Crawl into My Head
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Emotions and Friendships that are more
To be capable of steady friendship or lasting love, are the two greatest proofs, not only of goodness of heart, but of strength of mind. ~William Hazlitt (1778-1830) English Essayist
I find it amazing how something can come through via email or general reading that matches exactly what is going on in your head. So I have decided to share some information.
I have a confession to make: I am not really as collected emotionally as I may seem. Despite being able to help my friends through any of their problems, I can’t do a damn thing for myself; I have never been able to take my own advice. I suppose that is normal for a lot of people, but I will never admit the problems that always play squatter in my mind.
I grew up learning to never show my emotions…nothing good ever came of it. I was told my opinions never mattered, and seeing people that I had learned to come to accept as my family members were left behind or screwed the others over. I started building brick walls and closing people off from my own world. Anything that would come up never was mentioned to anyone else; my preference always being to deal with it in solitude. Occasionally I would become weakened through stress at work, home or whatever, and the emotions would come flooding over. Add into that the fact that I have always easily picked up on other people’s emotions and seemed to take them partly into me, we have the perfect recipe for Disaster-Waiting-To-Happen.
As time passed by and I grew older, I came to realize that I needed to try to break down the walls some and not be so afraid to face my own emotions. After my last boyfriend and the turmoil that was caused with everything, I took time for myself. I started a never-ending process of learning about myself, yet again. I had to face the scars that had covered the sore areas, rip bandages off fresh wounds and re-explore them. The manic depression that always looms in the dark had to be faced head-on and attempts made to deal with it, instead of pushing it off to the back to ambush me at my most vulnerable moment.
I have been lucky to have a couple people near me to try to assist. The one that has struck the closest to home with me, though, is a fella that I have known for four years now. We met online, talked for a long time and then finally decided to meet in person one day. Time passed and I played my invisibility card, lost from view for awhile. But I decided to come out from the hobbit’s cave and reveal myself to the world again. We reconnected again, yet on a slightly different level. The last couple of years has seen our relationship go through various twists and turns, and each time I have always wondered why he even bothered to put up with me and my weirdness. Guys that I have dated never could last long near me, not wanting to take the time to try to learn me, my personality quirks, and seemed to vanish in puffs of smoke.
The time has gone to the point where I have become tired of the magick acts and have wanted the stability of the everyday. Attempts at normality are almost failures, but I am to a point to where I can accept myself for me, and realized that I can’t do everything alone. This guy has taught me that as well. I asked him recently why he sticks around. The gist of his answer was “Because I care and I do the only thing that I can do--try.” How many times have I wanted to hear that someone truly did care. Insecurities of old always threaten to overwhelm because I have not been able to completely dispel them from my world. I wish I could. But somehow, I think that is what ties in to make me who I am today.
I have grown to care for this guy on a level a lot deeper than I would for most people. There were recent events that really scared me and shook what I had of foundations of life. I even broke down about him, around him. I had to call a friend of mine to talk because I just needed to help me sort things out before I tried to have any other discussion. He was shocked to hear the pain in my voice, to imagine the tears that flooded my eyes. I can say that I have only done that with one person in my life, and that was six years this past September.
If you have someone close to you that you care about deeply, on levels that you have never experienced, or haven’t seen the light of day in a long time, don’t be afraid to let that person know. I have learned our emotions are essential to our make up, the cloth from which we were cut. To control them completely can’t always be possible, but you can learn the balance-counterbalance system to where they aren’t overwhelming. I am learning that now. I love you dearly, mister man, and hope that somewhere you realize how much that means.
¶ 11/30/2005 10:48:00 AM 1 comments
I find it amazing how something can come through via email or general reading that matches exactly what is going on in your head. So I have decided to share some information.
I have a confession to make: I am not really as collected emotionally as I may seem. Despite being able to help my friends through any of their problems, I can’t do a damn thing for myself; I have never been able to take my own advice. I suppose that is normal for a lot of people, but I will never admit the problems that always play squatter in my mind.
I grew up learning to never show my emotions…nothing good ever came of it. I was told my opinions never mattered, and seeing people that I had learned to come to accept as my family members were left behind or screwed the others over. I started building brick walls and closing people off from my own world. Anything that would come up never was mentioned to anyone else; my preference always being to deal with it in solitude. Occasionally I would become weakened through stress at work, home or whatever, and the emotions would come flooding over. Add into that the fact that I have always easily picked up on other people’s emotions and seemed to take them partly into me, we have the perfect recipe for Disaster-Waiting-To-Happen.
As time passed by and I grew older, I came to realize that I needed to try to break down the walls some and not be so afraid to face my own emotions. After my last boyfriend and the turmoil that was caused with everything, I took time for myself. I started a never-ending process of learning about myself, yet again. I had to face the scars that had covered the sore areas, rip bandages off fresh wounds and re-explore them. The manic depression that always looms in the dark had to be faced head-on and attempts made to deal with it, instead of pushing it off to the back to ambush me at my most vulnerable moment.
I have been lucky to have a couple people near me to try to assist. The one that has struck the closest to home with me, though, is a fella that I have known for four years now. We met online, talked for a long time and then finally decided to meet in person one day. Time passed and I played my invisibility card, lost from view for awhile. But I decided to come out from the hobbit’s cave and reveal myself to the world again. We reconnected again, yet on a slightly different level. The last couple of years has seen our relationship go through various twists and turns, and each time I have always wondered why he even bothered to put up with me and my weirdness. Guys that I have dated never could last long near me, not wanting to take the time to try to learn me, my personality quirks, and seemed to vanish in puffs of smoke.
The time has gone to the point where I have become tired of the magick acts and have wanted the stability of the everyday. Attempts at normality are almost failures, but I am to a point to where I can accept myself for me, and realized that I can’t do everything alone. This guy has taught me that as well. I asked him recently why he sticks around. The gist of his answer was “Because I care and I do the only thing that I can do--try.” How many times have I wanted to hear that someone truly did care. Insecurities of old always threaten to overwhelm because I have not been able to completely dispel them from my world. I wish I could. But somehow, I think that is what ties in to make me who I am today.
I have grown to care for this guy on a level a lot deeper than I would for most people. There were recent events that really scared me and shook what I had of foundations of life. I even broke down about him, around him. I had to call a friend of mine to talk because I just needed to help me sort things out before I tried to have any other discussion. He was shocked to hear the pain in my voice, to imagine the tears that flooded my eyes. I can say that I have only done that with one person in my life, and that was six years this past September.
If you have someone close to you that you care about deeply, on levels that you have never experienced, or haven’t seen the light of day in a long time, don’t be afraid to let that person know. I have learned our emotions are essential to our make up, the cloth from which we were cut. To control them completely can’t always be possible, but you can learn the balance-counterbalance system to where they aren’t overwhelming. I am learning that now. I love you dearly, mister man, and hope that somewhere you realize how much that means.
¶ 11/30/2005 10:48:00 AM 1 comments
Let me play catch up...
Well, I have fallen behind. Big shock. Actually, I kinda feel oppressed by that thought. I don’t like falling behind, whether it is in my reading, catching up on books, writing on here or just around work and the house (on occasion). But I can officially say that I have fallen behind. Not a good thought.
I was talking to Bri on the way home from Raleigh the other night and was discussing how I needed to work on some updates…but couldn’t remember what postings those were anymore. See, I really need to start writing down all my ideas. But let me see what I can do for a little recap of my weekend.
Overall, it went pretty well. Dealt with my parents for a bit and got the new car. Looks pretty good for a used vehicle, a lot more power than the old one. Haven’t been used to that in a long time. So now I need to wax and buff, get some paint to cover some areas knocked out from the previous owner, and look into a CD changer and a radar detector. Lord knows that I have a habit of speed. The rest of the weekend went pretty well, considering some emotional glitches.
Took a trip up to Maggie Valley and Cherokee; my first time to that area. Wasn’t too bad. Picked up some onyx stonework, but then got upset when I returned to find my carved turtle broken. It was the only one I was able to find in, or nearest to, the red stone I collected. Now just to find places to actually display this stuff. I have told myself I am not allowed to buy anymore until March.
Speaking of which, I have decided to remain here in Wilmington for a bit. My supervisor keeps hinting at something, so we will have to see what happens as time goes on. I know that if things don’t change, I am going to look into relocating to a new department, and also start looking into going back to school. Although, I really have no clue how I am going to manage that one. I need to be able to work full time here, and school will only be part time for a while, I guess. But that is a problem to be solved when the seemingly fragile wooden bridge is reached.
