ~Honore De Balzac (1799-1850) French Novelist
He who reigns within himself and rules his passions, desires, and fears is more than a king.
~ John Milton (1608-1674) English Poet
Most of us miss out on life's big prizes. The Pulitzer. The Nobel. Oscars. Tonys. Emmys. But we're all eligible for life's small pleasures. A pat on the back. A kiss behind the ear. A four-pound bass. A full moon. An empty parking space. A crackling fire. A great meal. A glorious sunset. Hot soup. Cold beer. ~Anonymous
A hero is a man who does what he can. ~Roman Rollard
¶ 12/12/2005 04:17:00 AM 2 comments
Attention leads to immortality. Carelessness leads to death. Those who pay attention will not die, while the careless are as good as dead already. ~Shakyamuni Buddha
To live in the presence of great truths and eternal laws, to be led by permanent ideals - that is what keeps a man patient when the world ignores him, and calm and unspoiled when the world praises him. ~Honore De Balzac (1799-1850) French Novelist
Your Political Profile |
Overall: 30% Conservative, 70% Liberal |
Social Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal |
Personal Responsibility: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal |
Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal |
Ethics: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal |
Defense and Crime: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal |
Foolish, ignorant people indulge in careless lives, whereas a clever man guards his attention as his most precious possession. ~Shakyamuni Buddha
He who reigns within himself and rules his passions, desires, and fears is more than a king.
~ John Milton (1608-1674) English Poet
The man who wears the yellow-dyed robe but is not free from stains himself, without self-restraint and integrity, is unworthy of the robe. ~Gautama Buddha
Most of us miss out on life's big prizes. The Pulitzer. The Nobel. Oscars. Tonys. Emmys. But we're all eligible for life's small pleasures. A pat on the back. A kiss behind the ear. A four-pound bass. A full moon. An empty parking space. A crackling fire. A great meal. A glorious sunset. Hot soup. Cold beer. ~Anonymous
The Tempter cannot master a man who dwells on the distasteful side of things, self-controlled in his senses, moderate in eating, resolute and full of faith, like the wind cannot move a mountain crag. ~Gautama Buddha
A hero is a man who does what he can. ~Roman Rollard
The Tempter masters the lazy and irresolute man who dwells on the attractive side of things, ungoverned in his senses, and unrestrained in his food, like the wind overcomes a rotten tree.
~Gautama Buddha
~Gautama Buddha
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Tuesday and Emotionalities
Tuesday afternoon and it is almost time for me to go home. Well, go to Wes’ anyway. Wish that the weather would make up its mind, though. It is going back and forth between sunny and cloudy, but staying very cool. Not liking it in the least bit.
Some good news. I was finally extended the offer for the
Speaking of the mood swings… I finally told my roommate some of the issues that I had been going through/dealing with. 
Several weeks ago, I had asked a guy if he wanted to date, and he had to hold back from saying yes. Being somewhat of an empathy, I managed to pick up on the emotional changes going on and thought it was a good time. I knew that it was a pretty good time for me; I was willing to commit again. Well, we went through a few weeks of discussing, not discussing, leaving things sort of up in the air. My emotions started going a little haywire, causing me to get jealous and the usual stuff. Did not make me very happy. There were repeated discussions, but nothing that actually put things out into definites. Finally last week we had THE discussion. Have you ever realized that it can be hard for an emotional person and an analytical person to communicate? Locating that common ground for the discussion is not always easy. Needless to say, I will probably still be feeling a little rough for a few more days, but it doesn’t mean that I am going to stop loving this guy for the world. I know that he has a lot that he is going through right now in his own right; I just want to make sure that he knows that I will be there for him, always.
Which brings me back to my roommate. He isn’t fully understanding why I would keep myself in such an emotional escapade, especially knowing how strong my feelings can get at times. Like I have told both of them, all I can do is just watch the ball and see what direction it gets rolled. I have an old friend of mine that I have always had feelings for, but the timing never seemed to get perfect, so we stayed along as friends. And that is good because he seems to be very happy with his current boyfriend. They celebrated their first year several months ago. Just because I am not dating/being exclusive/however you wish to define it, it is not going to mean that I am just going to abandon the feelings I have for either of these people. I love myself, I know what I am able to contribute to anything, and I know what I am able to handle on top of the various things that currently run through my life. If someone wishes to feel considerate and not add, then that is fine. But I am refusing to let it drag me back down into the depths that I had been before. Hell, this time I think my depression period was pretty minimal. I have made my comments, but I am aiming not to detract from what I have now.
As long as I can remain friends, and enjoy the times that I have with my friends, that is the best thing that I can ask for. I just need to try to pull the patience horse back into my ownership and let him lead around, instead of corralling him deep in the corners of my mind. Perhaps a little patience will bring me the desire that so strongly beats within my heart and soul. Perhaps.