I know that one thing I am going to post is another discussion on AIDS. Yes, I know, I talk about it a lot, but it has a place close to my heart. Tomorrow, December 1st, is World AIDS Day and I will be showing my rememberance. Hopefully you will too. Each year has a theme; this year’s has become “Stop AIDS: Keep the Promise.” Unfortunately, I don’t think our country can claim that they have done much of anything that rivaled on past times, after Regan finally admitted to AIDS being a problem that needed to be faced. But I will have more about that later. But I would like to point out that I have added a new link to my partners. He is a newcomer to this area, but if you ever want to check him out, feel free to read PozWarrior and the blog that he also shares with his brother. Many of us know of people who are dealing with HIV, but not many can say that they actually know the lives. Perhaps if more people came to the forefront to share their experiences, then there would be a greater understanding.
Have a good day, it is Hump Day and hopefully only two more days of work for most people. Oh…and only 26 days until Christmas and the start of Chanukah.
The world is moved not only by the mighty shoves of the heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker. ~Helen Keller (1880-1968) American Writer
I was talking to Bri on the way home from Raleigh the other night and was discussing how I needed to work on some updates…but couldn’t remember what postings those were anymore. See, I really need to start writing down all my ideas. But let me see what I can do for a little recap of my weekend.
Overall, it went pretty well. Dealt with my parents for a bit and got the new car. Looks pretty good for a used vehicle, a lot more power than the old one. Haven’t been used to that in a long time. So now I need to wax and buff, get some paint to cover some areas knocked out from the previous owner, and look into a CD changer and a radar detector. Lord knows that I have a habit of speed. The rest of the weekend went pretty well, considering some emotional glitches.
Took a trip up to Maggie Valley and Cherokee; my first time to that area. Wasn’t too bad. Picked up some onyx stonework, but then got upset when I returned to find my carved turtle broken. It was the only one I was able to find in, or nearest to, the red stone I collected. Now just to find places to actually display this stuff. I have told myself I am not allowed to buy anymore until March.
Speaking of which, I have decided to remain here in Wilmington for a bit. My supervisor keeps hinting at something, so we will have to see what happens as time goes on. I know that if things don’t change, I am going to look into relocating to a new department, and also start looking into going back to school. Although, I really have no clue how I am going to manage that one. I need to be able to work full time here, and school will only be part time for a while, I guess. But that is a problem to be solved when the seemingly fragile wooden bridge is reached.
I know that one thing I am going to post is another discussion on AIDS. Yes, I know, I talk about it a lot, but it has a place close to my heart. Tomorrow, December 1st, is World AIDS Day and I will be showing my rememberance. Hopefully you will too. Each year has a theme; this year’s has become “Stop AIDS: Keep the Promise.” Unfortunately, I don’t think our country can claim that they have done much of anything that rivaled on past times, after Regan finally admitted to AIDS being a problem that needed to be faced. But I will have more about that later. But I would like to point out that I have added a new link to my partners. He is a newcomer to this area, but if you ever want to check him out, feel free to read PozWarrior and the blog that he also shares with his brother. Many of us know of people who are dealing with HIV, but not many can say that they actually know the lives. Perhaps if more people came to the forefront to share their experiences, then there would be a greater understanding.Have a good day, it is Hump Day and hopefully only two more days of work for most people. Oh…and only 26 days until Christmas and the start of Chanukah.
The world is moved not only by the mighty shoves of the heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker. ~Helen Keller (1880-1968) American Writer
If you don't disturb yourself, like a broken gong does not vibrate, then you have achieved nirvana. Irritability no longer exists for you. ~Buddha (Please someone let me achieve this!)
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Following Mr. Brian...
I . . .
(x) smoked a cigarette
( ) crashed a friend's car
(X) Got drunk with a good friend
( ) stolen a car
(X) been in love
(X) been dumped
(X) shoplifted
( ) been fired
(X) been in a fist fight
( ) snuck out of your parent's house
(X ) been arrested
(X ) gone on a blind date
(X ) skipped school
(X ) seen someone die
( ) been to Canada
( ) been to Mexico
(X ) been on a plane
( ) purposely set a part of yourself on fire
(X ) eaten Sushi
(X ) been skiing.. snowboarding
( ) been moshing at a concert
(X) taken painkillers
(X) love someone or miss someone right now
(X) lain on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(X) made a snow angel
(X) flown a kite
(X ) built a sand castle
( ) gone puddle jumping
( ) played dress up
(X) jumped into a pile of leaves
(X) gone sledding
( ) cheated while playing a game
(X) been lonely
(X) fallen asleep at work/school
( ) used a fake id
(X) watched the sun set
( ) felt an earthquake/tremor
(x) touched a snake
(X ) slept beneath the stars
(x) been tickled
( ) been robbed
(x) been misunderstood
( ) pet a reindeer/goat
(x) won a contest
( ) run a red light
( ) been suspended from school
(x) been in a car crash
(X ) had braces
(x) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu
( ) danced in the moonlight
(x) liked the way you look
(x) witnessed a crime
(X) questioned your heart
( ) been obsessed with post-it notes
( ) squished barefoot through the mud
(X) been lost
(X ) been to the opposite side of the country
(X ) swum in the ocean
(X) felt like dying
(X) cried yourself to sleep
(x) cried over someone you love/care about
( ) played cops and robbers
( ) recently colored with crayons
( ) sung karaoke
( ) paid for a meal with only coins
(X) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
( ) made prank phone calls
( ) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
( ) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) danced in the rain
( ) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under a mistletoe
( ) watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(x) blown bubbles
( ) made a bonfire on the beach
( ) crashed a party(x) gone roller-skating
( ) had a wish come true
( ) worn pearls
( ) jumped off a bridge
( ) ate dog/cat food
( ) told a complete stranger you loved them
( ) kissed a mirror
(X) sung in the shower
( ) had a dream that you married someone
( ) glued your hand to something
( ) got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
( ) kissed a fish
(x) sat on a roof top
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
(X ) done a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night
( ) didn't take a shower for a week
( ) pick and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
(X ) had a tree house
( ) are scared to watch scary movies alone
(x) believe in ghosts
( ) have more then 30 pairs of shoes
( ) worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
( ) gone streaking
( ) gone doorbell ditching
( ) played chicken
( ) jumped into a pool/hot tub/lake with all your clothes on
(x) been told you're hot by a complete stranger
(x) broken a bone(x) been easily amused
( ) caught a fish then ate it
(x) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
( ) cried so hard you laughed
( ) cheated on a test
(X) have a Britney Spears CD
(x) forgotten someone's name
(X ) French braided someone's hair
(X ) gone skinny dipping in a pool
(x) been threatened to be kicked out of your house
(X ) been kicked out your house
(x) have had a fantasy over someone you love as a good friend
(X ) sun tanned naked
( ) ran naked in the rain ¶ 11/29/2005 08:54:00 AM 1 comments
(x) smoked a cigarette
( ) crashed a friend's car
(X) Got drunk with a good friend
( ) stolen a car
(X) been in love
(X) been dumped
(X) shoplifted
( ) been fired
(X) been in a fist fight
( ) snuck out of your parent's house
(X ) been arrested
(X ) gone on a blind date
(X ) skipped school
(X ) seen someone die
( ) been to Canada
( ) been to Mexico
(X ) been on a plane
( ) purposely set a part of yourself on fire
(X ) eaten Sushi
(X ) been skiing.. snowboarding
( ) been moshing at a concert
(X) taken painkillers
(X) love someone or miss someone right now
(X) lain on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(X) made a snow angel
(X) flown a kite
(X ) built a sand castle
( ) gone puddle jumping
( ) played dress up
(X) jumped into a pile of leaves
(X) gone sledding
( ) cheated while playing a game
(X) been lonely
(X) fallen asleep at work/school
( ) used a fake id
(X) watched the sun set
( ) felt an earthquake/tremor
(x) touched a snake
(X ) slept beneath the stars
(x) been tickled
( ) been robbed
(x) been misunderstood
( ) pet a reindeer/goat
(x) won a contest
( ) run a red light
( ) been suspended from school
(x) been in a car crash
(X ) had braces
(x) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu
( ) danced in the moonlight
(x) liked the way you look
(x) witnessed a crime
(X) questioned your heart
( ) been obsessed with post-it notes
( ) squished barefoot through the mud
(X) been lost
(X ) been to the opposite side of the country
(X ) swum in the ocean
(X) felt like dying
(X) cried yourself to sleep
(x) cried over someone you love/care about
( ) played cops and robbers
( ) recently colored with crayons
( ) sung karaoke
( ) paid for a meal with only coins
(X) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
( ) made prank phone calls
( ) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
( ) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) danced in the rain
( ) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under a mistletoe
( ) watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(x) blown bubbles
( ) made a bonfire on the beach
( ) crashed a party(x) gone roller-skating
( ) had a wish come true
( ) worn pearls
( ) jumped off a bridge
( ) ate dog/cat food
( ) told a complete stranger you loved them
( ) kissed a mirror
(X) sung in the shower
( ) had a dream that you married someone
( ) glued your hand to something
( ) got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
( ) kissed a fish
(x) sat on a roof top
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
(X ) done a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night
( ) didn't take a shower for a week
( ) pick and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
(X ) had a tree house
( ) are scared to watch scary movies alone
(x) believe in ghosts
( ) have more then 30 pairs of shoes
( ) worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
( ) gone streaking
( ) gone doorbell ditching
( ) played chicken
( ) jumped into a pool/hot tub/lake with all your clothes on
(x) been told you're hot by a complete stranger
(x) broken a bone(x) been easily amused
( ) caught a fish then ate it
(x) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
( ) cried so hard you laughed
( ) cheated on a test
(X) have a Britney Spears CD
(x) forgotten someone's name
(X ) French braided someone's hair
(X ) gone skinny dipping in a pool
(x) been threatened to be kicked out of your house
(X ) been kicked out your house
(x) have had a fantasy over someone you love as a good friend
(X ) sun tanned naked
( ) ran naked in the rain ¶ 11/29/2005 08:54:00 AM 1 comments
Tragic Tuesday
Hey folks…just wanted to say that I am back! I will have to update this more later since I am trying to catch up a bunch of stuff here at work (and make sure I don’t accidentally put myself in the red), so I will leave you with a few quotes for the day. (I am calling today Tragic Tuesday because I had to come back to work)
Though one were to live a hundred years without wisdom and with a mind unstilled by meditation, the life of a single day is better if one is wise and practises meditation.
~Shakyamuni Buddha
Laughter is the language of the Gods. ~Buddhist saying
“Be urgent in good; hold your thoughts off evil. When one is slack in doing good the mind delights in evil.
“Do not think lightly of evil that not the least consequence will come of it. A whole water pot will fill up from dripping drops of water. A fool fills himself with evil, just a little at a time.
“One should avoid evil like a merchant with much goods and only a small escort avoids a dangerous road, and like a man who loves life avoids poison.”
~Gautama Buddha
Don't wait for your "ship to come in" and feel angry and cheated when it doesn't. Get going with something small. ~Irene Kassorla
If there is no wound on one's hand, one can handle poison. Poison has no effect where there is no wound. There is no evil for the non- doer. ~Buddha
No matter who says what, you should accept it with a smile and do your own work.
~Mother Teresa (1910-1997) Albanian Missionary
Quick Quiz: Can anyone tell me why I have a lot of quotes from Buddha and the various incarnations of Buddha on my blog??
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Final quotes of the week
Okay…I can’t leave my boys without a couple of quotes before the weekend. Have a great holiday and I will talk with you guys soon!
When someone does something good, applaud! You will make two people happy. -- Samuel Goldwyn
Better than a thousand pointless words is one saying to the point on hearing which one finds peace. ~Shakyamuni Buddha
Great hopes make great men. -- Thomas Fuller (1608-1661) English Historian
¶ 11/23/2005 08:34:00 AM 1 comments
When someone does something good, applaud! You will make two people happy. -- Samuel Goldwyn
Better than a thousand pointless words is one saying to the point on hearing which one finds peace. ~Shakyamuni Buddha
Great hopes make great men. -- Thomas Fuller (1608-1661) English Historian
¶ 11/23/2005 08:34:00 AM 1 comments
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Quiz time!
Okay, boys and boys…a little quiz for you. And a test to see if you read beyond your bounds. My friend Ethan appeared on Queer As Folk awhile back. Think you can figure out the season and episode? Then drop a line here or on his page and win a prize!!
¶ 11/22/2005 12:15:00 PM 2 comments
Say Cheese!
Hey folks…just a quickie since I have so much going on today, but wanted to share my pictures from Chicago with you!
The Secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, nor to anticipate troubles, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly.
~Shakyamuni Buddha
¶ 11/22/2005 04:18:00 AM 2 comments
The Secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, nor to anticipate troubles, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly.
~Shakyamuni Buddha
¶ 11/22/2005 04:18:00 AM 2 comments
Monday, November 21, 2005
For my friends...
The only service a friend can really render is to keep up your courage by holding up to you a mirror in which you can see a noble image of yourself.
-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) Irish Playwright
¶ 11/21/2005 07:29:00 AM 3 comments
-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) Irish Playwright
¶ 11/21/2005 07:29:00 AM 3 comments
Mondays in NC
Hey boy and…boys. Just wanted to let you know that Chicago was fantastic and I wanted to thank Jimmy for his hospitality and showing me around the city. Perhaps next time I will get myself lost there and really start to explore. LOL I will give more details of events and post pictures later.
But, now, I am back in “darling” North Carolina. Joy. But only three days to work this week (hoping for less if they let us out early on Wednesday). And then on for a vacation…although not sure where I will be headed after my parents’ house.
So sit back with a few quotes and know that I am sitting here thinking of all my friends.
“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
“The no-mind not-thinks no-thoughts about no-things.
“Those who really seek the path to enlightenment dictate terms to their mind. They then proceed with strong determination.” ~Shakyamuni Buddha
There are no shortcuts to any place worth going. ~Beverly Sills (1929-) American Opera Singer
Dance as though no one is watching you, Love as though you have never been hurt before, Sing as though no one can hear you, Live as though heaven is on earth. ~Souza
(Extra points to those who can tell me who said the following)
the world is not respectable; it is mortal, tormented, confused, deluded forever; but it is shot through with beauty, with love, with glints of courage and laughter; and in these, the spirit blooms…
¶ 11/21/2005 04:47:00 AM 4 comments
But, now, I am back in “darling” North Carolina. Joy. But only three days to work this week (hoping for less if they let us out early on Wednesday). And then on for a vacation…although not sure where I will be headed after my parents’ house.
So sit back with a few quotes and know that I am sitting here thinking of all my friends.
“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
“The no-mind not-thinks no-thoughts about no-things.
“Those who really seek the path to enlightenment dictate terms to their mind. They then proceed with strong determination.” ~Shakyamuni Buddha
There are no shortcuts to any place worth going. ~Beverly Sills (1929-) American Opera Singer
Dance as though no one is watching you, Love as though you have never been hurt before, Sing as though no one can hear you, Live as though heaven is on earth. ~Souza
(Extra points to those who can tell me who said the following)
the world is not respectable; it is mortal, tormented, confused, deluded forever; but it is shot through with beauty, with love, with glints of courage and laughter; and in these, the spirit blooms…
¶ 11/21/2005 04:47:00 AM 4 comments
Friday, November 18, 2005
Words to live by (I know I need to!)...
The great thing and the hard thing is to stick to things when you have outlived the first interest, and not yet got the second, which comes with a sort of mastery.
-- Janet Erskine Stuart
¶ 11/18/2005 06:26:00 AM 1 comments
-- Janet Erskine Stuart
¶ 11/18/2005 06:26:00 AM 1 comments
C Fridays...
Happy Friday!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, Bri, I have to say thank you for the article you sent me yesterday. You are right in saying it would be of interest!
Have a great weekend, everyone…I will be back on Monday!
Wisdom is ofttimes nearer when we stoop, than when we soar.
~William Wordsworth
Just thought I would share this shot from the Hubble Telescope with you ...
¶ 11/18/2005 03:26:00 AM 3 comments
Okay, Bri, I have to say thank you for the article you sent me yesterday. You are right in saying it would be of interest!
Have a great weekend, everyone…I will be back on Monday!
Wisdom is ofttimes nearer when we stoop, than when we soar.
~William Wordsworth
Just thought I would share this shot from the Hubble Telescope with you ...¶ 11/18/2005 03:26:00 AM 3 comments
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Quote for the day
Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.
-- Helen Keller (1880-1968) American Writer
¶ 11/17/2005 08:02:00 AM 1 comments
-- Helen Keller (1880-1968) American Writer
¶ 11/17/2005 08:02:00 AM 1 comments
Will this week ever seem to end?
HNT!!! Only one more full day and I will be “setting out on a jet plane…” yeah, I can’t remember the rest of that one. My brain feels a little fried today. Go figure. LOL Anyway, don’t have a whole lot to chat on this morning, although there is a lot swirling through my head. So, I am going to leave you with a couple of pictures to tide you over until my return on Monday.
Oh…and I am helping a friend out (plus I find it pretty interesting as well). He is working on a project for school and had sent this to me over on Connexions. I can say that I have dated two people outside of my own race, and had pretty decent relationships with them, but, as with most good things, they came to an end. I have a lot of friends who currently date, or have previously dated, interracially. I know that down here in
Random thought: listening to yahoo launch music and a Fefe Dobson video just popped on…I hadn’t heard anything from her in forever!