I find that it is not the circumstances in which we are placed, but the spirit in which we face them, that constitutes our comfort. ~Elizabeth T. King
Those who have not lived the holy life, and have not acquired wealth in their youth, grow old like withered cranes beside a fishless pool. ~Gautama Buddha
Just Be (
Devil Inside - Utada
Monday, December 05, 2005
Votes are needed!!!
Okay...ya'll know that it takes a lot for me to endorse something/someone. So when I tell you that Ethan is a good read, it doesn't come lightly. Well, the cute boy has been nominated for the 2005 Weblog Awards semi-final rounds for the prestigous Weblog Award in the Best of LGBT category. So, why do I mention this? Because he needs to win!!! Votes are being cast today, Dec 05, through Dec 15th.
Read him, check him out, and vote, Vote, VOTE!!!
Have a nice day!
Faith that the thing can be done is essential to any great achievement. ~Thomas N. Carruther
picture courtesy of BratBoySchool.com ¶ 12/05/2005 10:10:00 AM 1 comments
Okay...ya'll know that it takes a lot for me to endorse something/someone. So when I tell you that Ethan is a good read, it doesn't come lightly. Well, the cute boy has been nominated for the 2005 Weblog Awards semi-final rounds for the prestigous Weblog Award in the Best of LGBT category. So, why do I mention this? Because he needs to win!!! Votes are being cast today, Dec 05, through Dec 15th.
Read him, check him out, and vote, Vote, VOTE!!!
Have a nice day!
Faith that the thing can be done is essential to any great achievement. ~Thomas N. Carruther
picture courtesy of BratBoySchool.com ¶ 12/05/2005 10:10:00 AM 1 comments
Morning hard-ons
Happy Monday! Okay, maybe sorta. I do have some good news, but I will share that later when I can fully write. I didn’t get to do much on Friday since I had to take care of some things with the car, but the weekend wasn’t that much more productive.
So, while I get started on my day once again (at least I don’t have to get my shipping put together this morning), let me leave you with a few quotes that arrived. I will try to update more later throughout the day.
An ignorant man ages like an ox. His flesh may increase, but not his understanding. ~Buddha
One day in retrospect the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.
~Sigmund Freud
What is this laughter, what is this delight, forever burning (with desires) as you are? Enveloped in darkness as you are, will you not look for a lamp? ~Buddha
The most important thing I have learned over the years is the difference between taking one's work seriously and taking one's self seriously. The first is imperative, and the second disastrous. ~Margaret Fontey
Oh…is it safe to mention that I am abnormally horny this morning?
My friend sent me this picture on Friday, but I had already left for the day. Here are her comments: "OK I know what this is a picture of, cause I read the caption, but am I the only one that thinks this looks like a giant christmas themed "personal satisfaction device"?
So, while I get started on my day once again (at least I don’t have to get my shipping put together this morning), let me leave you with a few quotes that arrived. I will try to update more later throughout the day.
An ignorant man ages like an ox. His flesh may increase, but not his understanding. ~Buddha
One day in retrospect the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.
~Sigmund Freud
What is this laughter, what is this delight, forever burning (with desires) as you are? Enveloped in darkness as you are, will you not look for a lamp? ~Buddha
The most important thing I have learned over the years is the difference between taking one's work seriously and taking one's self seriously. The first is imperative, and the second disastrous. ~Margaret Fontey
Oh…is it safe to mention that I am abnormally horny this morning?
My friend sent me this picture on Friday, but I had already left for the day. Here are her comments: "OK I know what this is a picture of, cause I read the caption, but am I the only one that thinks this looks like a giant christmas themed "personal satisfaction device"? PS if the caption doesn't come with the picture here it is:
The Obelisk of Buenos Aires is covered with a giant condom to commemorate World AIDS Day December 1, 2005. According to a report issued by ONUSIDA (UN AIDS), the number of people infected with the HIV virus in Latin America had risen over the last year from 1.6 to 1.8 million. REUTERS/Enrique Marcarian
¶ 12/05/2005 04:09:00 AM 0 comments
Friday, December 02, 2005
Guest Friday
Happy Friday, this fcking cold December 2nd. Yeah, I don’t do the cold very well. Think you could tell? LOL I am much more the warm weather, give me the beach or someplace where I can strip weather type of person. (Private shows are available; just call my agent.)
Okay, I don’t have much to actually post this morning, so I am a
llowing a friend to guest-post on here. Patrick has been a pretty good friend of mine for awhile now. Former denizen of
Somebody showed me how to use gay.com chat this week. It's been a few years since I was in a gay chat room and I forgot about this. I just forgot all this. Please tell me, when does a
body become just a body?
Why does that happen? I'm flipping through photos of guys trying to sell themselves online. No. Not porn sites, personals for the people in the chat room now. They're there, the pictures advertising a torso that is missing a head or a face that is straining to intentionally create a vacant manufactured expression. Do these people ever consider the value of what they are selling, or are they really so buried in the race that they've lost the ability to consider what's truly important? Is their need for sex so shallow and so desperate that the person behind the flesh rates second to how flat his stomach is?