Gender: Male Female
Race: Caucasian Hispanic/Latino African-American Native American Asian Other
Age: <17>43
1. Have you dated/married interracially?
2. If not have you considered it?
3. Do you know anyone who has?
4. Do you prefer interracial relationships? Why or Why not?
5. Can interracial relationships be more problematic as same race relations? If so, how?
6. What problems or stress issues have you or others experienced related to interracially?
7. How do you or others deal with these issues?
8. How were successful were the outcomes?
9. What suggestions/advice do you have for others in similar interracial relationships?
As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey.Thomas A. Edison (1847-1931) American Inventor
If you seek, how is that different from pursuing sound and form? If you don't seek, how are you different from earth, wood or stone? You must seek without seeking. ~Fo-Yan
I am looking to improve the appearance the workspace here...would love to hear any suggestions as to what you would like to see or hear about from me. You can email me or post a comment. Have a great day!
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Dry hump?
Wednesday morning and it has started rain already. Not liking this! Since I get to sit by the window during the day at work, seeing the rain makes me want to sleep so badly!! Hopefully it won’t be raining this weekend in Chicago!
On to other things. I have made some comments about my friend Wes, and people are asking if he and I are dating. The answer is no. I am single right now, although I wouldn’t mind a boyfriend. Wes has known me for four years now, and, although I disappeared from view for a couple of years, he ended up migrating down here and we have hung out a lot since being reunited. (He and I actually met right before I had started dating a recent ex-boyfriend of mine.) I will admit that we do occasionally have discussions regarding our status as friends, but it is more travel where the ball rolls. But that is more for another post. So, if you are interested, I am starting to accept applications for boyfriend and partner! ;)
Those who read more frequently know that I have been following through with Ethan and the progress that he is making with improvements for Brat Boy School. Well, I invite you check out his home now and see the latest improvements…admissions are now open!! You can check out all his partners and expand your horizons. Perhaps even make some new friends.
Oh, and I need to say thank you to Ethan as well for giving me a final push to check out Mozilla’s FireFox. I had been hearing about it a lot before, but being stuck with Internet Explorer at work, had to be very cautious about new downloads. Well, I finally said screwball it and took that final step. It is pretty cool being able to open in tabs and just close out what you want, instead of having twenty different windows open on the computer. (I already have that many for all the applications that I need to perform at work!)
One more week and it will be that lovely holiday we all know as Thanksgiving. This year will be the second year that I will be heading home to my parents home to enjoy some turkey, cranberry sauce and stuffing. The only thing that I find sad about the entire situation is that I have to wait for an invitation to go home for the holidays. Guess I never really worried about it before because I always had someone else to go home with, or because I was working. My old job saw me working holidays for at least part of the day, but it was worth it. But the holiday seasons always see it being a hard time for me because of my dietary requirements. Mom always has to ask me for a list of the foods that I am able to digest so I don’t get sick…and somehow it always seem to fail anyway. That is okay, though…I am working on trying to get my body used to some other items.
I bring this up though for other reasons, though. There has been a recent rash of people getting pissed off because some stores are trying to be a little more inclusive when it comes to the holiday seasons. So, they stop utilizing Christmas in their holiday greetings and say “Seasons Greetings” or “Happy Holidays.” Well, our country used to take pride on being a melting pot of cultures. Was our nation not set up by people looking to escape the religious persecution of their home countries? I will admit that there has never been a true sense of acceptance for other people, but there has always been a “truce” between the different cultures as to coexistence. But lately I see/hear more and more people trying to push their religion on others. The most recent that I really had to laugh at was last week’s episode of Trading Spouses on Fox. The traded an ultraconservative church-going mother from Ponchatoula, LA, with a new-age family from Boxborough, MA. I had to laugh because the LA mother got extremely pissed off calling the other mother “unclean” and had tried to push her religion on the other family. (If you are able to watch the episodes, you will see how upset and “loud” she gets at the end of the second episode.) Okay, I can understand that people have their convictions, and that is all good. Perhaps it is because I grew up in a household that was a mix of Catholic and Jewish upbringings that I am more open about things. Who knows. I do know that it is not fun to be discriminated against, or to have someone try to change your beliefs. Or to have the church leaflets or whatnot passed out to you, especially by people who know that you don’t like it. What happened to the “live and let live” standard? Why do people feel that they have to change or control everything? I never did understand that.
Okay, it is hump day. So have a good one!
Oh! One more note. My closest friends know that I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut when someone starts getting an attitude with me. I have to give myself a pat on the back because I actually managed to do that three times yesterday at work! Of course the mental pictures of flipping the people off and watching them burn at the stake helped me get through it, but I was a good boy and kept quiet! Yay for me!
The height of your accomplishments will equal the depth of your convictions.
~ William F. Scolavino
On to other things. I have made some comments about my friend Wes, and people are asking if he and I are dating. The answer is no. I am single right now, although I wouldn’t mind a boyfriend. Wes has known me for four years now, and, although I disappeared from view for a couple of years, he ended up migrating down here and we have hung out a lot since being reunited. (He and I actually met right before I had started dating a recent ex-boyfriend of mine.) I will admit that we do occasionally have discussions regarding our status as friends, but it is more travel where the ball rolls. But that is more for another post. So, if you are interested, I am starting to accept applications for boyfriend and partner! ;)
Those who read more frequently know that I have been following through with Ethan and the progress that he is making with improvements for Brat Boy School. Well, I invite you check out his home now and see the latest improvements…admissions are now open!! You can check out all his partners and expand your horizons. Perhaps even make some new friends.
Oh, and I need to say thank you to Ethan as well for giving me a final push to check out Mozilla’s FireFox. I had been hearing about it a lot before, but being stuck with Internet Explorer at work, had to be very cautious about new downloads. Well, I finally said screwball it and took that final step. It is pretty cool being able to open in tabs and just close out what you want, instead of having twenty different windows open on the computer. (I already have that many for all the applications that I need to perform at work!)
One more week and it will be that lovely holiday we all know as Thanksgiving. This year will be the second year that I will be heading home to my parents home to enjoy some turkey, cranberry sauce and stuffing. The only thing that I find sad about the entire situation is that I have to wait for an invitation to go home for the holidays. Guess I never really worried about it before because I always had someone else to go home with, or because I was working. My old job saw me working holidays for at least part of the day, but it was worth it. But the holiday seasons always see it being a hard time for me because of my dietary requirements. Mom always has to ask me for a list of the foods that I am able to digest so I don’t get sick…and somehow it always seem to fail anyway. That is okay, though…I am working on trying to get my body used to some other items.
I bring this up though for other reasons, though. There has been a recent rash of people getting pissed off because some stores are trying to be a little more inclusive when it comes to the holiday seasons. So, they stop utilizing Christmas in their holiday greetings and say “Seasons Greetings” or “Happy Holidays.” Well, our country used to take pride on being a melting pot of cultures. Was our nation not set up by people looking to escape the religious persecution of their home countries? I will admit that there has never been a true sense of acceptance for other people, but there has always been a “truce” between the different cultures as to coexistence. But lately I see/hear more and more people trying to push their religion on others. The most recent that I really had to laugh at was last week’s episode of Trading Spouses on Fox. The traded an ultraconservative church-going mother from Ponchatoula, LA, with a new-age family from Boxborough, MA. I had to laugh because the LA mother got extremely pissed off calling the other mother “unclean” and had tried to push her religion on the other family. (If you are able to watch the episodes, you will see how upset and “loud” she gets at the end of the second episode.) Okay, I can understand that people have their convictions, and that is all good. Perhaps it is because I grew up in a household that was a mix of Catholic and Jewish upbringings that I am more open about things. Who knows. I do know that it is not fun to be discriminated against, or to have someone try to change your beliefs. Or to have the church leaflets or whatnot passed out to you, especially by people who know that you don’t like it. What happened to the “live and let live” standard? Why do people feel that they have to change or control everything? I never did understand that.Okay, it is hump day. So have a good one!
Oh! One more note. My closest friends know that I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut when someone starts getting an attitude with me. I have to give myself a pat on the back because I actually managed to do that three times yesterday at work! Of course the mental pictures of flipping the people off and watching them burn at the stake helped me get through it, but I was a good boy and kept quiet! Yay for me!
The height of your accomplishments will equal the depth of your convictions.
~ William F. Scolavino
Let us dig our gardens and not be elsewhere: Let us take long walks in the open air... Let us bathe in the rivers and lakes... Let us indulge in games... Let us be more simple: simple and true in our minds above all. Let us be ourselves. ~Robert Linssen
¶ 11/16/2005 05:06:00 AM 4 comments
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Mornings of wonder
Trashy Tuesdays…why do I go to work again? LOL Just kidding for now. On a serious note, I really do wonder how some people manage to keep their job when it is obvious they are screw-ups.
Not much new to report…I am still trying to work on a new commentary to post up here, but that might be a little bit late.
Anyway, just wanted to leave you with a couple movie recommendations today and also a closer pic of what sits on one of my shelves…
King Kong releases in December
Happy Endings releases today in select theatres. (Check the website to see if it is playing near you.)
Reconciliation is to understand both sides; to go to one side and describe the suffering being endured by the other side, and then go to the other side and describe the suffering being endured by the first side. ~Thich Nhat Hahn
¶ 11/15/2005 04:34:00 AM 3 comments
Not much new to report…I am still trying to work on a new commentary to post up here, but that might be a little bit late.
Anyway, just wanted to leave you with a couple movie recommendations today and also a closer pic of what sits on one of my shelves…
King Kong releases in December
Happy Endings releases today in select theatres. (Check the website to see if it is playing near you.)
Reconciliation is to understand both sides; to go to one side and describe the suffering being endured by the other side, and then go to the other side and describe the suffering being endured by the first side. ~Thich Nhat Hahn
¶ 11/15/2005 04:34:00 AM 3 comments
Monday, November 14, 2005
Randomness, table for one!
Slight not what is near though aiming at what is far.
~ Euripides (480-406 BC) Greek Playwright
Okay…stupid question. Has anyone seen/liked the movie Empire Records? I was listening to the Garden State soundtrack and it just kinda hit me. The movie (E.R.) was on HBO yesterday, so I managed to watch the last forty-five minutes of it.
¶ 11/14/2005 07:59:00 AM 2 comments
~ Euripides (480-406 BC) Greek Playwright
Okay…stupid question. Has anyone seen/liked the movie Empire Records? I was listening to the Garden State soundtrack and it just kinda hit me. The movie (E.R.) was on HBO yesterday, so I managed to watch the last forty-five minutes of it.
¶ 11/14/2005 07:59:00 AM 2 comments
Manic Mondays...
Which OS are You?
Okay, so it is Monday morning and I wonder what I did with my weekend. Pretty much nothing. Did my laundry, cleaned a friend's house (which led to my roommate asking if we were dating), and sat in my room on Sunday reading while listening/slightly watching TV. Did manage to actually get through the first of the Chronicles of Narnia miniseries I bought. I fell asleep watching it the other night. I can still tell that I am not fully caught up on my sleep...still have that feeling of exhaustion. Plus the dreams are really weird and I toss and turn most of the night. Last night was horrible. But, oh well, what can I do about it? Not too much right now.
Kinda played the recluse a bit this weekend, needing some "me" time. But I did get to thinking about some people that I have not talked to in a bit. Just wanted to say to all of them that I really do care about them and do miss them. There are various reasons as to why I don't talk to them very much these days, ranging from work to not wanting to cause rifts in other parts of their life. I know that I could be better right now, but I won't make any excuses. I fell down, and I realize it. There is a quote that I have attached to all of my Yahoo email: "It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone; but it takes a lifetime to forget someone." That goes for more than just someone you loved. No matter how you may feel when you find out that someone wants to give up on truly getting to know you because if a distance in location, you will always think of them in your hearts. I have made the decision to stay mostly out of his way so that he doesn't have to deal with slack from another friend of his, a former friend to me. I know how he feels that a lot of people take advantage of him...just wanted to say that I have always cared.
On a good note, only a few more days before I leave for the first of my mini-vacations. Can't wait. Trying to make sure that everything is wrapped up so I can leave and know all is good. The second mini-vaca is a little more dependent on events and financial situations, but hopefully I can take a trip with friends to the mountains this Thanksgiving break. Would be a little bit nicer than sticking around Wilmington for four days.
Some of ya'll know that I have been seriously considering relocating elsewhere come March, provided all goes according to plan. {internal thought: What was that saying about mice and men?} I had gone and updated my resume on Monster.com and have actually received two job offers! One was in Raleigh, and the other is a remote office from Connecticut. Thinking about that one, although I know I don't meet the schooling requirements. Which is why I am looking back at school.
Anyway, it is Monday, and since I missed HNT (again), have something to cheer your day up. (Extra points if you can figure out what is on the wall behind me)
Today's Quotes:
Clear mind is like the full moon in the sky. Sometimes clouds come and cover it, but the moon is always behind them. Clouds go away, then the moon shines brightly. So don't worry about clear mind: it is always there. When thinking comes, behind it is clear mind. When thinking goes, there is only clear mind. Thinking comes and goes, comes and goes, you must not be attached to the coming or the going. ~Zen Master Seung Sahn
If I have ever made any valuable discoveries, it has been owing more to patient attention than to any other talent. ~Isaac Newton (1642-1727) English Scientist
We're all in this together - by ourselves. ~Lily Tomlin
One more note: I was asked recently about Brokeback Mountain. I will admit, that although I am gay, I don't go for most of the gay films that have been produced. A lot that I have seen perpetuate many of the stereotypes with which we have been cast; shockingly, I look for those that have depth to them. I am interested in seeing how this one will turn out; especially since it has two hot guys starring in it. LOL (yeah, the base me will shine on occasion. Side note: My roommate got a little offended, I think, over the weekend. He had been lying across my bed and looking at my MEN magazines and commenting on the guys' tools. I looked at him and asked point blank: Why are you so obsessed with dcks? His answer was because he was gay. Why do I feel so wrong by not focusing on that all the time? I mean, for all my comments and whatnot, I really could care less about if I get laid or seeing some guy's butt or dck. Anyway, back to original train of thought...) Movies that have made it to my list: Beautiful Thing, Priscilla, The Birdcage (can't help it!), Farewell My Concubine, A Home at the End of the World, Angels in America, Latter Days, Bent, Maurice, My Own Private Idaho, Torch Song Trilogy, Boy's Don't Cry, Cowboys & Angels, In & Out, To Wong Foo, Jeffrey, Soldier's Girl, Broken Hearts Club (a tad stereotypical I will admit), Big Eden, The Object of My Affection, Trick (just funny), Johns, Kiss Me Guido (funny), and Speedway Junky. Johns and Speedway Junky strike close to home...those close to my more personal past will know why if they have seen it. But that is just a selection of ones I have enjoyed.
Now that I just put this a lot longer than originally planned, have a great day!
Songs of the Morning: Ryan Cabrerra, True; Ray Charles vs. Dio, Walkin & Talkin (songs courtesy of ThriveMix01) ¶ 11/14/2005 04:02:00 AM 3 comments
Which OS are You?
Okay, so it is Monday morning and I wonder what I did with my weekend. Pretty much nothing. Did my laundry, cleaned a friend's house (which led to my roommate asking if we were dating), and sat in my room on Sunday reading while listening/slightly watching TV. Did manage to actually get through the first of the Chronicles of Narnia miniseries I bought. I fell asleep watching it the other night. I can still tell that I am not fully caught up on my sleep...still have that feeling of exhaustion. Plus the dreams are really weird and I toss and turn most of the night. Last night was horrible. But, oh well, what can I do about it? Not too much right now.
Kinda played the recluse a bit this weekend, needing some "me" time. But I did get to thinking about some people that I have not talked to in a bit. Just wanted to say to all of them that I really do care about them and do miss them. There are various reasons as to why I don't talk to them very much these days, ranging from work to not wanting to cause rifts in other parts of their life. I know that I could be better right now, but I won't make any excuses. I fell down, and I realize it. There is a quote that I have attached to all of my Yahoo email: "It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone; but it takes a lifetime to forget someone." That goes for more than just someone you loved. No matter how you may feel when you find out that someone wants to give up on truly getting to know you because if a distance in location, you will always think of them in your hearts. I have made the decision to stay mostly out of his way so that he doesn't have to deal with slack from another friend of his, a former friend to me. I know how he feels that a lot of people take advantage of him...just wanted to say that I have always cared.
On a good note, only a few more days before I leave for the first of my mini-vacations. Can't wait. Trying to make sure that everything is wrapped up so I can leave and know all is good. The second mini-vaca is a little more dependent on events and financial situations, but hopefully I can take a trip with friends to the mountains this Thanksgiving break. Would be a little bit nicer than sticking around Wilmington for four days.
Some of ya'll know that I have been seriously considering relocating elsewhere come March, provided all goes according to plan. {internal thought: What was that saying about mice and men?} I had gone and updated my resume on Monster.com and have actually received two job offers! One was in Raleigh, and the other is a remote office from Connecticut. Thinking about that one, although I know I don't meet the schooling requirements. Which is why I am looking back at school.