What is sex providing for them?
Something that made me concerned was that I noticed myself going back to those chat rooms independently in all my idle moments.... then I'd ask anyone in the room what they are doing. The reply was always the same, "I'm bored." Is this the alternative to idle time? Why is this so addictive? It felt like a drug to me, like a painful alternative or distraction from the things i didn't feel ready or able to accept. In this case, it was doing my homework for French that I was avoiding.
Like a relapse of any vice I know... it is a subconscious rebellion to feeling trapped by something, and when i tried explaining this to anyone in the room they responded as if it was a revelation. How does denial become this powerful?
Are these rooms as rancid in straight communities? Are they necessary?
Fuck, I can not answer either of those questions but I can't help but believe that if it were culturally easier to be accepted... the world I was watching drown in those rooms might not exist exactly as it does.
Quote of the morning: Neither naked asceticism, matted hair, dirt, fasting, sleeping on the ground, dust and mud, nor prolonged sitting on one's heels can purify a man who is not free of doubts. ~Buddha
CD of the morning:
Illustration courtesy of The Village Voice
Thursday, December 01, 2005
From Todd...
My friend Todd attended an AIDS Alliance breakfast this morning and got the following quote from them. Very appropriate for today....
We remember those lost,
Those living,
And those we must protect.
There was a poster he had created for it, but it doesn't want to upload right. Darn...it was soo pretty too... ¶ 12/01/2005 10:56:00 AM 0 comments
We remember those lost,
Those living,
And those we must protect.
World AIDS Day
December 2005
There was a poster he had created for it, but it doesn't want to upload right. Darn...it was soo pretty too... ¶ 12/01/2005 10:56:00 AM 0 comments
Mid-day postings
I am trying to even my keel out some. Has been a little difficult. I broke down and had a cigarette with the guys on break. Bad me. I just hate feeling the way that I do…it is not a fun feeling in the least bit. But, so far, no one here really knows what is going on…guess my acting lessons have come in handy some.
Remember the song by Pink, “Don’t Let Me Get Me”? Well, that has been playing this morning, and I feel exactly that way. I know that this will pass, as all things do. But it is the part of getting to that point that I don’t like going through; it never goes as quickly as I would like.
Have a good day and be sure to spread some HIV/AIDS awareness today! Two links for your reference:
AIDS.org and Avert.org
Time and money spent in helping men do more for themselves is far better than mere giving. ~Henry Ford (1863-1947) American Industrialist ¶ 12/01/2005 08:12:00 AM 3 comments
I am trying to even my keel out some. Has been a little difficult. I broke down and had a cigarette with the guys on break. Bad me. I just hate feeling the way that I do…it is not a fun feeling in the least bit. But, so far, no one here really knows what is going on…guess my acting lessons have come in handy some.
Remember the song by Pink, “Don’t Let Me Get Me”? Well, that has been playing this morning, and I feel exactly that way. I know that this will pass, as all things do. But it is the part of getting to that point that I don’t like going through; it never goes as quickly as I would like.
Have a good day and be sure to spread some HIV/AIDS awareness today! Two links for your reference:
AIDS.org and Avert.org
Time and money spent in helping men do more for themselves is far better than mere giving. ~Henry Ford (1863-1947) American Industrialist ¶ 12/01/2005 08:12:00 AM 3 comments
One day left, joy.
HNT and I have no photo. Oh well. Honestly, I am not really worrying with it today. I kinda slid into a funk last night. Was at work until almost 9pm finishing up a project and then working on an email with more explanations on feelings. Decisions I have made recently regarding interactions with others are weighing a little heavy on me right now. Of course it is only 7am, so there is no clue how much worse it can get today. Anyway, have a good day. Remember, it is World AIDS Day; make sure to have your ribbons. If you would like to see the events that are going on (the ones more publicized), please check here.
Have a great day, and I hope you are feeling better, Mr. Ethan. You go with your discussions!
Addendum, open for discussion: Patrick just sent me this article. Makes me wonder if I am addicted to reading. Or perhaps sex when the moods hits me rough. Or maybe the need to listen to music is becoming an addiction. Sometimes I really worry about the realities of these problems.
This AM's Song: Seasons of Love ¶ 12/01/2005 03:53:00 AM 1 comments
Have a great day, and I hope you are feeling better, Mr. Ethan. You go with your discussions!
Addendum, open for discussion: Patrick just sent me this article. Makes me wonder if I am addicted to reading. Or perhaps sex when the moods hits me rough. Or maybe the need to listen to music is becoming an addiction. Sometimes I really worry about the realities of these problems.
This AM's Song: Seasons of Love ¶ 12/01/2005 03:53:00 AM 1 comments
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