Anyway, it is Monday, and since I missed HNT (again), have something to cheer your day up. (Extra points if you can figure out what is on the wall behind me)
Today's Quotes:
Clear mind is like the full moon in the sky. Sometimes clouds come and cover it, but the moon is always behind them. Clouds go away, then the moon shines brightly. So don't worry about clear mind: it is always there. When thinking comes, behind it is clear mind. When thinking goes, there is only clear mind. Thinking comes and goes, comes and goes, you must not be attached to the coming or the going. ~Zen Master Seung Sahn
If I have ever made any valuable discoveries, it has been owing more to patient attention than to any other talent. ~Isaac Newton (1642-1727) English Scientist
We're all in this together - by ourselves. ~Lily Tomlin
One more note: I was asked recently about Brokeback Mountain. I will admit, that although I am gay, I don't go for most of the gay films that have been produced. A lot that I have seen perpetuate many of the stereotypes with which we have been cast; shockingly, I look for those that have depth to them. I am interested in seeing how this one will turn out; especially since it has two hot guys starring in it. LOL (yeah, the base me will shine on occasion. Side note: My roommate got a little offended, I think, over the weekend. He had been lying across my bed and looking at my MEN magazines and commenting on the guys' tools. I looked at him and asked point blank: Why are you so obsessed with dcks? His answer was because he was gay. Why do I feel so wrong by not focusing on that all the time? I mean, for all my comments and whatnot, I really could care less about if I get laid or seeing some guy's butt or dck. Anyway, back to original train of thought...) Movies that have made it to my list: Beautiful Thing, Priscilla, The Birdcage (can't help it!), Farewell My Concubine, A Home at the End of the World, Angels in America, Latter Days, Bent, Maurice, My Own Private Idaho, Torch Song Trilogy, Boy's Don't Cry, Cowboys & Angels, In & Out, To Wong Foo, Jeffrey, Soldier's Girl, Broken Hearts Club (a tad stereotypical I will admit), Big Eden, The Object of My Affection, Trick (just funny), Johns, Kiss Me Guido (funny), and Speedway Junky. Johns and Speedway Junky strike close to home...those close to my more personal past will know why if they have seen it. But that is just a selection of ones I have enjoyed.Now that I just put this a lot longer than originally planned, have a great day!
Songs of the Morning: Ryan Cabrerra, True; Ray Charles vs. Dio, Walkin & Talkin (songs courtesy of ThriveMix01) ¶ 11/14/2005 04:02:00 AM 3 comments
Friday, November 11, 2005
Ooh! Ooh! One more...
He is a man of sense who does not grieve for what he has not, but rejoices in what he has.
-- Epictetus (55-135 AD) Greek Philosopher
¶ 11/11/2005 06:55:00 AM 0 comments
-- Epictetus (55-135 AD) Greek Philosopher
¶ 11/11/2005 06:55:00 AM 0 comments
Final Fridays!
A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it. ~Dogen
Just saying Happy Friday!
This is an old pic of me...just thought I would bring it outta retirement. ¶ 11/11/2005 06:07:00 AM 1 comments
A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it. ~Dogen
Just saying Happy Friday!
This is an old pic of me...just thought I would bring it outta retirement. ¶ 11/11/2005 06:07:00 AM 1 comments
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Upcoming movies on my list
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Nov 18
Rent Nov 23-25
Video
Aeon Flux Dec 2
Narnia Dec 9
Memoirs of A Geisha Dec 9
Underworld Evolution Jan 6
X-Men 3 May 26
Welcome the arrival of Archangel, Beast and Colossus! ¶ 11/10/2005 04:14:00 PM 2 comments
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Nov 18
Rent Nov 23-25
Video
Aeon Flux Dec 2
Narnia Dec 9
Memoirs of A Geisha Dec 9
Underworld Evolution Jan 6
X-Men 3 May 26
Welcome the arrival of Archangel, Beast and Colossus! ¶ 11/10/2005 04:14:00 PM 2 comments
Cliff Notes Thursday
Just a quickie note…I am doing okay. Dealing with a migraine headache at the moment, but I do appreciate everyone’s well-wishes. They are very much appreciated. Although, I don’t see anyone lining up at my door, Dave.
A little good news that shocked me. My parents are getting me a new car. I am a little put off because I am trying to figure out their ulterior motive, but right now, can’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Just need to figure out the taxes and all that stuff. More details later.
Other updates are coming…I am just trying to get it all worked out.
Have a great Thursday…for once I am saying a “Hell NO!!” to the overtime this weekend.
¶ 11/10/2005 11:00:00 AM 1 comments
A little good news that shocked me. My parents are getting me a new car. I am a little put off because I am trying to figure out their ulterior motive, but right now, can’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Just need to figure out the taxes and all that stuff. More details later.
Other updates are coming…I am just trying to get it all worked out.
Have a great Thursday…for once I am saying a “Hell NO!!” to the overtime this weekend.
¶ 11/10/2005 11:00:00 AM 1 comments
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Hump Day Wednesday
Oh for a real hump. It is Wednesday, and this week is not finishing fast enough for me. I finally crashed last night while helping Wes out…the lack of sleep, being over-worked and over-stressed has really messed with my system. I ended up passing out for about an hour on the couch because being violently ill got me so exhausted. But I was back at work the next morning, not bright but definitely early. I think this weekend I will actually turn down the OT…I have become severely burnt out.
I will have more updates later for ya’ll, but will have to leave you with the following I have found over the last few days.
Hugs and love to all.
Many of our fears are tissue paper thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them. ~ Brendan Francis [Behan] (1923-1964) Irish Author
People in the West are always getting ready to live. ~ Chinese Proverb
To be alive, to be able to see, to walk...it's all a miracle.
~ Arthur Rubinstein (1887-1982) Polish Pianist
People call me an optimist, but I'm really an appreciator....When I was six years old and had scarlet fever, the first of the miracle drugs, sulfanilamide, saved my life. I'm grateful for computers and photocopiers...I appreciate where we've come from.
~ Julian Simon (1933-1998) American Academic
Random Condom Facts from Trojan: As always, latex condoms represent the most effective means to help reduce the risk of sexually transmitted diseases among sexually active individuals. Just remember there are many types of condoms to choose from, some include a spermicidal lubricant:
And, in the spirit of Hump Day Wednesdays, find out how much a Sexual Freak you might be. Anyone care to guess my score? Hint: It is higher than 600.
¶ 11/09/2005 10:43:00 AM 5 comments
I will have more updates later for ya’ll, but will have to leave you with the following I have found over the last few days.
Hugs and love to all.
Many of our fears are tissue paper thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them. ~ Brendan Francis [Behan] (1923-1964) Irish Author
People in the West are always getting ready to live. ~ Chinese Proverb
To be alive, to be able to see, to walk...it's all a miracle.
~ Arthur Rubinstein (1887-1982) Polish Pianist
People call me an optimist, but I'm really an appreciator....When I was six years old and had scarlet fever, the first of the miracle drugs, sulfanilamide, saved my life. I'm grateful for computers and photocopiers...I appreciate where we've come from.
~ Julian Simon (1933-1998) American Academic
Random Condom Facts from Trojan: As always, latex condoms represent the most effective means to help reduce the risk of sexually transmitted diseases among sexually active individuals. Just remember there are many types of condoms to choose from, some include a spermicidal lubricant:
- Spermicidal lubricants on condoms are for extra pregnancy protection ONLY.
- Spermicidal lubricants do NOT provide extra protection against STDs including HIV.
- Condoms with spermicidal lubricants are NOT for rectal use.
- Condoms with spermicidal lubricants are NOT for more-than-once-a-day vaginal use.
And, in the spirit of Hump Day Wednesdays, find out how much a Sexual Freak you might be. Anyone care to guess my score? Hint: It is higher than 600.
¶ 11/09/2005 10:43:00 AM 5 comments
Monday, November 07, 2005
Fruits (and I don't mean us queers) and mantras
Okay…just a little morning extra to tie back to Friday’s Pop Quiz…love ya’ll!
Movin’ to the country,Gonna eat a lot of peachesMovin’ to the country,Gonna eat me a lot of peachesMovin’ to the country,Gonna eat a lot of peachesMovin’ to the country,Gonna eat a lot of peachesPeaches come from a can,They were put there by a manIn a factory downtownIf I had my little way,I’d eat peaches every daySun-soakin’ bulges in the shadeTake a little naps where the roots all twistSquished a rotten peach in my fistAnd dreamed about you, woman,I poked my finger down insideMake a little room for it to hideNature’s candy in my hand or can or a pieMillions of peaches, peaches for meMillions of peaches, peaches for freeLook out!
And this would just be a little mantra that I seem to unwittingly live by:
When you do something, you should burn yourself completely, like a good bonfire, leaving no trace of yourself. ~Shunryu Suzuki
Have a great week guys…I will update as possible with my schedule. ¶ 11/07/2005 02:36:00 AM 2 comments
Movin’ to the country,Gonna eat a lot of peachesMovin’ to the country,Gonna eat me a lot of peachesMovin’ to the country,Gonna eat a lot of peachesMovin’ to the country,Gonna eat a lot of peachesPeaches come from a can,They were put there by a manIn a factory downtownIf I had my little way,I’d eat peaches every daySun-soakin’ bulges in the shadeTake a little naps where the roots all twistSquished a rotten peach in my fistAnd dreamed about you, woman,I poked my finger down insideMake a little room for it to hideNature’s candy in my hand or can or a pieMillions of peaches, peaches for meMillions of peaches, peaches for freeLook out!
And this would just be a little mantra that I seem to unwittingly live by:
When you do something, you should burn yourself completely, like a good bonfire, leaving no trace of yourself. ~Shunryu Suzuki
Have a great week guys…I will update as possible with my schedule. ¶ 11/07/2005 02:36:00 AM 2 comments
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Sunday greetings
Just sending a quick hello…things might be a little quiet from me this week. Spent most of the weekend in the office and trying to enjoy the rare nice WARM weather we are having right now. But, before I head out the door today, let me leave you with this thought:
Have a good weekend and make sure that the people that you love, whether friend or family, know how much you appreciate them! Happy Sunday! (at least until I have to get up for work waaaay early tomorrow)
The kitty and I watching TV
<--
Parker and his new buddy
-->
Parker happy to be outside again
<-- ¶ 11/06/2005 01:19:00 PM 0 comments
Just sending a quick hello…things might be a little quiet from me this week. Spent most of the weekend in the office and trying to enjoy the rare nice WARM weather we are having right now. But, before I head out the door today, let me leave you with this thought:- True religion is the life we lead, not the creed we profess. ~Louis Nizer (1902-1994) American Lawyer
- Thus we see that the all-important thing is not killing or giving life, drinking or not drinking, living in the town or the country, being lucky or unlucky, winning or losing. It is how we win, how we lose, how we live or die; finally, how we choose. We walk, and our religion is shown (even to the dullest and most insensitive person), in how we walk. Living in this world means choosing, and the way we choose to walk is infallibly and perfectly expressed in the walk itself. ~R. H. Blyth
Have a good weekend and make sure that the people that you love, whether friend or family, know how much you appreciate them! Happy Sunday! (at least until I have to get up for work waaaay early tomorrow)
The kitty and I watching TV
<--
Parker and his new buddy
-->
Parker happy to be outside again
<-- ¶ 11/06/2005 01:19:00 PM 0 comments
Friday, November 04, 2005
Pop Quiz!!
Name this song:
...and dream about you, woman.
If I had my little way,
I'd eat peaches every day.............
Not sure the prize yet, but I will figure something out. ;) ¶ 11/04/2005 05:06:00 AM 5 comments
...and dream about you, woman.
If I had my little way,
I'd eat peaches every day.............
Not sure the prize yet, but I will figure something out. ;) ¶ 11/04/2005 05:06:00 AM 5 comments
Changes and Questions
Question: What does GOD stand for?
Character may be manifested in the great moments, but it is made in the small ones.
-- Phillips Brooks (1835-1893) American Bishop
And yes, I am working on changing the blog around...let me know what you think. ¶ 11/04/2005 04:46:00 AM 1 comments
Character may be manifested in the great moments, but it is made in the small ones.
-- Phillips Brooks (1835-1893) American Bishop
And yes, I am working on changing the blog around...let me know what you think. ¶ 11/04/2005 04:46:00 AM 1 comments
Commando Friday
Friday. The end of the week to which we all should be looking forward. The beginning of the club nights for those who party on the weekends. The one day of the week some of us will go commando, feeling the full comfort of our jeans. And, yet, some of us still dread the weekends. Why is that?
Last night was pretty uneventful. Helped a little with cleanup at Wes’s house, but didn’t feel very productive. Had a few drinks, so had a good buzz since I didn’t eat much at Rob’s luncheon yesterday. I don’t like taking my lunch early because it upsets my balance…and leaves with a lot more time until the day is over. Can’t stand long afternoons. The pizza didn’t show up until Jeopardy was almost over, but the little buzz that I had was pretty much dead anyway. I drank too much when I was younger, so that pretty much killed most effects other than it intensifying my desire to sleep. Sad that one has to resort to that in attempts to lay down and rest. Still only slept a few hours…I was awake at 230 listening to the dog having dreams in his crate on the other side of the wall. Such wonders.
Still a little upset with some events from yesterday. Perhaps they will go away, but somehow I doubt it. Things are no longer as close with me and the roommate as they once were, but I don’t see how they can get fixed. I have been accused of bailing, of running away when things got rough like I did during our relationship. At the time, neither one of us really did anything to work on what was wrong, correct and possibly save us. But that is in the past. I will admit that I am still dealing with some stuff from a previous ex, and they will not go away in the blink of an eye, but I am doing better. But I know that we weren’t very compatible at the time and the excess baggage weighed more heavily than anything else.
Not sure what to do at this point. I am hoping to relocate anyway in five or six months, but there are times that I wish I could do it right now. To be able to turn off that instinct I feel with my friends and wanting to make sure that they are okay would be a blessing right now. I don’t mean that with sincerity, but I do wish it sometimes. I am continually being told by others that I do too much for everyone else, that I don’t look after myself, and sometimes that is probably true. I am not used to looking after myself…I was taught by experience to be strong, accept what happens to me and keep on moving; other people come first. But now I start to wonder if perhaps those past experiences have instilled the wrong senses in me.
Where does everyone else end, and where do I begin?
Hopefully, by the end of March I can have that question answered. My body has screamed for awhile now that it is time to get out, find a new job and a new locale. Time to go back to school and restart my improvement. I completed my CAN at home…it is now time to complete a full degree. It is time to step outside of the current shell and be washed clean.
Okay, so now that I have really depressed myself on a Friday when I should happy… I hope that today goes off without a hitch because right now I can not deal with it.
So who watched THE APPRENTICE last night? Anyone care to comment on the topic SEX IN THE WORKPLACE? Can we say that a gay guy managed to upset the conservative Jew. I thought that was pretty funny.
Anyway, have a good Friday!
(more coming later today hopefully)
Although gold dust is precious, when it gets in your eyes, it obstructs your vision.
~Hsi-Tang
¶ 11/04/2005 04:22:00 AM 2 comments
Friday. The end of the week to which we all should be looking forward. The beginning of the club nights for those who party on the weekends. The one day of the week some of us will go commando, feeling the full comfort of our jeans. And, yet, some of us still dread the weekends. Why is that?
Last night was pretty uneventful. Helped a little with cleanup at Wes’s house, but didn’t feel very productive. Had a few drinks, so had a good buzz since I didn’t eat much at Rob’s luncheon yesterday. I don’t like taking my lunch early because it upsets my balance…and leaves with a lot more time until the day is over. Can’t stand long afternoons. The pizza didn’t show up until Jeopardy was almost over, but the little buzz that I had was pretty much dead anyway. I drank too much when I was younger, so that pretty much killed most effects other than it intensifying my desire to sleep. Sad that one has to resort to that in attempts to lay down and rest. Still only slept a few hours…I was awake at 230 listening to the dog having dreams in his crate on the other side of the wall. Such wonders.
Still a little upset with some events from yesterday. Perhaps they will go away, but somehow I doubt it. Things are no longer as close with me and the roommate as they once were, but I don’t see how they can get fixed. I have been accused of bailing, of running away when things got rough like I did during our relationship. At the time, neither one of us really did anything to work on what was wrong, correct and possibly save us. But that is in the past. I will admit that I am still dealing with some stuff from a previous ex, and they will not go away in the blink of an eye, but I am doing better. But I know that we weren’t very compatible at the time and the excess baggage weighed more heavily than anything else.
Not sure what to do at this point. I am hoping to relocate anyway in five or six months, but there are times that I wish I could do it right now. To be able to turn off that instinct I feel with my friends and wanting to make sure that they are okay would be a blessing right now. I don’t mean that with sincerity, but I do wish it sometimes. I am continually being told by others that I do too much for everyone else, that I don’t look after myself, and sometimes that is probably true. I am not used to looking after myself…I was taught by experience to be strong, accept what happens to me and keep on moving; other people come first. But now I start to wonder if perhaps those past experiences have instilled the wrong senses in me.
Where does everyone else end, and where do I begin?
Hopefully, by the end of March I can have that question answered. My body has screamed for awhile now that it is time to get out, find a new job and a new locale. Time to go back to school and restart my improvement. I completed my CAN at home…it is now time to complete a full degree. It is time to step outside of the current shell and be washed clean.
Okay, so now that I have really depressed myself on a Friday when I should happy… I hope that today goes off without a hitch because right now I can not deal with it.
So who watched THE APPRENTICE last night? Anyone care to comment on the topic SEX IN THE WORKPLACE? Can we say that a gay guy managed to upset the conservative Jew. I thought that was pretty funny.
Anyway, have a good Friday!
(more coming later today hopefully)
Although gold dust is precious, when it gets in your eyes, it obstructs your vision.
~Hsi-Tang
¶ 11/04/2005 04:22:00 AM 2 comments
Thursday, November 03, 2005
For all the people feeling helpless
I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; I will not refuse to do the something I can do.
~ Helen Keller (1880-1968) American Writer
And the pic is a little late...missed the memo on the half-nekkid Thursday. (comments welcome) ¶ 11/03/2005 12:55:00 PM 6 comments
I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; I will not refuse to do the something I can do.
~ Helen Keller (1880-1968) American Writer
And the pic is a little late...missed the memo on the half-nekkid Thursday. (comments welcome) ¶ 11/03/2005 12:55:00 PM 6 comments
Twisted Thursdays
So this week is going insane for me. Very little sleep. Crazy people and studies. No break between it all. And then the never-ending whatever at home. I have learned one lesson in the last couple of years. No matter how good a friend you might be with an ex, don’t live with them longer than a set amount of time. And make sure that it is agreed on first. Otherwise, it can get very conflicting. Working two different jobs has left things to be very tiring, and add that onto the no-sleep, it gets a little draining. (Okay, I am trying not to complain, I promise. I don’t like complaining or bitching.) That brings me to getting called bitchy for bitchiness sake. No, I don’t like being that way.
Okay, so I did have this whole thing figured in my head to write about, but I think that will have to wait until later. Which is fine. Gives me a little time to get it properly formatted and tweaked in my head. Then watch me put it down and screw it all up. Just kidding.
I do have to give kudos to my boss, though. Every month we do a little recognition program around here so that we can try to keep the moral up in the file room. When I was interviewed a few months ago, one of the managers wrote that I had stated that I don’t get along with anyone I work. That was not true, and really upset me. I will admit that there are conflicts, but we work through them. And I know that my leads had really enjoyed having me working with them. Well, my boss brought up to her manager that every month except for one I had been nominated for the drawing and received excellent comments from my team members. Go figure.
So hopefully the rest of the day will finish out nicely for me and I can wake up. My boss said that I look stoned. Just want I wanted to hear. Hell, I might as well find something if I am gonna look that way!
View all problems as challenges. Look upon negativities that arise as opportunities to learn and to grow. Don't run from them, condemn yourself, or bury your burden in saintly silence. You have a problem? Great. More grist for the mill. Rejoice, dive in, and investigate. ~Bhante Henepola Gunaratana
Courage is grace under pressure. ~Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961) American Writer ¶ 11/03/2005 11:00:00 AM 3 comments
So this week is going insane for me. Very little sleep. Crazy people and studies. No break between it all. And then the never-ending whatever at home. I have learned one lesson in the last couple of years. No matter how good a friend you might be with an ex, don’t live with them longer than a set amount of time. And make sure that it is agreed on first. Otherwise, it can get very conflicting. Working two different jobs has left things to be very tiring, and add that onto the no-sleep, it gets a little draining. (Okay, I am trying not to complain, I promise. I don’t like complaining or bitching.) That brings me to getting called bitchy for bitchiness sake. No, I don’t like being that way.Okay, so I did have this whole thing figured in my head to write about, but I think that will have to wait until later. Which is fine. Gives me a little time to get it properly formatted and tweaked in my head. Then watch me put it down and screw it all up. Just kidding.
I do have to give kudos to my boss, though. Every month we do a little recognition program around here so that we can try to keep the moral up in the file room. When I was interviewed a few months ago, one of the managers wrote that I had stated that I don’t get along with anyone I work. That was not true, and really upset me. I will admit that there are conflicts, but we work through them. And I know that my leads had really enjoyed having me working with them. Well, my boss brought up to her manager that every month except for one I had been nominated for the drawing and received excellent comments from my team members. Go figure.
So hopefully the rest of the day will finish out nicely for me and I can wake up. My boss said that I look stoned. Just want I wanted to hear. Hell, I might as well find something if I am gonna look that way!
View all problems as challenges. Look upon negativities that arise as opportunities to learn and to grow. Don't run from them, condemn yourself, or bury your burden in saintly silence. You have a problem? Great. More grist for the mill. Rejoice, dive in, and investigate. ~Bhante Henepola Gunaratana
Courage is grace under pressure. ~Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961) American Writer ¶ 11/03/2005 11:00:00 AM 3 comments
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Morning quickies
Not much to write on this morning…haven’t had the chance to sit for five minutes yet. Came into work and started rearranging my desk, so it should work better for me…and be clean for a little bit longer. We got Casteen’s stuff finished up last night, so hopefully he will kill at the presentation this morning. I have meetings galore today, but didn’t want to leave my friends hanging this morning.Love ya’ll!
The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change so that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger but in wisdom, understanding and love.
~Jennifer Edwards
¶ 11/02/2005 05:31:00 AM 6 comments
The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change so that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger but in wisdom, understanding and love.
~Jennifer Edwards
¶ 11/02/2005 05:31:00 AM 6 comments
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Under Construction
Please bear with me…I am working on the links and extras on the side panel.
The real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money. ~Bernard Meltzer (1914-) American Law Professor
¶ 11/01/2005 10:56:00 AM 1 comments
The real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money. ~Bernard Meltzer (1914-) American Law Professor
¶ 11/01/2005 10:56:00 AM 1 comments
Tuesday Mornings...
Ah, welcome to the month of November. Changed my calendar at work, not liking this month's model. October was more delicious. Yes, I know, I really shouldn't care since I am at work to, ya know, work. LOL But that is another story.
October rolled out as quietly as it came in for me...working. Nothing special, just helped Casteen get some stuff ready for a presentation he has over at the university. Of course, I don't want to be his landowner this morning when it is time to get cornered and hear about how screwed up it is to have to copy machines in a building and both out of order in one form or another. Cas might be one of the few people who can surpass me when it comes to a sailor's mouth...although, I do think I could up him a couple. After all, he is a lawyer, and still a little diplomatic. Now just to work on his writing skills.
Read Ethan's page this morning to catch up on all he posted last night and got a sharp reminder about some of my feelings. He talked about how he needs a date, and how the feelings get stronger come the fall. I have always noticed that about myself, and they have been especially strong as of late. I know that things are a little rough and busy for me right now, but there is a part of me that is screaming "Please, someone, take me out!" Okay, maybe not as dramatic. But still, talking to my friends, I feel a little bit of envy that I am not seeing anyone right now. I think I have a lot to offer: good companionship, strong sense of self and the desire to make sure that everything is taken care of, and a decent cooking ability. Granted, I am not as creative as some, but I do put love into it, and some thought. My friends have always said that I am very outgoing and outspoken...is that a bad thing? Who knows. But I do know, that despite all these internal dialogue feelings, I can't rush things. I just have to try to remember to follow patience and let the ball roll as it wills.
So here's to a brand-new month, and, hopefully, new experiences.
(had a couple more pics to post, but for some reason Blogger is being hyperactive today and won't pull them for me.)
Quotes of the Day: So, the tendency of our childish nature is to take small things too seriously and get easily offended, whereas when we are confronted with situations which have long-term consequences, we tend to take things less seriously. ~His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama
(and to tie in with yesterday): Anyone can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend's success.
~Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish Dramatist and Poet
Song of the Day: Movin by Octahvia ¶ 11/01/2005 03:54:00 AM 6 comments
Ah, welcome to the month of November. Changed my calendar at work, not liking this month's model. October was more delicious. Yes, I know, I really shouldn't care since I am at work to, ya know, work. LOL But that is another story.
October rolled out as quietly as it came in for me...working. Nothing special, just helped Casteen get some stuff ready for a presentation he has over at the university. Of course, I don't want to be his landowner this morning when it is time to get cornered and hear about how screwed up it is to have to copy machines in a building and both out of order in one form or another. Cas might be one of the few people who can surpass me when it comes to a sailor's mouth...although, I do think I could up him a couple. After all, he is a lawyer, and still a little diplomatic. Now just to work on his writing skills.
Read Ethan's page this morning to catch up on all he posted last night and got a sharp reminder about some of my feelings. He talked about how he needs a date, and how the feelings get stronger come the fall. I have always noticed that about myself, and they have been especially strong as of late. I know that things are a little rough and busy for me right now, but there is a part of me that is screaming "Please, someone, take me out!" Okay, maybe not as dramatic. But still, talking to my friends, I feel a little bit of envy that I am not seeing anyone right now. I think I have a lot to offer: good companionship, strong sense of self and the desire to make sure that everything is taken care of, and a decent cooking ability. Granted, I am not as creative as some, but I do put love into it, and some thought. My friends have always said that I am very outgoing and outspoken...is that a bad thing? Who knows. But I do know, that despite all these internal dialogue feelings, I can't rush things. I just have to try to remember to follow patience and let the ball roll as it wills.
So here's to a brand-new month, and, hopefully, new experiences.
(had a couple more pics to post, but for some reason Blogger is being hyperactive today and won't pull them for me.)
Quotes of the Day: So, the tendency of our childish nature is to take small things too seriously and get easily offended, whereas when we are confronted with situations which have long-term consequences, we tend to take things less seriously. ~His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama
(and to tie in with yesterday): Anyone can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend's success.
~Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish Dramatist and Poet
Song of the Day: Movin by Octahvia ¶ 11/01/2005 03:54:00 AM 6 comments
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